A/N: Very short one-shot that I couldn't really find a place for in my other work. Mondler Stealth, as I'm going to refer to it from now on, bit of fluff, pretty much self-explanatory. Joey sees things he shouldn't see and doesn't think of things he should. Please review; tell me if they're in character.
Enjoy!
Jelly Denied Joe
Joey waved at Monica and Chandler, but they looked straight through him as they scanned the coffee house, moving silently to the most remote corner of the place, holding hands tightly. Their faces were red and they were panting hard, and if Joey didn't know any better, he'd say that they had both been doing something naughty. For some reason, they were too into each other to notice him, and they sat down contently across from each other in a corner booth.
A group of young adults came by and stormed his spot on the couch, and Joey stood up, picking up his plate and jelly-filled donut, heading over to Monica and Chandler, wondering why they hadn't come to sit with him in the first place.
Chandler leaned over the table and exchanged a kiss with Monica as Joey prepared to scold Chandler about abandoning him, therefore forcing him to give up their usual spots on the couch to a gang of hooligans.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he asked, faking anger. His acting skills came in handy sometimes; he loved giving Chandler a hard time, and Chandler was usually game for it as well.
Chandler almost jumped out of his seat, his air of calm disintegrating immediately. Joey put his plate down on the table and slid in next to Chandler as Monica shifted uncomfortable and attempted to hide her face with her hand.
Joey laughed at Chandler's deer-in-headlights face, shrugging as he lifted up his powdered donut. "I'm not that mad," he explained, happy that he'd scared him, "Why didn't you two come sit with me?" he asked, and Chandler swapped looks with Monica.
"We didn't see you," Monica answered truthfully, and Joey shrugged. He took a bit out of his donut, completely missing the "is he for real?!" look Chandler gave Monica.
"That's weird…" Joey started, and Monica bit her lip. They were done for. Joey had seen them kissing, and he would be curious, and everything would be ruined.
"What is it Joe?" Chandler asked him cautiously, giving Monica an exaggerated look to stay quiet.
Joey took another bite of his donut and chewed thoughtfully. "… there's no jelly in my donut," he said, and the two visibly relaxed.
Monica slipped out of the seat and stood by the table. She had to get out of there - she couldn't stand the tension. Chandler motioned threateningly at her to sit back down, eventually banging his fist on the table after one particularly very not-subtle motion.
"What?" Joey asked irritated, convinced Chandler had said something. Chandler laughed quickly, smiling.
"Obviously…" he started, and Joey looked over to Monica to see if she knew what was going on. She shrugged and giggled nervously.
"Obviously," Chandler continued, "This table isn't made out of real wood!" he finished, banging it again. He yelped in pain as the already bruised fist came into contact with the table again, Monica standing there and staring at him like the idiot he was.
Great. Not only was that painful, but ridiculously lame.
"Well obviously," Joey said, mocking Chandler, "You two-"
Here it came. He knew what was going on, and they were done with.
" - owe me five hundred dollars!"
Chandler rolled his eyes and his whole body wobbled like jelly from relief. "Joe! You broke your bed, and no one else is going to pay for it. Sleep on the damn floor if you keep getting splinters!" He backed off a little when he felt himself beginning to snap. He was really too wound up to be dealing with Joey. He had to have seen them kissing, right?
"Coffee?" Monica asked after a second of silence, desperate to get the hell out of there. Apparently she and Chandler were the only ones feeling the tension, because Joey waved her off and bit his donut again. She walked away and Chandler watched Joey closely, already thinking up a good excuse for his and Monica's kiss.
He already knew what was happening when Joey went for another bite of the donut and stopped halfway. "Chandler…" he said slowly, as if still putting two and two together.
"You kissed Monica!" he hissed, accusingly pointing at Chandler. He'd seen them! Right here at the table! They had kissed! He knew it!
"No…No, no, no…" Chandler started, but Joey could tell by his shaking voice the he was lying. Chandler was his roommate, and if he thought that he could get way lying to ole' Joe, he had another thing coming.
"You so totally were!" Joey insisted, not yet understanding the seriousness of what he'd just seen. "And!" he almost yelled, startling Chandler who'd buried his head in his hands, "You two were holding hands! Why?" he demanded and Chandler gapped at him with an open mouth. He quickly regained his senses and shushed Joey; Monica taking one glance at the situation and Chandler's face before turning around mid-stride, heading back to the counter.
"Uh- it was just that…" Chandler was distracted by a couple who were kissing, a man behind them glaring at them with distain. "Monicawantedtomakeguyjealous!" he blurted out in one huge jumble, pointing randomly.
Joey stared at him, trying to make out his words. "Is that why you were holding her hand when you came in here? Where is this guy?" Joey asked, looking around to the area Chandler pointed to, and Chandler struggled to find a justification for their actions.
"Uh, outside?" he said, hoping that Joey would fall for it.
Joey nodded. Chandler had been lying when he denied kissing Monica, but it all made sense now. He shrugged, "I thought Mon was trying to make him jealous," Joey said, nudging his head not too subtly towards a man that Chandler recognized as Paul the Wine Guy, who gave Chandler a glare then looked away, "with the kiss. And I just figured that you two were holding hands," Joey continued, "because Mon's hands got cold from outside," he nodded towards the blizzard that was taking place on the other side of the glass.
"Right…" Chandler said after a second, and Joey took another bit of his donut. Those excuses would have been a lot less sketchy…
Why was it that Joey was always the one to catch them? And first to see the simplest rationalization? Thank God Almighty, Joey was ten times better then Ross, but it seemed to be becoming a common reoccurrence. He looked over to Monica, where she sat on a barstool watching their conversation from a safe distance. He smiled at her sheepishly, and she returned the smile, fiddling with a stray thread on her white sweater.
They were safe – at a random customer's expense – but they were safe…
How many more of these happenings before Joey realized something was happening?