I feel like I've been slacking. So I'm sure most of us have read volume four.Trivia! Does Okita cry? You know, not his cutesy crying but serious crying. Yes, yes he does! He CRIES! It's terrible. I try to be the walking, talking, Okita encyclopedia but now, now look what I've missed… And so, to make up for my slacking I wrote a fanfic! While, you read this please listen to For You Only by Trading Yesterday. It's angsty! I really shouldn't be happy whenever someone presents me with angst… ah, well.
Enjoy! Smile! Be happy! Mwahahah! This is how I act when I fangirl. But hey, have you forgotten that I 'm a Kaze Hikaru fangirl? Haven't all of us gone a little insane because the lack of love for our fandom? Anyway, I do hope you like it.
They call me a demon. I know I am. I know I'm nothing but that.
"Oni!" The all mutter in disgust as I walk down the street. They think I don't hear them. They think that I'm completely ignorant to it all. "All they ever do is murder! It's practically their favorite thing!"
They're the clueless ones, really. They seriously think I like killing? They actually believe it? Of course they do. They never thought that maybe I don't They didn't ever try to know the real me. They never wanted to. So I smile, hiding the fact that it hurts for them to think that I could possibly like such an act as killing. It's practically a habit of mine now. I never show my real self. Why would I? They don't care when I do anyway.
They don't know that, really, I want to cry whenever another person falls because of me. The pain that still rushes through me when their blood stains my haori. The courage it takes to draw my katana at yet another enemy.
I don't do this because I enjoy it. I do this forthem. I do this because I'm willing to sacrifice myself if it makes them happier even by the smallest amount. I hate myself. I'm a terrible, awful, person.
"Okita-sensei...?" I hear Sei's concerned voice from beside me. "Are you okay? You seem... different today."
"Mm? I do?" I respond, casually.
She nods. "Yeah... you seem... sad."
I laugh it off. "Oh, I'm fine. Sorry to make you worry."
I'm not fine, though. I'm scared. I'm lost. I'm hurt. I'm confused. And sometimes I look around myself and wonder: Is this fight really worth it? It seems like the war is over to me. It seems as if it'll never be any different. Like things will always be like this. Nothing will ever change. It will always be blood that my world is stained with. No matter how I wish and dream.
"I was never meant to be happy," I say, accidentally. I cover my mouth quickly and blush. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that out loud."
Sei stops, shocked by my words. She looks hurt. She turns to me. "Do you believe that, Okita-sensei?" Do you really think that you don't deserve to be happy?"
I remain quiet.
"Then, if you believe that, I'll have to prove you wrong!" Sei smiled widely, and I stared at her, confused. "You just watch, Okita-sensei! I'll show you that you have as much right to be happy as anyone! You deserve it more in fact!" She raised a finger and placed it over her lips cutely, still smiling.
I can't do anything but stare. Does she believe in me so much as that? I could feel tears being caught in my throat but I swallowed them immediately. I couldn't help but smile back. Someone really cared about me that much. Someone really wanted me to be happy.
"Thank you..." I'm tempted to call her 'O-Sei-chan' just this once, but I don't "Kamiya-san. I'm really glad that... you care about me. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being there for me." I wrapped her in a hug suddenly. "Kamiya-san... I'll be waiting for your words to come true!"
I could feel her smile.
Well? Did you likey? Please review if you did! PLEASE! I'm desperate! My review-magnet sister is watching as I type this out so PLEASE! You'll make me look bad if you don't! ^^; By the way, thank you to the anonymous person who reviewed I Am Okita Souji. You made my day! Really! I ran around the house screaming in rejoice.
Review-magnet sister says: No really, you did. She came screaming upstairs after getting the notification. She was psyched! She wouldn't stop laughing and spinning around. So really, REVIEW! ~Yukiru Itsumo
Sniff… I couldn't say it better myself.