NLH: HEEELLOOOO! This is going to be a couple different fics about Pokemon characters. This first one is abot Lucas. It's also based after The Mississippi Squirrel Revival, by Ray Stevens. It's brilliantly funny, look it up.
I don't own Pokemon. Nintendo does. I don't own The Mississippi Squirrel Revival, Ray Stevens does.
If this story seems ridiculous, understand that it was meant to be. If you're offended by it, then that's a problem, because this really isn't offensive

"Thank you! Come again, Okey?" Lucas nodded at the gate attendant to Amity Square. "Of course." He made his way out from the gate into the streets of Hearthome. On his shoulder sat Sue, his Pachirisu. She had been walking with him through Amity Square, but he wasn't done quite yet walking with her. He had something planned for her, something involving the Foreign Building.

The pastor in charge of the churchouse, while they had been talking the other day, had mentioned to him that the those whom congregated there had a problem. Some people were condescending others for their lack of faith, while praising their own abundance in faith.

Lucas smiled. He was a good kid, he loved his family and Pokemon, he always tried helping people, and he singlehandedly brought down a massive criminal syndicate intent on destroying the world and recreating it in their own image. That said, he was not a totally good person. No one is. Like any 14 year-old, he had a mischievous side as well. He'd laugh whenever Barry ran into something. There was a definite reason he always walked behind Dawn when they were out walking on windy days (he was unaware of the fact that Dawn knew why he did this. She didn't mind. In fact, she sometimes changed her steps to help him see.). And he had a great fondness for practical jokes. So when an opportunity such as this occurred, well, he'd jump on it. Especially if some good came out of it.

Lucas sat in the back pew, Sue on his lap. He leaned down and whispered to his little friend. "Ready to start the repentance?" Sue nodded excitedly. "Okay." He picked her up and set her on the stone floor. Immediately, she ran up under the pews.

Lucas had specially trained Sue to be fast. And fast she was. She zipped up the rows, intentionally brushing past people's legs in such a way they started to get jittery. It helped that the current sermon was on how if they weren't careful about staying on the narrow path, dark forces would seize hold upon them. And boy, was that church about to get a visual aid.

Sue ran up into the overalls of a simple farmer known as Newton. Poor Newton leapt up inro the aisles, kicking and flailig about, screaming unintelligible cries of fear. Some thought he was in religious fervor. Others thought that he had been possessed. Newton thought there was a weedwhacker inside his britches.

The pastor continued giving his talk, which only added to the commotion. Almost everyone was now going a little crazy. The people Sue had brushed past started to whisper, and soon there was hushed panic.

Luckily for Newton, he wasn't the real target. So Sue would let him go, as soon as the effect was right. And that she did. Once the man dropped to his knees to plead to whatever beings of higher consequence would be so merciful as to make whatever it was in his pants to leave, Sue quickly ran out. No one saw the Pachirisu crawl out of his britches leg, they wer too absorbed either in Newton himself. Newton quickly got backk to his feet, joyfully chanting, "I've been freed!"

By now, Sue had gone to the other side of the room. There, she went to the biggest point of the problem. The front left pew, which some jokingly referred to as the "Amen pew". This is where the biggest problems sat, the one the pastor had told Lucas about. And the biggest problem was Sue's next victim: Bertha McCaffery, alias, Sister "I'm saved, but are you?".

She had been watching all the commotion in church with a sadistic grin upon her face. Nothing gave her greater pleasure than seeing another suffer. As the pastor warned them, after Newton was "freed", that everyone must look out, because they could also be seized, Bertha scoffed. In her mind, such a righteous person as herself was immune.

But she wasn't. In fact, she wasn't even all that righteous. And thus, the "Dark forces" crawled up her pantyhose and into her leapt to her feet, screaming out a plea for mercy.

And then she began crying out a confession of her sins, hoping that repentance would make the evil creature chewing on her garter let go.

The thing about that is, that meant everyone heard her confession. Suddenly, they were seeing her holier-than-thou attitude was quite exaggerated. There street thugs in the congregation who were going red with shame at hearing what this woman had done. She confessed to gossip, lying, cheating, and many unpleasant things. But then, she moved on to talking about her, um, "social life". Not only did she say exactly what sort of things she did, she actually started naming names of the people she had done them with. Many of whom were in the audience. Those people either just remembered something important they had to do in a different region, or suddenly found the stained glass windows extremely interesting.

This was the manner in which Sue would work. After a few more visits, seventy cries of repentance, 25,00 Pokebucks((I don't know what it's really called))getting raised in donation, 500 re-dedications, almost everyone asking for baptism, re-baptism, or re-re-baptism, and one man having is Kricketune right then and there cut off his hair so he could claim his new devotion to joining a monastery, Sue quickly ran back to her master. He quickly opened his jacket for her to crawl into, because the noise and light from a Pokeball might attract attention.

Later that day, as Lucas was walking out of the Contest Hall, the pastor walked up to him. By now, Sue was back in her Pokeball.

The pastor looked at Lucas with a knowing smile. "My boy, what do you make of that spectacle at the sermon today?"

Lucas merely shrugged. "I don't know. Some things just happen like that."

The pastor smiled wider and bent down, taking his hand and whispering in his ear. "That was a good show. A lot of people are repenting now. But it wasn't perfect. Your little friend forgot something." He quickly got up and walked away. "Bless you, young brother Lucas." were the last words he said before he left.

Lucas looked down. Whilst clasping his hand, the pastor had handed him a Cleanse Tag. The same one he had Sue hold all the time, to work in conjunction with her Run Away ability. The Cleanse Tag that he had forgotten to check her for when she came back to him.

He sent Sue out and gave her the Tag. "You did great today, Sue." The Pachirisu chittered happily. She loved her master.

That night, back at his house, while Lucas was in bed, as usual, all his Pokemon were out of their Pokeballs and sleeping with him. Even Nebula, his Palkia, thanks to recent renovations to the house which he could easily afford thanks to being Champion. But Sue had the ultimate honor. As reward for her good work that day, she was allowed to sleep in Lucas' hat. He kept the hat sitting on his chest, the Pachirisu curled up cozy inside. Sue and Lucas gave similar smiles in their sleep. All his Pokemon had their master's personality. So like them, Sue agreed, that doing good was far better, when you did it with a little pranking.

This was cute. And funny. And weird. So, this was for Pokemon Pearl. Each chapter will be based after the Pokemon game of that generation I had. Next chapter will be from Pokemon Y. After that, Black. Past that, we'll see