Disclaimer: I don't own SoN, the characters, or anything else except for the plot

Tom Lynch on the other hand has it all.I also don't own the lyrics used, Amy Lee and Evanescence own that.

Warning: I used colorful language, wouldn't want to damage your virgin ears now

Name of the song: Weight of the World

Summary: Ashley and Spencer broke up, why? I don't really know. Anyway Ashley is not feeling all that well and does something about it. Its all about Ashley though. Kind of "dark", kind of sad, kind of angry, kind of a lot of things I guess.

Feels like the weight of the world

like God in heaven gave me a turn

My heart hurts so much right now and I don't even now why I guess all this so called angst is getting the best of me and all I want to do is sit and cry till I just can't breath any more.

I'm cold and alone again. No body wants me around, my own parents must hate me by now. My ex is better off with out me even though she tried to hold on, I disappoint every one, and the one thing that I thought I could do right, as it turns out I just can't. I'm the worlds biggest fuck up and it took this long to realize it, again. It doesn't mean I don't need her though...

Don't cling to me, I swear I fix you

I don't know why people even bother trying to read into my mind, trying to fix me some how. I even started writing stuff just trying to make them understand better when even I know that I truly am fucked beyond belief, I don't get why people bother with me anymore. I whine and bitch about how imperfect I am, and secretly wanting their pity but knowing it will get me no where.

Still in the dark can you fix me?

I have no life and I know this yet some people will try and talk to me? Why? What the hell could I possibly posses that makes certain people gravitate towards me cause it sure as hell ain't my fucking attitude. I'm the worse thing on this planet and yet people are here supposedly waiting for me..what the hell?

Who gives a fucking damn anymore I really just want to go to her home and tell her in person that I love her and then never see them again perhaps blow my brains out in the middle of no where, a place where I will never be found. A place six feet under and cold just waiting for me to come home. Cause death is the only sure thing in my life. The only thing that I know I can count on.

Free fall, free fall, all through life

I really hope that my end is soon cause I cant take anymore of everyone's happiness it really is taking its toll on my poor excuse for a life, there really is nothing for me left to do. Now that she really is out of my life I really cant bear to live with out her. I know this will surely break my heart into a fucking million pieces all over again, I've lost all my motivation for everything.

My muse is gone. I have no reason to breath the same air as her or any one else. She's not even here anymore and I know I will cry and I know I'll die a little bit more inside. My thought patterns have changed since I met her and now they are back to where they were before she entered my life.

I cant go to the same places as her cause I know she won't be there. I know because I'm the reason that she cant. She counted on me and I let her down just like I did with everyone else that I supposedly loved for dear life.

I chased her without meaning to get caught up in my feeling cause I knew she had a boyfriend, and yet I went after her knowing deep down that it would come to bite me in the ass later, big fucking surprise when it did though. She eventually moved away but not without telling me that was in love with me. I cant take the thought that now as she is about to forever step out of my life, she confesses her true love for this fuck up.

If you love me, then let go of me

I won't be held down by who I use to be

she's nothing to me

She deserves so much better but she wanted me, she was also leaving and there isn't a damn thing I could do. I 'm back into my constant state of depression, seeing my counselor who no doubt hates me too. Over dosing on god knows what is left in the medicine cabinet. Wishing that I'll just die already, my soul is gone and with out it I'm just an empty shell.

Feels like the weight of the world

Like all my screaming has gone unheard

And oh, I know you don't believe in me

Safe in the dark, how can you see?

But no matter how hard I try I cant die. Something keeps stopping me, and that's the thought the one fucking shred of hope that maybe one day I'll see her and she would still love me, but that stops today.

Free fall, free fall, all through life

I took a whole bottle of aspirin, chugged it down with a bottle of JD, just now I'm starting to feel it's effects. I'm holding a picture of us, one that showed that we were happy, of course I would come to screw it up. Everything is starting to go black, I can feel a deep sleep coming. Sorry Spencer I wasn't strong enough, guess I wasn't as invincible as we both wished I was.

If you love me, then let go of me

I won't be held down by who I use to be

(a/n) Reviews I guess aren't necessary but I guess they really couldn't hurt either. I was planning on turning this into a longer story sooner or later and I guess I wanted to know if anyone would read it. Damn writing insecurities