I wiped the beading sweat off my forehead. My head throbbing from my mom's words, I cleaned the next dish. The steaming hot water running on my hands, I ignored the tingling sensation it sent up my wrists. My black shoulder length hair brushed evenly out. My ears laying flat on my head. I was surprised my mom actually wasn't home. She was usually home by the time I came home from school. I would be out a while longer but Soubi was busy and Yuiko got annoying.

Soubi.

What does he really mean to me?

I feel as if he is the only reason I live.

Like he loves me.

No.

I shook my head.

Of course he says it all the time. It…loses its meaning after a while. And Soubi has just about raped the true meaning.

Love.

What does this word actually mean…?

The fine china plate suddenly slipped on the floor, causing it to shatter and break into a million little pieces. Some shards of glass pricking my baby soft sensitive skin. I didn't cry out in pain, I just gasped on how good it felt. It made me feel so alive. Like I was being taken off the floor, like…flying in the near heavens. I turned off the sink water as I finished just noticing my hands a crimson red, they were boiling hot. My feet had a new warm tingling sensation I looked down to find blood puddles formed around my bare feet. My leg had tinkles of blood running down. I wiped my hands on my 'booty' shorts. And bent down to pick every little piece of glass up, throwing the shards away I grabbed a small towel from the laundry room I wiped the floor of blood. My legs still bleeding. 'Fuck…' How do you stop bleeding again?

I ran up stairs, feeling dizzy. Too much blood loss? I didn't really know. I sat on my bed, thinking maybe I deserved this. The pain, the suffering…I go through daily. It wasn't my mom's fault I wasn't her Ritsuka. It was mine. I want her to love me, to hug me, and treat me nice but…she just doesn't.

Soubi.

The love (if you could even call it that…) I felt for him was much different. I never said I actually loved hm in his face. I feel no need to. Anywho the love I feel for him his a need, a need for his touch, his body on mine, his smile, his lips on mine… Oh gosh…

I needa stop thinking-

"RITSUKA!" I could hear my mom's loud yell and her shoes tapping against the pavement downstairs. I had cleaned up right? Yeah… "Who is this man?" She pointed at…Soubi? What the hell was he doing here…