Jack Dreams of Jeannie
By Livi2Jack
Summary: Jack has a crossover adventure with Jeannie from I Dream Of Jeannie. Sweet humor.
Rating: All
Category: Humor, Crossover with I Dream Of Jeannie
Season: up to Four
Characters: Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, Jeannie Nelson, original characters
Pairing: none
DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1/Atlantis" and its characters are the property of Sony Pictures, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp., Showtime/Viacom and USA Networks, Inc. "I Dream Of Jeannie" is the property of Sony Pictures. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author(s), and may not be republished or archived elsewhere without the author's permission.
Warm water, blue sky, and a new latitude! Just what the doctor ordered, thought Jack as he settled down for a week of R&R in Coco Beach, Florida. Under a big beach umbrella, Jack settled his sunglasses on his face and tipped his baseball cap down. Stretching out with a beach blanket over his sunblock slathered skin; he took a snooze with soft breezes rustling the edges of the umbrella.
At Cape Canaveral, Jack was in town to meet with some of the NASA scientists, who were testing the new avionics on the Space Shuttle. This particular shuttle was much more complex than the usual, having been retro-fitted with reverse engineered off world equipment. Inevitably, there was a glitch. So today, the scientists, engineers, and other geeks were scurrying to figure it all out. Jack left them to it and hustled out to the white sands of an Atlantic beach. Ole Doc Fraiser said to get some rest. He had some leave coming. Why not here?
It was the perfect spot to unwind.
A while later, Jack decided to take a stroll in town and get something to eat. The restaurants there weren't all that memorable, but he was a simple guy, wasn't he? On the way from his parked Air Force loaner car, Jack's eye wandered to an especially attractive shop window. There he perused the contents and saw something he recognized from his time in Iraq during the first Gulf War. With some purpose, he ambled in to request a look at the ornate bottle in the window. The proprietor was happy to have a customer. With the upcoming launch of the shuttle, there would be some extra visitors in town. Sure enough here was an Air Force Colonel.
"Where did you get one of these," Jack inquired? He admired the fine workmanship. He had seen a similar one in Iraq National Museum in Baghdad.
"Some auction," the proprietor sighed.
"So how much?"
The proprietor named a reasonable sum for a decorative bottle obviously not knowing the museum quality it represented. Jack felt he had a bargain. So the purchase made, Jack loped out of the store with a smirk on his face. He entered the nearest packing store and had the thing carefully wrapped in bubble wrap and had extra Styrofoam popcorn added to the box he planned to fly home hand carrying. Then he went to get a bite.
The week passed uneventfully except that the shuttle launch had to be delayed yet again. Completely frustrated, Jack flew home to Colorado Springs. He had a mountain of paperwork backed up and several off world missions scheduled. Some other unlucky colonel would have to pick up the shuttle problem later.
Jack threw his bag into the back of his pickup truck at Peterson A.F. Base to head home. But he placed the carefully prepared box on the seat next to him. On the way, his cell phone rang. Activating his headset while driving, Jack heard Daniel ranting about some wonderful discovery asking if he could have more time on the base before heading off on the next mission. Jack burst his bubble saying the mission would proceed on schedule and to box it up for the guys at Area 51.
"Daniel, we are a frontline team. Just catalogue it and send it for deeper examination. You can visit it some other time." He listened to the argument as he swung into his driveway. "Daniel, ack! Just be ready at 0700 tomorrow." Then he heard Daniel say he would be by later as scheduled. "Right, bring some Chinese food with you, pal, none of that Middle Eastern stuff again. You know how I feel about it." Daniel promised to be there at 1800. "And make sure the stuff is hot. Order from the place near my house."
Once home, Jack set down his bags and went to do some laundry. Jack tidied up and set the box on the dining room table. He wanted Daniel's expert opinion on the authenticity of the bottle. He didn't have to wait long. Daniel half-knocked and walked into Jack's house which was rarely locked.
"Yoo Hoo?"
"In here."
"You cleaned up I see. Let's move the box and start. It's hot as ordered."
