Progression, a naruto fanfic

I think this story is decent at least. But I hate it. It was a thorn in my side until the moment it was done and even THEN I went back and changed the ending AGAIN after a restless night because of this thing. Aaaargh. I hate the formatting here.

EDIT(MARCH 2008): So I've just now realized that this story not only has quite a few writing errors, but that somehow something got fucked up and a bit of the story is missing in at least one place. So…I'm sorry.

OoOoOoO

Twist, arch, block. Duck, step, slide. To by Hyuuga was to dance. Spin, step, jab. Thrust, step, block. To be Hyuuga was to be strong. Duck, twist, jab, step. Thrust, jab, step, block. To be Hyuuga was to be inhuman.

Hinata realized these things of herself and her clan, every time she fought against Neji. They danced and he was strong, he was inhuman. They moved around each other and Neji took each hit with gusto and never showed any sign of breaking. Every blow he landed on her, Hinata felt. Every jab sent a shock of pain through her body and she would gasp and her lips would purse and she would stumble. She was weak, she was human and she shamed her family. She would look at Neji, see his eyes staring placidly at her, his face stoic, his body loose in his stance and she felt small next to him. She would force the pain away and take her stance again, would force her face to match her cousin's. There was never a reaction when she schooled herself to dance again, no acknowledgement that her strength was admired. Hinata knew she was weak and that weakness was never praised no matter if she managed to succeed in small ways; if she did at all.

Today at least, her successes were non-existent. She was already sagging under the force of Neji's attacks and they had only started twenty minutes ago. Neji stood across from her, swaying easily on his feet, his face straight, his hands still as they took up their positions. Inhuman, strong, this was Neji in all his glory and Hinata was afraid. She knew the power his hands held, knew the way he could bring her to her knees. The ghost of an ache passed through her chest as she remembered the day Neji had almost killed her and her step faltered as she moved to circle the cousin that reminded Hinata of God. Tenten, Neji's teammate, had told her a few months ago that Neji was changed, that he was learning how to smile, how to feel happiness. If that Neji existed, Hinata did not see him standing before her now. His Byakugan twisted his face, made him into an even more sinister creature than he was normally. Hinata knew that her Byakugan was nowhere near as frightening on her fear filled face, it never was, and she wanted to hide her face suddenly at the thought of looking as she did. She stepped toward her cousin and he shifted his weight and Hinata's will gave out. She paused.

"Giving up?" Neji's voice was soft, controlled, stoic and Hinata shivered. Terrifying. Everything about her cousin was terrifying. Hinata's hands faltered in their stances, even as her brows curled downward with her frown.

"No." She said softly and shifted again, brought her hand up to challenge her cousin. Neji moved to accept her challenge and Hinata stepped forward, feet dancing in the sand and she swung out her hand, seeing the chakra point in her cousin's neck.

Pop!

Pain sliced through Hinata's shoulder blade and she stumbled away from Neji, her arms curling up against her chest reflexively. Her left arm was useless; he had closed off her chakra at the shoulder. She tried to keep her face still, to remain stoic, but the grimace of pain came anyway, and her tiny lips curled up, up and her brows drew down, down. Hinata was determined though and she tried to make her arm move, tried to force chakra through her arm anyway.

"You'll hurt yourself." Neji said softly and Hinata's anger flared. She turned angry, lavender eyes on him but remained silent as she attempted to manipulate her body, wishing that she could have been stronger, that somehow she could have gotten better since last they fought.

"I will be fine." She ground the words between her teeth, bone scraping against bone. Her words were clipped and for a moment, Hinata felt powerful at the angry sound of her voice. Neji stepped forward and Hinata shifted away, wary of his attacks and Hinata thought that maybe she saw a crack in Neji's face of stone. It paused her and she allowed him a few steps forward before her good hand came up, ready to fight.

"I am not attacking you." Neji said softly and there was warmth in his tone that had not been there before. Hinata paused again and Neji took two more steps toward her, hesitantly, as man approached a nervous dog. She thought about baring her teeth to him, showing him what kind of dog she was, but her eyes met that of her cousins and her lifted hand wavered. Lavender eyes were shadowed with…concern? For her? Was it true? Neji took two more steps and he was beside Hinata now and Hinata could only stare. He was not attacking, nor did he seem angry. His hands lifted and she tensed, ready to feel his blow, but his hands turned her gently, his hands slid over her shoulder, pressed into the injury on her back. "I'm…sorry." Neji's voice was softer than Hinata's was every time she muttered 'Naruto-kun' when she sighted the love her life. His hand pressed into her back and Hinata shivered because Neji was healing the injury he had inflicted only seconds ago.

"This isn't funny." Hinata said softly and hated herself that she was ready to cry. Neji's hands stilled against her back, against her arm.

