==Thunder and the Sun==
By Ayngel
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts.
I wrote this for all who were faithfully reading (and still are faithfully reading) Forbidden Fantasies - thank you especially Buddhabread and Illusion 224 - and feel sorry for Thundercracker. I did as well, which was why I decided, after giving the matter some thought, to make the story of him and Sunny separate.
I have recently rehashed this chapter. It is now more in line with FF, and should be read alongside that story. More chapters are coming soon.
Sunstreaker often comes across as violent and cold, presumably because he has to in order to do the job he does. I see him as sensitive, and with high moral values and another who tends to project a different image from what is going on underneath. He has much in common with Thundercracker, whose own moral values have always called into question the ethos behind the Decepticon Cause itself (as opposed to its failure to deliver, which is Skywarp's beef). He hung around in it mainly because of Skywarp, to whom he was bonded young and, as in FF, their bond is going wrong.
The animosity between Sunstreaker and Mirage, and the caste thing, and Sunstreaker's past, are all important to the continuity.
Set just after "Roll For It!"
Warnings: Course language, substance taking analogous to alcohol consumption adult themes, implied slash.
Chapter 1: Nostalgia
The atmosphere in the rec room was one of weary satisfaction. The Officers had retired early, but a small group of Autobots who had been involved in the fight over the antimatter that day sat clustered around the small table, tired, but happy to have again shown the Decepticons that although they may be of superior strength and firepower, Autobot courage and teamwork would prevail.
On the table were a number of cubes and a decanter filled with a strikingly purple liquid. It was, in fact, rather fine premium grade distilled in Wheeljack's lab - a "present" from Jazz for the good performance put up by everybody that day. It had come with instructions "yous overdo it, an it'll be the first n'last time I even contemplate such a thing ..." but everyone knew Jazz was half expecting it to be "overdone". In the good spirits which prevailed it was flowing fairly freely and in a manner such that it seemed almost certain there would be a few sore heads the next day.
Bumblebee leaned forward and helped himself to his third cube, a greater than usual exhuberance about him. "He's a legend, that kid in the wheelchair ..." he was saying. "Look how he helped Prowl the other day! and who would ever have thought he could have pulled that off today ...? ... against Skywarp! Look at the size of Chip and look at the size of Skywarp ... he's a wonder, I'm telling ya!"
There were general noises of agreement. Only Brawn, seated at the end of the table, gave a disapproving look over the top of the datapad he was studying. He was secretly irritated with Jazz about the Premium. In the absence of any officers, he was in charge in here tonight, and as far as he was concerned they should be resting, not partying, and the yellow minibot was overstepping the mark. Prowl had made it clear that he did not want the episode where the human had assumed control of his battle computer spoken of openly.
Taking a sip of his own regular grade energon, and returning to the pad, Brawn reconfirmed to himself his view that the inclusion of Bumblebee within the Special operations Team - notwithstanding his talents – was a questionable move on Prime's part.
"So, Bee!" Cliffjumper was saying, perched opposite on the couch next to Hound, his hand casually on the Tracker's thigh "Are you gonna tell us what happened din that lab today. "Cos he won't ..."
He looked up at Hound and gave the thigh a squeeze and the Tracker gave a little exclamation but didn't remove the hand, instead putting an arm around the minibot. "Yeah!" said Huffer, "go on, Bee!" and Gears and Windcharger grunted an indication of interest as well. Behind the datapad, Brawn frowned.
"Well," said Bumblebee, we can't say too much because it's classified, can we Hound? But it was pretty hot in there. Megatron was there, and all the Seekers, and Soundwave, and the cassettes, and the triplets. Megatron was fighting Hound's holograms, and Mirage was busy with the Seekers, so I guess basically – it was all up to me to take on the rest and rescue Chip!"
It drew comments of: "Oh yeah right!" from Cliffjumper, and the others laughed. Hound said "Bee, you've left out the part where you laid Soundwave flat single handed ...."
"I was coming to that!" They all laughed and Windcharger leaned forward and topped up the cubes. "Here's to victory!" he said. They all sat forward and there was a clinking as they raised their cubes. Only Brawn remained firmly attached to his seat, fixated on the datapad.
Sideswipe leaned back in the recliner on the other side of the room and, stretching his legs out, crossed them and shuttered his optics. He knew he was being antisocial, but for once tonight he was quite happy that the minibot take the floor.
Usually, he and Sunstreaker would have drank with them, even pulling Brawn into the party, at least making absolutely certain that his worst fears were concerned. But Sunny had been in a strange mood today, and now he was elsewhere. With Bluestreak, Sideswipe surmised.
Sunny's acquisition of an interface buddy soon after their arrival on Earth had not surprised the red twin given that was usually how he let off steam and relaxed when troubled. And that was fine, and Sideswipe did not begrudge him it at all, or mind being in the rec room without him. He just wasn't in the mood for conversation himself, preferring to let their words wash over him, half listening, enjoying the warmth of the room and feeling relaxed from the premium.
