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When Anders awoke the house was still that weird bluish tint that came from when the sun started to come up. That point in the day where it was still dark outside but you can see around without the use of house lights. People used to call it dawn but Anders hadn't been acquainted with that time of the day until a couple of months ago. They were still only sounds were the scuffling of his bare feet on the hardwood. It was cozy and promising. There was almost some sort of poetic bullshit that Anders could appreciate about the atmosphere. He righted his t-shirt that had twisted around in his sleep and he tugged at the hem of his sweats bringing them over his hips. It was an ungodly hour to be awake but Axl had been a pain to put to sleep the night before so he was going to be a royal arse to wake up. He passed Mike's door, empty meaning he had been out getting pissed with Rob and didn't want to come home drunk, and just carried on rolling his eyes. Prick.

He met Ty in the hallway, the teen looking pale and angry like he had ever since he had hit puberty, and the brothers could only acknowledge each other with an unintelligent sound of greeting. Just because the day was starting didn't mean it was time for actual conversation. He didn't need to look up where he was going, he knew the house like the back of his hand, and walked into the kitchen with his eyes still closed letting them rest. Anders leaned against the counter trying to slip the blanket of sleep off. He yawned into nothing as he stretched to reach a coffee mug on the top shelf and went about making coffee. A shameless habit he had picked up ever since his nights had started to become sleepless. He wasn't sure when he suddenly had a five year old that ran into his room at every sound, every flash of light, but he blamed Mike and Ty entirely for it. Mike because he was never around when Axl needed to be put to bed and Ty because he and Axl had had a spat about Axl being too old to have a nightlight and Ty giving cutting remarks under his breath about how stupid it was to be afraid of the dark. But it was too early to play referee and just let the dark liquid warm his tongue.

First cup of coffee finished and seeing Ty with his cereal, Anders turned throughout the kitchen with ease pulling out a piece of bread and lathering it up with butter and jam before popping it into the oven and sluggishly dragging his feet back down the hallway. He opened the door and turned the nightlight off before he perched himself on the side of the bed. Anders gently shook his brother, poking and prodding until Axl blinked sleepily at Anders. Axl pulled the covers back over his head and batted away at Anders.

"No no no." Anders tutted with his tongue and rolled the child size burrito out of his blanket cocoon. Axl 'humph' ed with a cranky sound but relented into his brother's hold and made his way out of his bed. Anders helped Axl change from his pajamas, Anders swears he just put them on a few hours ago, and maneuvered his brother into the kitchen. Pulling the toast from the oven and cutting it into corners, Anders dumped the toast onto an animal head shaped plate and put it in front of Axl.

Leaving his brothers, Anders changed, second cup of coffee in hand. His bed was so inviting. He loved his bed. All he had to do was curl up back under the blankets and sleep for just a little bit longer. But he forced himself into the bathroom and brushed his teeth and tugged at his curls. Maybe he should cut his hair.

Ty finished making the lunches, he had deemed Anders's attempt at sandwiches horrible and did it himself with a begrudging air about him, and put the lunchbox into Axl's bag just as Anders walked back into the kitchen swinging his bag over his shoulder.

"C'mon." Anders hefted Axl into his arms and against his hip. Axl had just turned five and was very much a big enough boy that he no longer needed to be carried everywhere. But after a couple days of their mother not returning home, he had become clingy and shy. It wasn't a complete chore so Anders and Mike didn't mind. Ty did but he had taken the death of their mother harder than the rest of them and had cut off physical contact for a while. Plus the girls always loved when Anders held his baby brother so it wasn't a completely insufferable.

Anders groaned with exertion as he bent down grabbing Axl's bag without actually dropping the toddler. Ty was waiting by the door for them both and with the same silence that Anders had awoken to, they left.

The morning crisp air was just at the beginning of chilling and it woke both Ty and Anders up as they went. However, it left Axl completely oblivious and he promptly fell asleep in the groove of Anders's neck. When they reached the street corner Ty turned left with barely a nod to his brothers.

"Try not to impregnate too many hormonal girls, Ty." Anders called with a wolfish smirk. Anders and Ty had had "the talk" the previous weekend and the look of horror on Ty's face at the graphic descriptions had been hysterical. Besides, the moody shell of his little brother could depress a clown. A joke here and there at Ty's expense from Anders irritated the fuck out of Ty but at least for a second he wasn't wallowing in grief every ten seconds. Ty flipped him the bird and kept walking. Making sure Ty made it to the corner, Anders carried on walking shifting Axl into another position. His little brother was getting heavy. Sometimes he wished he had someone to carry him to school while he slept the entire way. Maybe then he wouldn't mind having to make it to first hour then.

