I do not own anything KHR related. Like at all.

Note: Death described. Not always pleasant, but not intentionally gory.

Tsunayoshi always remembered the day. It was May 2, and mostly cloudy. He'd just come back from school, and was eating a snack. His mother left him for a second to answer the phone, warning him to "Slow down, Tsu-Kun". Of course, he was hungry and ignored his mom.

He regretted this when he choked to death.

It was an unpleasant experience, unable to call out for help, tripping over his untied shoelaces and lodging everything in firmer.

He awoke in what looked like a space adventure manga. This led to some serious panicking, because Tsuna knew he wasn't cut out to be the Hero Suddenly Thrust Into A New World. Then he started crying because he'd just died and what was his mom going to do all alone and he had just been hungry and now he would never have any friends and-

"Little dude! PLEASE stop crying, I'm trying to concentrate!"

This did nothing to reassure Tsuna, who only wailed louder. The stranger was tall, with freakishly white skin and a rainbow mohawk. The stranger growled in frustration.

"Look, you're going RIGHT BACK so cut the crying, twerp! I promise!" With a shake of his head, he turned back to a giant keyboard and started pounding at it in aggravation.

"You choked on a rice ball. Who DOES that, even? My case, apparently. Just my luck that you're so young, I can just tell you're going to be a lot of trouble from now on. If I don't see you at least once a month, I'll shave my head." Tsuna only just heard this though, troubled as he was. Still, you can only cry so energetically for so long with an eight year old's stamina, and by the 45 minute mark, he had settled down into periodic sobs and free-flowing snot.

"Right! Finally, here we go! Listen to your mom this time, kid. Okay?" With that and a click of a button, Tsuna found himself sitting back at the table, about a minute before the phone rang.

With the cause of his death so obviously before him, and confusion that terrified him, Tsuna found himself refusing a snack.

By the third day after his demise, Tsuna found himself doubting the event. He was eight, after all, and even his teachers thought his mind was...special.

Then he fell down the stairs.

Promptly, he woke up to find himself being glared at by the Rainbow Hair Stranger. Just as promptly, he began to cry.

"Is that all you know how to do? Die in stupid ways and cry?"

Huffing, he turned back to his work. Tsuna kept up his tears, curling into a miserable ball. When footsteps approached, he looked up. Rainbow Hair sighed, and patted his head gently.

"Look kid, it's fine. I sent you back last time, right?" Tsuna nodded. "Right. So I'll do it again this time. Hopefully it will stick, but considering what I've learned, I'm not excited about the chances." Tsuna wasn't really sure what he meant, but tried to reign in his sobbing. Rainbow Hair kept up his patting, looking slightly uncomfortable but resigned. Once Tsuna was somewhat less...snotty, Rainbow Hair started talking again.

"I know you're pretty young, so I'm not sure how much you understand about what's happening. But right now, you're dead. You also died three days ago. Problem is, you're not supposed to yet."

"Why?" Tsuna clickly shut his mouth, but the question was all ready asked.

"Because Time is Relative, but Death is Determined."

"Huh?"

"You're not the brightest student in your class, are you?" Tsuna scowled at him.

"Sorry, Bunny. It means that Time, you know, clocks and hours and all that- isn't everything. I sent you back before you died, right? Well, that's because Time isn't stable."

"Huh?"

"This is going to be hard, I can tell. It's like water. You know what water is, right Bunny?"

"My name isn't Bunny."

"But you know what water is?"

"Yes." Tsuna tried to glare. Rainbow Hair just laughed.

"Okay. So water moves. It freezes, or turns into steam when it's hot. If you pour it into a small cup, it is shaped like a small cup. If you pour it into a bathtub, then it is shaped like a bathtub. Get it?"

Close enough.

"Probably not yet, but this isn't your only chance. So Time, like water, changes. Death doesn't."

"Why?"

"Because it doesn't."

"But-"

"When you're an Older Bunny, I'll try to explain it. For now, just know this. One day, you'll die. Everyone does. But three days ago, and today, you weren't supposed to."

"Oh."

"Oh is right. And it's my job to make sure you stay alive until you ARE supposed to die. But because it isn't time yet, I have to send you back manually."

"Manu-"

"I have to do it myself, otherwise you WOULD be dead, and that could cause problems. Big problems."

"Sorry."

"Whatever, Bunny-Twerp."

"Not BUNNY!"

"Whatever you say, kid."

As it turned out, dying out of place once vastly increased your chances of doing so again. Rainbow Hair said that only one person had ever managed to die out of place just once, everyone else had multiples.

And then of course, there was Tsuna.

Rainbow Hair lamented (loudly) about his days, how he couldn't take vacation leave because no one else wanted to deal with such a troublesome case.

Tsuna just ignored him. It wasn't like he was trying to die so often. What a sucky thing to be good at.