"Right," Jack indicated the bowls and the napkins. The chopsticks would come from the restaurant. Instead, Daniel pulled out his own jade chopsticks and handed Jack a set. Then he pulled out the matching jade rests for each pair. Jack raised an eyebrow.
"A little anal there, Danny?"
"Don't be an ass. Do you have any idea how old these are?"
"Do you have any idea how clean they are?"
"Just, just for once, get into it. I don't need the inappropriate sarcasm. These are genuine jade carved about five hundred years ago. You are just lucky I don't make you eat with the crappy wooden sticks from the take out joint."
Jack sighed. Same old Daniel, he always had to make things complicated. So they unpacked the dinner and set to it. In the meantime the tea kettle boiled. Daniel went in to make green tea which he had remembered to bring and went looking for the special tea pot he gave Jack for a birthday. Jack sighed. He hated green tea.
After the blood sugar came up and Jack had downed his beer, Daniel started on his pitch to have Jack reverse his decision and whined to get a few more days with his latest discovery. Jack eyed him.
"Tell you what," he innocently offered. "Have a look at something and tell me if it is old."
"Sure, Jack."
They went into the living room where Jack picked up the package and sat on the sofa. Jack un-wrapped the parcel and drew out the bottle handing it to Daniel, who gave a low whistle. He held it up to the light and turned it carefully noting the markings.
"Well?"
"Where did you get this?"
"Antique store in Coco Beach."
"How much?"
Jack told him. Daniel started laughing.
"What?"
"You got a steal. This bottle is at least two thousand years old. It's perfectly preserved too. There isn't a nick or a scratch on it."
"How do you know it's real?"
"The markings and the fact it is in Aramaic."
"What's it say?" Jack opened another beer with his hands. He gestured to give it to Daniel who waved him off all entranced with the bottle.
"He who possesses this container is the master. Desire is costly. Dreams of the Djinn are immortal."
"What?"
Daniel smiled a rueful smile. "Maybe you should rub it?"
"Give me that!"
"I don't know, Jack. It could have a genie in it?"
Daniel was chuckling. Then he started to laugh. Jack wrestled with the stopper. With some extra effort he pulled it out. Sure enough, pink smoke came out of the bottle. Jack tried to stuff the top back on but it was too late.
"Gas! Run!"
Jack tipped over the chair as he jumped up and ran into Daniel. They fumbled with each other only to stop when they heard a sweet feminine voice.
"What is your command, Master?"
Both men stopped in their tracks and stared. A blonde woman in a pink harem costume knelt with her head bowed facing Jack.
"Ok, the gas is making me hallucinate and you," Jack asked Daniel?
"We've seen stranger things." Daniel turned fully to the woman. He bent down to lift her up.
"I wouldn't touch her just yet, Danny."
"You don't have to do that," Daniel continued to lift her up. She seemed confused. Looking around at the two of them and the furnishings of the house she gasped.
"So, who are you," Jack asked casually? He kept moving to where he kept a zat taped under the sofa's end table.
"You speak English! This is wonderful!"
"Yes, and so do you. Now answer the question. Who are you?"
"I am Jeannie, Master."
"She looks suspiciously like Carter."
"Yeah, she does, doesn't she?"
"Now WHAT are you, a figment of our delusion? We must have been gassed good." Jack grabbed the zat and tugged it loose aiming it at her. She seemed unafraid. "It was pink gas. Kinda like that Hathor stuff, Nyquil."
"Nishta, Jack, and no, she's solid." He kept his hand on her upper arm holding her tightly. "So where did you just come from? What planet and how long have you been watching us?"
"I do not understand. He released me from my bottle. I am from this planet as are you." She looked at Jack's space and Air Force related photos. "You are U.S. Air Force?"
"Now if you just came out of a bottle, how do you know that?" Jack pulled out his cell phone and began to dial the SGC. "O'Neill, send a code three team immediately to my house. Hurry," Jack gave the code words for a foothold situation.
"My former master and husband was Air Force General Anthony Nelson, the Astronaut."
Jack hung up the phone in astonishment. Everyone knew of General Nelson. He was a legend in the Space Program. He was a maverick who got to the top. Considering all the strange classified projects associated with that name, Jack wondered what the real story had been, now.