There was another burst of laughter and then Windcharger was saying "You gotta admit, it was kinda weird the way Skywarp just stood there..." and then they were talking about the Wheeljack's mind control device and Chip's heroics and then the Seeker again.
Sideswipe sighed. He hoped they'd soon change the subject, making a mental note that if they started talking jet judo then, cosy though the recliner was, he would get up and leave. They would be sure to try and get him to go over there and he really could not face being put in a situation where he had to make out he'd performed some kind of heroics. Not without Sunny. He did not share his brother's talents in putting a positive spin on things when they were a stuff up.
Besides, there would be bound to be indirect questions about the incident. In other words, the "fling" he'd had with Skywarp during the last armistice. He flushed. Nobody was supposed to know about that, but it seemed heaps of people did. A source of huge embarrassment once the fighting began again, not because Skywarp was a Decepticon but because the Seeker had gone laughing off with his bondmate and made such a fool out of him.
No, he thought, reaching down for his cube and taking a sip, he would prefer to keep that and the debacle over the pine forest today to himself. Especially that! All the same, he could not help thinking about the forest and berating himself. He should have been more vigilant. Stuffing up on the romantic front was one thing, but a display of poor combat – that was inexcusable. He'd missed a golden opportunity.
He thought back. It should have been easy. Skywarp had been – strange today. Not his normal overconfident loudmouthed self at all. He had seemed to have less energy than usual, and was distracted, as though his mind wasn't really on it; and that should have allowed Sideswipe to at least seriously disable him, and at the same time keep a lookout for Starscream, who he could then have dealt with as well.
But it hadn't turned out like that. Delighted that he hadn't lost his ability to rocket up and catch the Seeker, he'd been even happier to grab bits on the underside of him where he knew it most hurt, reveling in the yelp and stream of expletives which had let him know he'd got some very sensitive places. And it had been better still because – even though he was loathe to admit it - even to himself – he was still sore at the Seeker for – well – for not coming back for seconds. And during the attack he'd had his plates gritted, and he'd been thinking: take this, Punk! nobody does that to me. I am Sideswipe! I'm hot, for frags sake, everyone wants me! And nobody does that to me …..
Least of all a pitspawned Seeker! Least of all that pitspawned Seeker!
Sweet Revenge! So sweet that he'd got completely carried away. And had blown it ….
He thought back to it. When the Seeker had realized what was happening he had reacted violently, rocking furiously from side to side in an effort to throw him off, but he hadn't succeeded. Sideswipe had tightened his grip, crushing more sensitive parts and causing another barrage of abuse to issue forth, and he'd known that he had the upper hand, and that all he had to do was reach up and rip off the Seeker's elevators, which would cause him to go into a spin and certain crash.
But had he done that? No. Why? Because he'd been enjoying himself. And also because he just couldn't resist – just couldn't help himself - just had to see …
If the manoeuvre still worked. Because that would not only hurt, but prove that – at least in this situation - he hadn't lost his touch. So instead he'd swung his weight hard to the left, unbalancing the Seeker and forcing him into a roll. Delighted that - after all this time - he could still pull it off, Sideswipe had noted with satisfaction as the world turned that they were headed straight into the mountain, perfect for a crash and bail out at the last minute scenario.
Like a true professional, Sideswipe had checked his parachute and gripped harder, feeling metal cave in beneath his fingers and sensing the Seeker's distress ...
But then, from nowhere, there had been a flash of red and blue and Starscream had blazed in; and before Sideswipe's circuits could synapse another thought he had screamed underneath them and there had been a loud clang and Sideswipe had felt a violent blow to his chest and the world had spun chaotically and turned grey. As though through a mist he had heard something getting yelled by Starscream - which sounded rude - and then something getting yelled back by Skywarp – which sounded even ruder - and then there had been the aroma of jet fuel and a roar of engines which quickly receded into the distance.
Sideswipe had felt himself cartwheeling hopelessly under the blue sky, arms outstretched, caressed by a gentle cool breeze and vaguely aware of the green carpet of pinetops below, the great jet judo expert on full display in total disarray, shining like a beacon in the Earth sun. Then, as he came to his senses, he had become aware of a voice yelling: "Sides, your chute!" and he had recognised his brother. Suddenly horribly aware that he was extremely close to the ground, he had frantically yanked at the cord – and in the nick of time. He had only just managed a semi dignified landing on the soft carpet of needles in a clearing which had fortunately appeared among the pines.
"You all right?" Sunstreaker had said gruffly as they picked themselves up.
Coming to his senses, he had run a quick diagnostic, ascertaining that there was no serious damage. "Yeah, Sun I'm OK" he'd said, performing a quick scan of the area to see if there were any spectators, a scenario which would have been far worse than any physical damage the jet could have inflicted. Sensing no transformers – or humans - he had heaved a sigh of relief. "I guess our jet judo needs a little practice," he'd said, trying to sound nonchalant and not acutely embarrassed and furious with himself like he actually did feel.
