Ok, first things first:
I own nothing of this. Except possibly the plot. But nothing else, y'hear?
Secondly, if you have never seen/heard Blackadder, then this will make very little sense to you. You are also, in my view, a deprived person, but that is merely my opinion.
If you have never seen Pirates of the Caribbean, this will also make minimal sense to you. Again, I think you have been deprived.
If you have never seen Pirates OR Blackadder, then there is no reason to read this. But, hey, if you want to...
Thirdly: My choice of Blackadder series? Well, there is no series during the Golden Age of Piracy. Series two finishes just before; series three starts at the end. So, I picked series two. Basically it's my favourite, and there are a few characters I'd like to introduce the PotC gang to, who aren't in series three.
Oh, and anyone know Gov. Swann's first name?
That little speech said, I present, for your viewing pleasure;
***********************************************************
Blackadder II.5: Yet Another Bloody Curse
Chapter One: In which Elizabeth meets Elizabeth
Elizabeth hated sewing. Already her fingers bled from various encounters with the needle. After pricking her sore fingers yet again, she threw down her work, and stormed out of the small, but well-furnished craft room.
Her father sat in his office, leant over his rosewood desk, writing letters. It was at the opposite end of the short passage, so Elizabeth had a clear view from her place outside the craft room.
"Father, I refuse to sew anymore! One more stitch and I'll bleed to death!"
Her father, Governor Swann, put down his glasses tiredly, and blinked at his daughter.
"Elizabeth, dear, it's not ladylike to say such things! A girl must learn to sew."
"Not all women, father. I'm sure the ladies in Tortuga don't know one end of a needle from the other."
Her father looked shocked at first, and then he seemed to gloss over Tortuga, by saying;
"That's as maybe, but neither do you. And I might add that you're not a lady from Tortuga."
There was an uncomfortable silence, and Elizabeth folded her arms with a sigh.
"Elizabeth, are you wearing that corset?"
"Of course not! Never again after I nearly drowned."
"Really you ought to. It's fashionable to be petite, my dear."
A loud, whiny voice cut through the air. It was like that of a female child, yet it sounded older.
"Too right! You look pretty fat without one, and that's not fashionable at all!"
Elizabeth spun round. A...something had filled the doorway. From the floor to about waist height, a large mass of sequined cloth flooded the doorway. Then, perched atop this glittering mound, was a woman. A woman who appeared to have no legs, but simply a tiny waist, balanced on the gargantuan skirt. Her hair was ginger and curly, piled on her head. She wore a sort of ruff, and a cross between a crown and a tiara on her piled up hair.
The woman's face was quite young, but pointy and angular. Her nose was small and sharp, her eyes small and beady. Her lips were a perfect rosebud shape, now pursed in an annoyed way.
"Do you know who I am?"
The woman waved a jewel-encrusted sceptre. Its worth in gold coins could have bought the entire Port Royal navy, yet this woman waved it about like a rattle.
But the scary thing was, was that Elizabeth did know this woman. Who hadn't seen the eternally young portraits? The powerful woman, clasping a globe in one hand, while dressed in amazing finery?
"Yes, ma'am. I beg your pardon, your Majesty."
"Hmm, well you ought to. I 'am' your queen."
Elizabeth had dropped to a curtsy, her head bowed. Her father hastily muttered something humble, before dropping beside her. However, the Queen's last sentence worried Elizabeth.
"I'm sorry, madam, but I thought King George II was our King." (A.N. I hope that's right.)
"What? You filthy catholic! Guards, behead this girl!"
The guards failed to appear with much panache. Elizabeth tried desperately to placate the Queen.
"Ma'am, the Tudor family died many years ago! It is only by some miracle that you are here."
The Queen considered this. She waved her sceptre absently. A happy little smile crept onto her previously venomous face.
"Oh, alright! Gosh, this is exciting! What year is this?"
"1721, ma'am."
"Heavens! And what is your name?"
"Elizabeth, Majesty. Elizabeth Swann."
"Lord! How funny. My name's Elizabeth as well." Suddenly the Queen's face became angry. "But you call me Majesty or ma'am, or I'll knock your block off!"
"Yes, of course, ma'am."
The Queen was all smiles once more.
"Goody! Now, I want to talk to sweet Lord Blackadder; where is he?"
Elizabeth looked worriedly at her father. He stood up, and after a short bow, said;
"I'm sorry madam, but I don't know of a Lord Blackadder in Port Royal."
"Port Royale? Where's that?"
"Port Royale is here, ma'am. It is a very prosperous place in Jamaica, in the Caribbean. Founded by the British Navy, a splendid body of men, whom--- "
"Silence! Why am I not in England?"
"I couldn't say, madam."
"Hmph. Well, I want to go for a walk. You man, what's your name?"
"Governor Swann, Majesty. I'm the protector of Port Royal."
"Oh be quiet! Here, lead me round your grounds. I find it very stuffy and hot in here."
Governor Swann took the proffered hand, and lead Queen Elizabeth I out into the sunshine. He shot a desperate look over his shoulder to his daughter. He mouthed a hurried sentence to her.
Find Blackadder.
Elizabeth nodded, and rushed out to the front door. She had to find Will, he'd know where to look.
