I don't own Naruto.
This fic is not about the pairings. In fact, I myself don't like most of the pairings I used to write this. This is just for laughs so I don't want to get any comments about "OMFG Sasuke and Sakura belong together, why did you pair her with Lee?!" or "Woooooooo! Neji/Tenten kicks ass! In your face, yaoi fans!!" (Yaoi is god, I don't know why I'm writing this. Besides, we all know Neji is really gay. No man with hair that nice could possibly be straight.)
This fic is likely to not be updated regularly because I have no idea where it's going.
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I don't know how I got into this mess.
I blame Tsunade-sama and her constant pestering for me to take on a team of my own ever since I became a jounin, probably thinking that having "attachments" would make me less likely to betray the village again. Memo to myself: make her life a living hell.
"Ne, ne, Sasuke-sensei?"
I glared down at the little snot-nosed twelve-year-old tugging on my pants. The first thing that came to mind when I saw him was "short."
"Hn."
"When do we get to go on the really dangerous missions?!" he looked at me with big, excited eyes. Is this seriously Hinata's kid? Well…Kiba is the father.
"You don't."
"AWWWWW!!"
I sighed, sitting down on the log of the training ground we were gathered in, taking a good look at the kids I would be training indefinitely. Ignoring the files I had been given on the little brats, I decided to make my own observations on the kids' behaviors.
Kid number 1:
Name: Inuzuka Chikako ("Child of Wisdom," yeah right…)
Sex: Male
Parents: Inuzuka Kiba and Hyuuga Hinata
Observations: Annoying brat, reminds me of Naruto…only worse, because he's obsessed with dogs and won't shut up about them, can't he be more original? At least he doesn't drag one with him everywhere, I suppose. He possesses a latent Byakugan gene, I'm sure with a little hard work and a good beating I can get him to activate it.
Kid number 2:
Name: Rock Hotaru (I'm sorry, but, WHAT?)
Sex: Male
Parents: Rock Lee and Haruno Sakura (Don't ask how THAT happened.)
Observations: First of all, pink hair AND fuzzy eyebrows? This kid must have been through hell in school…I almost felt sorry for him…but then he opened his mouth and all my sympathy went up in smoke. He has the same habit as his father of screaming things about youth to the sky (please, kill me now). Luckily, he inherited some of his mother's genjustu abilities, including her chakra control. Maybe he's not a total lost cause…I'll just hit him every time he says the word "youth," it's like training a dog.
Kid number 3:
Name: Nara Kotone
Sex: Female
Parents: Nara Shikamaru and Yamanaka Ino
Observations: I love this child. I don't care if she's a lazy ass just like her father, at least she's QUIET. God, I swear I'm going to beat the other two to a bloody pulp before the day is over.
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Of all the years to take on a team of gennin why did I chose this one?
I figured if Sasuke-teme was training a team I might as well, we are rivals, after all. (Oh God, we're turning into Gai and Kakashi!) Note to self: Kids are cute at first, but they get annoying FAST.
I looked at the information I had been given on the gennin, taking out a pencil and making little notes in the margins to keep for myself.
Name: Hyuuga Shizuka (Neji and Tenten's kid, eh?)
Sex: Female
Hair: Brown (She's obsessed I tell you!)
Eye: White (Byakugan…feh.)
Teacher's Observations: Shizuka-chan is very hard working and her Byakugan eyes have a promising future. She does have some issues regarding teamwork, but will do whatever it takes to get the job done. (You've got that right! This kid just doesn't talk! When I ask her something she gives me this look, like I should already know the answer! And she's got this thing about her hair…Sure it's long and pretty and all, but jeez, no need to get violent about a little joke about "Hair Length Policies for Gennin.")
Name: Sarutobi Daichi (Konohamaru and Moegi…aren't they a little young?)
Sex: Male
Hair: Red (Eh…it's more of an orange…)
Eye: Green
Teacher's Observations: Daichi-kun is a bit of a prankster, always goofing off in class, a good way to handle this is to threaten to take away his trading cards. He's rather strong, though, so don't underestimate his taijustu. (Ten bucks says they gave me this kid just because I used to pull pranks at the academy. Plus, you should see his weapon pouch…there are more of these stupid trading cards than kunai and shurikin put together!)
Name: Aburame Otonashi (Apparently, Shino married some chick from his clan)
Sex: Male
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Black
Teacher's Observations: Otonashi-kun is a very good student, smart, and interested in his environments. He is a bit anti-social, though, and he seems to frighten away other children with his bugs. (You've got that right…IT'S A SHINO CLONE! Hehe…No wonder Shino had to marry someone from the clan, he'd never get laid otherwise.)