Composing himself, he'd disengaged himself from his parachute and started to pack it away, "Screamer get you too?" he'd asked, pleased with himself for sounding so matter of fact.
Sunstreaker didn't answer. He'd looked at his brother then. Parachute still attached, he was motionless, staring through the pines in the direction away from the mountain from where in the distance the rumble of jet engines could now be heard. Sideswipe stopped packing the parachute. "You see something bro?" he'd asked, squinting into the trees and seeing nothing, but aware that Sunstreaker's more finely attuned sensors frequently detected things his didn't.
But his brother still didn't answer. He didn't even seem to have heard him. Sideswipe moved over beside him and touched his arm. "Sunny?"
At the touch, his brother appeared to come out of his trance. "What? ..." he looked at him. "Oh, no, it's nothing .... sorry, bro. I was just thinking ..." From beyond the forest came the sound of jet engines again, followed, this time, by a distant volley of gunshots and the sound of an explosion.
This time both of them looked in that direction. "We'd better get over there bro" Sideswipe said, turning away. "Megatron's got that antimatter and they'll have problems holding out against all three Seekers ..." He hastily packed the last bit of the parachute. Then brushing the pine needles from it before opening the storage compartment in his arm, he turned back to his brother.
He could hardly believe it. Sunny was staring into the trees again.
"Sunny!" He now felt annoyed with himself about what had just happened, and he was itching to make himself part of the action and have another go at Skywarp.
Again, his brother seemed to snap out of something. It was as though a light were flicked on. "Yes, all right Sides! Don't get your tailpipe in a twist!" He'd looked sharply at Sideswipe and only then had he turned and begun packing up his own parachute. Sideswipe had helped him, noticing that on his brother's handsome features was a frown, something which Sideswipe knew, from intimate acquaintance with his moods as a result of their twin programs and natural bond, was a warning not to make further comments or ask questions.
There had been no further conversation. They had simply activated their rocket packs, his brother's golden body glinting in the shafts of sunlight which as they passed the trees before they flew up out and over the forest. Sunny had seemed all right, but Sideswipe had felt puzzled and concerned. He wondered if the antimatter explosion at the lab had damaged a few circuits and. Hoping this was, in fact, the case - rather than something more serious - he made a mental note to make sure Sunstreaker saw Ratchet when the fighting was over.
There was an eruption of laughter from the table on the other side of the room and Sideswipe came back to the present.
Bumblebee was talking excitedly again and now he was stumbling over his words. He was saying " ... It was great, wasn't it? Megatron's own air force – firing straight at him ... he's such a jerk ... it's like when he fell into that space bridge ..." and then he was laughing so much he couldn't get any more words out.
Sideswipe looked across. He could only see Bumblebee and Brawn properly, and whilst the minibot now looked distinctively inebriated, a serious frown had set into Brawn's face. Sideswipe saw him look up. "I think we've all had enough now ..." he growled, and he had a tone which would have made Sideswipe, personally, loathe to argue; but a hand which Sideswipe recognised as Cliffjumper's was reaching out and topping up the cubes and his voice was saying: "come on Brawnie, lighten up ...!" and Bumblebee spluttered and Premium went everywhere and laughter erupted again ...
"Hey! You're too quiet over there!" It was Windy's voice. The laughter froze and Sideswipe winced. Unshuttering his optics, he saw that every head was now turned in his direction, and that Cliffjumper was getting up and was sauntering across saying "hey, yeah! That's right!" There was a swagger to his walk. Sideswipe saw Hound's face looking over the back of the couch, a silly grin on it, whilst opposite Bumblebee was busy wiping himself with a cloth whilst Huffer tittered beside him.
"Yeah! C'mon hot shot, tell us about the Jets!" the cube in Cliffjumper's hand was has nearly full and the premium was slopping out of it. Sideswipe saw Brawn was glaring murderously as though daring him to add to his problems. This was exactly what he didn't want. Heaving himself up, he said "actually, I'm with Brawn. I think I'm gonna turn in .." which brought a satisfied smile to the face of the yellow warrior but disappointed looks and cries of protestations from the others.
At least, he thought, he had scored a few points with Brawn. It never hurt to do that. Handing his empty cube to a rather surprised and definitely the worse for wear looking Cliffjumper, Sideswipe wasted no more time in leaving the room.
................
Activating his internal heating systems in response to the blast of cold air which greeted him in the corridor, Sideswipe made his way to their quarters, aware that he would probably have to creep in and avoid whatever it was that his brother and Bluestreak were doing – not that this was an unusual state of affairs.
A natural optimist, Sideswipe was not one to worry unduly, but concern for Sunny was nagging at him. Being a twin and sharing the same spark pattern, he was able to sense his brother's moods and he knew all was not well. As for the cause – well, Sideswipe did not know what that was. The spark relationship did not extend that far.