At least he got to spend a lot of time with the weird person? Tsuna was his first case in fact, which was why it took so long for him to work things through.

"Once you've spent a century or so with the controls, they respond better. It just takes a while to break it in, that's the trouble with semi-sentient electronics. I prefer the Old Style, but I didn't get a vote."

He got to ask him interesting questions, at least.

"So...what's your name?"

Tsuna had died (falling library books in the reference section, ouch) again, for the second time this week. He had also just realized that he didn't have an actual name for Rainbow Hair, which he probably should have asked before. But you know, Dying. A touch distracting.

"Sharptooth."

"Nuh-uh."

"Close enough."

"It's a stupid name."

"Coming from someone who managed to die helping fold laundry-who manages to lock themselves in a washing machine? I don't want to hear about stupid."

"Is that because you're master of it?"

"Of what?"

"You are!"

"Of WHAT, Bunny?"

"Master of Stupid. Duh."

"In training, I always liked reading old casefiles, they were the best. Like this one time, 1506 China. A lady managed to drown herself five times in the same day, all in different bodies of water."

"Okay, I am nowhere near that bad."

"You're more of a quantity over quality kind of person, Bunny. Then there was this one time everyone talks about- it was before I started the job, obviously- this guy in Africa, around 500 BC, I think, managed to die 168 times in the same day."

"What."

"Yep. My personal favorite is the time this really fancy guy from 1852 London accidentally fell through a time vortex and got crushed by a dinosaur. Like, he didn't even see it coming, just SPLAT."

Tsuna turned green.

"That is horrible."

"I know. It was an herbivore, too. Didn't mean to, it was just walking and the dude's head got in the way."

"You have problems."

"You die, on average, two dozen times a month. You're set to break records, kid. I wouldn't talk about problems."

"Like your hair?"

"Shut it, Bunny."

"But really, what's your name?"

"Heimlich. Heimlich M. Uver."

"You get worse at this every time I ask."

"So...does every time I die create a new reality?"

"I hope not. There are enough universes out there without creating extra. The thought of spawning THAT many more where I have to babysit your troublesome butt is terrifying."

"Ha ha."

"I don't think so, though. It takes more than that to really create a different reality. I'm pretty sure you're just reading too many comic books."

"MANGA."

"Whatever, Bunny Otaku."

Tsuna was proud of himself. He managed to get his two dozen a month deaths down to 13. Of course, Middle School was proving worse than Elementary on the bullying and studies side, but still. Maybe Rainbow Hair could take a vacation sometime soon.

Then the Devil came to stay.

This increased his death rate to 8 times a week, if he was lucky. Which made Rainbow Hair grumpy.

After Tsuna had managed to die twice in a two hour period, he got a long lecture. Tsuna wasn't a happy camper either, though.

"Shut up! I have REBORN, the Demon Baby training me, it's a miracle you don't see me MORE!"

"Reborn?"

"Yes."

"Number One Hitman?"

"I thought you were supposed to be paying attention to things."

"I don't know him by sight."

"He introduces himself, title and all, about three times a day."

"Bunny, shut up."

"Don't call me Bunny!"

"Well, in light of this new data, I have to congratulate you. You're actually doing pretty good."

"Wow, thanks so much."

"Most welcome, Bunny."

It was shortly after the thirteenth (or fifteenth) time that Gokudera had accidentally killed him by way of stray dynamite that he managed his 700th Death By Stairs. The fact that they were the stairs in his own home was ignored by Tsuna, though not by his Handler.

"Bunny Tsuna! My Manager is here to congratulate you!"

"Oh, wonderful."

"Congratulations, young man. You managed to die falling down the stairs over 700 times in less than 5 years, which blows the last record of 342 straight out of the water."

"I'm so proud of myself."

"I'm definitely proud of my little Tsu-Bunny."

"No one finds that funny!"

"Except me, and I'm the one that really matters. Deal with it."

The Manager rolled his eyes and turned to leave.

"Have fun, children."

Tsuna was scared of death for the first time in a while.

"But my friends-"

"I can't tell you."

"My mom!"

"I can't."

"But!"

"But nothing! However, I should tell you that the tendency to die out of place runs in families, and isn't from your father's side."

"Thanks."

"But I can't say anything more. It's my job on the line, you know!"

And so his one source had dried up, leaving Tsuna worried about his friends. Gokudera's tendency of self-sacrifice was enough to give him cold sweats, let alone how oblivious Yamamoto and Big Brother were about the whole thing.

Lambo was a subject he tried not to think about.

But they were all in trouble now, and they only had one chance.

Tsuna gripped his sheets, shaking slightly.

One chance.

The Manager was there, helping Rainbow Hair. Tsuna had managed to die in an unfortunately complicated way. It involved a downed electric line, 14 Yakuza members, four pairs of Oxfords, and a kazoo.

As it turned out, there wasn't an automatic program for this, and everything had to be formulated manually.