"Who's joking?" Was his soft reply and Hinata turned to face him slowly as his hands dropped away. Lavender eyes widened as she stared at him, as she finally saw the newness Tenten had spoken of. Neji's stoicism was gone and was replaced by…by what? His brows were drawn down, his lips curled down as well, but he was not angry. No…he was…sad. "I do not beat myself against my cage anymore, cousin. I am free of my bounds and fly free, to do as I wish." He stepped forward again and Hinata suddenly felt like a cornered mouse. A hand lifted and the Byakugan disappeared-Hinata let her own slip away, afraid of what she would see if she kept it-and Neji placed a hand on the top of her head. Hinata started and drew her arms up to her chest, put her fingers to her mouth, wishing her heart would stop its pounding. Fingers tangled in her hair and then….there!...it was the smile Tenten had said Neji was learning. Lips curled up ever so slightly, eyes warmed to small, lavender flames and crinkled with slight mirth. "I will not see you as my enemy, cousin." And then Neji's hand left her hair and he stepped back and there was something in the way he wouldn't look at her as he bowed his head, as everry branch member didi, turned, and walks away.

Hinata wondered when God had become human.

OoOoOoO

Neji had heard from Tenten, who had heard from Lee, who had heard from Shikamaru, who had heard from Ino, who had heard from Sakura, that Naruto had left, early that morning, in the company of a white haired man. Neji had given his teammate a look and asked her why it mattered, why he should care, and Tenten had given him a look and told him 'because Neji nii-san, Hinata's in love with him, and don't you think she should know?'. For a moment, Neji had felt a whisper of regret that he had never known this of his cousin, but he had shoved it aside because how could he have known-it's wasn't like he could have asked her in between the times he was trying to kill her during their fight. Still…Neji had felt another, stronger emotion and he had been surprised it was worry, concern in fact, for his cousin's well being. He had stood with Tenten for a long moment, staring at her, wondering if admitting his worry was a good idea, or if Tenten would have teased him. Ultimately he had simply turned and walked away, leaving Tenten to do whatever she liked behind his back. Neji had left the training grounds and had gone looking for his cousin, having decided that perhaps it was up to him to let her know.

As he had wandered the city, looking for Hinata, he had wondered when 'concern' had become a part of Neji's vocabulary. It had not been the day that Hinata had nearly died at his hands. It had not been the day that he had fought Naruto and lost; no, Neji had learned much that day-freedom, choice, weakness, pride-but not concern. It had been, perhaps, the day he had gone with Naruto to bring Uchiha Sasuke home. Perhaps it had been the look in Naruto's eyes that had told Neji the meaning of the word 'concern'. Neji wasn't sure, but he knew what it was now, knew what it meant when his pulse skipped a beat, knew what it meant when his mind raced with 'what if', knew what it meant when he quickened his pace at the sight of his quiet, gentle hearted cousin, standing at a street vendor, buying ice cream with her teammates. Neji had hurried forward but had not let it show in the way he carried himself. He had kept his face stoic as he closed the distance between them, had clenched his hands at his sides to keep from fidgeting with his clothes-a habit he had recently picked up because worry, apparently, did that to people.

All of them had seen Neji's approach. Inuzuka had slid closer to Hinata and his dog had lifted its little lips to snarl. Aburame's hand had twitched around his ice cream cone and Neji had heard a buzz of insects.

And now he stood in front of them, his hands at his sides, fingers opening and closing with the nervousness he felt suddenly. He knew how Hinata would react to his tidings, knew that she would drop her ice cream cone and cry. Absently Neji wondered if he had money in his pockets that would buy more ice cream. Neji wondered when he had started looking at his cousin and seeing 'friend', 'comrade', and 'cousin' and not 'enemy', opponent', 'mistress'. It had not been the day he'd almost killed her, not the day he had fought Naruto and listened to the boy sing Hinata's praises, and not the day that he had gone after Uchiha Sasuke. Perhaps…perhaps it had been the day she had come to his hospital room, whispering, 'please, get better Neji-san because father loves you best'. Neji knew that subconsciously, he hadn't cared that his uncle loved him best, only that Hinata wanted him to get better, that she wanted him to live even though…even though he almost killed her. That had seemed so important then and it seemed so important now to know that Hinata wanted him to be alive, that she wanted him to stay on this earth a little longer.

"I need to speak with you." Neji said softly, echoes of Hinata's pleas whispering softly through his mind and Neji wasn't sure why, but the memory made him want to smile. Inuzuka growled and Aburame shifted his feet and Neji knew they would fight him if they perceived a threat and Neji suddenly liked these boys, liked that they were protective of the girl behind them. Hinata seemed wary but unafraid and that heartened Neji a little.