Right then, he wished it did. Sunny could be unpredictable, even irrational and it was hard sometimes to deal with him when he was in one of his "phases". For the millionth time, Sideswipe regretted that they had not grown up together, that he had not met his brother until late in mechalescence. He was certain that if it had been otherwise then the twin bond would be stronger. As it was, many demons stalked Sunny from his difficult and impoverished upbringing in the Blocks of Kaon - such a contrast to his own comparatively affluent sparklinghood and mechalescence in the Crystal Boulevards of Praxus – and there were dark places in his brother's psyche which he just did not understand.
He thought of later on that day. They had arrived at the battle scene just as Megatron was hurling the antimatter into space and the Autobots were congratulating the human for deploying the mind control device on Skywarp. When the 'Cons had departed, shortly after, Sunny had stared after them with that same vacant, puzzled look as he'd had in the forest, and then the casual conversation on the way back to the base had seemed forced, as though his mind was elsewhere. As soon as they'd returned he'd disappeared, and hadn't, as far as Sideswipe knew, seen Ratchet.
Now Sideswipe thought about it, Sunny had been in a strange mood on ever since they'd arrived on Earth. But then, he wasn't the only one who'd seemed a bit odd. This was a strange planet – not unpleasant, but very different from Cybertron – and they were all at close quarters, stuck here in the Ark, the Piece de Resistance of Autobot battle transport, now incapable of even getting off the ground, and at the mercy of an alien race for most of their information. Hardly surprising some had been affected by those circumstances.
Not only that, but despite the 'Bots boast of togetherness – constantly held in a shining light compared to the 'Cons lack of it - tensions were brewing - especially between the senior officers – and several mechs appeared stressed. Ex relationships were also causing problems. Prime's "containment policy" with the Cons – injure them, disable them, restrict them, prevent them from doing any damage here – as opposed to simply wiping them out had caused frustrations among the more seasoned fighters. Yes - no wonder mechs were getting twitchy. Sideswipe had simply assumed that his sensitive brother was affected along with the rest.
As he passed the control room, Sideswipe caught sight of Bluestreak and Trailbreaker huddled over Teletran 1. So Bluestreak wasn't with Sunstreaker? Now that was strange. The fact that he was not doing what he normally liked to do post combat was most out of character.
Sideswipe quickened his pace, nearly colliding with Mirage as he rounded a corner. They both came to a halt and Sideswipe found himself the one getting out of the way as the Alphamech's piercing blue optics swept over him. Mirage nodded curtly, his superior alloys rustling gently as he swept away to wherever he was headed.. Sideswipe was barely surprised. That was the usual treatment he and Sunny received from Mirage as half caste Alphas, even though the caste system had been dead on Cybertron since long before the war.
A feeling of unease passed through Sideswipe. Mirage's attitude had never bothered him. He could sense a deep unhappiness in the Alphamech, and thought his aloofness was probably as much to do with this as anything else. But Sunny? Oh yes, the attitude did bother Sunny, had bothered him to the point of physical violence on several occasions. Sunny made out it was because he didn't trust Mirage – but it wasn't that. It was the old chip on the shoulder which Sunny had never lost about the half caste thing.
And whatever was the cause of his angst just now, Sideswipe truly hoped it was not that. It was Sunny's worst and most destructive demon of all.
.............
"Sunny? He was seated on the floor beside his berth. He looked up at the sound of the door and his brother's voice. "Sides ..."
Sideswipe saw that Sunstreaker was surrounded by square shaped objects which he had been arranging into neat piles. There were several stacks on the floor around him. Sideswipe squinted down and saw that they were photographs and holographs and that, to his surprise, they looked to be of a personal nature. He hadn't been aware that they had brought any visual records here with them. "What are you up to, bro?"
"Oh, just sorting through some stuff. I found these in our old storage crates from Cybertron ..." he took a picture from the top of one of the piles and handed it to his brother. "You remember this?"
Puzzled, Sideswipe took the picture. He stared at it for a few moments. Oh yes. He remembered it well. It was a shot which had been taken of the two of them before the war, and he knew from the arena in the background that it was from when they had used to take part in the combat games at Kaon.
Sunny was looking at him as though this was a matter of great importance. "We don't actually look that much different, do we Sides?"
Sideswipe looked at the picture, again, still wondering what all this was about. "No, we've weathered well bro ..." he said.
"Remember this?" Sunny handed him another picture. "The opposition, Sides!"
It was indeed. There was a group shot of Skywarp, Ramjet and Vortex and Brawn, who had been the usual opposing team, sporting Kaon Team emblems. He felt his brother's optics upon him. "They gave us a few headaches didn't they Sides?" he said.
Sideswipe nodded, thinking and they all kept doing it for a long time after that .... He thought of the tussles with the Seekers over the vorns, and the viciousness of the bladed flyer, too much even for Megatron, who had imprisoned him at Mordac. Then he remembered the expression on Brawn's face earlier. He said. "Yeah! And you know, I reckon if Brawn had ended up on their side, it could be a whole different story."
