Not your mistake

Authors Note: Dear readers, this is my first fanfiction ever, so I hope I don't do a really bad job of it. Please be kind and review, would mean a lot to me.

This story is set during the time when RISE was aired. Takes off right at the opening scene.

Disclaimer: As much as i would love to think otherwise, i do not own castle or its characters. I'm just borrowing them for a while.

Chapter 1

Everyone from Kate's family at the twelfth were waiting outside the operation theater breaths held. It had been over 30 minutes since she was rolled in, blood dripping down from her chest onto the gurney, fighting for her life.

Lanie was found sitting in a corner chair, sobbing silently to herself. Her hands were covered in gloves coated deep crimson and she was making an effort to keep her eyes from wandering to them. For a person who spent almost everyday slicing up dead bodies, one would think she wouldn't mind a little blood on her hands. But this time was different for her. It was different for all of them.

At that moment, the room was full of professionals. A top-of-her-job Medical Examiner, two hard-boiled detectives who didn't even flinch at the sight of rocket-launchers, and a best-selling novelist who killed people in his mind for a living. And yet, at the moment, each one of them were shivering like leaves. Because this was different, for all of them. Each had their own reason to claim that person on the gurney just had to fight for her life, and hard.

For one, it was a best friend who never judged, no matter what, for some it was an elder sister who always looked out for them, even though they kept screwing up. And for one, it was that bond that would make their heart stop the immediate second the one in the OR did. Kate Beckett did change a lot of lives, despite of all the walls she claimed she had built.

A few minutes of deadly silence later, the corridor was suddenly filled with hurried footsteps.

"Dad!" a worried voice called out making Richard Castle snap out of his numbness.

And before he could even lift his head up to acknowledge the very familiar voice, he was enveloped in a vice-tight hug by his daughter. He could feel her frame raking with sobs and yet, could do nothing except hold her tighter, trying to keep his own tears at bay. Richard Castle, was out of words for the first time in his life.

"Richard! How is she?" his mother asked, she was now sitting next to Lanie, who still hadn't acknowledged the commotion that occurred.

"they took her in for surgery, its been so long already. Why haven't they come out yet? That's not a bad thing is it? I mean if its taking them this long that means that they have a hope of fixing her right? Otherwise they would have already come out, wouldn't they?" He kept talking, hoping that at least one of them would confirm that he was right. He needed them to assure him that she would be fine. He needed to be assured she would be fine. She just had to be fine.

"Dad….dad, she's gonna be fine. She is a fighter. She's gonna be fine" Alexis consoled him. And as she felt him relax in her embrace, she prayed to every power in the universe to make her words true.

Kate Beckett had to live, at least for her dad's sake. The fear of losing her was bad enough, she couldn't stand losing her dad too. And she knew that was exactly what would happen if Beckett didn't survive.

"Where's my daughter?" a deep baritone made them all look towards the entrance of the corridor. And there stood yet another person whose life Kate Beckett had changed for the better.

"Where's Katie?" Jim Beckett repeated himself, his voice more panicked due to the lack of reply from any of them. He wasn't already too late was he? No. He couldn't be. He just couldn't. He had already lost his wife, not his kid too.

Esposito walked to his side, quickly updating the man on what little he knew about his boss's condition right now. He tried to assure that everything would be fine, but it sounded fake even to his own ears. Javier Esposito had always been miserable at lying.

Castle slumped down into a chair, feeling hollow and weak all of a sudden. The adrenaline from the shooting had begun to burn out, and misery raced forward to take its place. What would he do if he lost her? What would be the point of all this anymore? Writing, yeah right! As if he could write one single letter in a scenario where his muse didn't exist. He knew pretty well how much he needed her as an inspiration when he left to the Hamptons that summer. He sat down at his desk, all day, day after day, without being able to type out one single line, much to Gina's anguish. After one week, she called it quits and made her way back to the city, leaving him to wallow in his self-inflicted writer's block. And all that , when Beckett was just one phone call away.

Forget writing, he thought his mind letting out a humor-less snort. There wouldn't even be a point in living in this world without her. Not that he could kill himself. No, he didn't have such luck. He had to exist, for his daughter, for his mother. But existing, meant much less than living.

