Disclaimer: I don't own HP, Red Bull, Kabala energy drink, Mountain Dew, Seven Eleven, and PCD's Don't Cha... So don't sue!
SNAPE GETS OVERLY HYPER
One night after grading potions homework, Snape decided to go to the nearest Seven Eleven and buy some stuff to drink since his refrigerator was empty. When he got there, he bought 3000 packs of Red Bull, 80 forty packs of Kabala energy drink, and finally… A 2,000 POUND BOTTLE OF MOUNTAIN DEW! He finally got that stuff to the check out counter and saw the most horrible thing in his 45 year old life: THE CASHIER! He had a face that could kill a horse! Yes… It was that bad.
"I would like to pay for these items," Snape said, trying not to vomit. The abhorrent looking cashier scanned the food stuffs and picked his nose a couple of times while doing it.
"Your total comes to $9,876,147,953,645,200.76." the ugly man said.
"WHAT!" Snape screamed. "That's outrageous!"
"Sir, I don't make the prices, I just scan 'em," replied the scary looking cashier.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Snape shouted, and the repulsive man was put out of his misery. Snape then took the items out to his car and drove home.
When he got back to his apartment, Snape opened up all of his drinks and started chugging them all. A couple of seconds later, he finished. His eyes were dilated and he had a continuous twitch in his right arm. Just then he let out a huge scream that sounded like a cat giving birth to a whale while it was popping a squat on the toilet. Snape started lap dancing the couch and headed to his closet and put on a plaid kilt (Scottish style), knee-high socks that were polka dotted, and finally a sweat shirt that was vomit green in color and had a constipated looking child on it that said "I'm the cute one!"
Snape bolted towards his computer and opened his e-mail program. He sent a letter to Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Professor Flitwick, Lucius Malfoy, and the current Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Finneas Fartzalot. The letter said this:
"Hi, people! My name is Mrs. Fatheadpoopalotfartbombthodeebootyliciousness! I love Peter Pettigrew and I want to have his very ugly baby that will look like a constipated Britney Spears that got the mumps and mated with an elephant's butt that was all shrivel-y and wrinkled. Now eat the poop-flavored biscotti that I made especially for you straight from the kitchens of the place opposite of heaven. Keep on truckin'!"
Snape then sped down to the great hall to keep on weirding the people of Hogwarts out. When he got down there, he saw it was karaoke night. Snape loved karaoke night! He ran up to the stage, Avada Kedavraed a person that was currently singing, picked up the microphone and started singing "Don't Cha". It was a scary sight and people started throwing up.
Snape was fired on the spot and he went to rehab to solve his energy-drink problem.
The End