"Neji-san." She said softly and stepped between her two protectors, smiling at each in turn. Inuzuka seemed to swell under her smile, and Aburame visibly relaxed and Neji realized that these boys adored his cousin, loved her as a precious person in their lives. Neji felt an ache and he didn't want to think that it was envy for such love; Neji told himself that he didn't even know what love meant. "Neji-san, what is it?"

Suddenly Neji realized that he hated it when she called him 'Neji-san'. Her voice wavered over his name and that title and he felt old when she spoke to him that way, felt like somehow he was epically above her in every way. Only a few months ago Neji would have basked in false pleasure over being called 'Neji-san' by the one he had always hated most. Now though…now she was the closest to 'friend' Neji had ever considered someone and being called 'Neji-san' was like a punch to the gut. He stepped toward her and her eyes widened ever so slowly and he knew that she was wondering why he came closer, why he put himself within range of the two boys on either side of her. Hinata's ice cream cone was dribbling over her fingers, coating them in sticky chocolate rivulets and she didn't seem to notice. Neji decided that he didn't want her to have to get more and he lifted his hands-noting the way Inuzuka's lips curled up higher, revealing sharp canines and the way Aburame shifted closer to Hinata, ready to defend-and he wrapped his own fingers around Hinata's and the cone she held and felt the chocolate oozing through his fingers.

"Tenten told me." Neji said softly and he wasn't sure how to continue. His voice sounded cold and emotionless and Neji cleared his throat and tried to sound different…he wanted to sound different. "She told me that Uzumaki has left. She felt that I should tell you since…" Neji trailed off because he felt stupid suddenly, holding Hinata's sticky hands so she wouldn't drop her ice cream, watching two over protective teammates from the corners of his eyes. Neji was glad that his body had never learned to blush and for a moment he thought about letting go of Hinata's hands.

And then she started to cry and from the nauseous feeling Neji was getting, he knew that he would not be walking away.

OoOoOoO

"Here."

Hinata looked up at her cousin as he silently slipped up beside her, a small bowl of tea held out in his fingers. She stared at him for a long moment, unsure of why he was here, why he was offering her tea. His stance was easy and human, and Hinata was seeing the new Neji again. She smiled at him then and took the tea he proffered, cupped the little bowl in her small hands. Neji sat down beside her then and Hinata saw that he had his own tea bowl. He took a sip as he stared out over the koi pond Hinata sat before-and had her feet dipped in. His face was calm, cool and collected and Hinata thought he looked statuesque. To the outside eye, Neji would have seemed the golden boy of the head family. He sat with poise, his back straight, his face calm, his stance haughty. Hinata would have seemed the lowly child of the branch family. She sat with quiet self-loathing, her shoulders hunched, her face sad, her stance unsure and uneasy.

Quietly Hinata admired her cousin, saw him as a pillar of strength to the Hyuuga clan. Many times over the years, as she had watched him train with those of the branch family, Hinata had wished their places switched, to the benefit of them both. She had wished for the darkness of the shadows the head family cast and the brightness of the sun for her cousin. He had hated her and Hinata had almost been glad of it because she hated herself as well. When they had fought though, she had seen the pain in his heart, seen how the shadow of the head family had let mold grow through her cousin's soul, and she had hated herself more, simply because of her status.

"Why are you staring at me?" Neji sounded almost amused and his eyes cut to Hinata. She blushed and looked away from her cousin, embarrassed to have been caught.

"I…admire you Neji-san." She said softly and took a sip of her tea. Chrysanthemum. Her favorite. She wondered how Neji knew. "You have had your jealousy of me, of the head family, and I have had my jealousy of you, and your power." She spoke quietly for her cousin, afraid to give true voice to what she felt. She spoke near blasphemy according to Hyuuga family belief, and it did not do to speak it too loudly. She did not look at her cousin when she fell silent because she didn't want to see how he reacted to her words. Instead she sipped her tea and wiggled her toes in the cool water of the pond, the small mouths of the koi tickling the bottom of her feet. The silence stretched out and Hinata began to feel nervous and very much wanted to put her fingers to her mouth, but then Neji spoke, dispelling her nerves. His voice was even softer.

"You…should not be jealous of me."

Neji wanted to say something else, Hinata knew. She saw the words hovering just inside her cousin's lips and she wondered what they were. He said nothing else, however and silence fell again, thick, palatable and uneasy. Hinata sipped her tea and silently thanked her cousin for it, as she would never say aloud. There were many things Hinata would never say aloud, no matter how much she told herself otherwise. Secretly she knew that Naruto would never know of her feelings if it was left to her to voice them. She would never tell Kiba that she envied his relationship with Akamaru. She would never tell Shino that she admired the strength of character it took to allow bugs to inhabit hs body. Hinata would never tell her father that she hated him because he loved her sister more, never tell her mother that she blamed her for the way Hinata was now. She would never, ever tell Neji just how desperately she wanted to live as he did, as a branch family member, as a golden child lost in dark shadow. She danced around everything that threatened to give light to her secret thoughts, just as she danced around the enemies who tried to fight her. To ignore secret thoughts was to be Hyuuga, after all.

