A/N: This is my very first Hunger Games fic and I'm so happy to finally wrote it after several months of reading and loving the books and of course, loving the movie. ;)
This is a short story that acts as a gap filler between the 1st and 2nd book of the amazing and talented writer, Suzanne Collins. It's about the aftermath of the game, when Katniss and Peeta have to keep up with their relationship struggle from the moment they step out of the train to the moment before the 2nd book begins. It's going to be slightly AU as I will add some scenes that I feel necessary to fill up the daily dose of Katniss/Peeta goodness. The POV will be from both parties, so it will be interesting to see from Peeta's perception as well. And there's going to be 5 to 10 chapters only, as I'm also in the middle of working on other humongous fics in a different fandom, so this is more like a side project to me. I will write more of Katniss/Peeta fics in the future, but for now, I present this fic to all of you. Hope you'll enjoy it!
And I'd love to know what you think about it as well. So, reviews are very much appreciated. Thanks guys! :)
Disclaimer: The story and characters belong to Suzanne Collins. No copyrights and infringement intended.
THE AMBER SHADE OF FIRE
-I-
Homecoming
Katniss
The first thing I notice as we step out of the train is the way Peeta's hand enfolded in mine. The blinding light strikes us mercilessly as we walk along the dusty pavement of the station in District 12. Hundreds of reporters and citizens are gathering around us, wanting to catch a glimpse of the victors from the 74th Annual Hunger Games, which I'm not even feeling slightly delighted with the thought of it.
I hold Peeta's hand a little tighter when my head starting to feel dizzy with all the flashes and the crowded surroundings, losing my focus in a second and I have to keep myself steady before tripping in front of the eyes of the whole Panem.
There's a nudge from my back and I turn around to find Haymitch and Effie are walking closely behind us. Apparently Haymitch seems to know my struggle and leans over to whisper in my ear. "Just hold it for a little bit longer, sweetheart. Your speech is next on the line." He gives me a sly smile and pats my shoulder. It doesn't help much as I turn my gaze back on the road in front of me and continue the walk along the long corridor that seems to last forever.
I take a glance at Peeta and waves of dread start to wash over me as I notice a hard expression on his face. But even though he's giving me a cold shoulder, he doesn't give a spare to the hungry spectators that are trying to get their way on us, pushing to their last effort to get the information about the star-crossed lovers that are so madly in love, they can't even live without each other. It's just a twisted plot from the Capitol to tone down any types of rebellion across the country, and I'm the one to blame because of the berry action that I did at the last minute of the game. I didn't know that it would get both of us into a deeper trouble. But it's too late to turn the situation around now as everything had already being thrown to the fire. And all I can do is to watch as it burns into ashes, without any trace for me to grasp in my incapable hands.
Peeta's smile brings me back into reality as I stare at him blankly, unable to react into his warm gesture. He doesn't even flinch as he shows his affection on me, as if we are a perfectly happy couple, trying to cherish our time together. It aches me somehow to see him like this, even when I try not to think about it too much. There was never an us, and there will never be. So why do I have to bother with this? It remains as a huge question mark that will never have a definite answer, and it agitates me even more as I feel his hand squeezes mine tentatively, giving me an empty hope that we are going to get through this together.
Finally, I can see a speck of light in the distance, one of the reasons for me to stay alive up to this moment. I don't know how I feel about Peeta, about the whole sentimental emotions that I feel for him, but I can't seem to think of anything else as I see their faces, waiting for me to drown in the warmth of their embrace. I can't help but letting some droplets of tears running down my cheeks before I quickly wipe them away to regain my composure in front of the cameras that surround me as if I'm some sort of gravity that attracts all of them to stick on me.
As I get closer, I can't stop myself from running towards them. I let go of Peeta's hand immediately and he doesn't stop me as I crush myself to them, letting the pent-up tensions burst into the open. For a moment I feel content in my own oblivion, forgetting the whole crowd around me and focusing my attention to the way Prim's hands clutching the front of my dress and the way my mother enfolds me in her fragile arms.
But the blissful moment quickly comes to an end as I reluctantly break away from them and make my way to stand beside Haymitch and Effie, who are seem to be unsatisfied with my sudden outburst. I begin to realize what I've done as the Peacekeepers take their grounds and stand on either side of my family. I swallow hard as Prim tries to reach out to me and one of them shoves her harshly with the gun in his hand. I want to scream at them, but I know better than to take that rash decision and instead turn my gaze away and focus my eyes on Peeta, who are now standing beside me and takes my hand in his once again. His presence calms me in a way that I can't even describe how grateful I am to have him near me, and I can't imagine when I finally have to let go of him for good.