I own nothing of this. Except possibly the plot. But nothing else, y'hear?
Secondly, if you have never seen/heard Blackadder, then this will make very little sense to you. You are also, in my view, a deprived person, but that is merely my opinion.
If you have never seen Pirates of the Caribbean, this will also make minimal sense to you. Again, I think you have been deprived.
If you have never seen Pirates OR Blackadder, then there is no reason to read this. But, hey, if you want to...
Thirdly: My choice of Blackadder series? Well, there is no series during the Golden Age of Piracy. Series two finishes just before; series three starts at the end. So, I picked series two. Basically it's my favourite, and there are a few characters I'd like to introduce the PotC gang to, who aren't in series three.
Oh, and anyone know Gov. Swann's first name?
That little speech said, I present, for your viewing pleasure;
***********************************************************
Blackadder II.5: Yet Another Bloody Curse
Chapter One: In which Elizabeth meets Elizabeth
Elizabeth hated sewing. Already her fingers bled from various encounters with the needle. After pricking her sore fingers yet again, she threw down her work, and stormed out of the small, but well-furnished craft room.
Her father sat in his office, leant over his rosewood desk, writing letters. It was at the opposite end of the short passage, so Elizabeth had a clear view from her place outside the craft room.
"Father, I refuse to sew anymore! One more stitch and I'll bleed to death!"
Her father, Governor Swann, put down his glasses tiredly, and blinked at his daughter.
"Elizabeth, dear, it's not ladylike to say such things! A girl must learn to sew."
"Not all women, father. I'm sure the ladies in Tortuga don't know one end of a needle from the other."
Her father looked shocked at first, and then he seemed to gloss over Tortuga, by saying;
"That's as maybe, but neither do you. And I might add that you're not a lady from Tortuga."
There was an uncomfortable silence, and Elizabeth folded her arms with a sigh.
"Elizabeth, are you wearing that corset?"
"Of course not! Never again after I nearly drowned."
"Really you ought to. It's fashionable to be petite, my dear."
A loud, whiny voice cut through the air. It was like that of a female child, yet it sounded older.
"Too right! You look pretty fat without one, and that's not fashionable at all!"
Elizabeth spun round. A...something had filled the doorway. From the floor to about waist height, a large mass of sequined cloth flooded the doorway. Then, perched atop this glittering mound, was a woman. A woman who appeared to have no legs, but simply a tiny waist, balanced on the gargantuan skirt. Her hair was ginger and curly, piled on her head. She wore a sort of ruff, and a cross between a crown and a tiara on her piled up hair.
The woman's face was quite young, but pointy and angular. Her nose was small and sharp, her eyes small and beady. Her lips were a perfect rosebud shape, now pursed in an annoyed way.
"Do you know who I am?"
The woman waved a jewel-encrusted sceptre. Its worth in gold coins could have bought the entire Port Royal navy, yet this woman waved it about like a rattle.
But the scary thing was, was that Elizabeth did know this woman. Who hadn't seen the eternally young portraits? The powerful woman, clasping a globe in one hand, while dressed in amazing finery?
"Yes, ma'am. I beg your pardon, your Majesty."
"Hmm, well you ought to. I 'am' your queen."
Elizabeth had dropped to a curtsy, her head bowed. Her father hastily muttered something humble, before dropping beside her. However, the Queen's last sentence worried Elizabeth.
"I'm sorry, madam, but I thought King George II was our King." (A.N. I hope that's right.)
"What? You filthy catholic! Guards, behead this girl!"
The guards failed to appear with much panache. Elizabeth tried desperately to placate the Queen.
"Ma'am, the Tudor family died many years ago! It is only by some miracle that you are here."
The Queen considered this. She waved her sceptre absently. A happy little smile crept onto her previously venomous face.
"Oh, alright! Gosh, this is exciting! What year is this?"
"1721, ma'am."
"Heavens! And what is your name?"
"Elizabeth, Majesty. Elizabeth Swann."
"Lord! How funny. My name's Elizabeth as well." Suddenly the Queen's face became angry. "But you call me Majesty or ma'am, or I'll knock your block off!"
"Yes, of course, ma'am."
The Queen was all smiles once more.
"Goody! Now, I want to talk to sweet Lord Blackadder; where is he?"
Elizabeth looked worriedly at her father. He stood up, and after a short bow, said;
"I'm sorry madam, but I don't know of a Lord Blackadder in Port Royal."
"Port Royale? Where's that?"
"Port Royale is here, ma'am. It is a very prosperous place in Jamaica, in the Caribbean. Founded by the British Navy, a splendid body of men, whom--- "
"Silence! Why am I not in England?"
"I couldn't say, madam."
"Hmph. Well, I want to go for a walk. You man, what's your name?"
"Governor Swann, Majesty. I'm the protector of Port Royal."
"Oh be quiet! Here, lead me round your grounds. I find it very stuffy and hot in here."
Governor Swann took the proffered hand, and lead Queen Elizabeth I out into the sunshine. He shot a desperate look over his shoulder to his daughter. He mouthed a hurried sentence to her.
Find Blackadder.
Elizabeth nodded, and rushed out to the front door. She had to find Will, he'd know where to look.