After the silence had stretched longer than the shadows had from the setting sun, another pair of feet joined Hinata's in the pond and she was surprised at the sight. The second set of feet wiggled toes, turned ankles and the fish came, ready to nibble at Neji's feet. When she glanced at her cousin, Neji was smiling softly at the small fish, the warmth she had seen all those months ago, back in his eyes.

"I like these fish." Neji said and Hinata giggled.

OoOoOoO

Three days ago Hyuuga Hanabi had graduated from the Academy and become a kunoichi, just as her elder sister before her. She had graduated first in her class in everything, unlike her elder sister in every way. Her father had congratulated Hanabi with a warm smile and kiss, just as he had never done for her elder sister. Hinata had stood by and watched the interaction and her heart had broken at the sight. Hanabi was the beloved child of their father and Hinata…Hinata was there for her sister to use as a punching bag. Hanabi had turned to Hinata only briefly, a flash of arrogance shining in her eyes because she knew how Hinata craved the attentions of their father. Hinata had turned away from her sister, angry and self-loathing and clenching her hands into fists at her sides. She had left her father, mother and sister there and had gone home, alone, her tears staining her face and clothes. Three days later and Hinata was crying again.

She stood before the mirror in her room, mopping tears from her eyes to keep them from ruining the kimono she wore. It was of the finest silk the color of the sun, fine white orchids dancing across the material. Her mother's house woman, Ai-a cousin of Hiashi in the branch family-had tied an obi of deep blue around Hinata's slim waist and had presented Hinata with new sandals, the clasps the same shade of blue. Ai had done Hinata's hair, had piled her shoulder length hair onto her head in the most traditional of styles, using bone combs, silver pins and mother of pearl clasps to secure Hinata's hair to her head. Finally a long cascade of ivory orchids had been set into Hinata's hair, to fall delicately along the left side of her face and when Hinata had turned her head, they had clinked together like the wind chimes of the garden. Hinata had smiled and thanked her father's cousin profusely, had assured Ai that yes, she would bring her fan, that yes she would not be late and that yes she would be careful with her hair. Then she had dismissed her, and burst into tears.

This had never been done for her, when she had graduated from the Academy. She had had no party, no reception, no tea ceremony to celebrate her accomplishments. She wore a kimono that had been made only so she would not shame her sister by being underdressed for the occasion, only looked beautiful to make her sister look better. Her body was wrapped in fine silk, her hair done up with expensive pins and he face painted with kohl and lip stain-not that the kohl was surviving her fit of tears-but it was only so that she could stand behind her sister and demure to her. She hated it. She hated the kimono she wore, the beautiful pins and cascading ivory in her hair. She hated the new sandals, the elaborate make up and she hated, hated her family. Hinata turned in the mirror and silently she hoped that her sister would trip and fall and make a fool of herself. She touched the ivory orchids hanging against her face and Hinata silently hoped that her father ate bad food and got sick. Angrily she snatched her fancy fan-done in the yellow, blue and white of her kimono-from her bed and silently hoped that her sister died on her very first mission and immediately rapped herself harshly on the back of her hand for thinking such a thing. Hanabi was her sister, her little, dear sister and she would not die, she would prosper and become a wonderful kunoichi and Hinata would be happy for her.

Hinata stopped from her room, her face contorted into an angry face that nearly no one had ever seen grace her features before.

It was cold outside, too cold to be walking around in nothing but a silk kimono and little sandals, and Hinata wished that she had brought a coat or a cloak or something. She would have been scolded for doing such a thing, for wearing something so informal to a ceremony, but Hinata thought that maybe she wouldn't have cared what her family thought, even though she knew that was a lie. She slipped her arms into the opposite sleeves of her kimono and ducked her head, her orchid cascade tinkling in her ear, and hurried her steps, feeling wobbly in the new sandals. Absently Hinata realized that they were higher than she was used to and she was sure that the only reason she stayed up was because she was a kunoichi, no matter how bad of a kunoichi she was. She wondered what Kiba would have said of her silly sandals, what Shino would have said about her ridiculous hair and the mere thought of her boys and the faces they would make made her smile, made things just a bit more bearable. With them she would be able to regale the silliness of her family. With them she could be herself and never worry that they would judge her unfit of kunoichi status.

"Hinata-chan!"