The waves of reporters flood through our way and blocking my sight from everything else outside their little circle. One of them boldly walks up to us and starts to ask several questions that I don't even feel interested to answer any of them. Eventually Peeta takes the lead and saves the day once again with his ability to speak fluently even when we are in a very tense situation. I stand dumbfounded beside him, smiling occasionally whenever the camera shoots my face.
I feel so useless compare to Peeta, who takes all the questions calmly with his strong composure. I don't know how he does it, and I can't help but feeling slightly relaxed by this. It successfully brings a genuine smile to my face as we walk slowly towards the car that has been waiting for us on the side of the road.
As we clear out of the crowd, I can see the Peacekeepers hauling my family back to our direction. I get a chance to see my mother and Prim for several minutes before our departure to the Justice Building for another sets of interview and a public speech from me and Peeta.
My mother walks up to me and embraces me in her arms once again. Prim follows and snuggles herself into my arm. I hug her tightly as if it's the last time that I can show her how much I've missed her and worried sick about her. My mother leans back and holds my shoulders with her hands. "Katniss, I'm so glad you're ok." She fixes my hair before turning her gaze back on me. I catch a glimpse of anxiety in her eyes and as I'm about to ask what's bothering her, my answer comes knocking at my door. From the distance, I can see a familiar figure that makes my heart twists into a knot as he walks slowly towards me. My mother gives me a reassuring smile and before I can give my reaction to her odd gesture, her voice fills my ear. "Your cousins can hardly wait to see you!" she says it with an abnormal excitement that leaves me with millions of questions swirling in my head.
I smile strenuously, unable to process this new development in my mind. But it's too late as he approaches me and wraps me close in his arms, burying me deep into his body. I can't help but clutching at him tightly, letting all the emotions flow as I try to decipher the situation I'm in right now. "Gale.." I call his name weakly. "It's good to see you again, Catnip." He ruffles my hair and I have to bite my lip hardly to prevent my tears from falling. What kind of games are we playing here? I don't understand any of it. From behind Gale, his mother Hazelle and three of his siblings approach me and one by one I give them a brief hug, trying to look as casual as I can.
I've never felt so grateful with Effie's punctuality up to this moment when she calls out to me and reminds me that reunion time is over and we have to continue the journey to the Justice Building as soon as possible. I quickly say my last goodbyes to them and slide into the backseat of the car, sitting closely next to Peeta.
As the car hits the road, I slump to the plush chair and turn my gaze outside to see the parched scenery of District 12. That's the moment I realize that I've missed this place so much it aches in the inside. My mind quickly wanders to the previous event that had just happened a few minutes ago and I get a really bad feeling that it's not just a simple issue that can be solved in a matter of seconds. It must've had some relations to the Capitol and I honestly can't accept the fact that another aspect of my life being overshadowed by it.
I absentmindedly take a glance at Peeta to find his blue eyes staring right at me. I quickly recover my surprise by turning away from him and focusing myself back on the dusty road outside. My heart does a little relay race and I have to suppress the urge to turn around and see him again. What's wrong with me? Why after all the troubles I've been through, Peeta is the only one that occupies my brain? It is suppose to be my family, my mother and Prim, and Gale. But all I can think of is to find a way to talk to him again after the last argument we had in the train. I can't deny that I miss his presence and his warmth around me. What am I going to do without him by my side? I take a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. This eerie silence between us is gnawing me from the inside, but I can't do anything about it and it kills me to think that we may never have another chance to sort this problem out because I know I've done a fatal damage on our relationship even though I can't be blamed thoroughly for that.
It is for the sake of the game, can he just accepts the fact and deal with it? We are just two strangers that stumbled upon each other in this game. I will never take my words back on my genuine intention to save him, though. It is completely and utterly true. There's no doubt that I need him. I can feel it when he was being taken away from me. The emptiness was visible and I can never deny the dread and frustration I felt at that time. I thought I might never feel alive again without him, and I was right. Even now as we're on the same car, just a couple of inches from each other, but he seems so distant and in an instant I can feel that emptiness again inside me, screaming to be filled with his presence.
