AN: I had originally written the follow-up piece to my fic, Palindromes, which would have been the story of Collins in Panama, but upon re-reading the review I left to Oh Great And Wonderful Feeling Sinister's Something About Him, I was struck with the overwhelming urge to write this fic. And yes, it is 2:05 am as I write this. Just for all you stalkers out there trying to locate me, or for those of you wondering why the hell this fic is so weird.
You Were My Only Love
As told by Susie McFicwriter
It had been two years since Mimi Marquez-Davis had miraculously recovered from a near-death experience, gotten over her intense heroin addiction in six days, quit her awful and most demeaning job at the Catscratch club, and become a responsible and hardworking adult, despite the fact that she was but twenty-two.
Now, she was sitting in her bathroom in a state of utter shock, despite the fact that she had spent the last two months vomiting violently every morning, missed her period twice, and was starting to gain a few pounds.
She was Pregnant. (gasp!)
However, the only thought to cross the dancer's mind was how she was going to tell her husband, gorgeous rock-god Roger Davis, who had since become very successful with a band that had made him very famous and rich yet still allotted him generous free-time and life in their run down old loft that they would never ever ever ever leave despite the fact that it had been marked for demolition twice and was infested with dormice, all because they had met each other there.
Of course, Mimi and Roger had long moved down into Mimi's old loft, which they had decorated in a nice contempo-suburban theme in an effort to express their secret underlying desires to move into the suburbs and become fat soccer parents. It was Mimi's secret fantasy to see her husband all dolled up in business attire, ready to go to work in the Hummer H2 that they could magically afford/ pull out of nowhere, and although she did not know it, Roger was dying to see her in a sweater with kittens on it.
This was an entirely realistic goal, because despite the fact that both of them had AIDS, they never got sick and lived a carefree and happy lifestyle.
All these repairs had cost them about 3 million dollars, but Mimi and Roger had an unlimited supply of money which allowed them to do this.
Mark and his wife Maureen had long since moved upstairs and infested the building with their clan of ten adorable children, Mickey, Mary, John, Riley, Ronan, Aiden, Steve, Tom, Dick, and Harry, whom Mimi and Roger were happy to babysit for anytime, despite the factthat the children regularly tied the two up and left them to savage cannabils for hours. "Aww," Mimi would always say, "They're so darling," and Roger would pretend not to agree, but would always be seen being a Good Babysitter later, connecting with the children on a deep emotional level, despite the fact that they were all under the age of ten. Joanne had sadly died in a tragic accident the year before, immediately following Collins' suicide because life just sucked wayyy to much for him.
Now, as the dancer looked at the blue line adorning the stick, she was very nervous but excited. She had always wanted children, but although she had no hope of surviving to see the kid's first birthday, she quickly ruled out abortion and adoption as possible choices.
But now she had to tell Roger! She knew just who to call at this moment.
It took awhile, but finally, her Angel Chica Picked up.
"Hello?" Angel asked, who was perpetually in drag and preferred to be known as a women at all times and was not even a man at all, who in fact had cut off her penis in favor of being a eunic.
"Angel?" Mimi said, "Chica I need you,"
Mimi could hardly hear Angel, because Angel was rotting in her grave and had been DEAD FOR TWO YEARS. Still, Mimi ignored this slight issue and continued with her problems.
"Oh, Angel, how are you?"
"I'm just playing with my Tommy, I just love him oh so much!" Angel and Collins were always doing something unrealistic and cutesy.
"Angel, I'm pregnant!"
At this point, Angel, the woman, shrieked, "Ohmigawd! Mimi! I'm so happy for you! We'll get all kinds of expensive clothes that with all realism you should not be able to afford, and we'll knit sweaters and buy cribs and paint one of the fifteen extra rooms you reserve in your loft for OC's, various random relatives, street whores, and Roger's mistress/first love/High Schol Sweetheart, Kelly!"
Angel completely overlooked that Mimi had AIDS. No, not HIV, AIDS.
Ohmigawd!
So Mimi hung up the phone and went to tell Roger.
"Roger, baby," she said, "I'm pregnant,"
"Ok," he said, and went back to strumming his guitar. "Go tell Mark and we'll all go down to the Life for one of the impromptu table dancing sessions that we always get kicked out for and pay like a billion dollars for yet do every Friday night anyways,"
THE END
This had been the stupid Mimi/Roger pregnancy parody that the author got too tired to finish but wanted to upload anyways.