Sunny took another picture from the pile. "And this?" This time it was a picture of Sideswipe standing triumphantly over Skywarp, who looked somewhat crumpled on the ground in front of him, paint scratched to smithereens, one wing visibly torn. He could not help but wish that the end result today had been similar, and anger flared in his spark, surprising him in its intensity.
His mind went back again to the failure over the forest, and to how he had actually enjoyed hurting the Seeker. Had he always enjoyed it that much? He looked at the picture again. Yes, he had always enjoyed it. But in a different way since the incident. Way back then it was to do with the thrill of conquest. During the war - until the incident - a military accomplishment. Today it had had been impulsive, uncontrolled, spur on the moment – and vindictive. And that was what was bugging him. He prided himself on not being like that. And yet, somehow, the Seeker had managed to get to him, to steer him away from his normal objective level headed rational self.
Well it was not going to any more, he decided. He was going to be objective. Their mission here was to incapacitate the Seekers, and that he would do - coldly and without any silly notions of romantic revenge - because it was his job. It was good that Sunny had brought out these pictures. It showed how rational and warrior like they could both be. He would spell it out to Sunny how they would be like that now. And whatever was bothering Sunny, such grounded talk could not fail to help him.
"You know, I reckon we should brush up a bit" he said. "take a few lessons from the past. That way we can deal with our favorite jets the way we used to be able to and not like a couple of clowns on a turkey shoot."
Sunstreaker frowned. Reaching up, he took the picture back and replaced it. He stared at his brother now, optics intense and golden. There was an anguish in them, as though reflecting something with which Sunny was struggling to come to terms.
"Remember, Sides …" he whispered, "it was only Skywarp who got in the pit in those days. Not Thunder …"
Sideswipe felt the need to be close to his brother then, and he moved over and sat down on the floor beside him, shifting a pile of photographs out of the way. They both moved back a little and leaned their backs against the wall, their knees up in front of them. Thunder. He hadn't heard Sunstreaker refer to the Seeker by that name in aeons. That was what everybody called him before the war. That was what he had called him before he became a Decepticon. That was what Sunny had called him when they were ….
"You probably find it hard to remember that Thunder wasn't always a fighter." Sunny said softly.
The words settled like a soft cloud. And now Sideswipe realized In fact, he could not remember the last time he had taken Thundercracker on. In fact, since being here he had not even given him much thought. He was just sort of there, with the other two. Always it was either his black and purple bondmate or the Air Commander who occupied his thoughts, demanded his skills. Why was that? Was it because it was Sunny, basically, who always dealt with Thundercracker? Or was it because Thundercracker was somehow different from the others, and so he had always thought of him in a different way.
Sideswipe thought back. The blue Seeker had grown up not far from him in Praxus. He had become a musician of some repute, living a very civilized existence in a rather classy apartment and performing the same sort of music which Sideswipe had heard the humans refer to as "heavy metal." Sideswipe recalled with amusement that he cared no more for it here than he had all those vorns ago back there. But it had been perfect for hyping up the energy levels before the pit fights – even inspiring attendance for the music rather than the fighting – and Sideswipe had noted with interest that the music seemed to have a similar effect on humans.
He said "You know, it's kind of a shame that he doesn't resume his former career here. I think it could be quite a success … " Yet, even as he said it, he realized he was only saying it because he hoped it would somehow cheer Sunny up. The words had a hollow ring, because of course, the blue Seeker was no different. Thundercracker had long ago abandoned his civilized life in favor of Megatron's Air Force, and he had been a committed Decepticon for years now.
Sunstreaker gave the ghost of a smile. "I can't say the music ever did that much for me, to be honest ..." he said. Then, leaning forward, he picked up another handful of loose photos and began to thumb through them.
He really did sound sad. Sideswipe watched him in silence, thinking about the relationship his brother had once had with the blue Seeker and all that had happened. Could this be to do with that? Sunny had been attached to him once – almost to the point of obsession - and had been devastated when Thundercracker had brought things to an end. It had taken Sunny ages to get over it. He had never really seen why at the time, but now, after that time with Skywarp … well, now he had to admit, grudgingly, that he could see how you could get sucked in by a Seeker. Sideswipe felt a stab of anger, and a deep protectiveness flared in his spark. Did these pitheads get into everyone's circuits? Why couldn't they just keep themselves to their lousy selves?
But the Thunder thing had happened a long time ago, he thought; a very long time. Too long ago to still be causing grief now, surely. No – and anyway, even if Thundercracker had been the same person he had been in those days, the relationship had hardly been a success. Thunder and Sun – as they called each other - had spent a lot of their time arguing or not talking, although their reunions were always intense. Later, Sunstreaker had grudgingly acknowledged that the Seeker's departure – and even the subsequent bonding with Skywarp - was probably a good thing. Then they'd fought on opposite sides and by that time, Sunstreaker was a committed Autobot. As far as Sideswipe knew, their factional opposition had never been a source of regrets for the past.
