A/N: I'm a big RT fan, so don't expect the expected in this fic. All you other obsessed RT fans...Please *read* this before you flame me about it, and don't get mad just because you don't like the idea. kk? kk. Bwahahha I'm so going to get flamed for this. That said and done...
Passing Wishes
I dreamed about her that night.
We were side by side. In battle.
Her Andalite tail cut through the air in amazing delicate patterns, a silver whip dancing through the air.
Hork-Bajir fell, dead to the ground. But I hardly noticed. I was fascinated.
My stalk eyes and main eyes were fixated on her, following her every move.
Finally the last Hork-Bajir was slaughtered, eyes rolled up into his head as he silently fell to the floor. We were alone in the white void. Us and the limp, lifeless bodies. The stillness stretched on.
She trotted up to me. She was smiling with her eyes. She reached out and took my hand. It was a very human gesture.
I smiled back. < I... I was supposed to save you, you know. >
She laughed, silently. < Things change, Aximili.>
When she said my name I shivered.
< So... > she said. There was silence for a moment. < Are you happy? >
< W..what? > I stuttered, unprepared for her question.
< On Earth. Are you happy? >
I paused for a second. Trying to think of an answer that would impress her. < A warrior is not a warrior to make oneself happy. I fight for all free people, not myself. >
She nodded. < Yes, but are you happy? Aximili, are you happy? >
She frightened me. But I needed her, desperately. Couldn't say anything before I carefully thought it out, couldn't move this way or that before I ran it over in my head. One word or action can mean a million things to humans. One wrong word and she could wish I was dead.
Wait...what was I talking about? This creature was Andalite.
Not a human. Not a human. This was an Andalite! An Andalite!
I could have said something brilliant. But all I could think of were three words.
< Who are you? > I asked of this strange Andalite. < Who are you? >
She smiled. < Who are you? >
I woke up.
~~~
< What's wrong Ax-man?> my shorm, Tobias, asked me. < You've been pretty quiet today. >
< Nothin. > I said. It was true, I had been moody that day. I shoved my hoof into some grass even though I wasn't hungry. I wasn't bored, just tense.
< Nothin? As in nothing? Uh oh. This is bad. >
< What? >
< You're not saying every word correctly. Not exactly something you usually do. >
I grunted in reply.
Tobias, however, was particularly energized. Enough that I noticed.
< What is, as you say, up, Tobias? >
< Oh, nothing unusual... >
I laughed. Talking to a strangely almost-hyper Tobias was lightening my mood. < I know that something must be up. You can tell me. I'm your shorm, am I not? >
< Ah, there's the Ax-man I know. Well... okay. Just don't tell a soul, all right? Especially not Marco. He wouldn't let me hear the end of it. >
< I promise I will not tell anyone. >
< Well... It's about Rachel. >
I swiveled a stalk eye up to the branch Tobias was perched on. < What about her? > To my surprise my words came out almost sharply.
Tobias focused his razor glare on me but let my tone pass. < Well... we have a date. > I am no human expert, but there was no mistaking the happiness in his voice.
< A date? > I asked. < That sounds familiar... I have heard you humans use that term often. From my knowledge gained by television I am guessing that is a meeting of the two opposite sex where romance is a key issue. A... courting. Yes? >
Tobias paused. < Sure, if you want the dictionary definition. I mean, it's not like it's a big thing but Rachel's really excited over it. >
I forced a smile. < Are you sure Rachel is the only one excited over it? >
Tobias chose to ignore that and continued. < It's just a movie... a 90 minute movie to be convenient. Then we'll got for a twenty minute after-movie snack thingy. That leaves me with ten minutes to demorph. >
< Ten minutes? Isn't that cutting it rather close? > I said, showing off yet another phrase gathered from TV.
