A/N: Aromantic asexual Kageyama. tags on AO3 include kagehina, hinayachi, kageyachi, kagehinayachi.
Also they all cry in this fic, so maybe you will too idk
I'm in kagehinayachi hell.
The Aftermath, Kageyama Tobio.
His feelings aren't pretty.
If anything, they can be the ugliest mix of fear, loneliness and despair. Kageyama fixes a scowl on his face. No one can know about this, I won't allow it.
The sun, it shines the same when he leaves for school, and Hinata is ahead of him by a mere few steps. Kageyama puts a bit more power into his strides and–if he reaches out he can touch that sweat-stained back– overtakes the other.
"I win this time!" They've lost count, but the competitive streak in both boys would not die from just that.
Hinata comes up behind him. "Damn," he curses, then wipes his brows with the hem of his uniform. It doesn't do much, just spreads the sweat, and Kageyama sighs.
"Here, tissue, you're hopeless."
Hinata squawks in indignation, but accepts it nonetheless.
So goes their usual morning routine, and all seems the same. He'll make it all seem the same, this he makes as a promise to himself, as important as the 'As long as I'm here, you're invincible!'. Nothing will change just because–
Morning lessons trudge by as time flies. When Kageyama wakes up again, it is the first break time already. Outside, there is gloom. Evidently rain will fall when next period comes around. He gets up, eraser dust falling from his face, leaving imprints that developed when he was resting against the tabletop.
The scowl is still on his face, although it makes a sharp and absurd contrast to his bleary eyes and tousled hair. Kageyama collects his stuff and steps outside. The air is cool on his skin.
Familiar steps takes him down the corridor, by a corner, and to Yachi's classroom. The doors creak open. His eyes find Hinata's orange mop first, then Yachi's dazzling blonde.
"Hey," Kageyama greets, scowl softening as Yachi looks up from her notes, smile on her face.
"Hi, Kageya–Did you fall asleep again?!"
He shrugs, takes a seat. Hinata punches the side of his arm, "Stupid, you're supposed to stay awake!"
"Like I want to hear that from you!"
"Calm down, guys!"
Things are just the way they used to be, the same as they were before–
Kageyama flips open his notebook and concentrates on Yachi's soft voice. No need to think of unnecessary things.
Either way, more time passes. He loses himself in mathematical formulae and the structure of cells. There is a test coming up next lesson–he'd like to score well, because the last time they almost couldn't make it to the training camp due to their atrocious results.
Nearing the end of their break, Yachi closes her notebook with a satisfied hum, "Alright, it's about time. I think you guys will be okay for this test!" She has the look of a proud teacher, and Kageyama gives her his thanks. He pushes back his chair, it creaking in protest, and stands up, when Hinata leans across the desk to plant a kiss on Yachi's cheek.
"See you at lunch!" he promises, grinning at the way her face flushes. His fingers dance across the tabletops, gathering up belongings, and then he stands to his feet as well. "Kageyama, let's go!"
And this, this, is what makes Kageyama's heart clench, this is what he had wanted to forget all morning.
Yes, my two best friends are dating.
He only knew the news last night, right before he was going to sleep. Hinata sent him a text, saying that he asked Yachi out after volleyball practice and now they're dating. Kageyama should have known, he had planned to go home with the ginger, but was denied the opportunity. All Hinata said was don't wait for me, and then he disappeared around a corner, and Kageyama thought it too much of a hassle to satisfy his curiosity.
When Kageyama read the text, for a split moment he desperately wished that he had prevented it, but then guilt crashes down like a tidal wave and drowns out everything else except for a small voice that tells him he is the worst friend ever, he doesn't deserve to have them.
No one has to know how I feel, he thinks, pushing down his emotions in turmoil. "Yeah, thanks again," Kageyama nods his head, an excuse to avert his gaze anywhere else. If Yachi catches the flash of expression on his face, she'd realise. She's observant, that girl.
So now, before the bell rings and next period begins, he strides down the corridor with Hinata in tow. "Good luck," the ginger beams, a thousand-watt smile flashing across his face, it burns him, and then he's gone through the doors to his classroom.
Kageyama stands in the hallway with the taste of bitter defeat on his tongue. The notebook in his hand crumples slightly at the force of his trembling fingers, and he exhales shakily. He has to get himself back together, and soon, so as he arrives at his own classroom, the mild scowl on his face is back in place again.