Sunny was looking through more photos. He put the ones he had in a pile and reached forward and, grabbing a handful of others, started sifting through those. "I can't find – any of him. …" he was saying. "I thought I had some, Sides. Do you know where they are?" Sideswipe noticed, with growing concern, that there was almost a note of panic there.
Sunny's words sunk in. So it was to do with the past! And now his feeling of unease returned.
"Sunny," he said, "I didn't even know we had these things ..."
Sunny had seized more photos and was looking through them. "I wish I could just find one...." he said, "just something that would remind me it wasn't always like it is now..." his voice now had a waver to it and Sideswipe put a hand on his arm. "Sunny.. "
To his amazement, his brother's face started to crumple. His intakes were heaving. "Sunny?" Feeling a sharp stab of emotion and concern, he pulled Sunny gently back to the wall again and put his arm around him and Sunny drew his knees up again and put his face in his hands.
"There's something wrong with him, you know, Sides!" he said in a strangled voice. "I've known it ever since we got to Earth! And today – out there - he hardly put up a fight at all. I could have totaled him easily. Except that I couldn't Sides...." he let out a sob "I couldn't ... not like that ...!"
Sideswipe could not remember a time when he had been lost for words. He stared at his brother, who was heaving with obvious emotion. Between gasps, he managed to say: "I cut him a break today, Sides. I jumped off."
Now Sideswipe's thoughts reeled. This could not be! He thought about how he had secretly criticized Optimus Prime for glossing over the problems on the Ark as though they did not exist, and felt guilty and suddenly sympathetic to the Leader because - honestly and truly – he did not want to have to face the implications of this. "But Sunny – He's our – your - enemy!" he whispered. "That stuff from the past – what happened - he's - Kell! You've been enemies for the last six thousand vorns, bro!"
"He's different Sides. You know he is. He's not like the other two."
Oh Primus! Thought Sideswipe. What has happened! And he actually believes that! Moving around so he was facing Sunny, he drew close to him and stroked his face. "Sunny – Listen …" And then when Sunstreaker shook his head he reached up gently and took the his wrists and squeezed gently, so that the golden twin had to look at him. "Whatever he used to be, he isn't that any more. His agenda here is to destroy us. Sunny, please – I know we've got this containment policy …" he reflected the irony that he was the one feeling annoyed about that now, and not Sunny – " … but if you get the chance to give him a hiding, you have to do it...." Sunny shook his head again. Pulling away, he put his head back in his hands.
Glancing down, Sideswipe's optic caught the photo of the injured Skywarp. Reaffirming his earlier resolve, he said: "If I get that chance with Skywarp, I'm not going to hold back."
Sunny looked up at him. His face streaked with tears and Sideswipe winced at the pain in his optics. "It's different with me and him from what it is for you with Skywarp." He whispered. "It is Sides. That was just a frag. This with Thunder – I loved him once, Sides ...you know that..."
He was crying again. Sighing, Sideswipe leaned back against the wall and drew his own knees up and looked at the ceiling. There was a silence, punctuated only by Sunstreaker's sobs. This, he remembered, was how it had all ended. Tears, anguish, recriminations. The Seeker all over the new found love of his life, leaving his brother and joining the Decepticons. It was one of the reasons Sunny had been emphatic about joining the Autobots when, Primus knew, he'd had more than his share of lucrative offers from the 'Cons.
No, this was out of the pit. It truly was. Once again, he thought about how they could get to you, these Seekers. Look at him after one miserable session? But the writing was on the wall. Thundercracker did not give a toss about Sunstreaker and had demonstrated nothing but callous ruthless unfeeling behavior for the whole course of the war.
He had to nip it in the bud. Apart from anything else, the Autobots might be operating under a containment policy, but so far it did not appear that the Decepticons were. And if anyone got wind that Sunny was – well – like this – then how easy would it be for him to be sucked in and betrayed again? Things could get very dangerous.? No way, he thought. There was nothing for it but to be blunt.
He said: "Look, Sunny, I know how you think it used to be ...." When Sunny looked at him again, tears running down his cheeks, he went on, "... but Sunny, face facts! Apart from anything else, remember the fights you guys had? It was a lousy set up!" He reached out to the golden twin, who turned his face away. "And - not only that - it was a flaming long time ago, bro!"
There was another silence, and Sunny put his face in his hands again. Sideswipe sighed deeply and rubbed his brother's shoulder. "Sun, he chose his faction and it wasn't the Autobots, and he chose his berth and it wasn't yours. He screwed you over, Sunny! Then he spent a good portion of the war trying to kill you ... and he's probably got it in mind to do it now!" He took his hand away and sighed again,"... just on that score don't expect me to think its a great thing that you suddenly find yourself with feelings for him again, if that's what you're really trying to tell me this is about."
Intakes heaving in short gasps, Sunstreaker gave his brother a watery look. Then he stared at the floor again "You don't understand!" he whispered.
