AU Keepers
A/N: Hello! This is manspiderman! This is my first fanfic, so be nice. Please no eating, drinking, smoking, flash photography, or flaming while reading this fanfic. Just kidding! You can eat and drink and take pictures, but NO SMOKING! IT'S BAD FOR YOU! HAVE YOU SEEN LUNG CANCER PICTURES! THEY'RE BAD! DON'T DO IT! ABOVE THE INFLUENCE! Oh yeah, no flaming either! Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Keepers, Ridley Pearson, blah, blah, blah, Disney Hyperion, blah, blah, blah, muffins (that's my beta reader's job), blah, blah, blah, Chuckles, but I do own the right to have Maleficent trapped on my porch. I live in Southern Florida so it should be quite "comfortable" for her.
Maleficent: It's so hot out here…
Me: That's the idea.
Maleficent: I SHALL wreak vengeance on you!
Me: Yeah, you do that. In the meantime, start building the ping-pong table. I'm having friends over later and they need entertainment. If you do I'll give you a glass of water!
Maleficent: NEVER!
Me: Either that or you dress up in a jester costume and start juggling knives.
Maleficent: I'll start building right away.
Good Maleficent. I would like to thank my beta reader, AmandaKK1524, because without her, I probably couldn't have gotten this done (AmandaKK1524 is not an official beta reader, she just lives close by). Now sit back, relax…NOT YOU MALEFICENT! GET BACK TO WORK!...and enjoy the fanfic! Thank you!
Chapter 1: Meet the Keepers
Finn POV
"Its okay, Chuckles," I said as I held my stuffed teddy bear close, "The Careers won't find us here." In my mind, though, I knew it wasn't a very good hiding spot. It was a corner by the lockers at my school. I rocked back and forth hoping nobody would see me so scared because I'm the leader of the Kingdom Keepers for Wayne's sake! As I was rocking, a hunched figure passed by. He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face me. When saw his face, I screamed. He looked like Quasimodo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame! After a second though, I realized who it was. It was my friend Philby! Philby wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, one fry short of a Happy Meal, the wheel was spinning, but the hamster's dead, he fell down the stupid tree and hit all the branches on the way down, he makes a rock look like a Yale graduate. "Hi Philby!" I said in my happiest voice possible, because he was still looking at me, and he's a monster to look at.
"Hamburger…" he said. Then he grabbed Chuckles and started chewing on his head!
"Give him back!" I said as I kicked Philby's stomach, making him spit Chuckles out.
"Bad hamburger. Get it fixed!" he said walking off. I sighed a sigh of relief thinking that was all the stress I had for the day. But I was wrong. Charlene, the creepiest person I've ever met besides Philby, was walking by. She's a Goth and she thinks she's a vampire, so at lunch time, she'll go up to a random person and bite their neck! How weird is that! And when they ask her why she bit them, she says she's "feeding." What a creep. Then the situation got worse. She saw me and got a devilish smile on her face. She started walking towards me. My pants got damp all of a sudden and I thought I was gonna pass out. Then, some garlic came out of nowhere and hit her. I have seen some creepy things in my time, but NOTHING as creepy as this. It looked like she was having an exorcism! Thankfully, she was moved away by the incredible amount of kids coming down the hall. I looked to see where the garlic came from, and I saw my best friend, Greg Luowski, with a bunch of them. "Whew! THAT was close. Thanks, Luowski!"
"No problem, Finn!" Luowski said, "Anything for my best buddy!"
We talked for a little while until Luowski's girlfriend, Amanda Lockhart, showed up. Amanda was the cutest girl in school and flirted with basically every guy, but Luowski didn't care. If anyone dared take Amanda on a date, they would be pounded into a pulp. Anyways, when she came by I almost passed out. She was talking to Luowski, but all I heard was an angel choir. She turned to me and said, "Hey there, Finny" quite flirtatiously, and then everything went black. When I came to, Willa was standing in front of me with a bullhorn. Willa was the most energetic person I have ever met. She was the captain of the cheer squad, always wore her cheerleading uniform, always had her hair in pigtails, and always carried a miniature version of our schools flag in one hand and a bullhorn in the other. I looked down to find that some stuffing was coming out of Chuckles. "Look what you did!" I said in my bravest voice possible, "You scared the stuffing out of Chuckles!"