< A little. > Tobias admitted. < But I think I can manage. This seems very important to her. After I ran off at the last dance we went to I've felt kind of bad. >
< You have no reason to feel bad, Tobias. > I said. < I know this is none of my business, but I think this is too much of a risk. We can not afford to lose you as a warrior, Tobias.>
He sighed in my head. < Ax, stop worrying. I've got that covered, believe me. >
< If you say so. > I said, preparing to let the subject go. But then, something stopped me. < Tobias... when is this "date?" >
< 7:30 pm today. > he replied. < Why? >
< No reason. > I answered. I was sure that, in fact, there was a reason. I just didn't know what it was. Yet.
~~~
She was beautiful. She flashed me a grin as she brought her foot down on the limp gray slug that was a yeerk.
"For freedom." she said. She held out a yeerk, expecting me to do the same. It was defenceless...helpless... She dropped it at my feet. "For freedom?" she asked me.
I looked down, nervous. No! I couldn't do this! It was defenseless! I couldn't do this!
< For freedom. > I answered, as I brought my hoof crushing down on the yeerk.
~~~
It was 7:23 p.m. that same day when I looked at the rectangle, fitted perfectly into a rectangular frame in front of me... it was a door. I blinked. How did this thing work again? That's when I noticed the small button in the high-center of the door... Still not sure why I was here, I pushed it and suddenly there was a low ring.
"YAAH!" I jumped back. A few moments later a girl, not much younger than my human friends opened the door. She eyed me suspiciously.
"Who're you?" she asked.
"Me? Meh-ee? I am a friend of Rachel's. Chel."
"Friend?" she laughed. "So, you're her date, huh?"
"No I am her fr..." I began to say. Then I stopped. "Yes. That's right. I am her da-ate."
"Well at least somebody will admit that's what this thing is." the small, dark-haired girl said. She turned around. "One sec." she closed the door with a bam, but it wasn't hard to hear what was going on inside.
"RAAACHEL! Your DAAA-ATE is outside!" the girl said in a taunting voice.
"Already?" Rachel's voice called down the stairs. "And JORDAN it is NOT a DATE!"
"Uh huh. Sure it's not!" the girl, who I now knew was Jordan called back up.
I heard Rachel come running downstairs and to the door. She opened it up, looking quite flushed. "Hey, you're early Tobi..." She stopped. "Ax?? Er...Philip? What exactly are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you. yoo." I answered.
~~~
I laughed. We were sitting on a hill, laughing and talking. I was in human morph and becoming quite comfortable in it. I reached out to take her hand. She squeezed it. Suddenly something strange happened... we became silent. The ease we had before was still there, but as if by some unspoken command silence filled us. Nothing needed to be said.
We watched the sunset. We stared out at the horizon for many minutes, long moments I never wanted to end. Then she turned to me, and I to her, another command. She leaned in to kiss me and I did the same. My heart was beating fast. In the moment we met I knew I would know who this stranger was... exactly who... Her hair tickled my cheek and my lips brushed hers.
~~~
"I need to talk to you. yoo."
She sighed, impatient, angry. "Now?"
"Yes. sss. Now."
She glanced down at her watch: what humans use to tell time, an ability they do not have naturally. All right." she said, an angry tone. "You have six minutes. Talk."
"You mean... here?"
"Yes! Here!"
"Okay..." I said. I started walking, and she followed. It was easier to talk when we were walking.
I paused, not sure where to begin. Rachel stopped walking and tapped her foot against the pavement. She looked at her watch again. "5 minutes and 40 seconds."
"All right... Rachel..." I struggled to get the words out. "Rachel. I ... care for you."
She raised an eyebrow. My throat had gone dry.
"Deeply." I continued.
"As a warrior." she said. "And a friend."
"No..." I said. "I care for you like... like Tobias cares for you."
As soon as the words left my mouth I wanted to take them back. I didn't love Rachel... not like that. So what was it I was feeling for her?
Rachel had stopped walking. She was glaring at me. "How dare you say that!" she cried. "How dare you... use a deep, pure love for a person to describe a silly little crush... Or whatever you're feeling."
