Castle's invitation to the Hamptons for the Memorial Day weekend had been haunting her all day long, despite her best efforts to shove it away, and the fact that she'd already given him her answer of "no". So, why was she acting like this, why was she feeling like a schoolgirl caught between two boys vying for her affections and relishing the feeling that came with it? Kate knew that her decision to refuse had been made with Tom in mind, but for some reason-no, the reason-she'd broken things off with Tom, and he'd been crushed. Tom had been everything a cop should be looking for: tall, good-looking, well-built, sexy, dependable and knowledgeable as to how hectic a cop's life could be, not to mention understanding of that. Richard Castle was...everything he wasn't: cocky, rich, childish, used to getting his own way, and completely, utterly wrong for her.
But-and that was a huge but-he was also sweet, kind, willing to help her despite her repeated rebuffs and most of all, a good father with a large heart of gold.
He'd also managed to weasel his way into her heart, a feat that Demming probably could never accomplish. That was proved numerous times over the course of their time working together; when he'd paid a hundred thousand dollars for a fruitless lead to her mother's killer, saving her life a couple of times he'd pulled her out of the way of a bullet. And she'd proven it when she'd broken things off with her boyfriend, and what she was about to do.
There was a huge pit nestled deep in her stomach, her heart felt like it was racing a mile a minute, and her throat was dry like it had never been before, and as she pulled Castle out into the hallway to speak privately with him, she almost felt like brushing it off and pretending like she was simply going to wish him a good summer. His blue eyes shone a brighter blue from the beer he'd been drinking with the guys just a moment ago, and they gazed openly and honestly at her. How could he wear his heart so openly around her, when he knew she could potentially cause him so much pain down the road? She didn't deserve Richard Castle, she didn't deserve the possibility that they could be great together, as everyone else in the precinct seemed to think.
"What's up, Beckett? You wanted to talk?" His attitude was one he only seemed to raise in the moments when they'd been talking about Demming, or other relationships, a barrier meant to protect from heartbreak or emotional pain.
"Yeah, I, uh, did," She rubbed her hands together nervously, lacing and unlacing her fingers in an unconscious habit she thought she'd broken during the academy.
A grin seemed to spread itself over Castle's face, and the guard dropped down. "Why, Katherine Beckett, are you nervous? What could possibly be doing this?"
"Castle," She hissed through gritted teeth. "I'm trying to be serious here!"
He motioned for her to continue, though the grin remained in place.
"I've...broken up with Tom." She said without hesitation once she got past the initial bump, throwing her hands up in a "I've laid down my cards, let's see yours" motion. It was now up to him to make the next move.
"You broke up with Demming?" He asked, looking thoroughly confused. "Why? I thought you liked him, a lot."
She was about to reply that she had liked Demming a lot when she saw that defeated look in his eyes, and then she knew: he had felt inferior to Demming throughout the entirety of his relationship with her. He'd wanted to be the one she kissed, the one she walked out arm-in-arm of the precinct with, the one she had late night Chinese food with. And how could he not have felt inferior when all she'd done was sing Demming's praises, and more often than not, insulted him?
Kate looked down, a tell to anyone that she wasn't exactly feeling comfortable right now. "You said to me once: the heart wants what the heart wants."
His jaw tightened. "So?"
"Is...is that offer to go to the Hamptons with you still open?" She bit her lip and looked at her feet in utter humiliation; this was when he was going to tell her it was too late for them, too late for them to have any kind of relationship outside solving crimes together.
A few moments passed in awkward-awkward to her, at least-silence. Kate was about to just race away from this horrible, uncomfortable situation, hide in her apartment away from everyone who was no doubt witnessing this entire exchange with a bottle of wine for the summer when she felt a firm finger lift her chin up. Instinct told her to jerk away because thiswas not a rom-com movie, and she was not going to be a weak-in-the-knees heroine, but looking into those eyes that shone with nothing but deep affection-possibly love-for her, she couldn't run or hide.
"Did you break up with Demming for me?" He said softly, as if he barely dared to believe what he'd heard. "Does your heart want me?"
Kate ducked her head again, but he bent down to her level to keep her gaze.
"Kate?" Oh, her name in that voice in that tone...is that what she'd been denying?
"I broke up with Demming," She began, needing a few moments to collect her thoughts as his gaze burned into her. "Because he was the male version of me, and sure, he was exciting at first, but it didn't go much further than exciting. All we had was a good time. We had no future to speak of, but you, Castle? You and I, we're good together, right?" Her hands grasped at his jacket lapels, needing to emphasize her point and not really knowing how. She'd never been very good at bearing her emotions or feelings to others.
Oh, the guys and the captain were sure to be having fun watching her flounder, Lanie even more so.
"Yeah," He breathed softly against her face. "But I didn't think you thought so."
