His arms tightened around me and I felt his face burrowing closer, moving my collar around so that his cheek rested on the nape of my neck, the warmth of my skin soothing him, as it always did. He mumbles something and shifts, then settles down so that his chest presses firmly against my back. The first time, it had startled me, and I thought he had woken, but I've grown accustomed to his night patterns and I know by now that he's still asleep and this won't be the night I'm discovered.
I've suspected, sometimes, that there have been times when his sleep was lighter than it seemed and he knew that he was holding me, a breathing teddy bear to chase the night terrors away with the scent and feel of a loving body. There had even been once or twice that one of the others woke up before I had the chance to sneak off to my own bedroll, watching me silently as I slipped out of his grasp, never commenting or teasing. I had always left before he woke up, or at least, if he woke up, he pretended to sleep still, since he lacked the courage to admit his need for comfort, for companionship, for the simple joy of human contact. Only in his sleep does he reach out.
I pulled myself from his arms, slowly and gently, so as not to wake him. A faint purple glow on the horizon signaled the end of the last night that I would lay in his arms. I gathered my things for today's travels and allowed myself to think about how it had all started, my tearing off a small piece of my heart each night.
He had been having a nightmare. The others were soundly asleep when I heard him trashing, mumbling incoherently, his body shaking and his face pulled into tight, agonized lines. I reached out, not sure what to do, but vaguely remembering my father shaking me awake when I had bad dreams as a little girl. He gave a small, strangled scream, just the words "No, grandfather" and my heart wrenched. I knelt beside him and picked up his hand, intending to wake him up gently. I found my hand seized and dragged to his neck, tucked under his chin as if he never intended to let go.
As I knelt there, my hand trapped firmly, trying to decide what to do, his convulsions started lessening and I realized that was the sum total of what he needed - just a simple human touch, something he denied himself because of his form. On impulse, I had lain beside him and held him, rocking him like a child until he slept peacefully. It had become a habit, an addiction. The love I couldn't express during the day, I could at night. The same comfort I gave, I received, the stone of his skin surprisingly warm and comfortable.
It's kind of ironic that I never dreamed of a knight in shining armor. No, my knight wore midnight blue, and instead of riding in on his white horse to save me, he and I walked together, fighting side by side and laughing with each other, bringing justice to the world and happiness to each other. Beautiful days passing by, finding beautiful ways of loving each other, all in a cloud of gorgeous, wonderful midnight blue.
My midnight blue knight has no interest in justice, or in bringing happiness to me. He can't, or won't believe in me, in love... In anything except his "cure". I can see the road stretching in front of him, growing as desperate as Rezo had, not realizing that his main problem isn't in his form, but in his name for himself: Freak.
My things are packed, and everything is ready. I sit, stirring the embers of the fire to new life, waiting for at least one of my companions to wake up. I feel moisture on my cheeks and I wipe it away, determined to do what's right, even if it's hard. Lina wakes up in time to see me and she sits up and says my name, softly. I stand up and gather my things, wanting to get this parting over with quickly. "I'm going home, Miss Lina."
"Why, Amelia?"
"I promised my father I would come home and allow myself to be courted when I reached my birthday. Since Randy and Alfred are dead and my sister and Uncle Christopher both renounced their claims to the throne, I'm the only one left to ensure the royal succession." I swallowed hard, fighting against the urge to cry. If only Randy and Alfred hadn't been so determined to steal the throne, I would have gladly given it to either of them in order to be free to follow my heart. I couldn't, however, leave my country to be torn apart by battles over who would take the throne after my daddy was gone.
"Courted? But... I thought..." She shook her head, obviously trying to gather her thoughts. "I thought you and Zelgadis-"
"No. No matter what I hoped for, I'm not enough, and it wouldn't be just to let my people worry about the future of the kingdom while I wait for something that may never happen." She looked like she was going to say something else, but I held up a hand to stop her. "Please come and visit me whenever you can, Miss Lina. I'd like to hear about... About everything."
She stood up and walked over to me, awkwardly attempting to give me a hug. I hugged her back, tightly, and allowed myself a moment to let go some of the tears I had been holding back. "Please tell Mr. Gourry that I'll miss him, and that he can come learn to be a hero of justice whenever he wants." I turned to leave, trudging away from the people who had shared the happiest times of my life.
"What should I say to Zel? He's going to take it hard, Amelia." I bit my lip, trying to think of how to answer that. Words I had never said, would never say, swept through my mind and I pushed them aside.
"Tell him..." I broke off, taking a deep breath. I felt a sudden chill as the impact of what I was doing sunk in, and I rubbed my arms together. Looking down, I noticed, in my peripheral vision, that one of his ears twitched. I quickly took the bracelet off my right wrist and held it out. "Tell him he has one year, and one year only, to bring this back. On the three hundred and sixty sixth day, he'll be denied entrance to the palace and I'll be planning my wedding to one of the suitors my father and the council have lined up for me."
She took the bracelet and I turned slightly to observe his reaction. "Tell him that it doesn't matter if he comes tomorrow as a chimera or in a year and a day as a human, the condition still stands." Oh yeah, definite twitching. He'd even half opened one eye, then closed it quickly.
Lina noticed it too and gave me a conspiratorial smile. "Well, good luck, Amelia. Warn the cooks that Gourry and I will be coming to your birthday party next year." She smacked me on the shoulder, her good cheer obvious in the return of her habitual violence. I smiled and walked away from the camp, heading towards my home and my future, knowing that I was doing the right thing, but still holding on to one last hope that my midnight blue knight would see the light.
