Always, Albus

Albus

The school year started. It started and everything changed. When I walk into the station Scorpius is already there. Right behind me my parents walk in and then Rose. I am not sure what to think when Scorpius hugs her before he even looks at me. I am not sure about most things. Platform 9 ¾ is stuffed with people. "They are alive... thanks to us." That's the first thing he says to me. "They almost died… or worse, didn't exist… thanks to us." "Oh come on!" He hugs me than. It isn't as awkward as it was the previous times. "Who would have thought, that a nerdy person and Harry Potters dishonourable son could redo their most horrible mistake and save the world from Lord fucking Voldemort's daughter." I let go of him. "Since when are you swearing?" He looks at Rose who stands a few feet away. "You know... these Gryffindors are a bad influence." I laugh, but I don't. "Anyway I thought we decided not to hug." I said that. I didn't mean that and as far as I could tell Scorpius didn't either. "Come one you're my favourite person in this world, but if you'd ask me about the one in which the dark magic had taken over… it would probably be Severus Snape." My eyebrows arch up. Scorpius still didn't tell me about his full experience of meeting Severus Snape in a different reality. I greet Rose and then Hugo who is just as happy about everything as everyone else is. The weirdness happens when I say farewell to my parents. Dad is extremely excited about my fifth year at Hogwarts, he didn't tell me why exactly but I'm sure that there is something extremely Harry Potterisch about it. After I said goodbye to all of the others including Draco Malfoy who was used to me hanging around with Scorpius and who was actually on 'not-best- friends- but- whatever' terms with my dad, I get into the train and search for Scorpius and some other people I pretend to know. He is in the back part of the train reading a book when I walk in. "Hi" I said and he looks up. "Merlin's beard Albus where have you been? I wasn't searching for you exactly but I wondered where you could be." I sit down on the free bench and put my feet on the cushion beside him. "I had a weird conversation with my dad. He said his fifth year was exiting but he didn't tell me what happened exactly." Scorpius puts his book down and looks at me. "As far as I know he, Ronald and Hermione founded DA and fought against Lord Voldemort… and Sirius Black died." I'm not sure if that was the thing my dad was so excited about he talked about Sirius sometimes, not with me but with mum when they think I don't listen. "Why are we in the last car of the train?" He leans closer to me and I don't know why but it feels weird. "Do you have a tan?" I ask him and he moves back and laughs. "Maybe… I don't know, but I wanted to tell you something idiot." He leans back in and this time the air around my head gets thicker and I feel weird again. That happens sometimes around Scorpius, that's probably the reason for all the awkwardness when we hug. "The trolley witch." He says plain and simple and I look at him we both have a quiet moment of memory. The trolley witch appeared to be an as-normal-as-it-gets person of the wizarding world until our last trip to Hogwarts that didn't end in Hogwarts exactly. "People say she doesn't come here." He looks at me. "I hope they're right." He looks away. A few moments pass, there is nothing awkward in this kind of quietness. Sitting in silence only makes me feel uncomfortable when I don't have anything to say and now I would but it doesn't matter. "Where is Rose?" "I don't know… somewhere with the Gryffindors I guess." He pauses. "I think I'm going to try out for our Quidditch team."

The trolley witch really didn't come by after all. Scorpius finished his book after a few hours and talked about it for the rest of the time. I like it when he does that when he is talking about books I know he is really there. When we got separated last year in this weird different reality and I wasn't allowed to talk to him, I just wanted to have this. Something like this. Him talking and me listening and thinking about him talking.

On our way into the great hall a few pupils look at me. They don't say anything they just look. It doesn't feel good. No one ever looked at me after they realised that I was not like my dad. I was not like him so no one liked me. Except for one. He is walking next to her. After they eventually went to the ball together last year things seemed to be a lot easier between them. No one confirmed their relationship status in any way but things just seemed to be different. I walk to the Slytherin table by myself. It's still quite weird to be in Hogwarts. I never particularly liked it and I don't think I ever will I am however, not regretting to be here right now. I sit there alone. No one greets me or says 'welcome back, Albus'. How could I feel lonely in this reality? I look up at the sealing, it is dark and stormy but the stars still look like they did when I got out of the lake with Scorpius that one time. As I look back down I see him walking towards me. Most people look at him as he does. He had always been looked at and talked about. Looking at him was like looking at myself sometimes. Only that when I look at him I like what I see and when I look at me I don't. "Hi Al." he says and sits down. "Hi where have you been… I felt weird sitting here alone." "Well I just talked to the new captain of our Quidditch team and he said I should definitely come to the try outs." I smile. Why do I smile? "That's just fantastic." "You say so." And then he smiles back at me.