"I did, Castle. Professionally, we're unconventional, but we've caught a lot of killers. And that's great. Outside of work, it's been...I don't know what it's been, but it seems like everyone thinks we should give 'us' a shot. Maybe we owe it to ourselves to be more unconventional outside of the workplace, outside of grabbing a beer with coworkers or dinner at a late-night diner."
His forehead was touching against hers now, and the heat burned and spread through her entire body from that point of contact. Was he burning, too?
"I didn't think you were a follow-the-crowd sort." He said huskily.
"No," She admitted. "But they see something good between us, and I'd like to see where this goes. I do care for you, Castle, and maybe this weekend could be the start of something. Unless...there's someone else."
"No!" His hands flew to her waist and pulled her closer, so that their bodies were almost flush against each other. "No, there's no one else, I swear. I invited you, Kate, and besides my mother or Alexis, you're the only woman I want to be there. We could be something really great, I always thought so, but you're sure? You're sure you really want to come with me?"
Kate nodded, allowing herself to smile a genuine smile. Castle responded by smiling even wider, the edges of his eyes crinkling. So this was real, and they were going to do this. Their heads slowly leaned in opposite directions, and she swore that she felt her mouth part slightly in response to his, but they didn't touch. It seemed like too personal a thing to do: have your first kiss with a man you care about in front of a crowded precinct full of your colleagues. She'd be hearing about even the small amount of intimacy she'd shared with Castle for weeks, perhaps even months.
"Then by all means, Detective, let's get out of here, yeah?"
"Yeah," She nodded, her voice barely a whisper. "Oh, but I haven't cleared the weekend off with Montgomery yet."
He shook his head, smiling all the while. "I think he's got it figured out by now, but I'll call him after we get on the road, if it makes you feel any better."
"So I'm really doing this? I'm really going to the Hamptons with you?"
Castle chuckled softly. "Sounds like it, unless these last five minutes have all been a dream." He quipped, and then suddenly lost some color as if he'd had this scenario play out in his mind before. And that didn't bother her at all, strangely. "Which would be the worst thing that has ever happened to me."
She shook her head, bemused at this man who was such a child in some ways-how could an otherwise pleasant dream be the worst thing that has ever happened to a person?-but who was also what her heart apparently wanted, and Kate didn't care if there was the possibility of this man-child being her one and done. It wouldn't be so bad.
"What? That could totally happen!"
"No, Castle," She said, sighing in a contented manner. "This is definitely not a dream. This-the Hamptons and us-wouldn't happen in a dream."
His face took on a mischievous look, those blue eyes of his twinkling with some secret knowledge. "Who says it hasn't already?"
Kate's mouth dropped open in shock; she let go of his lapels to smack at his chest, cheeks burning from knowing that Castle had dreamt of her before. Exactly how many times had he? This shouldn't be a big deal-Castle dreaming of her, her-because they were in a relationship, weren't they? Yes, yes, they were. The very beginning of a relationship, granted, but a relationship nonetheless. Maybe it was that Castle had no qualms about admitting his feelings for her, his dreams of her so easily spoken aloud, whereas she held every hope and desire behind a fortress of walls.
Then the moment was ruined by several muffled snickers and chortles from behind her; Kate whirled to see her friends and captain turn back around hastily, pretending that they hadn't been hanging on every word spoken.
"Should we charge them for the show?"
She stared indignantly at her colleagues' backs for a few moments longer, before turning back to face Castle.
"How long have you been dreaming of this?"
"This moment in particular? Since I asked you to come with me. Dreaming of you and me together? Well, to be honest, since the first day I met you. Back then, I really just wanted to see what made you tick, experience the mystery that had so intrigued me when you crashed my book party, and then you told me no, which only made me want to see all of you. I wasn't looking to fall for you when we first met and were working together."
"And now?" She whispered, feeling the thick, heady emotions that had been covering her a few minutes ago envelop her once more.
"Now?" Castle exhaled heavily. "Isn't that obvious? This-coming in every morning and bringing you coffee, seeing your face light up when you take the first sip or catch the killer-this is unlike any relationship I've ever had before. No woman has ever been like you, Kate. You're incredible and beautiful and amazing, and my heart aches every time something happens to you, and I know that what I'm feeling for you is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."
How was it that Castle could take her breath away with only a few words like no man had ever been able to? It was so very different from Will Sorenson or Tom Demming or any other dead-end relationship she'd had. Kate hated feeling insecure making decisions in a relationship outside of what to eat or whose place to stay at, but this wasn't a decision she'd soon regret, not Castle. She couldn't regret him.
Kate reached up and placed her hands on either side of his face, fingers sliding into his soft brown hair, and pulled him down to her. Oh, his lips were so warm and pliable under hers. She'd been missing out, denying this spark between her. She felt him smile beneath her mouth, and his hands tightened at her waist, pulling her close again. Yes, this weekend at the Hamptons was certainly shaping up to be her best yet.
A burst of applause came from behind them, and Kate didn't care. She was otherwise happily occupied.