I couldn't explain this, at least not to anyone who had never been where I was in this very moment. Ashley sat across from me, hands fidgeting, eyes misty. I knew what was coming. I didn't even want to hear it, yet I knew I had to. The twisted part about being cheated on, is how not knowing for sure, is so much worse. I suppose I had my suspicions. She smelled different lately, not like herself, but not like a man, either. Slowly pieces clicked. It wasn't even Aiden or some random guy, it was another girl. Her hands had roamed another girl's body. Her lips, that were supposed to be only for me, had been pressed passionately against some other girl's mouth. I felt myself grow nauseated. I think Ashley sensed this because she placed a soothing hand on my thigh. I pushed it away.
"Don't touch me, when you've been touching her." I said sternly, probably more sharply than I had intended.
Ashley's gaze flickered under my intense tone and she pulled her hand back.
"Spence.. I... I'm sorry" She sounded painfully apologetic, yet oddly, I didn't believe a word of it.
"You're sorry? You have my heart Ashley, do you know what that means? You have the second most vital organ in my body. The very organ that keeps me alive. You break that, and you kill me." I choked up at my own words, which no doubt lessened the effect I was going for.
I could tell, no matter how emotional I became, that the statement hit her hard. Her body began to shake with sobs. I felt bad for making her cry, but she brought this on herself. She let temptation get the best of her. She deserved to cry, no matter how much it killed me to see it. I knew once this conversation was over, and she left, i'd be doing plenty of crying myself. The thought of the end of tonight, brought tears to my eyes. I knew tonight would be one of those nights where I wouldn't be able to sleep from crying so hard, and that once my eyes finally refused to stay open, i'd dream of nothing, but her. I dreaded even more, the next morning. When I wake up, and wish it was all some sick joke, or nightmare. However, I knew when I woke up, the act would still be done, the tears still shed, the heart still broken.
"I'll go, but if it counts for anything, she didn't mean anything to me, and I ended things. You're the one I love, and I never meant to hurt you." With that Ashley Davies, love of my life, exited my apartment like she had never set foot in there.
'I never meant to hurt you.' I scoffed. This was avoidable. She could have stopped this. This pain. This sadness. This break.
'She didn't mean anything to me.' And what did I mean? I was supposed to mean EVERYTHING to her, or at least that's what she said. So tell me, who risks everything for nothing?
Sad isn't it, in the end, even when you're the one who ends up with a shattered heart, you're left to pick up the pieces all by yourself, with nothing, but half-hearted apologies, and nothing.. NOTHING to show for it.
I never saw Ashley again. I lost the only love I felt was worth fighting for. I lost the only person who made me feel whole. I lost my "other half" and without her, i've spent years feeling empty. I don't know where she is, I don't know if she's thinking about me, and I don't know if she misses me. I just know, I'm more than missing her, I'm not me without her. Incomplete. I will always be damaged goods.