Elphaba Thropp couldn't sleep. On the whole, this was not an uncommon occurrence, but tonight it frustrated her for reasons she could not bring herself to articulate. Not even an hour before, she and Fiyero had made love in the cold room above the warehouse and now she could feel his warm, even breaths ghosting across her neck as he slept soundly.
That simple fact alone calmed her, yet she found a hint of resentfulness that he could be dreaming so peacefully while she was fighting a losing batter with her own inner psyche. Her body craved sleep, craved the feel of the pillow beneath the dark, exotic hair that her Yero loved so much, but her mind would not slow down enough to allow the rest of her the refuge she so desperately needed.
Usually, her insomnia was brought on by her strong sense of conspiracy and paranoia, but tonight the reason for it, in her mind, was far worse.
Tonight, it was the memories. Memories that she wished with every bone in her being could be repressed and forgotten. She replayed the night's conversation with Fiyero over in her mind.
"You think all this is new to me," she said, sighing. "You think I am such a virgin."
"You didn't bleed the first time," he observed. "So what's to think about?"
As soon as those words were spoken, Elphaba felt the memories begin to rush back at her. She let Fiyero take her, giving herself slightly more passionately than usual, trying in advance to fend them off. But now, as he slept, she was left alone to confront them, pleasant and painful at the same time.
She lay there, trying not to toss and turn too much as her mind rationalized and fought to repress at full speed. There were parts of her that Fiyero did not, could not know. She loved him for taking it in stride. Surely tonight he must have been curious about her first time, but he never pushed her to reveal anything. He must have sensed that it would only be a waste of time.
But even now his voice echoed in her ear. "You didn't bleed the first time, so what's to think about?"
Finally, in a silent huff of defeat, Elphaba gave up fighting and let the memories of that first confusing time flow freely in her minds eye. Perhaps when it was over, she would be able to rest.
...
It was five years earlier. Elphie, as she had let herself be called then, and Glinda paid the innkeeper and trudged as softly as possible up two long flights of stairs with not so much as a handful of words between them. Glinda gestured to the door marked 28 and waited silently as Elphie fumbled with the key in the lock.
After one or two firm pushes, the door gave way and opened into the room that would be their home for the night. Glinda found some lamps and lit them, which barely provided enough light for either of them to see the shadow of the other moving about the room. While Glinda prepared for bed in the small adjacent bathroom, Elphie took stock of their surroundings.
From what she could see, the walls were paneled with dark, decaying wood; the curtains, once a beautiful deep blue print were faded and tattered; a family of roaches lived in the corners of the room. It was obvious to anyone who entered that the room had not seen any maintenance in quite some time.
It would have to do. She knew that Glinda, though only an Arduenna on her mother's side, was accustomed to far more luxury than this. But comfort and luxury were the least of their worries right now. They were young, very frightened girls on an impossible mission and Elphie refused to let her mind wander from the issue at hand. Meet the Wizard. Tell him of Dr. Dillamond's findings. Begin to right the wrongs that had been propagated against Animals for far too long.
"Elphie," said a quiet voice. "Elphie!"
Elphaba snapped out of her reverie and looked up at the other girl.
"We're really doing this, aren't we," marveled Glinda softly as she sat next to Elphie at the foot of the bed.
"Yes. We have to….I have to. Are you scared?" the green girl replied, though just one look into her companion's eyes gave her the answer.
"Dreadfully so. In fact, I'm sure we'll more than likely be killed on the spot. Although I suppose it will be a relief to you to have died on a great adventure."
"You didn't have to come, Glinda."
"I know. I'm more than a little surprised at myself that I'm here at this very moment. I don't exactly know how to feel about it all really. I'm terrified and confused and excited and nervous as hell." She began to cry. "Oh, damn it, Elphie! I promised myself I would be strong for you."
But the first fresh tears made way for heavy sobs, and Glinda buried her head into Elphaba's shoulder, making sure the wetness didn't land on her friend's sensitive skin.
They sat like that in the dimly lit room until Glinda's crying subsided somewhat.
"Come on," said Elphie wearily. "Let's get some sleep. We've got another long day of traveling ahead of us."
They blew out the lights and settled into bed, but Elphie knew she would not sleep. How could she? Her best friend, one of the only real friends she'd ever known, was a mess of terrified tears beside her, and though she tried her best to mask it, Elphie was feeling the exact same way. But Glinda could not be strong for her, so she would be strong for Glinda.
Elphie felt Glinda nestle closer into her, so she instinctively circled the blonde girl in her arms. "Thank you for coming with me," Elphie whispered as she stroked her friend's arm soothingly.
Glinda shifted so she was now facing her emerald-skinned friend and said, "You're my best friend. I love you. You don't have to thank me."
"All the same, dear," replied Elphie, absentmindedly kissing Glinda's forehead. She heard a surprised gasp from the smaller girl and immediately regretted the action.
"Glinda, I'm sorry….I shouldn't have—"
"Elphie, please. Don't think about it. Just…just…make me feel safe."
Suddenly, surprisingly, Elphaba felt the smaller girl lean forward and press their lips together. And she didn't know if it was love, or if it was lust, or if it was merely a mutual longing to leave everything behind for a little while, but she responded anyway. This was the strength Glinda needed. It's the strength you need too, she thought selfishly.
She pulled back breathlessly and gazed into the smaller girl's eyes. "Glinda, are you sure this is—"
"Elphie….please."
From that point on, there was no more questioning.
Heated kisses became passionate caresses as both girls threw caution to the wind. Tongues clashed together in an irrational frenzy, fighting for dominance as hands wandered, stroking and probing, until neither girl could tell where one ended and the other began. The silence of the room gave way to muffled moans and breathy whispers until at last, sated and content, Glinda nestled back into Elphie and Elphie began to stroke Glinda's hair.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you at all," said Elphaba, quietly, after a few moments had passed.
"It's okay," said the smaller girl tentatively. "It was brief and it got better, like I'd always heard it would. Was it the same for you?"
"Yes," she said absentmindedly. "Let's sleep now."
But Elphie did not sleep. She couldn't. Despite the burning on her cheeks, she let the tears fall as she listened to her best friend's rhythmic breathing. The emotions overwhelmed her; not only of the events of this night, but of the things she knew she had to do in the coming week.
"I love you, Glinda," she whispered, then said no more.
The next day, the girls awoke early to continue their week-long journey. They spoke in whispers by day and explored each other by night.
As planned, they met the Wizard. Shortly thereafter, in a move that both surprised them yet didn't surprised them at the same time, Elphie went underground. It was hard for her to go, kissing Glinda one last time and watching the carriage carry her back to Shiz, back to the familiar world she had known. But it would have been even harder for her to stay. Elphaba knew what needed to be done. She hoped that Glinda, in time, would learn to understand.
...
Elphaba Thropp choked back tears. She had tried so hard to forget, to let go, to ignore, but when she least expected it, these memories all came rushing back to her. It was painful because it felt real, even after five long years. And in a sense, she knew it had been real. It was a type of love that defied the concept of being "in love". It was a special form of love that transcended friendship. It was a manner of love that would never let itself be forgotten.
On the other side of the Emerald City, in a large room that was overly decorated and pompous, Lady Glinda Chuffrey whimpered, "Oh, Elphie…" as she drifted off to sleep.
Elphaba turned over and watched Fiyero drooling slightly onto his pillow. She placed a kiss on his cheek and turned back around. As she closed her eyes and sank into the pillow, she sighed softly, I still love you, Glinda.
And sleep overcame her.