Hinata skittered to a stop in her sandals, cursing her inability to walk and turned to face the voice behind her and she smiled at the sight of her cousin. He was dressed in his black ninja uniform, Jounin vest zipped up against the cold. The pack on his back meant he had just come back from his mission and Hinata was so happy to see him. She hurried back down the path a huge smile plastered to her face, tears beginning in her eyes. It was good that he was home, that he would be here to keep her company among a group of fools. The boy before her, the strong, sleek Jounin smiling at her from down the path was her only friend in this family. Neji, who had once hated her and everything she stood for, was now the only person Hinata cared to be around when in their family prefecture. The boy who had tried to kill her was the one who comforted her whenever Hinata felt the sting of her father's refusal. Once he had been the one person Hinata had hoped to never cross paths with when she was alone; now she wished they could be together all the time.

She reached him and threw her arms around the taller boy's neck, tears already dribbling from her eyes and over her cheeks. She buried her face into his flak vest and wished that she didn't have to go to the ceremony, that she could sneak into Neji's room and get him to tell her about his mission. Neji seemed surprised by her affection and his arms slipped around hers uneasily, held her in a gentle hug that Hinata should have seen through. She was oblivious however, as she pulled away from him and dabbed at her face with the handkerchief she'd slipped into her sleeves. She knew that her face was ruined again, but she didn't care; her father would have found something to criticize anyway. Her cousin's eyebrows furrowed as he stared at her and Hinata knew he was asking why, why are you crying Hinata?

"Father is having a beautiful ceremony for Hanabi tonight." She said softly and tried a smile that felt sickeningly fake, even as she plastered it to her face. "She is a kunoichi now. Graduated first in her class." Hinata watched anger flash across Neji's eyes and she knew that he was angry for her benefit. She was grateful to him suddenly and she lowered her head, dabbed at her eyes again. She could not be openly angry, but Neji could and would be and that was enough for her. She felt a warm hand slid against her arm, take hold of her elbow and she glanced up and wondered what the look was in Neji's eyes.

"You have said that…you wished to be like me." He said softly and his face was so concerned and Hinata wished she could have kissed his cheek without making him uncomfortable-she had tried it once and Neji had gotten really jumpy afterward and it just wasn't a good idea. She nodded uneasily at his words and Neji nodded back, and a smile began to curl his lips. He leaned down and lifted his hand, showed Hinata a silver pin that must have fallen from her hair in her haste to get out of the cold. Wordlessly he slipped a hand up into her hair and deft fingers slipped the pin back into place as he spoke again. "I had no ceremony either, when I graduated the Academy," his smile become something more, something more devious and Hinata found herself grinning at him. "And I am three times what your sister will ever be. Consider yourself like me, Hinata-chan and not like your sister at all." He stepped back from her and Hinata wondered if the flush in his cheeks was from the cold or from something else-like sickness. With an inclination of his head, he smiled one more time-a small, controlled curl of his mouth-and he turned away from her, heading back to his room for much needed rest. Hinata watched him go and decided that he held the place closest to her heart-next to Naruto of course.

OoOoOoO

"I've lost my chance Neji-kun." Hinata's voice was soft and watery and Neji knew there were tears in her eyes. He set his pen down and shoved his report away-Neji had never known that being a Jounin would require so much work. He stared down at his desk for a long moment, feeling small, sweet eyes on his back from where his cousin stood in the doorway of his bedroom. He knew that she stood against the door jamb, nearly hugging it in her unease and that she worried her pretty bottom lip in her teeth. He knew that tears wet her gentle lavender eyes, that her head hung and that liquid hair fell into her face. Neji didn't need the Byakugan to see how his cousin held herself, to see how she felt, to know what she spoke of. Uzumaki Naruto, the love of her cousin's life. He knew that she was speaking of him and how she'd lost her chance with him and Neji hated himself for feeling like he might smile at the confession.

He didn't know when he had stopped seeing Hinata as 'friend', 'comrade' and 'cousin' and started seeing her as 'beautiful'. It had not been the day that he had watched her cry over her ice cream, sad that Uzumaki was gone. It had not been the day that she had given Neji chocolate on Valentine's Day and told him that it was only fair, since she was fond of him after all. Perhaps…perhaps it had been the day Neji had become Jounin and Hinata had cried with pride when she watched the ceremony. That day she had smiled at him, her small hands clutched before her mouth and she had congratulated him with abandon, kissing his cheek and presenting him with expensive, custom made kunai. That day Neji had laughed, truly laughed, when Hinata, Kib and Shino had decided he needed to have a celebratory dinner that didn't include 'stuffy old Hyuuga people' as Kiba had said. That day…that day Neji had seen Hinata in a new light and he had realized what 'love' really meant.