I stepped back, hurt. I remembered my dream...one word means a million different things. Rachel was human, not Andalite. I had forgotten that. I had been a fool.
"I.. I know. noe." I said finally, lamely. "Those were not the right words to use. I am sorry."
Rachel didn't look especially ready to forgive. She glared at me. I looked down, confused and hurt.
Rachel sighed. "Not the puppy-dog face." She walked over to me. I turned around to face the other direction and she put a soft hand on my shoulder. "Ax..." she began. "Who do you care deeply for, exactly?"
"You... You." I said in what sounded very much like a sob. Am I about to cry?! I asked myself, alarmed.
"Me?" she said. "Are you sure that's who?"
I nodded vigorously.
"Think again." she said. "Who am I?"
"Well..." I paused. "A...a... I don't know." I answered finally. She nodded and we sat down on a park bench in front of a house. Another unspoken command. She turned to face me.
"I am a..." she paused thoughtfully, choosing her words carefully like I had. "a girl. With morals. And a warrior who cares about nothing but instinct and death and..." a tear rolled down her cheek. "and battles... Reckless risks, danger... I'm a warrior trying to be a girl."
She put her hand over mine. Not holding it... just, acknowledging it. "You, Ax, are a boy trying to be a warrior. Tobias... He thinks that I keep him human, but he keeps me human more than anything else. Ax ... you and me, we can never be more than acquaintances. Even as deep friends we'd tear each other's throats open." She smiled faintly. "I'm trying to stop something you're trying to start. You... you never liked me Ax, did you?"
I sighed. I could lie so easily... but I found myself shaking my head. "No. I never did. You were out of control. A warrior must find their balance, their center. You never had one. It was blind killing... not.. honorable."
"Honor, honor, honor. We need to win. If it wasn't for your Andalite pride I wouldn't be surprised if the Yeerks were gone by now."
I nodded. I should of been hurt, but I wasn't. I respected Rachel. "Maybe you're right. But would it really be worth it?"
She smiled. "I don't know. Maybe one day I'll be able to answer a yes or a no. I hope so, Ax. I really do. I don't know how much longer I can take this battle."
I sighed. "The Yeerks are a terrible enemy."
She shook her head. "Not the Yeerks. Myself."
We were quiet for a minute, staring out at the darkening street. Then Rachel turned to me. Her blonde hair shined and shimmered even in this light evening.
"Are you ready to fight the Yeerks? Are you ready to fight yourself?"
I nodded, solemnly.
She sighed heavily. "Aximli-Esgarouth-Isthill, are you ready to become a warrior?"
I wanted to cry. "Yes, Rachel, The Animorph. I am. I will be and do all of those things."
She swallowed hard and looked down. Finally she looked up. "I only have two minutes before Tobias will be here."
"Yes." I agreed. "You better get going."
She nodded and stood up. So did I. She jogged down the block but suddenly stopped. She ran back to me and kissed me on the cheek.
Her hair whipped against me. "Good luck." she said.
I didn't say anything.
She ran back to her house and did not turn around.
I walked away.
~~~
< Who are you? > She asked. I was back in the white void. The Hork-Bajir bodies were still there.
I knew the answer now. < I am Aximili-Esgarouth-Isthill. > I replied. < I am a warrior and a boy. >
She kissed me. But it wasn't as wonderful as I thought it would be. In fact, when she kissed me I felt pain and sorrow. I felt very much heavier after she kissed me. I walked away from her. I didn't look back. I didn't want to. I had been attracted to what was not what it seemed. I had admired. But now I knew the truth. I knew the pain. I admired her dealing with it... But I did not admire her or what she was willing to do.
I didn't look back. But I heard her. I heard her turn and walk away... in the opposite direction.
~~~
The next time I saw Rachel she was as distant to me as usual. We'd never be shorms... We'd never be anything. She would be Rachel. I would be Aximili. Two separate sentient beings. Very very different...and yet, not so different. And so it would stay.