The castle is filled with sound and laughter as all the students walk to the common rooms. I pass Rose who has been chosen to be Gryffindor's perfect and she smiles at me as I do. Scorpius doesn't stop to talk to her, it feels like he didn't see her when we passed. The air around my head starts to feel thick again. Thick, full of stuff I don't understand.

Scorpius

My first few weeks of term passed by quite quickly. For me nothing had ever been as great than whatever it was that had happened. I made it into the Quidditch team and the other players talked to me during class and they actually liked what I said. I meet Rose in the library most of the time and listen to her, talking about awesome stuff she experienced and at night I look at Albus. It felt weird at first but it doesn't anymore. By looking at Albus I just mean looking at Albus. Looking at him sleeping, because than I know he's okay. I look at him and everything seems to make sense. Everything that had happened and everything that is happening right now. I look at him now. He has his eyes closed and his dark hair is everywhere. I look at him and I see him. I don't see him much during the day. I have nightmares sometimes. Dreams that show the reality that could have been, the one that I saw. Without him. He opens his eyes. I sit up. "You're awake." He sneers. "I don't mean to be rude, Scorpius but it's like I can hear you think." He looks at me. Does he know? Know what, that's the question. He sits up too and keeps looking at me. "It's…. It's like this." He pauses for a moment and I want him to talk. I don't like this silence and I don't want it. "Things have changed. No wait forget that ´. Things are changing, but the thing is… they have always been changing." I don't know what he really wants to say. "What I want to say is, that when you told me… last year you told me that… at the lake you told me that nothing had changed and that was amazing… you said it was amazing." He pauses again and I get up. Now I'm just standing here in the middle of the room and his look is on me. "We went back in time. We changed things in time and Merlin's beard you were so happy when you realised that nothing had changed." I wait. "What I'm actually trying to say is that things are changing. It's a process and we are right in it now… at least you are." He lays back down but before he can I stand next to him. "Albus listen, well I actually don't need to tell you to listen because you're doing that anyway. Things are changing. Things are changing and I am changing and everyone is, but you are not. At least this will not. This will always be and never change. You're my best friend and I hope you know that I'm not saying this because I want you to know it… I'm saying this because I want to know it and I need to as well. I just need you. I don't make sense without you." He gets up and we hug each other. I hug him and it doesn't feel like hugging it feels like being under water. Peacefully under water, without any needs. I touch his back and I lay my head on his shoulder. I don't let go of him. "You're my best friend." he says and I know that he needed this as much as I did. "I didn't know hugging you for such a long time could feel so not- awkward." I smile. "I don't want to let go Al."

So I don't somehow.

The next day I meet Rose in the great hall on my way to Quidditch practice. She hands me a piece of parchment. "I corrected your paper on muggle communication and modern media." I smile at her. "You're brilliant Rose, just brilliant." She laughs. "Hey I was thinking if maybe you'd like to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend. I know you have some friends who go too but I thought maybe we could have a butter beer at the Three Broomsticks." She nods "Sounds lovely. What about Albus?", "What about Albus." "I don't know I just guessed that he might like to come too." "Oh please your talking about Albus, he won't want to leave this building I'm sure of it. Besides… I really want to spend some time with you, because you are just brilliant." She raises an eyebrow. "Oh come on Scorpius I'm not just some weird supporting character in your story." And then she walks off, with me being left wondering what she meant with that.

After a while I find myself sitting in the Slytherin common room reading in my potions book. It almost seemed like some things in there are just incorrect. I start to cross out some things that just sound like bollocks in there. Rose thought me how to use a spell to jinks a paper plane into flying where ever I wanted it to fly to. So I write a note.

Hi Al,

It's Scorpius! Where are you? Haven't really seen you all day!

I let it fly through the room until it somehow finds its way out of the Common room into the cold corridor. A few minutes later the door opens and some second years walk in alongside the paper plane. It lands on top of my book so I open it and read

I'm in the girl's bathroom talking to Myrtle.

A. Potter

Without hesitation I close my book and walk up into the second floor. When I open the door I see him sitting on the floor with his school books spread out around him. "Where is Myrtle?" I ask when I walk in. He looks at me and smiles. Something goes off between us. "I'm heeeerrreee." Says a voice out of one of the cabins. Then she comes flying through the air. "AHHHH Malfoy I haven't seen you around lately. Your father was here a lot in his school years, always so sad, so sad." She than starts to fake cry. "What are you doing Albus? Haven't you finished all your papers already?" "Well, I'm actually just trying to avoided any social events." I laugh. "Why are you always so true, Albus." He just smiles so I sit down across from him. We listen to Myrtle talking and crying about stuff and after a while I just lie down and stay there.

"So how was practice?" he asks as we make our way back to the dungeons. "Just as weird as always… It somehow seems like I'm not such a bad player after all."

