Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to the amazing Eric Kripke and to the very fine people of Warner Brothers/The CW. I claim no right to it and am merely playing in their beautiful sandbox. No copyright infringement intended.

Raising Winchesters

John Winchester couldn't remember ever feeling so frustrated with his boys. And that was saying a lot, because raising Sam and Dean Winchester was the epitome of frustration. John knew that his boys were good boys where it counted, but growing up without the softness that a woman could bring to life had definitely made a difference. They were rough and tumble boys, who wrestled and fought constantly and whose speech was often peppered with coarse language. Especially Dean's. But, of course, John was to blame for that.

He let a lot slide when it came to his boys being boys. He wasn't one to jump on either of them for the swear words that left their mouths or the squabbles they got into. Until they went too far. And for the most part, Dean was able to pull them both back before they reached that point.

John had to give his oldest the credit that was due him. Dean often rode the line, but rarely went over the line. Without good reason, that is. Of course, sometimes his reasoning wasn't good enough to keep him out of trouble with his father, but that was okay. John didn't expect to never have to punish his boys. After all, they were Winchesters. And even though he didn't like having to punish them, he definitely didn't hesitate when it was needed.

He knew he didn't offer much in the way of consistency in his boys' lives, what with uprooting them all the time, but the one thing he was consistent in was the rules and what happened when they broke them. Sam and Dean knew exactly what to expect when they screwed up. John didn't let them down in that aspect.

He knew his parenting style left a lot to be desired, but no one could ever argue that he didn't love his boys. He might leave them alone too often and for too long, but he always did everything he could to make it back to them. He might not make sure they went to the dentist or that they didn't eat too many sugary snacks, but he made sure they brushed their teeth twice a day. They had clean clothes that fit them, even if they weren't designer labels. He made sure they got the sleep and exercise that two growing boys needed. And he raised them to love and look out for each other.

Of course, that sometimes backfired on him, especially when it came to Dean. Ever since the night of November 2, 1983, John had made sure that Dean knew he had to watch out for Sammy. Dean was only five years old the first time he heard those words come out of his father's mouth. John could remember it easily, in fact.

After Mary's death, John took his sons to stay with his business partner, Mike, and his wife, Kate. Mike and Kate were a lifeline for him, at first. In the immediate days following Mary's death, and in the months to come, Kate took care of Sam and Dean. Mike took care of everything that needed to be done in the wake of the fire. He also made sure that John didn't drink himself to death in the weeks and months that followed.

Those first few weeks were hard on everyone. Mike definitely had his work cut out for him, keeping John barely functional. And Kate was suddenly busy taking care of a four year old and a six month old. John barely even noticed his boys in the first few weeks. He rarely came out of the room he was staying in, rarely showering or even eating. His nutrition came solely from the bottles of beer and hard liquor and the occasional meal that Mike pressured him into eating. Whenever Mike tried to get him to see his sons, he adamantly refused, knowing that he would lose his tenuous grip on life the moment he laid eyes on them. He knew that wasn't right. He knew that he wasn't being fair to Sam and Dean, that they needed him more than they ever had. But, he wasn't strong enough to do what he should be doing. Losing Mary had taken too much from him and he wasn't sure he would ever recover.

Now, he carried the guilt of that failure with him every single day. He remembered the devastating effect losing their mom to the fire and their dad to the bottle had on his boys. Sam, of course, was just a baby, so the immediate impact on him was less noticeable. He seemed a little more irritable without his mom, but eventually he bonded with Kate, who had been taking care of his needs ever since. Dean, on the other hand, was a mere shell of the child he had been. At first, John wasn't even aware of the fact that the boy had stopped talking and was barely eating enough. Whenever Mike mentioned it to him, John responded by saying that Dean would talk when he wanted to and that he would eat if he was hungry. It wasn't until almost two months later, when he finally pulled himself out of the depths of whatever bottle he was in, that he realized the severity of what was happening to his son.

In the two months since his mother had died, Dean had lost weight. His clothes hung off of his already too lean frame grotesquely. His eyes were sunken and shadowed, his skin pale and sickly looking. But what worried John the most was the way that Dean was completely and totally disconnected from everything around him, except for Sammy.

Kate and Mike were worried, too. Kate, who was spending every single minute with John's boys, finally delivered an ultimatum to John… either sober up and be the father that Sam and Dean needed or move out of the way and let Kate and Mike adopt them. John's eyes were immediately opened to the immense disservice he was doing his sons. And to the danger they were in from his well-intentioned friends.

That was what led John to setting out on the road with an eight month old baby and a despondent five year old, even though he was still barely holding himself together. John had quickly packed up the few belongings they had and placed them in the trunk of the Impala. He then picked up Sam, said goodbye to Mike and Kate, and led Dean out to the car. After making sure Dean was settled into the back seat, he placed a sleeping, swaddled up Sam on the seat next to him, and brought the seat belt around them both, before settling himself in behind the wheel.

Looking into the back seat through the rear view mirror, his eyes met Dean's. John could tell that his son was wondering where they were going, but since he had no idea himself, he couldn't give him an answer. Instead, he said the only thing he could think of.

"Hang on to your brother, Dean, okay? It's your job from now on to watch out for Sammy.

Without a word from Dean, and without a single glance back at Mike and Kate, John put the Impala in gear and drove away from Lawrence, Kansas.

Author's note: Well, this little bit was begging to be written, for some reason. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it and on whether you all think I should continue. Thanks for reading.

P.S. Thanks to a guest reviewer who brought up a few inconsistencies, I've edited the ages of Sam and Dean to the correct ages. And I'm not sure if the Impala has seat belts, but Google says that it was common for a 1967 Chevy Impala to at least have lap belts. Just go with it for the sake of the story? And thanks, guest reviewer, for being observant.