"You better thank me for this when you get older." Anders muttered glancing down at the sleeping face of his brother. Rolling his eyes he scoffed and continued on down the street on foot.

It wasn't long before he made it to the house and the skinny woman waiting for him by the door greeted them with a welcoming smile. She was the mother of one of Axl's school friends and had offered to take him to kindergarten and then watch him until Ty got out of school.

"Someone loves his brother." She cooed at seeing Axl curled in Anders's arms. Anders smirked and handed Axl over to her.

"He better." Anders quipped. Tired eyes blinked back at Anders and Axl waved before he squirmed to be put down.

"Zeb's inside watching cartoons," She said to Axl sending him on his way into the house. Turning back to Anders she smiled. "Have a good day at school, Anders."

Anders nodded and left the lawn as fast as he could. She always said that when they were exchanging the youngest Johnson and it always stung every time. But Anders never said anything.

Anders clenched his fist, as the counselor's pamphlet lay open in front of him as if mocking him.

Signs of Grief in Teens and Children:

Depressive behavior

Behavioral changes

Impulsive need to create stability

Separation or distancing from family members

Physical symptoms such as stomachaches or headaches

Even in the dark he could read the words and understood the implications clear as day. He sipped at his beer with an aggressive flick of his wrist. Well it wasn't like Mike was around to tell him no! And the alcohol was doing wonders for his headaches.

"How often do you get these headaches, Anders?"

Fuck her.

He didn't know why he had felt so threatened, so attacked, but he had and fuck the bitch that had called him out of class to "talk" about Anders's feelings. Was it too much to ask to just leave it be? People had just started to forget and no amount of sweet talk from Anders would erase the pity in everyone's eyes. He hated it.

Anders didn't care how feelings worked. He didn't care about the changes that came from a "traumatic event" because if he did he would have seen that Ty was showing signs of depressive behavior, Axl had gone through drastic behavioral changes, Mike was distancing himself from the family, and Anders was having some of the worst headaches in his life in the desperate attempt to gather some stability. Everything felt out of control and nothing he was doing was helping. It was just so frustratingly annoying and the pressure on his shoulders would travel up his neck and into his skull. No wonder he had migraines! He was fucking sixteen years old, almost seventeen, and he was taking care of two kids. Who decided he was the one that was supposed to be in charge? He sure as hell didn't ask for it and he had no fucking clue why he was still doing it. He was suffocating. He was trapped. He wanted to leave! He hated it there. And that bitch counselor thought she was helping by throwing it all in his face?

"Anders?" A small voice asked and Anders twisted his head to the side. Axl stood by the wall half hidden in the corner and half into the light of the kitchen. "Are you crying?"

Anders didn't say anything until he realized that his face felt warm and his eyes stung. He sniffed into a confident smirk at his brother. "I never cry."

"But you look like you are." Axl said matter of factly. Anders rolled his eyes in annoyance and rubbed at his face.

"Well girls don't dig guys that cry, Axl." Anders said simply leaning back into his seat.

Axl looked unconvinced. "Are you crying about mum?"

Anders changed the subject. "What are you doing awake?"

"Nightmare." Axl mumbled under his breath playing with the hem of his pajamas.

"Ah c'mon then." Axl all but ran into Anders arms and launched his arms and legs tight around Anders's neck and chest. Anders chuckled as the kid knocked his breath from his chest and stood.

Because, despite how much of a dick his brothers could be, he cared and he couldn't help that. When he had gotten fed up with being a disappointment Anders had made his self-motto to accept himself no matter which way he ended up. If other people had a problem with it then it was their problem not his. But he never thought he'd be stuck with two kids that had no idea where they were going and looked to Anders for guidance. He thought he was going to be a lawyer or something cool that made lots of money and lived in the city. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Take Axl with him to night classes? But family didn't leave people behind.

A small hand began to pet Anders blonde curls in an attempts to be soothing.

"Don't cry Anders."

Anders took a moment to sigh, mindful of the fact his breath reeked of beer, and carried Axl back to his room. This was why he hadn't left yet. The dawn calmed the shit hole he had found himself in by dusk. You were supposed to be there for them whenever they needed them and Anders wasn't going to make the same mistake his Dad had made. And if he could help it, he wasn't going to let Mike make it either.

a/n: There ya go! More wee!Johnsons