Hi. I'm doing a couple of oneshots before I start my next long fanfic, so expect some mindless drabble. Thanks.
P.S. I don't own lok
The REAL reason you haven't seen a new lok game
(outside eidos HQ, various lok characters are picketing the building. The lobby is protected by a Ward Gate, with eidos security guards manning gun turrets and setting up barbed wire. Behind them, two eidos executives look on)
Executive 1: Have they said why they're doing this?
Executive 2: Some idiot fanfic author told them how much Lara Croft got paid.
Executive 1: Do we have a name?
Executive 2: Yes, but we can't get to him (sigh). He's staying on Gaia, that's Square Enix ground, and he won't come back to Nosgoth til he knows he's safe.
Executive 1: Well, I guess I better go see what they want.
(he walks off, stopping where the assembled strikers can see him, just inside the Ward Gate)
Angry Mob: We're on strike, and we're not coming back til you pay up!
Executive 1: Alright, what do you want?
Angry Mob: We just said-
Executive 1: Okay then, why should we?
(Janos Audron steps out of the crowd)
Janos: I had my heart ripped out for you! Show some respect! That's something Miz Croft never did!
Executive 1: That wasn't you, that was your stunt double! And his blood went to a good cause!
Janos: ...
Executive 1: Anybody else?
Raziel: Why do I have to share my paycheck with a stunt double, I'm immortal!
Executive 1: ...I'll get back to you.
(Raziel picks up a rock and throws it, the Executive dodges. It embeds itself in an inner wall. The executive goes back to talk to Executive 2, who is inspecting the two foot deep crater)
Executive 1: I think we're gonna have to cut Lara's wages.
(both executives suddenly feel a gun barrel against the back of their heads)
Lara: You will not do that.
Executive 1: But you're already a millionaire and we've to pay for all your gear as well!
(she shoots him)
Exec 2: Congratulations Lara, President of Eidos! What are you going to do about the strike?
Lara: Hmm...This will require great delicacy and tact.
(she picks up a rocket launcher and fires it. It blows up a van parked behind the protesters)
Kain: Hey! My sandwich crew was in there!
Raziel: What? YOU have a sandwich crew? But you don't eat!
Kain: So? I am THE most important character in Legacy of KAIN! Besides, you have a make-up artist and you don't have skin.
Raziel: How dare you!
(they fight. Lara turns away)
Exec 2: Well done, President.
Unfortunate Security Guy: But...we already have a President.
Lara: Execute him for questioning me. I'll talk to the President.
(she draws her guns and heads towards the elevator)
I know, I know, It's not remotely funny. Cool concept, bad execution. If anyone wants to do a better job on it, feel free