Kageyama doesn't have to think about it, he'll be a good friend and be happy for the both of them.
It's not like I didn't see it coming, he thinks, and anyway, he did try to put a stop to his feelings. Not that it worked.
He recalls.
They were studying at Kageyama's house–it's nearest to the school. Having finished her revision already, Yachi was fiddling around with her phone when she glanced up suddenly.
"Say, do you guys have anyone you like?"
Hinata furrowed his brows, "What do you mean?"
"My friend's been pestering me about her crush for ages, and I guess I'm curious. Most people have crushes at this age, right?"
Kageyama played around with his pencil, watching as it rolled lazily across the tabletop. He did not harbour curiosity regarding this topic, but a gnawing dread. Someone I like… what if I have two 'someone's? Is that against the rules? What if it's not really a crush?
The silence was broken when Hinata spoke. "Well, I guess I do…" He twiddled with his thumbs, embarrassed, and refused to elaborate anymore.
They turned to look at Kageyama, prompting an answer from him as well, and so he said, "Me too, I think."
When they continued to stare at him in obvious disbelief, he snapped, "What's with those looks?!"
"Woah, you have a crush?"
"Why do you seem so surprised?!"
Yachi giggled, a pretty sight. "Calm down, Kageyama. You just seemed like the type who isn't interested in romance."
Kageyama huffed in mock annoyance and shoved Hinata when he joined in the laughter.
Snapping himself out of those memories, Kageyama retrieves his pencil and continues on with the test. Outside, gloom gives way to rain, a calming sound against the windowpanes. Although there is no wind in the classroom, Kageyama feels cold to the core.
That's right, he thought, I'm not interested in romance, but in companionship. He thinks back to the first time Hinata spiked his toss, when he realised that he no longer has to be alone anymore, the warm feeling that lingered despite their match having long since ended. He remembers the first time Yachi engaged him in a long conversation, and although he fumbled around with all the things he's never talked about before, she was patient. They shared all kinds of things with each other. And then she suggested he spend time with Hinata and her, when Kageyama realised he's made another friend, another companion in the walk of life.
But not for long.
He knows how this will go: Hinata and Yachi will spend more time with each other, reserving some for school and volleyball, then the rest for miscellaneous, the category he'd be thrown into.
It's bad enough to lose one of them, and now, both?
As the period comes to an end the teacher walks down the aisle, collecting the papers. The wind outside rattles windowpanes. Kageyama buries his head in the crook of his arm, refusing to think any longer. He's gone down this train of thought before, in the privacy of his room, and it did not go well.
The lessons fly by; he tries to pay attention but the teacher loses him when she embarks on a new chapter of Mathematics.
It's lunchtime too soon, he isn't ready.
He goes anyway.
Kageyama finds the both of them waiting for him up by the roof, their usual spot. The rain had left puddles in its wake, now mostly dried. He sidesteps a few students and slides down against the fence, "Hey."
Hinata throws him a 'yeah' and launches back to whatever he was in the middle of, while Yachi glances up with a smile and a 'hi, Kageyama'. The setter works on his bento, listening to Hinata's raving, when his eyes catch details he'd rather not have seen.
(Their thighs close enough to touch; them sneaking glances at each other; a brush of hand that lingers too long; him feeding her a slice of carrot–)
"Kageyama, are you alright?"
Yachi's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. "Yeah, why?" He asks, nonplussed.
She gestures to the bento, "You haven't really touched your food, and you're quieter than usual. Is something bothering you?"
He waves off her concern with a 'I'm a little tired' and gives the rest to Hinata, who eagerly gobbles them up.
Beneath the warmth of the afternoon sun, soothing breezes weave themselves through his clothes, his hair. Kageyama feels at ease. He closes his eyes to the drone of chatter and enjoys the serenity while it lasts. For now, it seems like things are still the same as before, the three of them still together with no threat of anyone growing apart from anyone else.
Right now, something more beautiful than anything he'd ever encountered is blossoming between his friends, yet he wants to object, to push it back to the ground, and make sure he'll always have them by his side. He doesn't plan to attempt anything, however. It's nice to know that your friends are happy.
