A/N:
Welcome to my new fanfiction! 'Tainted But Alive - SoI' This fic will contain 'Jasander' (Jasper/Lysander) AND if people want it to happen then maybe a bit of 'Honeyphos' (Honeydew/Xephos) or I can pair Honeydew with someone like Moira or Xephos with Isabel Peculier. WHATEVER THE PEOPLE WANT! Just tell me what pairings you want to see. This fic will try to follow the original SoI plotline with a few tweaks here and there SO ENJOY! (Might contain MAJOR tweaks just to make the story interesting!)
"What in Notch's name is going on?" Xephos exclaimed as he witnessed the scene in front of him. He and Honeydew watched as Lysander frantically ran around Mistral city with a pink towel in his hand, he was currently being chased by Jasper who looked furious.
"Jasper you're a fag!" Lysander shouted as he continued to run around the fountains in Mistral City. Honeydew tried to contain his laughter as he looked at a scene that he never thought he would ever see. A skylord with a pink towel being chased by another skylord. One blue and one red. Xephos started to look through his bag and realised that he must have dropped the record when he jumped from Jasper's roof into the nearby lake.
"Oh no! Must protect the holy apple while I still have the chance!" Father_Braeburn said as he quickly entered his church, which was surprisingly next to 'Snozzis House of Adult pleasure and entertainment', who would have a though that a church would be next to a place like this? Xephos continued to rummage through his bag, hoping to see the record appear.
"OH! Son of a..." Xephos began.
"Lost something there, friend?" Honeydew asked curiously as he folded his arms and continued to watch Lysander run around whilst Jasper shouted random curses at him.
"Er... Yeah the erm... the record." Xephos admitted as he flung the bag back over his shoulder. Honeydew facepalmed himself with one of his gloved hands. We then looked over at Skylord_Jasper and noticed that he had stopped to gasp for air.
"Now! Who took my record?!" Jasper asked angrily. He looked towards Xephos and Honeydew, "Was it you two?!" He questioned. The spaceman and the dwarf just shook their heads. Jasper then started to head in their direction, he went past them towards the lake. He looked down into the water and then he chanted, "AHA!" He bent down and received the record. It must have floated to the shore. Honeydew cursed under his breath. Meanwhile, Lysander had dived into a nearby dumpster to try and hide from Jasper. Jasper then inspected the record and dusted it off. He quickly entered his house and place it into it's original chest. He then came back outside and surveyed the area, hoping to find Lysander. Xephos looked towards Jasper's home again.
"Quickly, friend! We must get that record!" Xephos exclaimed as he tugged at the dwarf's arm. They started to head for the stone tower that lead to the paths that were above Mistral. This was the only way to get into Jasper's house unnoticed by floating down the water and into the smashed glass roof that had been originally destroyed by Honeydew.
Jasper walked around the centre of Mistral without noticing Honeydew and Xephos floating back down into his house. He walked towards a dumpster and slowly lifted the lid. Lysander squinted as the light attacked his face.
"How did you find me?" Lysander asked as he gripped onto the pink towel. Jasper raised his eyebrow,
"Are you serious? This is your signature hiding place. It's not hard to know that you hide in here everytime you get into some sort of trouble." Lysander grunted in annoyance.
"Heh. Sorry about the towel incidence," He said as he handed the towel back to Jasper. Lysander got out of the dumpster and brushed himself off. Jasper folded his arms and looked Lysander up and down,
"You look like a mess." Jasper mentioned. Lysander rolled his eyes as he adjusted his goggles which lay over his forehead. "Why did you take my towel in the first place?"
"Oh no reason..." Lysander replied. "I'll tell ya later."
"So... I'll meet you at skyhold later?" Jasper asked. Lysander rubbed the back of his neck and smiled whilst nodding. Just then, a huge crash came from Jasper's house.
Jasper glared towards his house and started to storm towards his front door.
"What have the heroes gotten themselves into now?" Lysander sighed.
"What the hell, Honeydew?!" Xephos shout-whispered to his friend. Honeydew had accidentally knocked over a row of plant pots.
"Sorry! sorry!" Honeydew exclaimed as Xephos opened the chest where they originally found the record. "Is it in there still?"
"Erm... I don't th- OH WAIT! yeah it's in here!" Xephos said. He quickly grabbed the record from the chest and tossed it to Honeydew. "You hold onto it this time! I don't trust myself with it in my possession." Xephos was about to leave the room but Honeydew stopped him,
"Wait. I like to leave a calling card." Honeydew pulled out a pen and paper from his bag and started to write fast. When Honeydew had finished writing he placed the piece of paper on the nearby desk and stood back so that Xephos could read it. It read 'Thanks for the record, fuckface.' Xephos chuckled to himself at how stupid his friend could be.
The front door then slammed shut. "Quickly! He's coming he's coming!" Xephos exclaimed.
"Where to?!" Honeydew shouted. Xephos pointed towards the balcony.