Look at how much this woman changed me!, he mused completely in awe of her yet again. Three years ago, he had just seen her as a challenge, a tough cookie and as much as he was ashamed to admit it, a conquest. And now, three years later, he was at a place where even the thought of her not making it through the surgery made his future look like a dark, deep abyss. She had to live. For him, if not for herself. She owed him at least that much didn't she? People asked crazy things from people they loved, and yet all he was asking was for her to keep breathing. She would do that right?

" I told her how I felt" he mumbled so low, that Martha had almost missed it. She had been sitting next to him, a hand on his shoulder, and lost in her own prayers asking god to keep her son's life line alive.

"I told her I loved her, just after she got shot. I told her mother" he repeated, choking on his words at the end. The older woman's heart wrenched at her son's pain. How much more did these two have to endure before the universe finally decided it was time to get them together?

A loud bang echoing in the corridor had them all out of their chairs in an instant.

"A sniper? At a funeral?" Josh's voice came booming from across the room. He was in his scrubs, and was that blood on his shoes? He had been operating on her? Then why was he out here? Did that mean….

'Oh! Shut up! Please. I cant take it anymore ' Castle pleaded his writer mind that was hell bent on thinking out the worst case scenarios.

"I tried to get to her… I tried" He said, even though he didn't have to explain to damn . As much as he hated to see him there, he knew the right the guy had over Kate was more than the right she let him have for the past three years. And that thought made his heart ache some more. No wait, it wasn't the heart ache, it was a shove. Before he could realize anything more, he found himself being shoved against the wall by Josh, followed by a punch on the left side of his face.

"How dare you!" he heard his mother exclaim, and then he felt Alexis's cool fingers checking his jaw

"dad" she whispered, placing a hand on his chest to hold him back from starting a fight.

'Don't worry pumpkin! He thought, I don't have a fight in me right now. He can use me as his punching bag. After all, I did fail.'

"You did this. It was all your fault. You pushed her to look into her mom's murder. She's shot because of you and Montgomery is dead because of you" Josh bellowed, getting angrier by the minute.

"Leave him alone" Alexis screamed, putting herself between her father and the doctor and giving him a hard shove. It hardly made him move.

"Get out of my way!" Josh screamed back, pushing Alexis aside with one arm and reaching for castle with another. And just like that, Richard castle decided he did indeed have another fight in him.

"Keep your hands off of my daughter" He said pushing himself off the wall and yanking his collar away from Josh's grip.

had apparently decided he had spoken enough, for he answered castle with his hands this time. But all thanks to the strong detective brother's he had, Castle was rescued just after two punches and one busted lip.

"Stop it! All of you. I wont have you acting like three year olds when my daughter's fighting for her life." Jim Beckett's voice was firm and disapproving. And for a second, castle was reminded of Kate's tone when she was telling off Ryan or Esposito. All thanks to the man's interruption, everybody calmed down. Josh hustled away without another word and Alexis rushed to castle's side with a handkerchief already working on fixing his bloody lip.

"he is right you know. It is all my fault" Castle said, his voice sounding helpless.

"Richard!"

"Dad!"

"Bro!"

"Castle"

"Rick!"

6 voices admonished him immediately.

"Richard castle! Don't you dare blame your self. You are not the one that shot her" Martha said, her voice the hardest he had ever heard from her.

"Yes, but I'm the one who put her in the cross hairs Maybe she is better of without me. Maybe this is a sign, a sign for me to walk away and leave her alone." He said, all his disgust for himself echoing in his tone. He raised a palm to stop the protests he knew were inevitable. He didn't need anyone's opinion now. He was done. He had to leave, that was the only way she would be safe. He should leave and he should do it now. He stood up, his decision firm in his mind.

"Mr. Beckett?" a voice from the OR halted him in his steps.

"yes" Jim Beckett answered as everyone held their breath again. This was it, one way or the other.

"Your daughter is out of surgery. You can go and see her as soon as she gets situated in the ICU. But please remember, she experienced a cardiac arrest during the surgery, and hence her heart is extremely fragile. Don't ask or tell her anything that may excite her for the worse. It's a miracle she is even alive. Congratulations"

They all breathed a sigh of relief, tears of joy flowing down their faces.

OK, Maybe I will see her just one more time. One more time to assure myself that she is alive and then I will leave. Richard castle told himself as he walked towards the ICU where they were supposed to wait for her to be situated and awake.

Authors Note: So? Good? Not so good? Total garbage? Please let me know if I should continue or not.