They are fit for each other, the thought anchors in his mind, a mantra that he repeats in silence every time he feels short of breath and his heart aches. And it is a fact, they are fit for each other; Kageyama knows it, yet he can't seem to let go.
I love you so much. He doesn't know to which of the two it is directed, just that it is the truth. I love you.
The recess bell rings, sending students into a flurry of panic. As his friends start to pack up, Kageyama fixes a scowl on his face, wears it like a mask to cover up things he cannot afford to be let known.
No one has to know.
Half-heartedly listening to the teacher, Kageyama prays that the lesson comes to an end as early as possible. His perception of time is flawed; although each lesson drags on and on, before he knows it, it's already time for volleyball practice.
Two steps at a time, he bounds down the stairs, just in time to see Hinata throwing open the gym door.
"I win–"
"Teacher dismissed me late," Kageyama interrupts, watches as the other deflates, pouting, "I said that last time but you didn't care!"
He shrugs, brushing past the ginger into the gym, and takes a deep breath. Volleyball will help take his mind off these unnecessary feelings, this Kageyama knows.
It does, of course. His performance is as good as always, and he sees improvement in Hinata's.
All this puts Kageyama in an excellent mood, and as he puts away his things he turns to Hinata–
–when he sees that the other is already going over to his bicycle, Yachi by his side. They look good together, hand in hand, the light of the setting sun washing over them, bathing the two in golden hues.
It makes his heart ache, because nothing he has to offer can ever compare to that, and when Hinata stoops down a little to steal a kiss from his lover Kageyama has to turn away, unable to take in anymore of the sight.
They're leaving together (without him).
Someone clears their throat, and he swerves around to see Tsukishima standing behind him.
Eyes mocking, the blond opens his mouth to dish out an insult, but he stops cold before anything makes its way across his lips. Instead, he casts the other a pitying look, and takes his leave quietly.
What was that all about? It is then that Kageyama notices wetness clinging to the curve of his cheeks, and shame burns through his veins like liquid fire.
In front of Tsukishima…?!
He goes home alone, eyes tired, steps heavy, but when it is time for bed sleep does not come easy.
(Already, things are starting to change. He is too weak to hold everything together, and one day, someday, Kageyama's mask will slip off, displaying his true feelings for the unforgiving world to see.)
The Aftermath, Yachi Hitoka.
Yachi has two special boys in her life. Kageyama, whom in his silence gives her quiet reassurance, whose rare soft looks are directed at her half of the time, who shares a bond made of trust and commitment and numerous deep conversations with her.
Hinata, whose boisterous demeanor speeds up her heart, makes her blush and stammer and feel lightheaded, whose actions never fail to amaze her (be it deeply moving or unbelievably idiotic).
If someone asks her to choose, Yachi doubts that she can make a decision; both of them are so terribly precious to her, and call it the folly of youth, but she's so in love. She still remembers the memories with clarity–the first time she realised her feelings.
Hinata shines like the sun, and when he grabbed her hand like they were in some cliche shoujo manga, Yachi felt her heart skip a beat. They were going to find her mother then, but all she could think of in that moment was oh lord, I think I'm in love with Hinata, and then they took off running so fast her thoughts and feelings all jumbled up. That night, Yachi dreamt of sunflowers and tangerines.
And–
Kageyama is gentle when it comes to her. Even after that fight with Hinata (she was sure that shook him up more than he'd ever admit), the setter made sure to ask politely for her help with practice, and thank her properly after that.
They leave together, him taking an alternate route to see her home. (Kageyama takes her paranoia more seriously than she thought he would.) They had talked along the way, night after night, and Yachi found herself wishing that the route could be longer. Once, he caught her when she tripped, and the way her heart hammered in her chest upon his touch confirmed her feelings.
These two boys stole her heart away, and right now, she watches as they break it into a million pieces.
It is a cruel twist of Fate's hand. Yachi isn't supposed to be here, she should be running an errand for the teacher and should have arrived at the office by now. Instead, she just had to forget a stack of papers back in the classroom. In the time it took for her to make a return trip, two unmistakeable presence had arrived at the discreet corridor, otherwise empty. She turns a corner to find the oddball duo.
The greeting dies in her throat when she realises that she's watching a terribly private moment. Yachi hides, then wonders inwardly why she's hiding, then when Hinata pulls Kageyama's head down and meets his lips it felt as though someone had pulled a rug from underneath her feet.