"Quick! The balcony!" Xephos shouted. "oh god he's coming up the stairs." Xephos and Honeydew only caught a quick glance of Jasper as they ran out the door onto the balcony. "Jump!" The dwarf went first holding the record tight in his hand. He landed into the lake and swam to shore. The spaceman did the same. The two heroes could hear Jasper cursing loudly as he read the sign outloud,
"Thanks for the record, fuckface?!" He shouted angrily. Honeydew laughed to himself. Honeydew and Xephos then headed back towards the fountains that lay in the centre of Mistral.
"Ah heroes." Lysander said as he walked towards the two. "Did you retrieve the record?" Honeydew held it up in front of the skylord's face. "Perfect!" The skylord praised. "Now we can get the golden apple from the Father. All we need to do now is get 7 diamonds for the golden apple in Granny_Bacon's shop and some sulfur."
"Oh yeah hang on." Honeydew said as he threw his bag onto the floor and started to rummage through it. He then pulled out a handful of diamonds. Lysander and Xephos' eyes were wide.
"Where did you get them?" Xephos questioned.
"Ohhh. I only borrowed them from Jasper. I'm sure he won't need them." Honeydew smiled. Lysander sighed,
"I can't believe you did that." He said.
"Wait. Don't you hate Jasper anyways?" Honeydew asked. Lysander coughed awkwardly,
"Oh erm oh yeah..." Lysander lied. "Come on! Let's just go and get some sulfur and then get the golden apples."
"yeah okay." xephos agreed. Lysander walked ahead in the direction of Granny Bacon's. Xephos whispered to Honeydew, "Create a distraction. I will 'take care' of Mr. Astley." Honeydew nodded in response. Just as Lysander was about to pass the tea shop Honeydew called out,
"Hey Lysander!" The skylord turned around and looked at the dwarf. "What time is it?" He asked Lysander. Lysander fumbled with his sleeve before revealing a watch,
"It's erm, 9:32" He told him.
"Let's have breakfast! We havn't eaten this morning!" Honeydew suggested. Lysander nodded,
"Yes. That sounds like a good idea! Are you joining us Xephos?" Lysander asked. Xephos shook his head,
"No. I think that I am going to try and find some sulfur. I have an apple in my bag in case I get hungry." The spaceman reassured the skylord. Lysander nodded before saying,
"See you soon then." Lysander and Honeydew then entered the tea shop. Xephos heard Honeydew shout,
"OLD WOMAN! I DEMAND YOUR FINEST BACON!" The spaceman shook his head. Now he had to head towards 's house, to take him out. He looked through the window of the house and the green creeper popped up on the other side. This startled the spaceman. He jumped back with a sword in his hand. He whispered to himself,
"Just have to go in slowly and get Astley's sulfur..." The spaceman took a deep breath before he placed his hand on the the door handle. He slowly opened the door and he raised his sword, preparing for the creeper. But he was knocked out of his thoughts when he was thrown back by a large explosion. "Fuck..." He groaned in pain as he attempted to stand up.
"DAMNIT FUMBLEMOOOORE!" Xephos heard Jasper shout.
The first time he couldn't stand but the second time he supported himself with his sword. He stood straight before entering the Astley residence.
"What was that noise?" Lysander asked the dwarf.
"It was probably just one of Fumblemore's spells." Honeydew lied. Lysander looked at the dwarf curiously before shrugging it off and continuing to eat his slice of bacon.
Xephos searched the whole house but nothing was found. He cursed to himself before heading back outside. He looked at the damage which had been caused to the house. He frantically tried to repair the wall as best he could, he took the door which had been blown off of it's hinges and he screwed it back on. Luckily none of the windows had been shattered in the blast. The spaceman then heard footsteps approach him. It was the skylord and the dwarf, they both looked at Xephos.
"Find any sulfur?" Honeydew asked.
"Nope. Surprisingly there's none in this city!" Xephos explained. Lysander looked suspicious. He glanced at the Astley residence and walked towards it's windows.
"Hmmm." The skylord began, "Where has the sign to our dear friend 's house gone? And WHERE'S ?!" Xephos coughed awkwardly. Lysander opened the door to the house and entered, he was then followed by Honeydew. Xephos quickly slipped away, he ran near Peculier's burnt down house. There were about four creepers in a nearby ditch. Xephos rubbed his chin as he looked down at the creepers. He then tried to reach down and kill one of them, it blew up...
"Son of a..." He said. He tried to kill another one, but that blew up. Then the other. Then the other.
"Ok ok! What in Notch's name are you doing?!" A voice came from behind Xephos. Xephos shouted in surprised before turning around and seeing the Skylord_Jasper standing there.
"God you scared the shit out of me," Xephos said as he put his sword back on his back.
"Why are you blowing up all the creepers?!" He asked furiously.
"B-because I-" Xephos began.
"Jasper! Calm down!" Lysander called. "He's trying to get some sulfur so that Fumblemore can make a potion for Old_Peculier." Jasper looked like he was about to say something but then he stopped.
"Fine." He mumbled.
"Come on, Jasper." Lysander said as he motioned for Jasper to follow him. Jasper started to follow Lysander down the path, "Meet me back at the Elysium once you have retrieved the golden apples. We will then head up to Fumblemore." Lysander said to Xephos and Honeydew. The two heroes then watched the two skylords walk away. The dwarf and the spaceman shared a glance before they started to head towards Granny_Bacon's to collect their first golden apple.