"You can come in Hinata-chan." He said softly and didn't turn because he didn't want to see the tears in her eyes. He heard her feet shuffle as she came into the room, heard the whisper of air and a staccato 'click' as she shut the door behind her. Usually she was never allowed to come here, to the homes of the branch family, but Hiashi had learned months ago that Neji would become a difficult student if Hinata were to be kept from his company for too long. Neji knew that Hiashi had an idea of what it was Neji felt, and he knew the man hated it, hated that his daughter had caught the attentions-however secret-of a branch family member. Most men would have been upset over the incest but no, Hiashi only cared of status; Neji cared for neither and didn't mind that he would be labeled 'sick' if he were to ever act on these new, amazingly tender feelings for his cousin. There was a creak as Hinata sat down on his futon-the thing was set on a frame older than Neji-and it was only then that Neji glanced at her.

He had on a single lamp in his room and his cousin's tear stained face was cast in deep shadow. The newest part of Neji, the warm, real, human part of Neji wanted to wipe the tears from Hinata's face, tell her that everything would be okay because he loved her and she didn't need to worry. Instead he simply turned in his chair and propped elbows on his knees, stared at Hinata with his head cocked to one side. He had pulled his long hair back at the nape of his neck and it slipped over his shoulder, brushed his lower arms as Hinata's eyes came up to meet his.

"He was kissing her." She said so softly and so brokenly that Neji couldn't help the way his hands clenched each other in an effort to keep himself from touching Hinata, to comfort her. Instead Neji asked her 'who' and Hinata's eyes drifted back to the floor where slippered feet rubbed against each other in nervousness. "Sakura." She said softly and anger flashed through her eyes. "I was walking past the old bridge where Naruto-kun would meet his team and I saw them standing together." Hinata's voice wavered and she lifted her hands to her mouth and shivered. Neji cracked his knuckles and tried to pretend that he didn't want to gather Hinata into his arms. Any normal boy would have done it, would have gathered the small kunoichi in their arms and comforted her, whispered love and protection into her ear and made her forget that stupid Uzumaki boy. But Neji…Neji wasn't normal. Only two and a half years ago he had tried to kill the very girl sitting before him. Two and a half years ago he had wished death on her and her father and her sister and everyone in the head family. Two and a half years ago, Neji had not understood the words 'love' or 'friend' or 'freedom'. He was new to this, to loving Hinata, to being friends with the people he worked with, to allowing himself to be accepted by his uncle. A part of him scoffed every time Neji felt as though he needed to protect Hinata, was disgusted every time Neji teased Lee in a friendly fashion, or told Tenten that her latest outfit looked nice on her. That old part of him went wild with rage every time Neji felt close to his uncle.

"They have…been through a lot Hinata-chan."

"She's called him 'idiot' and she's hit him and she's mean." Hinata said sharply and Neji sat back, startled at the sound of his cousin's voice. She lifted angry eyes to him and her hands left her mouth to clench into fists. "He is such a good person. He is caring and friendly and she will hurt him."

Neji realized that Hinata wanted to protect too. Long ago she had placed Uzumaki Naruto on a pedestal and had listed his positive qualities over and over again in her head. She had loved him from afar, admired his goodness and inner strength. To her, Haruno Sakura was a cruel girl, mean spirited and unappreciative of Uzumaki's traits. Neji recognized this attitude as the one he held for her and he could only smile at her in his shadow clad room and nod, understanding how she felt. Hinata shook her head and lifted her hands again and pressed them over her face.

"You're too good for him, Hinata." Neji said and he wondered how it was that he'd not been able to stop himself from speaking. He saw the way Hinata tensed and wondered if she was angry, if she would explode in a fit of anger and proceed to tell him that she was the one not good enough. He wouldn't put it past her of course, because he knew that she hated herself, knew that she saw herself as the weakest kunoichi alive; Neji would never admit it but he considered Tenten beneath Hinata in many ways. Hinata danced beautifully. She knew how to use her Byakugan, knew how to use her hands. She knew her techniques and knew how to read body language and Neji didn't see why it was so important that she was best because not everyone could be the best. He had become the best because he had allowed hate to fuel his genius, allowed his twisted beliefs to make him powerful. Neji did not want Hinata to hate, did not want her to view the world in a twisted sort of fashion. He wanted Hinata to be herself and to be nothing but herself…because 'herself' was perfect.

"Why would you say that?" Her voice was muffled by her hands but Neji heard the waver in her voice, heard the curious, almost-hope that fell from pretty, petite lips. Neji lowered his head and smiled, sure that she wouldn't see it.

"He's the most unperceptive dobe I've ever met, Hinata-chan. He's a raving pervert and can't stay in one place for too long. He's a good person, yes, but…" Neji trailed off. But what? But now he's with Haruno and maybe you should look for someone else? But you deserve someone who will dote on you? But just from sheer personality he would close you up like a dead bud and you would never, ever bloom? But…

"But what?" Hinata was looking at him now and Neji licked his lips and kept his head down. He didn't want her to see his face because then she would know and he couldn't tell her, no he could never tell her.

