I drive myself crazy
By: Taye
Song: "I drive myself crazy" –'Nsync (okay, okay. I like the song)
Warnings: yaoi, a little implied lime, and it's really badly written (but that's wat I get for writing in the middle of the night)
Rating: I dunno, im not that good at this. Pg-13? You should probably read the warnings and decide for yourself.
Pairing: 1x2 (no da!)
Disclaimer: Don't own Duo, Heero, or Gundam Wing in general [sobs uncontrollably]. Oh ya, don't own 'Nsync either.
Feedback: only if it's nice. No, I'm just kidding. All C&C welcome.
[lyrics]
//Flashback//
*************
[Lying in your arms, so close together. Didn't know just what I had.]
Heero lay in his bed, eyes closed. The dark room felt strangely empty without the braided boy in it.
"I'm such a bastard." Heero whispered under his breath. A hot tear rolled down his cheek.
// "You awake, Heero?" Duo called from his bed. Heero only ignored him. As usual.
"No use pretendin'. I know you are!"
"Hn." Heero replied. Not an uncommon answer from him.
"Why are you still awake?"
"Because you won't shut up."
"Oh…..sorry……."
"………." Duo turned his face to look at the boy in the bed across the room from his. Moonlight played along his features, making his eyes glimmer.
"Watcha' thinking about?"
………..If you only knew…………..//
[Now I toss and turn, 'cause I'm without you. How I'm missing you so bad]
He wiped the tear and sighed.
"No room for emotion, remember," he said, almost maliciously to himself, "No room for……love."
The word sounded strange coming from his mouth, but they felt right.
"Love……."
//Heero closed his eyes, pretending to sleep. Duo watched the boy laying peacefully. There was a strange expression on Heero's face, one Duo hadn't seen very often.
"Oh……asleep." Duo whispered, if only for his own ears. Then he rose, pushing aside his sheets to stand.//
[Where was my head? Where was my heart? Now I cry alone in the dark]
Heero moved his hand to the far side of the bed, unconsciously, as if to stroke some invisible person there.
….there's no one there. That's where Duo should be……
He felt more tears running down his face.
//He walked quietly towards the bed and knelt. Heero felt his heart pounding rapidly. Duo moved forward and planted a butterfly-light kiss on his forehead.
"Sweet dreams, Heero."//
[I lye awake, I drive myself crazy, drive myself crazy thinking of you. Made a mistake when I let you go, baby. I drive myself crazy, wanting you the way that I do]
The memory flooded back to Heero. He had though about that moment time and time again, yet it had come as a surprise. He never thought that Duo, an angel, would ever like him.
"And yet I let you go….."
//Heero opened his eyes, looking into Duo's.
"Duo….." Heero said, a half whisper. Duo flinched back. It hadn't occurred to him Heero was actually awake. A faint blush rose to his cheeks.
"um…. Heero….sorry. I can explai…."
Duo's sentence was cut short by Heero pressing his lips to his. Duo pulled back, a little shocked.
"But I thought……" Duo looked back into Heero's eyes, and forgot all about what he was saying. He moved in again, for a longer, more passionate kiss.//
[I was such a fool, I couldn't see it. Just how good you were to me.]
//Heero reached forward, pulling Duo onto the bed, kissing him all the while. He put his hands around Duo, undoing his beautiful hair. Heero had wanted to do that for so long. Duo planted searing kisses down Heero's face and onto his naked chest.
Heero struggled to remove both Duo's shirt and boxers, then in turn, his own. He moved his face back to Duo's, kissing him deeply, tongue moving inside his mouth. Duo moaned.
Heero couldn't take it anymore. He pulled Duo beneath him, and planted slow, deliberate kisses down his chest.//
Heero closed his eyes again.
Duo was an angel…..his angel. But now he was gone.
More tears threatened to spill from Heero's eyes, but he pushed them back forcefully.
"Why cant I stop thinking about him" he asked absently. Although, he knew why. He loved Duo. He knew he would for the rest of his life.
……..Why couldn't I tell him that?………
//The two lay, a tangle of sweaty limbs. Perfect. Heero cracked his eyes open and saw the sun beginning to rise, through the window. Duo stirred in his arms.//
[You confessed you love, undying devotion. I confessed my need to be free]
// "Heero………ai shiteiru…….." Duo said, awaking from his slumber.//
Those………the word Heero needed to hear for so long.
//At that moment Heero felt happier than he had ever felt, and guiltier.
………..Why Duo? Why? I'll never be good enough for you…… you're an angel. You need someone deserving. Not me. How can I touch you…..with all this blood on my hands…………….//
[And now I'm left, with all this pain, I've only got myself to blame.]
Heero couldn't control it anymore. He didn't really care anymore. The tears ran freely down his face.
"Why……why was I so stupid?"
// "No, Duo."
"hm?"
"No"
"……"
"It didn't mean anything"
"What?" Heero saw pain behind Duo's eyes, "It didn't mean anything to you?"
"No." Heero knew that he had to lie. It was the only way.
"I……." A tear rolled down the side of Duo's cheek. "How could you?" Duo choked out, "it meant so much to me…..you meant so much to me."
In a lightning fast motion Duo arose, pulled on his pants. He turned and ran from the house.
Heero felt a pang of guilt. He knew he had done the right thing. He didn't deserve Duo. But…..why did he feel so bad?//
[I lye awake, I drive myself crazy, drive myself crazy thinking of you. Made a mistake when I let you go, baby. I drive myself crazy, wanting you the way that I do.]
Heero knew how wrong he was. He had lost Duo. His everything.
[Wanting you the way that I do……]
Heero hoped that someday……he could earn another chance.
"Ai shiteiru. I love you Duo."
~~Owari~~
What do you think?
C&C!!!!!!!!
Please!?! [puppy dog eyes]
-Karma