Sideswipe got up, then, and went to a cabinet beside his berth and retrieved a flask and two cubes. He poured a generous measure of the energon - which was slightly enhanced but not intoxicating - into a couple of the cubes. With an output of emotional energy like this, he was afraid his brother would become underenergised. He came back and sat on the edge of Sunny's berth and handed a cube down to him. Sunstreaker took it with a shaky hand. "Sorry, bro ..." He took a sip from the cube and put it down, clasping a hand to his forehead again.
Sideswipe looked at his distraught twin and felt a great love and despair. No, he reproached himself, he must deal with this logically, just as he must deal with the seekers logically.
The yellow twin had composed himself a little. Getting to his feet, he went into the ablution room and Sideswipe heard the sound of water splashing. When he came out, he had wiped the streaks from his face. He sat down on the berth beside his brother. "Sides," he said, "I know – what you're thinking. But I've done a lot of thinking myself since we've been here ...."
He sighed. "For years I was bitter and angry, Sides, and I hated him. But I'm not any more. Because I realized - he didn't screw me over."
Sideswipe looked at him. He shook his head. "Sunny, I ..." "
"No, hear me out, bro!" gently, He turned to Sideswipe and his optics were intense and golden. He looked better, but there was a fragility about him and Sideswipe had the impression it would not take much to set him off again. He sighed. "Look, when I was first in Praxus I was very fragile, Sides, after everything that went down in Kaon. You know some of it. I never told you everything …."
His voice trailed off. Sideswipe put a steadying hand on his arm. "Its OK …" he said. He knew only that things had been bad. He had never asked for the details.
"Those – things, Sides. I could talk to him - not that I couldn't have talked to you, but you're a kind of 'past is the past now move on' person. I never bugged you with stuff…." He paused, as though needing to compose himself again. Taking a sip of the cube, he rose and wandered over towards the room's little portal where he paused momentarily, staring out into the blackness of the earth night. He turned back.
"Sides - Thunder listened and he was there for me …." His voice still sounded unsteady. His intakes lat out a sigh. "A lot of the arguments we had – I dunno, I reckon I was the one who was pretty fragged up in those days. I used to go off about things at the drop of a camshaft. I know you probably think I've always been like that, but, believe me, I'm nothing like as twitchy as I was then …" He paused and took another sip.
"So what with all that … " he stared out of the window again "...I reckon Thunder put up with a lot from me …" and then when Sideswipe opened his mouth to interject, he turned back. "No – think about it Sides. He always came back to me. Then later, when he used to watch Skywarp and me at the fights, I just always assumed it would be me he ended up with."
He looked at Sideswipe, optics piercing.. "I took him for granted, Sides!"
Sideswipe swilled the liquid around in the cube and watched the purple hues subtly mixing. No, he didn't buy it! He knew that the blue Seeker had been obsessed with his wingmate and that had been far more the reason for his choice. As far as Sideswipe was aware, he still was. Anger rumbled through him then. No – he was not going along with this. He looked up at his twin. "Look – all that may be so. But…he still left you, Sunny! He wouldn't have if he'd loved you."
"Sides!" Sunny came back now and sat back down next to him. "Do you know how much pressure Seekers were under to be with other Seekers and not with "normal Cybertronians" as they termed them?" he said. "Do you know how much they were discriminated against and how much - even at our level - our relationship was frowned upon?" he sighed. "Everyone may have thought the caste system was gone by then Sides, but believe me, it left something behind which was alive and well. Still is, if you look at the problems we've had …"
Sideswipe took another sip of the liquid and reflected, thinking of Mirage's cool demeanor earlier and the iciness and caustic criticism they had put up with from the full caste Alphamech over the vorns. Him and the other remaining Alphas. And he thought of how others had distanced them, unsure of sure how to deal with their program makeup. He didn't disagree with his brother, even though he'd played it down for the sake of peace. But Kell! This was hardly the same situation.
"It was too much for him, Sides. And then when the war started there really wasn't much of a place for Seekers outside of the 'Cons"
The cube was empty. Sideswipe placed it on the table beside the berth. He turned to his brother, and knotted his hands in his lap. "All right!" he said, "but even if I were to buy all of that – it still doesn't alter the fact that he turned into a wanton killer! And that he did a very good job as a squadron leader and destroyed pit loads of Cybertron and took Primus knows how many lives! That's why you've been enemies for years....."
"He would have felt bad about a lot of it, Sides. I know that!"
"But – even if you're right - he still did it!" he got up and walked to the portal himself now, peering into the darkness. He could see just one light through it, glowing in the distance far away. Somebody on patrol, he surmised.
"Not all of it was bad, Sides!" Sunny was saying. "They took out the Alpha Districts. Primus, sides! That wasn't bad! That did Cybertron a favour!"
