When she scanned her pass, she forced a smile onto her face. It was tough, having to do it every day. She had a well-placed façade, a wall protecting her from getting hurt. She'd opened up to him, but she never expected it to end the way it did. They were both hurt and had said hurtful things, and ultimately, she walked out on it. She knew that she wasn't exactly the best girlfriend, but she had tried. She clamped her eyes shut briefly, before opening them back and walking into OSP's 'foyer'. It was still pretty empty; she was always fifteen minutes early. Those first minutes before the rest of the team arrived were unbearable for her, because he was also always early. Leaving just the two of them, and Hetty, but that really didn't count.
She walked into the main room, and though they were barely on speaking terms, he was always there, on the couch next to the desks. Today it was empty. Unusual. She frowned but pushed it to the back of her mind, dropping her bag on the desk.
"Good morning," Hetty said, coming out of her office. Kensi had sat down in front of the desk, and she looked up at the woman.
"Good morning Hetty, where's Nate?" she asked directly, not beating around the bush.
"Mr. Getz has taken some personal time." All Kensi's breath left her in one whoosh. Had he really had enough and left? She looked up at Hetty, the only one who had known about them.
"What do you mean?" She swallowed hard, to get the lump out of her throat. He really couldn't have had enough, could he? Though it was just a fling and they both tried to deny their true feelings, she didn't think he'd really leave.
"I won't tell anybody but you, Ms. Blye. He has lost a sister," Hetty said. Kensi got her breath taken away all over again. Oh God.
"What? Nate's sister died?" she asked, making Hetty nod. "Which one?"
"I believe he said Kristen." Her eyes went wide with horror. Nate and Kristen were the two youngest—and the closest.
"Oh no... She has three young kids." She buried her face in her hands, leaning heavily on the desk.
"What are you going to do?" Hetty asked.
"Where is the funeral?" Kensi answered with a question.
"In New York." She looked at Hetty, hopeless.
"I happen to know that there is a cargo flight leaving to New York in an hour, they take passengers," Hetty said, lightly.
"Can I-?" she asked, now suddenly filled with hope.
"Go, Kensi." Hetty waved her off.
"Thank you so much Hetty," she said gratefully, already halfway gone.
She didn't even greet Sam and Callen, who were coming in at that moment. They followed her with their eyes, then turning inquisitive looks on Hetty.
"Where's she going?" Callen asked, a slight frown playing on his face.
"I have sent her on a mission, Ms. Blye will be gone for a few days." Sam shrugged and went to sit at the desk.
"And Nate?" he asked, noting the absence.
"Personal leave." Both men knew not to question Hetty's curt answers, so they just went to work.
Kensi was having an inner turmoil. She knew that Nate needed someone, she just wasn't sure if she was that someone. Sure, she had met the whole family, but she wasn't sure if they were at that stage yet. She had raced home, haphazardly thrown things into a duffel bag, and left. From thereon, she had raced to the cargo section of the airport, told them she knew Hetty, paid and got on the airplane before she could even think. It was only when she sat down, that it hit her full force. Would Nate even want her there?
Once she arrived in New York, she wasn't sure what to do. The last time she had been here, they had stayed at a hotel, but she wasn't sure if he was in a hotel or just staying with family. She decided not to chance it and got a cab to the nearest hotel. She got checked in and left her bag there. She got something to eat and then got a cab. To Queens. He knew where Nate would most likely be staying if he was staying with family. And if he wasn't staying with family they could point her to the right direction. Half an hour later, she was standing in front of a white house. Lauren's house. She walked up to the front porch and knocked on the door.
Someone she didn't recognize opened the door.
"I'm sorry, condolence hours aren't til afternoon, you can come back later—," the woman said.
"I'm actually here for Nate," Kensi said, and the woman's expression changed.
"Come right in, I'll get him for you." She was standing in the living room when she heard him come down the stairs, and she knew the moment he saw her. A shiver ran down her spine, even though her back was to him. She could feel him anywhere.
"Kenz?" She heard his breath hitch in his throat, and she turned around. What she saw was worse than she expected. He was wearing jeans and a shirt, but his expression was completely lost, broken. She couldn't help herself. She walked over to him and pulled him into a tight hug.
"Nate, I'm so sorry," she said, not knowing if she meant about his sister or them. He buried his face in her hair—a smell he had missed so much. When they pulled away, she looked at him, and he gazed at her lips. She slowly brought him down and he sealed his lips against hers. They were soon moving against each other. Kensi pulled away breathless. "I love you." He smiled and pulled her into a hug.
"I love you too." He pressed his lips against her forehead. "Thank you," he mumbled, making her tighten her grip on him.
"Can we talk?" she asked, looking up at him. He nodded and grabbed her hand, walking up the stairs to the guest room he was staying in.
"Where's your stuff?" he asked, realizing she had come empty handed. "Are you staying?" he asked panicky.
"Hotel. I wasn't sure if you'd have me—."
"Go check out," he said, interrupting her.
"You sure?" she asked timidly.
"Kensi, I'm not letting you stay in a hotel if you're here for me," he said.
"I don't want you to have me here out of some sick sense of loyalty," she said, crossing her arms.
"I want you here." She briefly closed her eyes and replayed the words in her head.
"You know we're gonna have to talk about us eventually," Kensi said carefully. He nodded. "What happened Nate? To your sister, I mean."
"Drunk driver, last night. Ran a red light," he said softly. He sat down on the bed and she went to stand between his legs, never relinquishing hold of his hand. He leaned his head against her stomach, and when she felt moisture on her shirt, she pushed him away to wrap her arms around him.
"How long have you slept?" she asked, passing a hand through his hair and resting on his shoulder.
"Not much." She pulled away, and he looked up in surprise, but found she was pulling off her shoes.
"Do you have boxers I could borrow?" she asked, and he stood up, rummaging through a drawer. He handed her a pair of boxers and took off his shoes and jeans. She smiled in thanks, put it on and untied her hair. She crawled onto the bed and got settled.
"C'mere," she said, making a come hither move with her index finger. He smiled and did as she said. He did not, however, go into her open arms. He laid behind her, and with an arm around her waist, pulled her closer to him. "Sleep, Nate," she whispered.
He nodded, burying his face in her hair. He pressed a kiss to the back of her head, and slowly gave way to a peaceful slumber.