The scene burns into her mind with glaring intensity, and it renders her unable to look away, unable to close her ears to words that provoke tears.
The kiss lasts a millionth of a second. Kageyama stumbles back, face red, eyes wide, and Hinata asks, "Is this alright?"
Flustered, the taller of the two mumbles something that makes Hinata giggle softly, a sound that causes Yachi's heart to skip a beat. And did she mention, while half of Kageyama's rare, genuine smile is directed at her, the other half is reserved solely for Hinata?
Now, he smiles down at the ginger, a hand running through streaks of orange, and his love must surely be reflecting through those lovely dark eyes.
"If it's you, I guess I don't mind," she hears Kageyama confess, "but warn me when you want a kiss."
Hinata's glare is playful, "That spoils the fun–" and Yachi is sure he has more to say, but she had already turned away, the weight of her heart rivaling that of the papers in her arms.
I'm going to cry, she realises, and sniffs in a futile attempt to blink it all away. Making haste to the office, Yachi dumps the stack of worksheets onto the teacher's shelf and makes a break for the exit before someone spots her in such a shameful state.
She spends the rest of lunch time gathering herself up, and when after-school activities commence, manages to avoid much conversation with either of the two during volleyball practice.
Kageyama and Hinata are a duo, Yachi decides, watching them score another impressive spike; her heart can't help but swell with pride at the sight.
It is not my place to break them apart.
(And yet, despite her happiness, why does she hurt so much?)
Yachi ponders over it, and for once her paranoia doesn't come into play; she knows that they would never leave her, no matter what happens. They need her as much as she needs them. She wasn't crying because of that, she was crying because–
A fresh wave of helplessness seizes her, and it's all she can do to stop the tears threatening to spill. Kiyoko casts a curious glance her way– her expression must've been miserable– but before the older girl could open her mouth Tanaka comes barreling at her with all intents to go for a hug. The distraction proves enough for Yachi to sneak out and tidy herself up in the bathroom; when she comes back, there is no trace of any lingering sadness.
She observes how the oddball duo moves; graceful when he sets the ball, powerful when he spikes. Each successful attack brings with it loud cheers of satisfaction. "Once more!" Hinata yells, already in position, and Kageyama nods firmly. They keep each other in motion, always growing, always changing.
Maybe it's better off this way– she doubts she would be able to match either of their pace.
The volleyball practice ends smoothly, and Yachi is jotting down notes about their performance for the day (–not bad, she can't wait to see their next practice match–) when Hinata comes bounding over, Kageyama following suit with big strides.
"Hey, Yacchan, guess what–"
Kageyama cuts him off with a shove, "Can you come with us outside the gym? It's a little personal."
Yachi knows what it is that they're going to say, and it feels like someone gave her a stab wound on her heart, then decided to apply salt to it. She's good at pretending; a smile, just the right amount of curious, graces her face.
"Sure," Yachi answers easily, stepping out behind the two of them. I can do this.
Kageyama directs them all to a spot half-shrouded in the shadows, out of their leaving teammates' line of sight. He turns around, hands in his pockets, reluctant to talk but excited all the same. Hinata grins, dazzling; it makes Yachi feel butterflies in her stomach. Somewhat embarrassed, the ginger fiddles with the hem of his shirt and breaks the news with a loud whisper, "The truth is, Yacchan, Kageyama and I got together! We're dating now, can you believe that?!"
When he speaks, Yachi can see the excitement in his eyes, and then Kageyama adds, "I'm not comfortable with people knowing this yet, but I just thought we should tell you; you're our best friend."
You're special to us is what he wants to say, and Yachi hears that, and she feels honoured and loved and–
"Yachi, you're… crying…" Kageyama trails off, unsure.
Oh no, no, no, I can't do this after all.
Yachi throws herself into Hinata's arms, the fabric of his shirt ensnared in her fingers, and turbulent emotions bring a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. She can smell him, his sweat stubbornly refusing to be wiped off even after changing, and she's so close, she's so close.
Hinata makes a sound of surprise, "Yacchan, are you alright?!"
"I… I'm…"
I want to be loved too, in that way. If only you loved me the way I love you.