"Daniel, my laptop is in my briefcase in my study. Boot up and do a search on General Anthony Nelson and see if you can get a picture of his wife."
"Right, Jack." Daniel moved off to obey quickly.
"There are no pictures, Master."
"Of course there aren't."
"Genie's do not photograph."
"Of course they don't."
"May I ask your name, Master?"
"No, you may not because you aren't staying."
"Well the one you called Daniel called you Jack."
"And so therefore what?"
"So your name is Jack, Master."
"Then why did you ask?"
"I hoped to learn more."
"You know plenty if you are here." Jack thought about it for a minute. Daniel was out of the room. "So if you are a genie, how many wishes do I get?"
"As many as you want as long as you own the bottle." She pointed to the bottle on the table.
"Sweet, clean up the dinner mess in there," he jerked his head back toward the dining room behind. But he kept his eyes firmly fixed on her and the weapon level. She folded her arms across her chest, gave her head a jerked nod, and blinked.
"It is done, Master."
Curiosity got the better of him. He motioned her to move to the side. Jack sidled along and backed up to look into the dining room. The mess was gone.
"What did you do with the jade chopsticks?"
"They are back in the box with the little rests that are for them."
"Oh, good, because Daniel would be cranky if you made them go 'poof.' You did make that go 'poof' didn't you?" She nodded slowly. "Ok, I want a beer." She blinked again and his hand held a beer not a zat. She giggled at his astonishment. "I want that back."
She blinked and he held the zat not the beer. "You are literal aren't you? So which planet?"
"I am from this one. Do you wish to go to another?"
"Sure. Take me to the Nox planet." Jack thought for a moment and gave her the alphanumeric designation. In the blink of her eye, they both stood on the Nox world by the Stargate. "How did you know this was the right place?"
"I use what you think to provide what you desire."
"You can read my thoughts?"
"Only when you make a wish and only with regards to the fulfillment of that specific wish. So if you ask for a car, I might give you a sedan. If it is not what you want exactly, then you have to specify the make and model. I add the rest from your mind's desire. More complicated wishes require more adjustments."
"How complicated can I make the wish?"
"As complicated as you can describe it or picture it, but…" she trailed off.
"But what?"
"But you must be prepared for the consequences. If you alter time or events, there are consequences. If you alter non-concrete ideas then there are unexpected consequences."
"You seem to know all about this."
"Yes, Anthony did not like most of the consequences and had me reverse the wishes most of the time." She looked sad.
"You miss him?"
"Oh, yes, Master. He was also my husband for forty years." A tear stole down her face.
"What?"
"Oh, I am just wondering what happened to our children."
"You had kids?" Jack was horrified.
"Yes, Master. We had two, a boy and a girl."
"How long have you been stuck in that bottle?"
"I do not know. What is the date?"
Jack told her.
"Then I have been in the bottle for a little over a year."
"Why?"
"I was in my bottle mourning for Anthony when someone broke into the house, stole it, and sold it." She wiped away a tear.
"So your kids are still alive?"
"They should be. And so are my grandchildren."
"Oh God!" Jack remembered the zat and lowered it. "The Code Three team should be arriving soon. We can't go back there. Can you send us to Daniel's apartment?"
In the blink of an eye, they were standing in Daniel's living room, filled with antiquities.
"Um, get Daniel over here, too."
Daniel appeared and got confused.
"It's ok, she's a real genie."
"Why are we here?"
"Hey, why are any of us here?"
"Jack?"
"Daniel?"
"Jack," Daniel huffed.
"Okay, we took a trip to the Nox and back. I didn't want to talk to the Code Three boys. She's got a family. So where are they?"
"It would be easier to go."
"Whoa, just tell me."
"My son, Anthony, Jr. and his wife are in Washington, DC. My daughter, Jeannie, is divorced and somewhere in the Middle East. We have not spoken for a while."
"And the grandkids?"
"Jack, she's not old enough to have grandchildren. Just look at her!"
"Daniel, didn't you say that bottle is over 2,000 years old?"
