Oh hello reeaders… ouo I am so bored right now so why not write some random stupid crack? Shut up, you know you love crack. Everyone loves some kind of crack… even if its crack!fics. Oh and this takes place before L and Light are chained together.. Ok? XD
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. It's too awesome for me TAT
EDIT: I have been informed that I failed at the math in this story ._. For the last time, Diesle, FOUR TIMES EFFING FOUR IS NOT FLIPPING EIGHT. WHY THE HECK DO I KEEP DOING THAT. -face palm- lol this is why I'm retaking algebra, I can't even figure out what 4x4 is. It's fixed not dB
Light smiled evilly to himself and looked at the white kitten in front of him. Usually his creepy victory smile would scare a kitten half to death, or maybe even all the way. But no, that kitten wasn't just any kitten. It was an evil kitten. Light had taken a bit the darkness and sheer coldness out of his black heart and put it into the kitten's. That made the once cheerful, kind feline transform into Light in a cat body.
Scary thought, right? A little Light with claws and fangs. It could tear your eyes out and not give a second thought as it set your house on fire with your family inside, then sprinkled salt over their graves. Not only that, but Light trained the cat to be smarter than the average Matsuda. Sure that was nothing special for the average person, but not for a cat.
Light had been raising this heartless creature since the beginning, but kept it a secret. This cat was going to be his path to victory. His plan was simple. All he had to do was give the kitten to L and his job was over. His dangerous, heartless kitten would do the rest to defeat L.
"You ready for our plan, Sprinkles?" Light said to his partner, his face lighting up in an…evil way.
Sprinkles smiled at him evilly too, because everyone knows evil cats ca smile. Plus, it was Light-ish kitten so cat anatomy and their abilities didn't apply to him. He nodded back at Light and bared his little kitten fangs in a twisted smile. He jumped into Light's arms and they went to set their plan in action.
"Is this for me, Light-kun?" L asked, staring at Sprinkles. He was sitting in his chair the usual way, staring down at the kitten with those…eyes.
Sprinkles held in a horrified grimace. He didn't know L would look like…that.
Light nodded with a huge rapist-smile on his face. "Eheehee…yes,"
L looked up at Light, a thumb at his mouth. "Well I don't want it. It will only get in y way. Get that thing out of he-"
Suddenly the kitten pulled a cake out of its pocket. Yes, he had pockets.
L took the cake and immediately began to eat it. Luckily for him, it wasn't poisoned. He looked up at Light with a smile that was oddly cute. "On second thought, I think that I'll keep it…does it have a name?"
Light nodded, the huge, creepy smile still on his face as he held in a giggle. "YES! I mean…yes. His name is Sprinkles, and he is very smart. Right Sprinkles?"
Sprinkles nodded at L with huge, shining blue eyes.
L bent even more downward and picked up the kitten with gentle touch. He rested it in his lap and pet it on the head, getting a purr in return.
"Is that so? Well maybe Sprinkles can help me in the Kira case?"
Just as L said that, the rest of the Task Force walked in and looked at him, confused.
"Sprinkles? Who's that? What kind of name is that?" Matsuda questioned.
"Ryuzaki, you better not be talking about that cat…" Aizawa growled, obviously angry. But that guy was always a party pooper, so who cares what he says?
"…But Sprinkles is a smart cat. Right? Show them, boy. What's four times four?"
Sprinkles meowed sixteen times, batting his eyes.
The Task Force gasped in surprise.
"See? Sprinkles can do math. Matsuda can't even do that. Sprinkles is replacing you, Mr. Matsuda. Get out." L replied.
Tears welled up at Matsuda's eyes. "Wha….what? You can't b-be serious, Ryuzaki?"
L pet Sprinkles softly. "I was kidding. Now everyone get to work."
That was a close one. Matsuda always feared the day he was replaced by a cat in the Kira Case. Even Aizawa told him it was likely to happen! He ran off to go get L a coffee, since it was the only thing he was good for.
