A/N: This story is based off The Antlers's brilliant album "Hospice". The chapters will follow the track list, and lyrics from the song (chapter title) will be in italics. This is going to be a sad one, I hope you enjoy it.

20 years ago

It was never supposed to be anything more, but then again things like that never are. It began with a lingering look that spoke louder than any words that had ever left her mouth, and suddenly the two were tumbling together into a bliss known only to the lucky few.

When Maura first stepped onto Boston Cambridge University's campus her freshman year, she told herself that things would be different here. She was going to make friends, go to parties, and have fun. Unfortunately, her insecurities and social anxiety ended her dreams before they even began. These things kept her nervous, and she resigned herself to her studies.

Jane, on the other hand, came in with the advantage of being on a softball scholarship, so she had a large group of girls eager to befriend her. She made quick friends with several teammates and her roommates, which lead to countless late nights, sleepovers, and parties. Maura would usually hear the loud music every friday on the floor above her and wish that just once someone would invite her or even just see her.

It wasn't until finals weeks of the spring semester that year that everything changed. Maura spotted a girl, sitting in the middle of the library, hunched over a textbook, a pained expression on her face. She took a seat a few seats away from this girl, and though she tried to look away, she couldn't help but stare at this girl's incredible beauty. She was unlike anyone Maura had ever encountered. She didn't rely on makeup or designer clothes to enhance her looks; she was effortlessly gorgeous and seemingly unaware of it. The girl felt Maura's stare and glanced up with a scowl.

Maura struggled to cover her embarrassment, "Sor...Sorry, I was just...I mean...Are you okay?"

Jane leaned back in her chair and looked her admirer over. She had been struggling to understand some of the concepts that she knew were going to be on her Chemistry final, but something about the honey blonde girl across from her intrigued her interest. This girl was incredibly well-dressed, very put together, but painfully awkward.

The softball star smirked, "I could ask you the same question."

A red flush quickly spread across Maura and she fumbled over her books in an attempt to flee.

"Hey! Wait, I'm sorry! I'm just not used to being stared at like that."

Maura sat back down, "Like what?"

"Like you want to eat me alive"

Maura paused, her face deep in thought. "Although cannibalism, or anthropophagy, is still practiced in some tribal cultures, it is generally frowned upon and can lead to the spread of several diseases. I would never want to eat you, I was just admiring your impressive bone structure and well-developed musculature."

"Umm, what?"

Once again, Maura had let her mouth run away from her. She grabbed her books and turned to go before she said anything else, but the girl stood and grabbed her shoulder.

"Where are you going? That was just...a lot. I'm Jane, by the way. And what I said earlier just means that you were looking at me like I was food or your prey or something. It's just a figure of speech, you know?"

"Oh, sorry, I tend to take things literally. I'm not really used to this, it's hard for me, and you can call me Maura."

"Nice to meet you, Maura. That is a beautiful name, fitting really."

Tilting her head to the side slightly, she questioned, "How do you mean?"

"Really? You are beautiful, strange, yes, but beautiful"

And just like that, it had begun.

Maura spent that first summer in France with her parents, while Jane landed a summer internship with the Boston Police Department. They wrote and mailed each other letters every week, enjoying their summers but longing for the companionship and sense of belonging that the other instilled in them.

Jane and Maura spent their sophomore year at BCU wrapped in each others arms, stealing kisses in the hallways, and sitting hand in hand in the library. They spent every moment of free time with each other and never tired of the others company. In fact, the more time that passed the more their affection grew. This was not lust or infatuation or blind attraction; this was love, in its purest and most innocent form.

As their second year came to a close, Maura found out she was accepted to a summer pre-med intensive course at Johns Hopkins University, so of course she jumped at the opportunity. Jane had been looking forward to spending lazy days with her girlfriend having picnics in the park or going swimming, but she wasn't about to complain. This was a gigantic step for Maura in achieving her dream of becoming a doctor. It would be selfish to ask her to stay.

The summer came and went and two weeks before the start of the fall semester, Maura returned to school and found Jane sitting against her dorm room door.

"Jane? What are you doing here? It's almost midnight, is everything okay?" She took in the slumped appearance of her girlfriend's lanky body and the far-away stare that went on for miles.

Jane stood slowly and looked deep into Maura's hazel eyes, "Why haven't you returned any of my calls? I sent you so many letters but haven't heard from you once in more than a month!"

Her voice was shaking as if the words were threatening to break her vocal cords, as if they held a power she was afraid to unleash.

Maura was taken aback. Had she really ignored Jane for that long? She tried to think of the last letter she sent, but the image just wasn't accessible. It hadn't even crossed her mind to call or write. "Oh god", she thought, "I forgot about her. I completely forgot about Jane." She felt the tears start to form in her eyes. She felt too terrified to speak.

"Jane, I had so much work and I was learning so much and I just didn't have time to…"

"You couldn't even pick up the phone once to check in! I thought I meant something to you! I felt… I thought I was in...God! I can't do this with you. I thought we were real. We felt real" Wet tear drops raced down Jane's cheeks as she struggled to get out these words that had been festering in her mind for weeks now.

"Maybe this isn't the best time to tell you, but...I'm not staying. Johns Hopkins offered me a spot in their undergraduate pre-med program. I accepted it. This is huge for me, Jane. I really do care about you. You are the best thing that happened to me here, but I need to think about my future. I'll only be in Maryland, we can visit each other on weekends and breaks and things will be okay, right?"

Her eyes searched the brunette's for any sign of affirmation or of the love she was so accustomed to seeing, but emptiness glared into her soul. Jane couldn't process this. She had held out hope that once Maura returned, they would fall back into the swing of things and work out any problems that arose. She had not anticipated this. Jane played back all their memories together and imagined trying to keep the relationship alive miles apart.

Maura looked at the broken expression on Jane's face, and in that moment, they both realized it was over.

Maura walked into her dorm room and began packing her things. Jane stood in the doorway, looking shell-shocked. She watched the honey blonde student pacing back and forth in the small room, tossing things in boxes, and folding clothes. Like a tornado, Jane flew into the room and slammed Maura against the nearest wall. Their bodies pressed up against each other as they had countless times before. The smaller woman fitting perfectly against Jane's taller form. Jane held the blonde's wrists above her head and pinned her in place. Their faces were inches apart, but neither dared to move. Without warning, Jane crushed her lips into the smaller woman's. She hoped to convey all the hurt, pain, and regret that were pulling her apart inside. Maura unconsciously moaned at the feeling and opened her mouth to deepen the kiss, but as fast as she had descended into the room, Jane was gone just as quickly.

Maura was left alone. Something made her sting. She slid down the wall and sobbed into her knees, the door still ajar.

That was the last time they saw each other, until now.