"I'm just so happy for the both of you," Yachi sobs. It is the truth, she knows, she's glad for them, but that doesn't mean it won't break her. Hinata is patient, holding her while she tries to compose herself, fully believing that her joy is the only cause of the tears. A couple more moments pass before Yachi gingerly removes herself from Hinata and gropes for Kageyama through tear-blinded eyes. She has to congratulate him too. He finds her first, taking her into his embrace.
Yachi smiles, "Take care of each other, yeah?"
She feels Kageyama twisting his neck, looking away, and he mutters, "It's not like we're getting married, and anyways, you'd probably end up taking care of the both of us like you always do."
The laugh gets stuck in her throat. Marriage.
(Exchanging vows with each other, him sweeping her up into his strong arms, quiet companionship– she knows it's all he can give, she knows she would be more than satisfied– lazy Sunday mornings, domesticity and late-night cuddles–)
Kageyama strokes her hair a little awkwardly, not used to showing much affection. "I'm glad you're happy," he breaks off mid-sentence, then makes up his mind and continues, "it means a lot."
"You're more emotional than Kageyama, how does that even work?!" Hinata protests, and Yachi can't help but laugh this time, despite the pain in her chest. She lets go of Kageyama, whose shirt is now wet with tears moreso than sweat.
"Sorry, I got a little carried away," Yachi says, wiping away her tears, "but I'm really happy."
And among the three of them, the two boys and the girl, only one is aware of the pain behind those words.
The Aftermath, Hinata Shouyou.
Even on his worst days, Hinata doesn't think he's ever felt something like this before. It's like he's lost a thousand matches in a split second, but it's much worse than that. (Because, at least, if he lost a match he doesn't have to feel guilty for his jealousy and frustration.)
"–and I was just saying it'll be nice to learn how to play volleyball, then the next moment Kageyama's gotten hold of a ball and I found myself learning how to receive," Yachi exclaims from beside him.
Kageyama looks up from his bento and says with a mouth half full, "Volleyball is important, no matter the situation."
Ah. Hinata can almost visualise it, the things that happened during break time, when he had to stay back and help out with class duties.
Yachi continues, "And learning how to receive is hard for me, I can't get the posture right–"
–she couldn't get the posture right and it frustrated her, but that was her first few times actually trying out volleyball. After a few failed attempts at receiving easy balls, Kageyama comes over to her side.
"Yachi, you gotta drop your hips more, and straighten your arms– no, like this." And then he grabs hold of her arms from behind, gentle yet firm, and re-positions them–
"–I was so surprised! Kageyama was just looming over me, and he was so close it felt like he was giving me a hug, and I thought my heart was gonna fail–"
–and she thought her heart was gonna fail; it's beating so fast, and she was sure her face must've been bright red. Kageyama said something that her ears couldn't catch over the sound of rushing blood. She felt him pause.
"Yachi, you alright?" He asked, concerned, and his deep voice was so close that the girl jolted in surprise.
"I–yeah, I, I'm," she stuttered, and he turned her around to take a good look, worried that she might be ill. Kageyama's face was right in front of her and he was staring and she doesn't think her heart could take anymore of this; it's like 'fwaaaaaa' and she blurted out the first thing on her mind.
"I–I–I–I like you!"
They both froze.
Taking a bite of her rice ball, Yachi pauses momentarily, chewing furiously. It seems she wants to get the full story out to Hinata as fast as possible, and Kageyama takes over the talking in fear of her choking.
"And so," he continues in lieu of Yachi, "it was like those moments when the ball falls onto the floor and you know you won the match, but you need a moment to process–"
–and he needed a moment to process it. Yachi stared up at him, face flushed, mouth slightly parted in disbelief. Kageyama wondered if he'd be alright with this–it means hugs and kisses and much, much more, right? Can I do it? He questioned himself, but the answer was obvious.
Just to confirm, Kageyama asked her if it was a confession, in case she didn't mean it the way he thought she did.
And (here Yachi cuts in, "I figured I'm already dead, so I might as well get the point across, since it can't possibly be any worse.") she nodded, and tried to explain that she knows he's never been interested in such things, so she won't feel hurt if he rejects her, but then Kageyama cut her off.
"I don't mind," was all he said, eyes averted, a hand rubbing the back of his neck, "I'm okay. I mean, um, I'm okay with us."