Light grinned ear to ear, staring at L and Sprinkles.
The kitten winked at him and then nuzzled L's hand.
L looked at Light, who didn't seem to notice. After five minutes, the detective made a face and turned away, and started typing random stuff on his laptop.
The next day was a weird one for L. Well, not too weird, but it wasn't very normal. He had fallen asleep the night before, and Sprinkles was on his laptop when he woke up and it spazzed out and closed the window as soon as it realized he was awake. L never even gave the cat his password, but he figured "ZOMGIFLIPPINGLOVECAKE" wasn't that too hard to think of after spending a day with him.
But what was the kitten looking at? Maybe it was just some kitty porn… no. No kitten on L's was going to be doing that at such a young age! He walked over to his kitten, but it got up and hightailed away before he got to it.
What was Sprinkles doing?
Sprinkles soon returned to L while he was working and gave him a little note.
L took the paper and read it in his head. "I'm sorry for being on your computer. I just wanted to get a gift. Love, Sprinkles"
The kitten nodded furiously and meowed. This was a lie. He was actually talking to Light when L awoke in a chat room, discussing their plan and the fact that Light was a Belieber.
Light walked into the room and started working at a computer. He looked at Sprinkles, who nodded. Evil kitten!
The next day was the one that would be the last for L and Sprinkles together as a family. Sprinkles walked into the room L was in as he worked. He was alone, and was reading something online and chomping on his thumb.
The kitten walked over to him, unsheathing his razor sharp claws and baring fangs.
"You know what, Sprinkles? I'm glad Light gave you to me. I've never had a pet before and I must say it is very enjoyable," L replied out of nowhere. His kitten froze in his tracks surprised. For some reason, that made him happy.
Light told him not to believe what L said, because he was a liar, nut the cat couldn't help but give a real smile in joy. Light said only weak things are touched by words. Light said a lot of things like that. The kitten was supposed to get close to L and kill him with his evil powers! Not grow close to him.
Sprinkles sheathed his claws and shook his head. What was he supposed to do now? Light told him if he failed, he would kill the cat with his bare hands. Sprinkles didn't want that to happen!
Light arrived soon afterwards, and was confused to see that L was still alive. The kitten was sitting in his lap, staring at Light with this…dirty, hateful look.
"…Hello Ryuzaki and Sprinkles."
"I see you hesitated, eh, Light? You expected L to be dead, didn't you?"
L nearly jumped right out of his chair when he heard Sprinkles talk.
Light's jaw hung open in shock. "S…Sprinkles! How long could you…?"
Sprinkles jumped out of L's lap and hissed slightly. "No matter, Light! I can't kill L for you. I like him. More than you, for sure. So I will give away your secret. Light Yagami is Kira!"
L looked at Light. The younger boy did not like the look he gave him at all.
"Ryuzaki… you honestly can't believe what that cat says, can you?" he breathed.
"….Sprinkles was in a chat room with you when I was asleep. I hacked into it and read everything the two of you said. Your father also did the same thing. I honestly thought you where smarter, Light-kun. You really think a kitten can kill me? And then you use an easily hackable chat room to talk about your plans as Kira?" L responded, his eyes flashing. "Also, your dad did the same with your computer. Teehee, you fail."
Suddenly, the Task Force ran into the room with some cops and they arrested Light.
L patted Sprinkles on the head. "Good job, kitty. You revealed Light as the murderer he was."
Matsuda smiled. "Wow, L. This is great huh? But I'm sad that Light was actually Kira."
"Yeah sure," L replied, throwing Sprinkles into the younger man's arms. "Take this to the pound, would ya? I hate cats."
Poor Sprinkles ono Why did L have to take him to the pound?
Light: I'm not that stupid!
L: …"Teehee"? ….WTH.
Me: :D oh come on, guys…. Be some fun would you? What about poor Sprinkles?
Light: It's just a stupid cat.
L: I liked him ono