By the time we arrive at the Justice Building, I feel hollow and parched, just like the cracking soil beneath my feet. Peeta gets off from the car and stands beside me, offering his hand silently and I take it without any complaint. My brain disconnects from my body and I do every move obliviously, walking towards the building, ascending the stairs towards the balcony, and standing in front of the whole crowd of District 12.
The anthem plays and it drags me back to the surface. I've been drowning in my own thoughts up to this moment and quickly realize that I haven't been thinking about what I'm going to say in my speech. My palm feels sweaty and Peeta seems to notice that. He turns to look at me and leans down to whisper in my ear. His voice is like a bucket of ice water that revives my soul as he tells me to hold on. It's just a simple word but it had successfully regained my strength back and I give him a little smile to show my gratitude. He squeezes my hand as we walk in unison to the podium, where Mayor Undersee stands proudly as he greets us and publicly introduces the victors of 74th Annual Hunger Games to the whole Panem.
I can see the cameras from every angle and it is no doubt that this event will be broadcasted throughout the country. I try to smile, casting my eyes across the whole field of people below me. I can see my mother and Prim along with Gale and his family sitting on the left corner of the provided space for the victors' family. I turn my gaze to the right and there's Peeta's family, his parents and 2 brothers are looking at my direction. I smile at them and flicker my gaze towards Peeta to find his warm eyes staring back at me. I don't know how long he's been in that position and I can feel the heat starting to creep under my cheeks. I bow my head to avoid his penetrating gaze and try to focus myself back to the more important task in front of me. I'm about to make a memorable speech and instead I'm here with these raging emotions inside me, thinking of how captivating his eyes are.
The speech is going on a slow pace. As usual Peeta steps up and begins a heart warming speech as I stand beside him, fidgeting his fingers with mine. My mind goes haywire and my throat feels dry. I'm about to pass out if Peeta doesn't support me with his firm grip around my hand. As he finishes, he looks at me and gives me an encouraging nod. I try to return the favor but fail at the attempt as I step into the podium, standing closely to him. Suddenly he does something that surprises me. He takes the microphone in his hand and speaks on my behalf, pouring all of my feelings into a melodious speech that leaves everyone breathless, including me.
I stare at him blankly, unable to express my guilt for putting him in this situation. I feel horrible, letting him do all of the speech on his own, but I can't find my voice until he finally wraps up the oration and settles the microphone back to the stand. I hold his arm, trying to prevent him from leaving the podium and tell him that I want to share my own words as well. He smiles at me, spreading infinite warmth throughout my entire body as I let out a few words that seem to flow swiftly from my mouth. As I finish, I lean over and give Peeta a soft kiss on his cheek. Not for the audience, but for the unbearable feelings of gratitude that I have for him.
Peeta gazes at me, making me believe that he has forgiven me. It gives me a leap of faith but as we step inside the Justice Building, his expression turns solemn and slowly his hand releases its grip from mine. He is about to walk away when I reach his arm, holding him into place as I walk around to face him. "Wait." I say, swallowing pass the lump in my throat as I try to let the words flow through my lips. "I just want to say, thank you, for saving me out there." He nods approvingly and breaks away from my grasp. "Wait." I try to stop him again, but this time I don't know why I did it. It was an impulsive action and I stand stiffly as he turns around and looks at me.
"Look, Katniss.." he pauses for a moment before continuing his words. "It's just for the audience. I didn't want to make you look bad out there. But we haven't solved the problem yet. This is not the solution." I taste the bitterness in his words and wrap myself with my arms possessively. "I know." I reply in an inaudible tone, looking down to see the tip of my shoes over the wide hem of my pastel dress. There's a long stretch of silence between us before Effie bolts through the door with Haymitch following from behind. She greets us excitedly and hurries me to the door, reminding that there are still lots of other things to do before I can get a proper rest at night. The day has just begun and I've already felt the dread towering above me, weighing on my shoulders until I can't breathe.
As we walk into the blinding light of flashing cameras outside the building, Peeta offers me his hand and I have no other choice but to take it with mine. It feels like we're back to square one again, with the empty affections and warm gestures that are filled with twisted lies and pretensions. I feel sick of it, knowing that I'm tangled in this endless charade of doom. The game is not over yet. It is only the beginning.
Thank you for reading! ;)