It was too much. Sideswipe looked at him sharply. "That's ridiculous, Sunny! Whatever else you may argue, you are not going to convince me that this – Seeker – is all right because he destroyed something belonging to one of our allies who you happen to have a grudge against…." and then when a scowl appeared on Sunstreaker's face, he said: "That's downright un-botlike Sunny! And isn't there enough tension already between you and Mirage? You start adding fuel with that sort of talk, you'll start a fraggin' war right here!"
He gave him a look and Sunny glowered back. Then, obviously deciding to abandon that tack, he looked at the floor and let out a sigh. "Sides ..." And now he sounded distressed again. Sideswipe felt it in his spark, and he came over and sat back down beside Sunny, feeling a great tenderness but – he had to admit – a helplessness.
They sat side by side, and neither spoke. In the distance, there were sounds as the Ark settled down for the night. Eventually, Sunstreaker said softly: "The thing is, Sides ... Thunder really isn't like Skywarp – or Starscream - or any of them. He is – more Bot like in some ways. He's - a worthy opponent. He's a good fighter and he doesn't use nasty tricks. He's got a sense of honour...."
Sideswipe didn't answer. There was a grain of truth about that, he grudgingly supposed. But it was all relative. He said "yeah, all right. He's just an afthole. Not a complete and utter afthole like Skywarp or a twisted deranged nut like Starscream ..."
Sunstreaker went on: "me and him – we never discussed it or anything, but it's always been a clean fight. You know – may the best one win. Neither of us ever did - but I always just assumed that one day one of us would and then the other wouldn't be around any more, Sides, and if I'm honest I never liked the thought of that, but I knew that one day it would have to come ..."
He went on "It's not really even anything to do with what we had once. It's just the way things turned out to be .... and now here we both are, still alive!"
His vocalizer had a waver in it again and, unable to do anything else, Sideswipe sighed and put his arm around him. "But today when I realized what a state he was in ...." - he paused, struggling to control his intakes - "If he's going to get hauled back to jail on Cybertron or whatever else it Prime intends to do, then so be it…." He started to cry again. "But not like that! Not with me doing him over because he can't fight back ..." Sideswipe pulled him to him. "Sunny - it's OK ..."
Sunny's head was on his shoulder. "Sideswipe, you said something just now about being unbotlike? Well - that's unbotlike! We're supposed to believe in a fair fight, and in not kicking people when they're down, and all that ..." he sobbed, "An I know I haven't always been the greatest one for upholding all that, Sides, but I feel like if I don't stick to it now, then everything's been a waste of time! I'm not gonna destroy Thundercracker if he ain't all there because I can't ...!"
Sideswipe could feel his brother's warm tears against his shoulder, and as he trembled against him, he thought of the reputation he enjoyed as the cold warrior, the one for whom emotion never interfered with judgment in battle. He imagined how stunned the others would be if they could see this – and how equally horrified if they knew what the subject matter was. They must not know, he thought. If nothing else, he could protect Sunstreaker from that.
Lost for further strategies, he simply drew his brother into him and held him as he sobbed against his chest. And, feeling him there, Sideswipe could sense the special closeness between him and the blue Seeker which still lingered, and he was forced to admit - although Primus, it rallied against everything he wanted to admit - that he had always thought this might happen. He'd just always hoped he was wrong. He sighed "What you gonna do, bro?" he said.
"I'm gonna find out... what's wrong ... and try and put it right."
"Oh Sunny," he said, feeling close to tears himself partly because he could feel the emotion and partly because he was now deeply scared for his brother. Sideswipe held on to him. "I love you bro. Don't do anything you'll regret."
...................
There was the sound of the door hissing open and they both looked around. "Sunny?" it was Bluestreak. The golden twin looked at him. He darkened. "I'm not in the mood!" he snapped. Rising and brushing his face, he got up and left the room.
Bluestreak stood staring at the closed door as Sunstreaker's footsteps receded in the corridor outside. He looked confused. "I'm Sorry Sideswipe...I didn't know you were ... I thought he wanted me to ..."
"Sideswipe sighed." He got up from the berth and came over and laid a hand on Bluestreak's shoulder "Look, he's in a funny mood, Bluey. I think it might be better if you – slept in your own quarters tonight."
The Datsun looked surprised, but not upset. "Oh, that's allright," he said, "I've got things to do. I was gonna go and see Mirage. Yeah! That's what I'll do! I'll go and se Mirage!"
Sideswipe nodded. "You do that" he said, thinking that the gunner was pretty, and had classic beta caste curves, and that this presumably qualified him as "the right stuff" as far as the haughty Alphamech was concerned.
He stood looking at the closed door after Sideswipe had gone. Then he picked up a pile of the photographs from the floor and started thumbing through them, selecting shots of himself in action and particularly one where the purple Seeker was on the receiving end of his fists or weaponry. Despite what had just happened, his resolve of earlier returned. A little bit of touching up, and he would be out there again. Oh yes ...
And whatever was going on in his brother's processors, there was no way he was going mushy on those Seekers, or any Decepticon.
And certainly not the accursed black and purple bondmate of his brother's old love object …
Please R and R. **Ayngel**