"Well, the bottle is, but her?"
"Oh, me too," she admitted. "I was born April 1, 64 B.C."
"Well, you look…great!"
"I'll say."
"My grandchildren were in college. Anthony III is at Georgetown University and his sister, Jeannie is at UCLA. My daughter Jeannie's son Rodger is at the Air Force Academy in Colorado. At least that is where they were a year ago."
"Get Rodger over here," Jack commanded.
In the blink of her eye, a young cadet stood in Daniel's living room.
"Grandma? Oh my God! Grandma!" He ran to embrace her. "Where have you been? We were all looking for you. Uncle Anthony and Mom are still searching for you! Dad is too!"
Jack and Daniel watched the scene. Jack coughed to cover up his emotion. Jeannie broke away long enough to recover enough to make introductions.
"Master, this is my grandson Cadet Rodger Healy, Jr. Rodger, this is my new master. His name is Jack but I do not know the rest."
Jack stuck out his hand to the young cadet. "Colonel Jack O'Neill, Air Force." Rodger came to attention instead, leaving the hand hanging in mid-air. Jack understood the boy's meaning. He wasn't accepting the idea of shaking hands with grandma's new master, but Jack was a superior officer. "At ease, Cadet, I have no intention of keeping Granny here. You can take her home after we have a chat."
"Yes, sir, thank you, sir," Rodger answered formally.
Jeannie indicated Daniel to begin the introduction, but Daniel interrupted and introduced himself. Rodger nodded his acknowledgment.
"Cadet, have a seat, everyone." Jack took up his position in the center of the floor. "Daniel, what did you learn?"
"General Nelson was married to a woman named Jeannie and had two children a boy, Anthony and a girl, Jeannie. General Nelson died a year and four months ago, he was 72 years old. He got hit by a car." Jeannie started to cry again. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Nelson."
"Thank you, Daniel. Now, ma'am, if you were truly married to General Nelson you understand about the idea of National Security." He waited for her to nod. "And you too, Cadet?" Rodger nodded silently with his arm around his grandmother. "All of this, and I mean ALL of this is classified. You may not speak of this with anyone without appropriate permission, excepting your family of course."
"Um, Jack, shouldn't we get everyone over here?" Daniel pushed his glasses back up his nose and gave Jack a pointed look.
"No, Daniel, that's why I only asked for Cadet Healy." Jack turned to Healy. "Son, how many of your family members are genies?"
"Uncle Anthony, my mother, and my sister. It runs through the mother."
"And everyone in Baghdad, like Uncle…" Jeannie began to recount the endless relatives.
"Grandma, some of them are not here as in 'here.' They are in the past."
"Well, time is relative, Rodger. I can go visit them whenever I want and they can come here sometimes if I bring them."
"Oy," Jack ruffled the hair at the nape of his neck in frustration. She sure sounded like Carter. "Okay, I get the picture. So we have some folks running around with special abilities.
Suddenly, the room filled with people and… goats. Then someone showed up on a camel. The camel spit on Daniel. A goat took a dump on Daniel's exquisite antique Persian rug. People were yammering away in another language. Arguments started. People were crying and trying to hug Jeannie. Something on Daniel's shelf broke as a man in a big turban with a curved sword turned around not watching where he was going. Daniel groaned. Jack tried to get some control. The yelling got louder.
It was pure chaos.
"Are you all right, sir? SIR?"
"What?"
"Are you all right, sir? We saw you were having a nightmare and heard you cry out in your sleep."
A young couple was next to him. Their kid was pushing Jack's arm. Jack sat up quickly and looked around confused momentarily. He saw he was on the beach and it was nearly dark. Gratefully, Jack sank back in the beach chair.
"I'm fine. Thanks," he answered to the young man. "No problem, thank you."
They smiled and moved off with a wave. Jack waited until they had moved off. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the SGC.
"Daniel, do me a favor. Look up a General Anthony Nelson. Find out what his wife's name was. Right. Yeah, a couple more days. Oh, and say hi to Carter."
He hung up gazing out at the water wondering what Carter would look like in a pink harem outfit.
"Sweet."