"Hickory dickory docker! He's just caught on your locker!" she said in a peppy voice.
"Oh," I said seeing a swatch of Chuckle's cloth on my locker. I took it off and sewed it back on to Chuckles using my DHI magicalness.
After I sewed it back on, Willa ran down the hall, screaming into her bullhorn, "COME ON! LET'S HEAR IT! GO SCHOOL SPIRIT!
After I thought all of my friends had gone by, I was horribly wrong.
"Hello, Finn," I heard from behind me, which didn't make sense because I was up against a wall. Anyways, I screamed and wet my pants again, turned around and saw that Jez was behind me. Now Jez could be creepy when she wanted to be, which was always. For some reason, she always carried around a potato peeler to cut her nails with. THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE! BUT SHE DOES IT ANYWAY!
"H-h-H-Hi J-J-J-Jez," I said, afraid I was going to pass out in front of another Lockhart.
"Sleep with one eye open, Whitman," she said taking the potato peeler out of her pocket, "you never know when it could be your last night here." With that she walked off, laughing evilly.
Thankfully I didn't pass out until I heard "HEY THERE, FINNEGAN!" and lost it. I ran into a locker and passed out for a couple seconds. When I came to, there was a pimpled face with an afro and clad with as much metal anyone could fit in their head. I finally realized, after hearing the song White and Nerdy playing from a boom box nearby that it was Maybeck, the biggest nerd I've ever met. He always carried a boom box with him that continually played the Weird Al Yankovic parody White and Nerdy. It was fine for a while, but then the song started to get annoying.
"So, Finnegan, are you going to come to my game party this Friday?" Maybeck asked once I'd recovered, "We're going to play Star Wars, Dungeons and Dragons, all that fun stuff!"
"Uh, I have…uhh STUFF! Yeah. I have, um, stuff to do so I can't make it. Sorry." I said.
"Its okay, Finnegan," Maybeck said, "We will play your favorite song at the party to commemorate your absence: WHITE AND NERDY!"
"Uh, thanks I guess," I said. With that he was off. Now I was SURE there was nothing left to scare me in the school. I was wrong again. The bell for class rang and that made me flip out again. I'm gonna use my better judgment and NOT tell you what happened. All I'm going to say is that an ambulance was needed for one of the students. But anyways, I got my books for class and put Chuckles in my locker. "Bye, Chuckles. Daddy loves you." I told him as I closed the locker door and went to class.
What a great story, wasn't it? The good news is Maleficent finished the ping-pong table, so she gets a glass of water!
Maleficent: WATER! THE PRECIOUS! GIVE IT TO ME!
Me: Okay! Here you go. *gives glass of water*
Maleficent:*drinks it hungrily* *sighs* Water…
Well, now I have time to tell you that there is this magical thing called a favorite button and another magical thing called a review button. If you give good reviews or subscribe, you will get to see Maleficent perform in the next chapter!
Maleficent: WHAT!
And if I get at least 5 favorites, Maleficent will juggle knives in the next chapter!
Maleficent: WHAT! NO I WON'T!
And if I get 10 favorites, Maleficent will sing Call Me Maybe to Chernabog!
Maleficent: NNNNNOOOOO!
Me: But you LOOOOOOVVVVEEEEE HIIIIIMMMM!
Maleficent: No denial there! *swoons* *slaps herself* what did I just say?
Me: We'll find out, won't we!
Maleficent: *Face palms*
SO DO IT! DO IT NOW! (Just not drugs. Don't do drugs)