"I never thought so."

"I know."

We continue walking for a bit. In silence. A good silence though.

Albus

Scorpius is driving me crazy. I don't understand why. I don't even know why. I just can't function whenever he is around or even worse, whenever he is not around. It accrued to me a while back that without him my world would not exist. It would be like a place without light. Just this weekend he is on a trip to Hogsmeade with all the other fifth years. He indirectly asked me if I wanted to come to but I figured that he would rather spend time with Rose or his Quidditch team meats. So I just sit here in my bed alone.

Scorpius

I sit with Rose on a small table in the Three Broomsticks. A while ago we were joined by James Potter who saw us and said "I assume that my wonderful brother staid inside once again." And as I nodded he left and shook his head. Rose's curly hair is dangling around when she laughs. I kind of like it. She and Albus have the same hair colour, but it's still so different. I think about Albus sleeping for just a moment. His messy hair being everywhere. "Malfoy… Are you listening?" I must have been starring into nothingness for a while now. "You have been sipping on that straw for at least two minutes." I put my cup away. "Hey ah…. Wanne go outside?" I say and get up before she can say anything. She follows me outside and we make our way down the street. We walk for quite some time. "Do you remember that time I told you, you smelled like bread?" I say. "Yeah… of course." I pause for a second. "You still do." She punches me, but just slightly. "Oh Merlin what is this building?" I say pointing at something that looks like an old farmers house in the short distance. "The Shrieking Shack, it's meant to be the most haunted building in Britain. Our parents… well at least my parents spent some time there during their school years." "Interesting." I say. Rose looks at me and then back at the house. "Do you want to go and see it?" She asks. I am surprised by that. My immediate answer is no not only because I feel like this is wrong but also because I feel like this would not be something Rose Granger-Weasley would do. "I don't think that this is such a good idea." "Oh come on Scorpius, don't be a Malfoy." "But I am." she started walking already.

It's a nice day to be outside. It started to get cold quite some time ago and the leaves started to turn red. Rose is wearing her Gryffindor scarf and it perfectly meets the colour of the autumn's day. We stand in front of the house now.

"Rose I don't think this is such a great idea. Maybe we could just stay here… we made it this far already." She looks around. The Shrieking Shack really looks haunted and kind of dangerous. It is one of these buildings that was already old when my dad was still young. We sit down on some kind of rock a few feet away.

Rose

Scorpius: I like you Rose.

Rose: I know.

Scorpius (laughs): No I mean… I mean it.

Rose: I don't think you do.

Scorpius (confused) What do you mean by that?

Rose: I don't think you like me like that… I mean maybe you like me, I like you too kind of at least but not like this… (pause) I figured that we both knew that by now.

Scorpius: What are you talking about Rose? I have a crush on you since our first year at Hogwarts!

Rose: I don't think you do. Maybe you did, because I do remember some awkward conversations about me smelling like bread with you. But I think I'm not the person you are looking for.

Scorpius (confused): What? What are you talking about?

And then I look at him. It seems like he knows what I want to say. It's written all over his face and I don't think I need to say anything at all, so I wait for a while. He shakes his head. I spent some time with him now so I kind of know what he thinks we he looks a certain way and he never looked like this before. "You…. Are you trying to tell me that…" He pauses for a long time. Long enough for me to admire the beauty of the day. "Rose?" "Scorpius?" I look at him again. He still looks confused and weirded out but I can see some kind of clarity starting to rise. "Rose this might be weird and I can't belief I am actually saying this but…" He pauses again and this time his eyes wander to the sky. "Can you kiss me?" I move back. "Scorpius." I say "I just told you that it seems like this is nothing real and-" "I know, I know and I think I understand. I think you are right… You are diffidently right, but I never kissed anyone before and I just want to know if what I'm thinking is real or if this is just making sense because I want it to." I look at him again. His expression changed into some weird kind of confidence like something made sense to him all of a sudden. "Okay." I say and then I kiss him.

Scorpius

Rose: Did you feel anything?

Scorpius: No. (pause) But it makes sense now.

I spent some more weeks with a feeling in my body that had always been there but just now… just since I talked to Rose started to be present at any time. During the day I still talked to my Quidditch team mates, I still met Rose in the library but now whatever it is I do is followed by some particular thought. It's the smell of lake water and wet hair. The felling of the few most awkward but also most special hugs I ever had. It's all these little talks. I still look at him when he's asleep.

I wonder what would happen if I told him. So far the only person who "knows" is Rose. But she somehow knew before I did. I always knew. I always felt. But maybe before she told me that it is okay, I never wanted to.

He is lying on his back, his head turned to the side. I can hear him breath. Quietly. I fall asleep thinking about this. This friendship. Maybe some things change after all.

I loved him before. Just not like this.