"But I don't think he would ever understand you."

Hinata fell silent after his comment and Neji didn't know what else he could say. He felt bad because he knew how that sounded, but it was better than telling her the truth. After a moment, Hinata let her hands drop from her mouth and she pressed her hands into her lap and smiled a smile so fake that it made Neji sick.

"Tell me about your mission." She said and Neji hated himself.

OoOoOoO

Springtime in Konoha brought rain. Lots and lots of rain. Unpaved streets would become muddy trenches, the branches of trees would bow, full of water, and everything, well into summer, would smell of rain. The skies would darken to dull greys, muted silvers, and white-blue clouds and the heavens would open and pour out drop after drop after drop of pure water. Rain made things live, gave life in abundance and the earth drank it up, and that was why Hinata loved the rain. It cleaned everything it touched, made it all feel new and somehow better than it was before. As a child she had run out into the springtime rain and thrown her arms out, tilted her head back and drunk her fill of, had danced in it. She didn't drink the rain anymore, didn't dance in it, because she was a grown woman now, she was a kunoichi, and neither did such childish things. She stared at the rain though, every time it came, and she mourned every drop left un-tasted and un-danced in.

Right now she sat on the covered porch of the training grounds and stared out across the yard watching the rain pour. She could almost see herself standing out among mud and the rain, could almost taste the raindrops as they spattered against her face and were caught in her mouth. Instead she kept her legs crossed, her back straight and simply stared out at it and wished, as every woman of Hyuuga house did. For a moment Hinata thought about how her sister, Hanabi, never had to wish, only had to speak to get what it was she wanted. For a moment she reminded herself that things were grossly unfair against her, that she was held to the standards of a mere woman and not a kunoichi of her family. She told herself that she was entitled to her own law, told herself to stand and walk into the rain.

"Hinata."

She started from her thoughts and turned at the voice, smiled at the sight of her cousin. Neji smiled in turn, a small, genuine curve of lips as he stepped from the interiors of the training rooms. He was dressed as though he was going to begin sword fighting someone, and Hinata had to giggle at the sight. Neji, knowing why she giggled, only rolled his eyes as he reached her, sat down beside her.

"Neji-kun." She said affectionately and arched a brow at the way his long hair was pulled back into a bun. "You look sweet." She teased softly and hung her head as Neji's brows furrowed in forced annoyance. Neji was like the rain, Hinata decided. When he showed up, he made Hinata feel new and refreshed and she felt like growing beautiful and blooming, just for him, so that she could show him just how she appreciated him. She wasn't sure what these thoughts, these feelings meant, but they were better than nearly everything she'd ever known. When Neji said her name, she felt like smiling. When Neji encouraged her to do her best, Hinata felt as though she could accomplish everything. "Why are you dressed like that?"

"The clothing is comfortable. I've learned to appreciate civilian clothes."

Hinata glanced up at him and her eyes fell immediately to the blue whorl of tattoo on Neji's upper left arm. Yes, she was sure that the clothes he wore now felt better than the tightness of the ANBU uniform, that being like this was better than walking about as the masked nightmare he became nearly every day of his life. She wanted to touch the tattoo on his arm, but Neji would have frowned, would have been sad that she brought attention to it, and Hinata didn't want to see Neji frown. Neji's frowns, and nearly every face that he made that wasn't a smile, made Hinata sad, and she didn't want to be sad today.

"Are those silver pins in your hair?"

"Yes." Neji smiled again and he glanced at Hinata. There was a mischief in his eyes that Hinata had seen so few times before, and she found herself grinning at that look, found herself leaning closer to her cousin to hear what he said next. "Do you remember, six months ago, the night of Hanabi's ceremony?" Hinata nodded. "A pin dropped from your hair and I pretended to put it back. I really took another just to have some of my own."

"Neji-kun!" Hinata said with a little gasp, obediently widening her eyes to make her mock horror ever more amusing. "Ai-san said I was missing two when I got in that night." She frowned at him and looked away from her smiling cousin, put her eyes back on the falling rain. "You're a bad person for stealing."

Neji chuckled and he fell silent afterward, and Hinata knew that he was watching the rain too. She wanted to tell him how she saw the rain, how it made her feel, what she saw in it, but the words felt childish, even in her mind, and so she simply pursed her lips and straightened her back and wished.

"I'm leaving the family prefecture."

Hinata looked at her cousin, startled. Leaving the family home? He couldn't do that. He was a branch member, her father's goldenboy and…and he couldn't leave her here. He wouldn't leave her here. Would he?