"Okay, I think that we've done enough for the first day of training," I said, shoving their files into my pouch…sure, they're wrinkled now but at least I don't have to hold them.
Shizuka gave me this look that just screamed "We haven't done anything yet, you're just being lazy."
I gave her my best impression of the Uchiha Glare™.
"Already?! But we just sat around and 'got to know each other'!" That was Daichi…God, he reminds me of someone.
-You mean yourself?-
Shut up, Kyuubi!
Otonashi just stared at a spider crawling across his desk.
"Yeah, yeah, we'll do more tomorrow," I muttered, rubbing my temples, "…You might even get a mission later this week." If I don't kill you all first.
"Naruto-sensei, you're just trying to ditch us so you can get home!"
Yes, yes, I am. "What? No, of course not!"
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"Hey, Bastard, I'm home," I called as I walked through the door of our shared apartment. We started living together once we became jounin because it just made sense to split the rent of one place that we would only be spending half our time in anyway due to the constant missions. Now that we had teams, though, it seemed we'd be seeing a lot more of each other.
"Hn," was the only reply I received as I toed off my sandals and dropped my bags on the table.
"I got take-out!"
"Ah," Sasuke continued to give me monosyllabic answers as I pulled out the Ichiraku ramen take-out (Don't give me that look, of course it's ramen! Do you think I'd buy anything else?!)
Sasuke seemed to be going over notes in the small, black note-book he had bought for the specific use of keeping track of his team (he calls it organized, I call it OCD). I blinked, "Well, either that's your happy face and your team is great and you're trying to come up with new strategies to work with them on or it's your angry face and you're considering going on a homicidal rampage and killing Tsunade-obaachan for assigning you a bunch of dim-wits. Which is it?"
He just glared.
"Angry face, got it." I pulled out my students' files, "Well, if it makes you feel any better, my team is a bunch of nut jobs."
I tossed him the files and he practically threw the notebook at me. We began reading up on each other's teams so that we could have a well-informed debate/argument on who had it worse.
Humming a bit, I read Sasuke's notes on his students. I love reading Sasuke's writing; it's like going inside his head and talking to that little sarcastic part that he rarely shows on the outside. "Be happy that Sakura-chan isn't reading this, she'd kill you for even thinking about beating up her son."
"Hn. What's this about 'Hair length policies for Gennin'?"
I smirked at the memory, "Nothing really, I just told Shizuka that she had to cut her hair because we would be doing some dangerous stuff and it might get caught on something…"
Raising an eyebrow, he nodded for me to continue.
"You shouldn't let your guard down around her…she can hit pretty hard," I rubbed the place on my arm where she had hit earlier; there would have been a bruise if not for Kyuubi's healing abilities.
Sasuke smirked, "The self-proclaimed future Hokage got beaten up by a little girl?"
"HEY! First off, she hardly beat me up! It was one punch! And besides! She's NEJI'S kid!"
"Whatever you say, dobe," he said, rolling his eyes.
"Bastard," I muttered under my breath, just loud enough for him to hear me.
Smirking a bit at my comment, he stood and walked to the refrigerator, opening it and leaning on the door to see if there was anything good to drink.
"I seriously hate you sometimes, you know that?"
"I assure you the feeling's mutual," he said, tossing me a beer.
I snatched it out of the air before it hit me in the face, smiling widely at my disgruntled roommate, "So how do you think we should handle our crappy teams?"
"Do you think Tsunade would notice if three of the village's genin just happened to die in mysterious accidents?" He asked, pulling ramen out of the take-out bag and giving me an annoyed look…it was the third time we had ramen this week, but who cares? Okay…maybe he does.
I ignored his glare and sat down, breaking my chopsticks, "Probably, especially if you're the sensei."
"Damn," he muttered, taking a bite of his noodles.
-I say you kill them all, I know how to cover it up.-
Why do you care?
-Hey, I have to listen to them, too, you know! Annoying brats…it's bad enough being inside your head all the time I don't need more idiots in my life.-
"Oi! Take that back!"
Sasuke glanced up at me from his bowl of ramen, "Talking to the voices in your head again, Naruto?"
"Bastard, you know very well it's just one voice and he's fucking annoying! You try living with someone like that!"
"I am."
I was tempted to throw my food at him…but that would be a waste of ramen and heaven forbid that should happen.
"I hate you both."
-I hate you, too.-