Author's Note:
This fic is dedicated to the super cool Stara Maijka, for always saying nice things and for letting me beta read her "Here Comes the Bride" story, and for just being groovy in general. The story itself is a songfic, based on Electric Light Orchestra's song, "Midnight Blue". Lyrics can be found at http://www.zianet.com/rockaria/songs/midnightblue.html Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it.
I've suspected, sometimes, that there have been times when his sleep was lighter than it seemed and he knew that he was holding me, a breathing teddy bear to chase the night terrors away with the scent and feel of a loving body. There had even been once or twice that one of the others woke up before I had the chance to sneak off to my own bedroll, watching me silently as I slipped out of his grasp, never commenting or teasing. I had always left before he woke up, or at least, if he woke up, he pretended to sleep still, since he lacked the courage to admit his need for comfort, for companionship, for the simple joy of human contact. Only in his sleep does he reach out.
I pulled myself from his arms, slowly and gently, so as not to wake him. A faint purple glow on the horizon signaled the end of the last night that I would lay in his arms. I gathered my things for today's travels and allowed myself to think about how it had all started, my tearing off a small piece of my heart each night.
He had been having a nightmare. The others were soundly asleep when I heard him trashing, mumbling incoherently, his body shaking and his face pulled into tight, agonized lines. I reached out, not sure what to do, but vaguely remembering my father shaking me awake when I had bad dreams as a little girl. He gave a small, strangled scream, just the words "No, grandfather" and my heart wrenched. I knelt beside him and picked up his hand, intending to wake him up gently. I found my hand seized and dragged to his neck, tucked under his chin as if he never intended to let go.
As I knelt there, my hand trapped firmly, trying to decide what to do, his convulsions started lessening and I realized that was the sum total of what he needed - just a simple human touch, something he denied himself because of his form. On impulse, I had lain beside him and held him, rocking him like a child until he slept peacefully. It had become a habit, an addiction. The love I couldn't express during the day, I could at night. The same comfort I gave, I received, the stone of his skin surprisingly warm and comfortable.
It's kind of ironic that I never dreamed of a knight in shining armor. No, my knight wore midnight blue, and instead of riding in on his white horse to save me, he and I walked together, fighting side by side and laughing with each other, bringing justice to the world and happiness to each other. Beautiful days passing by, finding beautiful ways of loving each other, all in a cloud of gorgeous, wonderful midnight blue.
My midnight blue knight has no interest in justice, or in bringing happiness to me. He can't, or won't believe in me, in love... In anything except his "cure". I can see the road stretching in front of him, growing as desperate as Rezo had, not realizing that his main problem isn't in his form, but in his name for himself: Freak.
My things are packed, and everything is ready. I sit, stirring the embers of the fire to new life, waiting for at least one of my companions to wake up. I feel moisture on my cheeks and I wipe it away, determined to do what's right, even if it's hard. Lina wakes up in time to see me and she sits up and says my name, softly. I stand up and gather my things, wanting to get this parting over with quickly. "I'm going home, Miss Lina."
"Why, Amelia?"
"I promised my father I would come home and allow myself to be courted when I reached my birthday. Since Randy and Alfred are dead and my sister and Uncle Christopher both renounced their claims to the throne, I'm the only one left to ensure the royal succession." I swallowed hard, fighting against the urge to cry. If only Randy and Alfred hadn't been so determined to steal the throne, I would have gladly given it to either of them in order to be free to follow my heart. I couldn't, however, leave my country to be torn apart by battles over who would take the throne after my daddy was gone.
"Courted? But... I thought..." She shook her head, obviously trying to gather her thoughts. "I thought you and Zelgadis-"
"No. No matter what I hoped for, I'm not enough, and it wouldn't be just to let my people worry about the future of the kingdom while I wait for something that may never happen." She looked like she was going to say something else, but I held up a hand to stop her. "Please come and visit me whenever you can, Miss Lina. I'd like to hear about... About everything."
She stood up and walked over to me, awkwardly attempting to give me a hug. I hugged her back, tightly, and allowed myself a moment to let go some of the tears I had been holding back. "Please tell Mr. Gourry that I'll miss him, and that he can come learn to be a hero of justice whenever he wants." I turned to leave, trudging away from the people who had shared the happiest times of my life.
"What should I say to Zel? He's going to take it hard, Amelia." I bit my lip, trying to think of how to answer that. Words I had never said, would never say, swept through my mind and I pushed them aside.
"Tell him..." I broke off, taking a deep breath. I felt a sudden chill as the impact of what I was doing sunk in, and I rubbed my arms together. Looking down, I noticed, in my peripheral vision, that one of his ears twitched. I quickly took the bracelet off my right wrist and held it out. "Tell him he has one year, and one year only, to bring this back. On the three hundred and sixty sixth day, he'll be denied entrance to the palace and I'll be planning my wedding to one of the suitors my father and the council have lined up for me."
She took the bracelet and I turned slightly to observe his reaction. "Tell him that it doesn't matter if he comes tomorrow as a chimera or in a year and a day as a human, the condition still stands." Oh yeah, definite twitching. He'd even half opened one eye, then closed it quickly.
Lina noticed it too and gave me a conspiratorial smile. "Well, good luck, Amelia. Warn the cooks that Gourry and I will be coming to your birthday party next year." She smacked me on the shoulder, her good cheer obvious in the return of her habitual violence. I smiled and walked away from the camp, heading towards my home and my future, knowing that I was doing the right thing, but still holding on to one last hope that my midnight blue knight would see the light.
Author's Note:
This fic is dedicated to the super cool Stara Maijka, for always saying nice things and for letting me beta read her "Here Comes the Bride" story, and for just being groovy in general. The story itself is a songfic, based on Electric Light Orchestra's song, "Midnight Blue". Lyrics can be found at http://www.zianet.com/rockaria/songs/midnightblue.html Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it.