"Why? Father will…" Hinata trailed off and looked away from the angry look that passed over her cousin's face when she mentioned her father. He didn't care of course. Her father was no close friend of Neji, however well they got along these days. Neji would do what he would do, because that was who Neji had become. Hinata wouldn't have had it any other way. "I'll miss you." She said to the falling rain and there was a pain in Hinata's chest she couldn't fully understand. Hinata hung her head. "I'll miss you very much." She said it again and the pain only got worse. Silence fell then and Hinata snuck a look at cousin, wondering why he didn't explain himself. He with his knees drawn to his chest, his chin resting on his knees and his posture struck Hinata as strange. It was such a defensive, frightened gesture, one that had no business on Neji's body. Hinata wanted to ask about that as well, but if her earlier thoughts had been too childish, these were worse, and so she kept her mouth shut.

It was Neji who spoke.

"When we were children, I watched you dance in the rain." He confessed this so softly, so uneasily that Hinata had to look at him and wonder why. She cocked her head at him and opened her mouth to speak, but Neji didn't seem to notice. He kept speaking. "When I first met you, the day I got my brand, I told father that you were cute." Lavender eyes stared hard at the scene before them and Neji's jaw clenched visibly as he curled his arms farther around his legs. He fell silent again and Hinata blinked at him, wondering why it was he'd said something like that, and wondering even more why it was she who was blushing.

"Neji-"

"But I'd seen you before, dancing just out there, in the mud and the rain and I would always think about joining you, just to see if you'd let me."

Why was he saying these things? He sounded so unlike himself. Neji never spoke this much, never shared his mind in such fullness. There was no reason for him to be speaking about these things, or speaking at all for that matter and Hinata wanted to stop him, to ask him why he was saying this, but then Neji looked at her and Hinata couldn't speak. His face was so still, so open, so true and Hinata knew that he felt every word he was saying. Her Byakugan would have not seen as much as she was seeing now in her cousin's face. She had seen Kurenai-sensei look at Sarutobi Asuma like this once. Naruto looked at Sakura-chan like this every time Hinata saw them together. She knew this look, knew what it meant and her small mouth fell open in shock because there was no way Neji was looking at her like that. Old comments, old words came rushing back to Hinata and suddenly, they made sense like they never had before and Hinata blushed at the memories and ducked her head, brought her fingers to her mouth and shivered.

"Neji-kun." She said softly, so softly, not trusting her voice not to break if she spoke any louder. She had never expected…never would have guessed. Hinata watched with wide eyes as hands slid into her line of vision and wrapped around her small hands, tugged them down from her mouth. She lifted her eyes, ever so slowly and stared at Neji from behind dark bangs. His hands were warm and shaking as he drew Hinata's hands up, up to his mouth and Hinata shivered again as he pressed lips to her knuckles. His eyes bore into hers and she was lost just then, in the expression on his face.

"Would you…could you leave with me?" His voice was soft, pleading, his eyes trying not to show hope. Hinata stared at him and felt as though the world had suddenly changed, the second he'd said those words. With him. With him. He wanted her with him. Did he mean…did he want…? Hinata blushed again and looked away from her cousin, drew her lip into her mouth, looked back at him and blushed again.

"Father-" She began but Neji cut her off.

"Do you care?" He said fervently and his brows curled down over his eyes. "Do you really care what he wishes for you?"

"Neji I don't-"

"I love you."

Hinata thought that if Neji hadn't been holding her hands, she would have toppled backwards with shock. As it was, her mouth fell open, her lavender eyes widened and she felt as though maybe her stomach would fly away with the force of the butterfly wings inside it. Neji's face was sincere and intense and there was no way he didn't mean it and…Hinata was glad he meant it. She…liked that he meant it. She…

"I-I…love you too…Neji." Her voice sounded so soft, so nervous, so afraid to speak because it wasn't okay for her to say this. She shouldn't have said it, shouldn't have meant it but it was the only thing to say to him, the only thing to feel. "I just…how could you…"

"I couldn't help it. Every moment with you…took me just one step closer." Neji was smiling with the force of his words when Hinata looked at him with wide eyes. "Is that okay?"

"Y-yes." Hinata said softly, knowing that she was saying 'yes' to many more things than she could think of. 'Yes it's okay that you love me', 'Yes I'll leave this place with you', 'Yes, yes, yes'.

"I want to see you dance again." Neji said softly and Hinata blushed again at the way Neji's lips curled ever upward as he climbed to his knees, as he pulled them both to their feet. "I want to dance with you." He said and Hinata couldn't help her smile, couldn't help the way she bloomed under his loving gaze, couldn't help the enthusiasm she felt as she dragged him into the waiting rain.

OoOoOoO

Neji wasn't sure when he'd decided to kiss Hinata, wasn't sure when he'd decided to pull her into his embrace and press his mouth against hers, but the moment he did, and the moment he felt her melt against him with sweet, happy compliance, he knew that it didn't matter.