Hello! A parody thingy, it's stupid and I aplogize for stuff that you could find offensive... but I don't know what... oh well. Read and enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Avenue Q, if I did I would be rich and... I'm not.
HERMIONE GRANGER
Morning, Harry!
HARRY POTTER
Hi, Hermione.
HERMIONE GRANGER
How's life?
HARRY POTTER
Disappointing!
HERMIONE
What's the matter?
HARRY
Voldemort is still trying to kill me
And Snape is killing me in Occlumeny classes
HERMIONE
Oh, I'm sorry!
HARRY
Me too! I mean, look at me!
I'm fifteen years old
By now I always thought -
HERMIONE
What?
HARRY
No, it sounds stupid.
HERMIONE
Aww, come on!
HARRY
When I was little
I thought I would be...
HERMIONE
What?
HARRY
A normal kid!
Not fighting a dark lord and trying to save the wizarding world!
I'm not normal at all!
HERMIONE
Nope!
HARRY
Oh Well,
It sucks to be me.
HERMIONE
Nooo.
HARRY
It sucks to be me.
HERMIONE
No!
HARRY
It sucks to be orphaned
and single
and failing potions.
It sucks to be me.
HERMIONE
Oh, you think your life sucks?
HARRY
I think so.
HERMIONE
Your problems aren't so bad!
I'm kinda pretty
And pretty damn smart.
HARRY
You are.
HERMIONE
Thanks!
I like romantic things
Like music and art.
And as you know
I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have
A boyfriend?
Fuck!
It sucks to be me!
HARRY
Me too.
HERMIONE
It sucks to be me.
HARRY
It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be Harry...
HERMIONE
And Hermione...
HARRY
To not have a life!
HERMIONE
To not have a date!
BOTH
It sucks to be me.
HARRY
Hey, Remus, Sirius, can you
settle something for us?
Do you have a second?
REMUS LUPIN
Ah, certainly.
HERMIONE
Whose life sucks more?
Harry's or mine?
SIRIUS BLACK AND REMUS LUPIN
Ours!
REMUS
We practically live together.
SIRIUS
We're as close
As friends can get.
REMUS
We've been the best
of buddies...
SIRIUS
Ever since the
Day we met.
REMUS
So he knows lots
Of ways to make me
Really upset.
Oh, every day is
An aggravation.
SIRIUS
Come on, that's
an exaggeration!
REMUS
You leave your
clothes out.
You put your feet
On my chair.
SIRIUS
Oh yeah?
You do such anal
Things like ironing
Your underwear.
REMUS
Even in this big house
I can't find a moments peace
You make it a hell
SIRIUS
So do you,
That's why I'm in hell too!
REMUS
It sucks to be me!
SIRIUS
No, it sucks to be me!
HERMIONE
It sucks to be me!
HARRY
It sucks to be me!
ALL
Is there anybody here
It doesn't suck to be?
It sucks to be me!
CHO CHANG
Why you all so happy?
SIRIUS
Becuase our lives suck!
CHO CHANG
Your lives suck?
I hearing you correctly? Ha!
I come to Hogwarts
For opportunities.
Tried of going to
Muggle School
But I am witch.
But with hard work
I earn O's in all my classes!
And now I can be an auror!
But no one want to hire me
And I have a
Dead boyfriend!
And I have lots
Of Quidditch to play!
It suck to be me!
It suck to be me!
I say it
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-
Suck!
It suck to be me!
NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM
Excuse me?
HARRY
Hey there.
NEVILLE
Sorry to bother you, but I'm
looking for a new dorm room
CHO
Why you looking all
the way out here?
NEVILLE
Well, I started at Hufflepuff,
but as a Gryffindor that's tough
But I think I'll come back to
My own house and look
That dorm has only three people!
HARRY
You need to talk to
the Headmaster.
Let me get him.
NEVILLE
Great, thanks!
HARRY
Yo, Dumbledore!
ALBUS DUMBLEDORE
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!
NEVILLE
Oh my God!
It's Albus Dumbledore!
DUMBLEDORE
Yes I am!
I'm Albus Dumbledore
The best wizard since
Merlin himself
I have a lotta money
That got stolen
By the ministry!
Now I'm broke and
I'm the butt
Of everyone's jokes,
But I'm here -
The Headmaster!
Of Hogwarts -
ALL
It sucks to be you.
HERMIONE
You win!
ALL
It sucks to be you.
HARRY
I feel better now!
DUMBLEDORE
Try having people
stopping you to ask you
"Are you really gay?"
It gets old.
ALL
It sucks to be you
At Hogwarts
(Sucks to be me)
At Hogwarts
(Sucks to be you)
At Hogwarts
(Sucks to be us)
But not when
We're together.
We're together
Here at Hogwarts!
We live at Hogwarts!
Our friends do too!
'Til our dreams
Come true,
We live at Hogwarts!
NEVILLE
This is real life!
ALL
We live at Hogwarts!
SIRIUS
You're gonna love it!
ALL
We live at Hogwarts!
DUMBLEDORE
Here's your key!
ALL
Welcome to Hogwarts!
AN: Wow, I can't believe I made this. I guess it came from far too much of my ipod spitting out Avenue Q songs and trying to write the next chapter of my HP fic. But I got an urge so I typed it. I know there's a lack of Ron but I couldn't find a spot for him, I wanted Ron and Harry to be Nicky and Rod but then I didn't have a Brian who would go with Hermione. Speaking of Hermione she makes a perfect Kate, am I right?
Maybe more Harry Potter and Avenue Q parody's we'll see. And note, if I do, the cast of who's who will probably change.
By the way, I apologize to all Cho Chang fans… I felt bad typing all her lines out for some reason.