"Hey."

"Yes, Curious Bunny?"

"Is Reborn like me with the death thing?"

The ensuing disbelieving, almost hysterical laughter, felt uncalled for. But at least it answered his question.

Surprisingly, neither Xanxus nor Byakuran managed to kill Tsuna. He actually fought them all the way through to victory without getting a reset.

He really wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or not.

Apparently, it was a bad thing to steal information about the system and use it to your advantage, even if it meant saving the multi-verse.

Which is what his Ten Year Later Self had done, at one point, although technically (he thinks) it was a different Universe Him. So Tsuna wasn't sure why he was getting a lecture, except for the fact that Rainbow Hair was generally obnoxious, and enjoyed holding things over his head.

Like that time he got killed by a squirrel.

At any rate, the lecture was going on 4 hours, with five different people (all different Managers and Handlers, it appeared) taking turns. Finally they finished. Not that Tsuna had been listening (he wasn't a poor student for nothing), but at least he could go back, now. He wasn't sure how much time was passing back in the living world, but the thought of his mom worrying about where he was, or worse, finding the body, made him uncomfortable. Even if she forgot once he was sent back, he disliked the thought of his mother being that upset.

"And you weren't actually listening, were you?"

Tsuna shrugged. He was a terrible liar.

"Fine. Just- you owe us, okay?"

"Sure. Can I please go back, now? I'm worried about my mom."

'Listerine' (Rainbow Hair) checked his monitor.

"Don't worry, she's still gone, but I'll send you back. Just remember, NO STEALING INFORMATION. Or I'll make sure to send you back NAKED next time you die in a public area."

Tsuna was less phased by that particular threat than he should have been (thanks, Reborn), but the thought of Kyoko seeing, or Lord of Rules Hibari- not so good.

"Right. I'll just never touch anything here. Ever. I promise."

'Listerine' shrugged.

"Good enough for me."

"I can't believe you killed Daemon Spade!"

"Well, it wasn't just me, you know. I-"

"I'm going to be the talk of Management! They might promote me after this case, my first case, and NO ONE has done that since Matya the Prodigy WAY back in like, the 800's. You, my friend, are my ticket to early retirement."

"Glad I could help?"

"Manager says hi, and thanks. I'm sure next time he'll be here personally, but everyone is working overtime resetting all the crap Daemon messed up by existing. Let me tell you, Bunny, it's a huge mess. He created a backlog of paper files- three different storage rooms. Three!"

"Paper?"

"You didn't think we always used computers, did you? Paper is a failsafe for troublesome cases like Spade."

"Do I-"

"Of course, but it's not even close to his. You're what, a decade and a half, around that? He has decades on you, living and not-quite-dead-but-should."

"I see."

"And I watched you in your SUPER Attack Bunny Mode, you were fantastic!"

"My what."

"Super Attack Bunny! I've seen you as Rabid Bunny, and regular Attack Bunny, but this Super Attack Bunny was awesome, like really cool."

"Glad I could entertain you with my life and death battles."

"I just wish your ability to not die in situations where it would actually be justified would translate over to everyday life."

Tsuna twitched.

"You know the Arcobaleno?"

"You mean the other biggest mess in history? Why yes I do."

"You know Skull? He doesn't die. Like, he doesn't even get sent here. He just pops back up. Why?"

No reply, just a 100 yard stare and a shiver.

"Never mind..."

"So, speaking of Arcobaleno-"

"Umm, five deaths ago."

"We need a favor."

"Oh yeah?"

"Look, Kawahira is really messing things up. We need you to destroy the Arcobaleno system."

"Wait- Kawahira? As in the ramen eating man?"

"Oops. Sorry. Spoilers?"

"No, just go on. What are you asking me to do?"

"There are other ways of doing what he's doing. He's just too stubborn to figure it out. That happens with the longer-lived races, they get old and stupid-stubborn. Anyway, Checkerface-"

"You can call him by his ACTUAL name, it's too late now."

"Checkerface wants to use you and some of your friends to replace the current sacrifices. So we need you to make sure that doesn't happen?"

"..."

"Please? Otherwise, all my years of hard work will be for nothing, because his STUPID system blocks ours, and we can't invoke any Override: Death clauses because his system pre-dates ours."

"But isn't Death-"

"His system is older than the system we currently use. I think. Or something like that. I dunno, history wasn't ever my strong point."

"But you're asking me to..."

"Defeat his system, convince the obsessed creepy people (who also need to die soon, by the way), and prevent anyone else from entering into an anti-death state."

"Right. Too easy."

"That's the spirit, Bunny."

"Shut up, Yodel Meister."

So, the Great and Might Shower Muse hit me with this one while I was trying (I promise!) to work on my To Breathe story. So, here it is. Appreciate four straight hours of work, mortals.

Thanks for reading.

And blame any typos on my weariness.