It's funny how time works. It could drag on for what seemed like decades, or go by in less than a second.
Isabelle laid still, the air was stagnant and musty. Dust collected on her vanity, on the floor, and on the blankets around her. No light entered the room, except that of a sliver from the curtains, illuminating specs of dust in the air.
She had held herself together decently over the past days in Alicante and Jocelyn and Luke's wedding, but now she was alone, and aloud to let her guard down. Alec would slip in her room from time to time, checking on her, mostly to see if she was still breathing, and sit food on her bedside table. He had given up asking if she was okay, because she screamed the answer without even opening her mouth. He knew it wasn'tfair, he got his happy ending, everyone did. Jocelyn did, Luke did, Clary and Jace as well, and then there was her.
He had only seen Izzy like this once. And that was with Max, even then she had no time to grieve. Their lives had been constant, battle to battle, rune on rune, and now there was silence, and she almost wished the turmoil back. At least then she wouldn't be alone with her thoughts.
There was hope, Alec tried to remind her of that once, and got nothing but a doubtfully grotesque glare.
Days had past, and the only movements she made were to feel her own pulse. The pain in her chest made her think that it had completely shattered. The pain was a different kind of pain. Not a wound that could be healed with a rune, not one that medicine could subside. Just a hollow, disgusting ache in her chest and stomach. It made her feel weak.
Vulnerable and stupid, but she couldn't bring herself out of it. All she pictured when she closed her eyes were Simon's. The warm chocolate that colored his eyes and hair, his square framed glasses that he always forgot to take off as he fell asleep or when he kissed her… The way the curls always bounced when he spoke about his stupid D&D game. How he said her name, so full of longing and love. The moment when he said he loved her, and she said it back.
Where his memories were gone, hers never seemed to stop clouding her mind. It was crippling, she lay in bed, clutching her stomach and her chest. Week old food lay on her bedside table, she hadn't touched a thing. She had a sip of water the night before, but it seemed to physically hurt to do anything. She had nothing but hatred flowing through her veins, hatred and despair.
She hated herself, she should have stopped him, she should have taken his place. She shouldn't be so broken up about it now, it was pathetic and low, and selfish…
She slipped into oblivion, slowly, the memories faded into dreams, and her eyes closed.
Izzy woke up hours later to see Alec standing over her bed, a worried look on his face.
But his worry was mixed with something else, something she hadn't seen in a long while, hope. She opened her eyes slowly, she saw the sadness in his eyes.
They were close, they had always been and she knew she was worrying him deeply, but she couldn't pull herself out of it.
"Izzy, you need to get up." Alec said with a gentleness that made her want to cry. "Please, its important." He tried again.
She rolled onto her other side, something she hadn't done in days. It made her lightheaded, most likely from the lack of food and staying in the same place for days. She felt a firm but loving grasp on her shoulder. "Isabelle, I mean it, get up." He sounded more serious, the gentleness had faded and he gripped her wrist, pulling her up.
She jerked her arm back, and fell into the bed once more. "Alec stop. I don't feel good." She said softly, her voice cracking, it was hoarse, she had almost forgotten how to use it. He stripped the blankets from her bed, and she sat up. "Fuck off Alec" She breathed, tears threatening to spill from her swollen eyes. She could sense that she had hurt him but she didn't care. He gripped her shoulder and forced her to look into his tired blue eyes. A chill ran through her as he spoke. "Isabelle, Get up, you will want to see this." She knew then that she didn't have a choice. The authoritative tone in his voice was new, mixed with responsibility and it made her miss the days before when they were just children.
She nodded solemnly, and pushed back the remaining covers with her foot. She slowly slid out of bed and yanked a brush through her long black hair. He ran his hand gently on her shoulder and then left her. She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like shit, her eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks were tear stained and puffy. Her hair, even after being brushed was tangled and coarse. Her lips were cracked and bleeding, holes bitten into the skin when she chewed away at it unknowingly.
She inhaled, and winced at the pain it caused in her chest. She stood up straight, her back cracking and tensing. She was dressed in simple black leggings and a long-sleeved grey t-shirt. Her nail polish had chipped, and her skin was more pale than usual, blank with just the fading scars of old runes.
She walked out into the hall, Passing clary and jace, who silenced as she did, she could feel their eyes soaking her up, watching her as she made her way slowly down the corridor. She could feel the worry and tension in their stares, but ignored it. She did miss Clary. She was the only one who really understood. But Clary was fine now, Simon remembered her first, and they were almost completely back to normal. She didn't understand why it made her jealous but it did. And she hated the feeling.
She turned, following alec into the sitting room, her vision was cloudy, and her head pounded, she hadn't stood in days.. and she wasn't prepared for what was waiting for her. Her knees seemed to falter, but she kept her balance. She would not show weakness. Her hearing seemed damaged, and she could hear the muffled voices of alec, clary, and jace but they blurred together incoherently.
She noticed the way his clothes hugged his body like she used to, how the blush in his cheeks had returned, and his awkward angular features.
She hadn't seen him since Jocelyn and lukes' wedding, four weeks ago. She knew he was trying his hardest to remember, but it was too hard for her.He smiled at her and she felt sick. All she could see were memories flashing before her eyes. Memories that she could feel, but that he would only learn about. She clenched her jaw tight, and wiped a tear before it fell.