By: Tasumi Ashiru

Tears of Remembrance

I've lived in the shadows of the past
My heart wishing answers God could not give
I should have saved you
I should have tried harder
But I always failed you
The disobedient child I am

At times I wonder, if I should have listened
Gave up, or never began
But then I remember, why I am doing this
I am doing this because I love him.
I am doing this because I love you.

And now I am here
Surrounded by friends yet so alone inside
My flame of hope long diminished
My only hope is that one day, I get to see you again

Till then I can only sit here
Where you used to sit
Crying softly in my own hands
Like a lost child, so weak
I do this all in remembrance of you.


My Final Act

Dear Duo, Heero, Wufei, Trowa, and Rashid;

Today I write in blood. It is not like anyone cares. To the world I am the happy little rich boy, the happy little rich boy who is so cold and dead inside. I have no desire to carry on like the rest of you. It seems I was always weaker than all of you and now I am going to end it all. Tragic to say life is a waste, but mine has been. I have failed everyone. Even my father the one person I swore never to let down, I let him die. And for what the colonies, even after all our suffering, to go back into the same cycle once again. It is never going to end Duo.

My hands, your hands are both stained with blood. I have tried washing them till I thought they were clean, but no matter how hard I scrubbed I could not get the blood off them. With the conclusion of this letter I end this tragic fairy tale called my life. I know you will weep for me there is nothing I can do about that. I wish you wouldn't though. Instead I wish you weep for all the people we all killed, consider my suicide their justice.

I guess I will see you again, in the stars.
Quatre

With the conclusion of the letter Quatre sat back against the large chair in his father's office. Gently he fingered the trigger of the gun. "don't be sad please everyone." Slowly he closed his deep blue eyes and placed the gun to his head. "farewell" Without another thought he pulled the trigger. His blood covered body falling with a thud to the floor.

The echo of the gun shot was heard through out the whole estate. Each of them ran into the room, in a panic, they began to get a sick feeling, like something was wrong. Heero walked behind the desk after noticing a pool of crimson blood from front the desk. Silently Heero hung his head down, his eyes cloudy with mixed emotions.

"Rashid.. go call the coroner." Heero feel to his knees, in a half faint.

"What happened?" Duo's eyes, widened. As he confirmed what Heero saw. The small blood covered frame of their once lively friend , now cold and dead. Softly a tear rolled down his cheek as he buried his head into Heero's chest sobbing.

Wufei and Trowa stood there stoically numb. Both were on the verge of tears but were too proud to, as they walked over to where Duo and Heero were, they joined in the wailing .

Rashid moved the limp blood covered body , and then in an act of friendship, he draped a white sheet over his fallen friend.


Part 2: Thrash the Universe
(Duo introspective of Quatre's Suicide)

Let me take a scythe
And slash through the sky
Till you fall back into my arms

Let me cover you with kisses
And whisper romantic verses
Until the break of dawn

I don't care if it's crazy
But now without you I have fallen down

Take a scythe and slash through the universe
As I sit there.
I see your bright blue eyes
And smiling face

I don't care what tomorrow brings
As long as I'm with you

Take a gun and shoot right through my aching heart.


Duo refused to eat or sleep for days. It was like the whole universe had fell around him and crushed him under its weight. "Hee-chan" Duo looked up at him with slightly glazed eyes. Duo lost all the vitality he once had, now all he did was sit there and mumble to himself.
"Hai." Heero turned his head from his laptop and faced Duo who was laying listlessly on the bed.
"I warned him."
"Of what?" Heero kept reading the email from Relena.
"I am shinigami.. I told you all everyone I love dies. I dared to love him Heero. It's like my hand was over his on the gun and my finger pulled the trigger."
"Duo, he committed suicide. Heero spun around in the chair starring into Duo's glazed eyes.
"I know Heero, but Why!?" Duo looked up at him. His eyes were welling with tears.
Trowa walked into the room and looked at Duo, laying there on the bed, crying like a child. Crying like Quatre told them not to. Trowa walked over and placed his hand over Duo's shoulder. "It's a nice day.. Go out and get some fresh air Duo."
"I don't feel like it." Duo ripped away from Trowa's grasp and rolled over on the other side of the bed.
"Please Duo. You need to.."
"I need to lock myself away from man before anymore people die. I am Shinigami, I kill people even those I love."
"You.. didn't kill him." Trowa looked down at Duo.
"I am Shinigami. I am death. It is my fault he killed himself because I am death." Duo started rambling and shaking hysterically.
"Duo calm down!" Heero closed his laptop and got out of his chair. Slowly he strode over to the bed and slapped Duo in the face and then brought the startled, shaking boy down on to his lap, his long fingers gently raking through his hair.

Quatre looked down at the scene. His lips curling downwards. It made him sad to see his friends like this, to see Duo blame himself. Gently he closed his eyes and walked through the wall of the room, and into the room where he shot himself. The floor was covered with white rose petals and a red rose laid draped on the desk, over the gun. On the desk was a note laying open. It was from Duo.