Here he ends the recollection, and Hinata vaguely realises that he's supposed to say something; both Yachi and Kageyama are staring at him expectantly.
"That's…" the ginger falters a little, but then pushes down his feelings and ploughs on, "That's awesome! Man, I can't believe I wasn't there to see your faces!"
Kageyama rolls his eyes as Yachi gives a small laugh, "If you were there, I think I'd be even more embarrassed!"
Picking up his chopsticks again, Hinata listens to Yachi gush about her feelings, and although he's glad for her, his attention can't help but drift elsewhere.
Somehow, the words are painful to hear.
Midway through lunch, Hinata finally realises that what has been feeling off to him was in fact the change in the atmosphere between Kageyama and Yachi. He scrutinises them discreetly, noticing small things he'd never have seen if he didn't.
Kageyama is quiet, as usual, but in between bites of food he glances sideways at Yachi, looking as though he's trying to figure out how to make her happy. (He probably is.)
They aren't sitting especially close together, but this is Kageyama, and the ginger's pretty sure this is the closest they've ever sat. Hinata knows that Kageyama is the one who took initiative because Yachi's probably too shy to ask of this directly, and somehow this burns him with jealousy, even though neither of the two minds Hinata breaching their personal space much.
Yachi sneaks glances at the setter when she doesn't think he's looking, and every time their gazes meet she turns away with a small blush, him watching with a slight amusement. They look good as a couple.
"The bell's going to ring," Kageyama's voice brings Hinata back to the present, "let's go."
When they stand to leave the ginger spots Yachi timidly seeking Kageyama's fingers, their hands coming together a little awkwardly, and then the side of his lips lift a little and he says he'd see her to her class.
It feels something like drowning, Hinata thinks, watching the small display of affection. He wants to be the one there instead, to receive that smile Kageyama doesn't even know he has on his face, to know the way Yachi's tender hands fit into his own, and guilt crashes into him like a freight train.
I'm happy for them, Hinata repeats, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy.
Yachi turns to him, questions if he's coming too. He laughs and replies of course, but it sounds hollow to his ears.
During class, Hinata can't concentrate, and he spends a good half hour trying to blink away his feelings on the cusp of spilling. He can't cry here, not here, not yet; the wound is too raw and if he starts he can't imagine how he'd ever stop.
Time crawls by, as though enjoying his suffering.
Finally, finally, school's over, and for once Hinata is glad that there is no volleyball practice. He's not good at putting on a front; he doubt he can handle either of his best friends now, seeing the terrible state his mind is in. His eyes burn, and Hinata wishes miserably that he could talk to someone, but this whole business is so private, and the two people he trusts the most are–ironically– the cause of his broken heart.
He finds himself near the back of the school and, staggering to a stop, collapses weakly onto the ground. The tears come.
As though to mock his despair, dark clouds gather in the sky, and within minutes rain graces the earth. Droplets fall from the sky, cleansing the world of its filth, washing away the old and giving birth to a fresh start. Hinata doesn't move from his position, knees drawn up, arms hugging his legs, and soon he cannot tell tears apart from the rain on his face.
It's cold. When the wind blows, the chill cuts into his bones and shakes him with a shiver. Hinata wonders if his ugly feelings can be washed away by the rain as well; wistful thinking is all he is capable of at the moment, wallowing in a murky pool of self-pity and guilt. (He wishes things were different, he wishes to be more than a friend, he wishes, he wishes, he wishes–)
And soon, as the rain ceases and the clouds draw back, Hinata allows himself to let go of these thoughts. As long as I'm here, you're invincible. Those were the words that Kageyama promised him, and those were the same words that he promised back.
Hinata has no intention of breaking that promise.
"Kageyama, Yachi, I'm going to support you guys, alright?" He says these words quietly, a stark contrast to his very nature, but sometimes, the softest words are also the most important.
The next day Hinata misses school due to a cold and Kageyama and Yachi come to visit him. He is loud as always, to the point that Kageyama shouts at him in exasperation to rest properly, dumbass. Neither of the two notices the way he exhales, as though pained, every time they indulge in something beyond the boundaries of friendship, and he is glad for that. The quiet promise may be buried under Hinata's loud demeanor, but it is there all the same.
As long as I'm here, you're invincible.