"How now, my lord, why do you keep alone,
Of sorriest fancies your companions making,
Using those thoughts which should indeed have died
With them they think on? Things without all remedy
Should be without regard: what's done, is done."
What's done is done. Yes it is. If only it had never begun. I love him, it never should have gone this far. It was one mistake and now I'm alone. Lady Macbeth spoke the truth she may have been crazy and just a cruel person but that line is the truth that runs through time and speaks to me. What's done is done.
It all started a few months ago.
Edward was off limits, my best friend's ex boyfriend. Alice, my best friend in the whole world, my sister. So I being her best friend must never do anything with Xavier. But I can't help it, he's amazing, he's sweet and good looking too. I have never felt this way about him when he and Ava were together. But now I can see him clearly he didn't deserve what Ava did to him, even I could say that.
It was the start of term 2, one of the longest in the year, only two terms to go and we were out of there. "Bella! Wait up!" I can hear Edward calling from a distance.
"Edward, hey, what class do you have now?" I ask trying to keep a fast walk so Alice doesn't see us.
"I have Bio, What about you? Are you going to let me catch up to you or not?" I could tell he knew why but wanted me to say it.
"I have Bio too, with Turner, it should be good. You know why I can't." I state turning around to look at him. His eyes hold sadness.
"I do as well, has Alice really forbidden you to talk to me?" Oh no, the same class, with a teacher who is known for making seating plans. I turn to walk away, I feel Edward's hand wrap around my arm, to turn me back around.
"Cool. What do you think? You know what she is like, she is my best friend I have to be there for her and if that means not talking to you or being seen with you so be it." I pull my arm from his grasp, and turn on my heel and walk away.
Walking into class I am terrified, Edward from just a few words have all put me in a daze. "Class I have put your names on the desk sit there and remember where your spot is as you can not change them." Mr. Turner spoke in a monotone. The class began to move around the room. I wondered around not really looking at the names. "Bella! Over here you are next to me." Jess called over, in a heavy Southern accent. I begin to move towards the desk when I see Edward walking to the same desk. No, please no I can't deal with this. Maybe he is just walking around to find his name. Maybe. As I sit down, I look to the empty seat to the left of me. Edward Cullen Oh shit! "Looks like I'm sitting next to you for the rest of this year." I can feel his breath near my ear; it sends an electric current through my body. How am I going to explain this to Alice?
"Tonight is going to be amazing babe." Alice was jumping up and down. In 6 inch red heels and a tight fitting short red strapless dress showing off all of her curves. She had put me into a green one arm glitter short dress, with 6 inch sliver heels, I am going to die, and I can walk in heels but not these monsters. We make our way to the party, I play with my hair all the way, I can do this, I can do this. I keep chanting over and over in my head. I could feel the dread pilling up as I walked through the door. Edward was standing over near the fire place with a beer in his hand; he looked stunning if any guy can look stunning he can, dressed in black jeans and a grey button up shirt he was a god. I felt Alice pulling me away from him towards ours friends who gave us drinks. "Wow slow down a bit Bella you are going to be passed out by the end of the night if you keep this up." Alice was worried I could tell but I just wanted to forget, forget that I was in love with my best friend's ex boyfriend. I couldn't stand this anymore, I stand up slowly and up and look at Alice "I'm sorry." I began to turn away and walk towards my problem. Edward. I stumble over to where he is standing. "This is all your fault." I slur. Edward looked at me. "Bella, what is my fault?" he looked up and down my body. "This." I grabbed his shirt and kissed him. "BELLA! How could you?" I can hear Alice scream from across the room "Alice I told you I was sorry." I spoke as I moved closer. "No you promised me, you wouldn't do anything with him." Alice slapped me and turned and ran off. This is all my fault. I ran off into the front yard my cheek stung as the tears fell down my face. "Bella, wait up, slow down please Bella talk to me." I can hear Edward chasing after me. I stop and turn around to face him. "Bella, what was that?" He doesn't feel the same as me, I have ruined everything. "I'm sorry I kissed you, you clearly don't feel the same." I look away from his face. "What do you mean I don't feel the same." He grabbed my chin and moved my head to face him. "You don't get it cause you don't feel the same clearly, don't worry I have ruined everything. Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest day." I quoted Macbeth how true was that quote. "Scarlett please talk to me, I don't understand, you kiss me the run away, then say sorry." His words held so much emotion. Maybe just maybe he feels the same. I begin to think to my self. "Edward, I can't help it, she told me to stay away from you but you kept coming closer and I wanted you too. But she is my best friend and I shouldn't feel this away about you yet I do, I can't help it." I move my face out of his grip, and look towards the road which Alice left just a few minutes before. "You feel this to then?" Edward placed his hand on my arm, and the electric current seemed to flow through me. "Yes, we shouldn't though. You know that." I began to cry more, not for Alice but for me. "Why I'm not with Alice anymore, why shouldn't I move on. I want to be with you?" He lowers his hand and steps forward. I turn around to face him, so close behind me; I lose my balance but don't feel the hard ground I expect. But instead I feel two strong arms wrapping around me. "I won't let you fall." Edward holds me tight; he pulls me up to him. "Edward we can't." I whispered not meaning the words I spoke. "I don't care. I want to be with you. Why are you trying to stop us?" He was brought me even closer to him; I can feel his hot breath on my face. "Alice. I have to fix it with her. She has been there all the time for me, but I have just turned my back on her. I have to fix this." I was running out of excuses but it was true, I do need to fix this. "Scarlett we will fix this but just let me kiss you." He stated. I gave up. I wanted this. So I let it happen. He kissed me. It was pure magic.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." A scream breaks us from our kiss. "BELLA!" I can hear Jess scream my name. "BELLA! IT'S ALICE!" Her screams get closer, I can feel myself falling to my knees but I can't seem to stop myself. "Bella, are you ok?" I can hear Edward's worried voice as he wraps his arms around me. "Bella, there you are, it's Alice she had an accident and….. She's not ok I don't think she made it." Jess broke down and began to cry. I can feel the tears falling down my face. I don't know what I'm doing. "It will be ok. It's alright." Edward's voice drifted through my ears calming me. "It was all my fault." I hear myself letting the words out.
It's been a month. I can just feel myself going through the motions, not really having any say in it just going through the motion. I have become the head of the group I never wanted that title not after what I did. It was always meant to be Alice's. I know she is gone but I can feel her here judging me. "Bella I'm not judging you." Alice, no it can't be I must be going crazy. "You're not going crazy babe. I don't hate you." I look up to see Alice standing in the corner of my room. "Alice?" she smiled and nodded. "It's not your fault, it was fate." She spoke with such calmness something Alice never had. "What do you mean fate?" I was confused to say the least. "You saved me that night remember last year before I started dating Edward?" I nodded even more confused then before. "Well you saved my life. You stopped fate, even if only for a little while." I finally understood all of this happened because it was meant to. "So because I saved your life, all of this happened because you lived?" I don't know how I feel about this. "Fate doesn't like being stopped. I was always meant to die, you were always meant to be with Edward, its ok. It's ok to let me go." Her figure was fading. It was her time to go. "OK, thank you." I finally understood, what's done is done.