Dear Quatre,
I know you can't read this now, but I hope this puts at least my heart at rest.. I am sorry for doing this to you. I should have known better than to fall endlessly in love with you. I can't even imagine what was going through your mind when you pulled the trigger on that gun. Damn infernal weapons, they are only made for death damn it. I only wish you would have came to me and let me help you. Damn it all Quatre I fell in love with you and now.. look at the fine mess I made of you.
I Don't know what to do now. Without you I am absolutely empty. Heero and Trowa think I am trying to starve myself to death. In a way I am. I want to die so I can be with you and hold you in my arms. Damn it all Quatre why did you take my happy ending away from me WHY!?

Duo

Quatre hung his head down and walked through the wall again into Heero's room. Quatre, after taking a look at his friends, vanished from the scene.
Duo sat up from Heero's lap. He was suffering from another blinding headache. He has been getting them for about a year now, but lately they have been getting worse. Duo rocked himself in his own arms till the pain in his head subsided. Heero and Trowa noticed that the headaches have been getting worse.

While up in heaven Quatre sat there behind the other angels who were talking about the new list. "What's the new list guys?"
Saint Peter leaned back a stifled a chuckle. "It is a list of people who will be dying soon."
"Was my name on the list?" Quatre looked at him questioningly.
"Of course child, you wouldn't be here if you were not on the list." He unrolled the long list of names. And set it out on the table.
"That's a lot of names."
"There's still causalities from the war. That's sad another boy your age."
"Who?" Quatre peered over his shoulder at the list and saw Duo's name on the paper. "Oh my... so soon."
"I take he was the reason you don't have wings yet.." Saint Peter said.
"Hai, we were close. Very close. I killed myself to be with him, you see I knew he had cancer, but I could face loosing him right after my father." Quatre hung his head down and walked towards the edge of the cloud watching them.

Duo's headache was getting worse. Heero grabbed up in his arms and carried him to the van they used. Quickly he drove to the hospital., and carried the now unconscious Duo into the hospital. Two doctors came over and swept the boy on to a gurney and took him back into the ER. Trowa and Wufei tried comforting Heero, but he just continued pacing.
About an hour latter the Doctor came into the waiting room. "It seems I have some bad news."
"What is it?" said Trowa lifting his head up to face the Doctor.
"Your friend has an advanced stage of cancer which has spread to the base of the brain. All we can do is give him morphine and make him comfortable till he dies. I am very sorry."
"You kidding right?" Wufei looked up at the Doctor with narrowed eyes. "First Quatre now Duo."
"This is all a sick joke isn't it." Heero looked up at the doctor who was shaking his head.
"Again. I am very sorry." The doctor walled towards the back,. "You can come in and see him. Though he's completely unconscious. "
Heero, Trowa, Wufei walked into the back. Duo was hooked up to IV's and had three monitors on him, one was controlling his breathing now. Heero sat down in the chair next to the bed, and held his hand in his.
The nurse came forward and checked the monitor. Then turned her head to the three boys who were surrounding the bed. "I doubt he is going to make it through the night."
"What do you know you woman?" Wufei snapped out at he then turned his attention back to Duo.
"I am sorry, sir." She walked quickly from the room, leaving all of them alone.
Trowa placed his hand on Heero's shoulder, the past month has been hell. Duo with the headaches, Quatre committing suicide. It was like these were the spoils of the war.

That night Heero couldn't take it anymore. Watching Duo suffering like this controlled by machines, he signed the papers with the others consent to unplug the life support and let him die. At around 7pm they unpluged the machines and let Duo pass away. Each of his friends gave him a kiss farewell.
Duo unfolded his black wings and smiled at them. "I love you all." As he vanished from the hospital he was met by two bright blue eyes and golden bangs. "Quatre?"
"Duo!!" Quatre wrapped his arms around Duo's body and drew him to a deep kiss causing even the angels to blush.
Duo turned his head to the side and broke the kiss "I missed you too." Duo brushed the soft golden bangs from Quatre's eyes, then cupped his chin in his hand. "Now what was that suicide thing all about?"
"I knew about the cancer, right after I lost my father." Quatre whispered. "I decided I couldn't go on while watching you suffer so I did it. Like you said together forever life and death."
"I love you." Duo leaned forward and Pressed his lips against his. "Even though I would have rather seen you carry on, at least we are together."
Saint Peter walked over and smiled at the two of them. "Guy's please lets do heaven a favor and go rent a room"
"You got any money Quatre?" Duo looked at him smirking.
"Nah.." Quatre smiled, his arms still laced around Duo.
"Guess we'll have to use a secluded cloud." Duo laughed while he saw Quatre and two angels blush 21 shades of red.
"Leave it to Duo to cause trouble even in heaven." Quatre laughed while Duo wrapped his arms around him.
"Now where is that secluded cloud?" Duo spread his wings behind him and lifted Quatre into his arms and flew away.