between the sun and the moon (in the morning air)

the title of this is a line from twenty one pilots' The Pantaloon, oops...

Hi ok so I'm Alyssa and this is my first phanfic and it is mostly based off this prompt from phanfic on tumblr! (I didn't necessarily follow it exactly, like the repetition of Phil telling Dan isn't there and there's some other variations buuut): so dan has a girlfriend but she cheats on him a lot and she tries to get with phil multiple times (but he's gay & she doesn't know) and phil tells dan but he doesn't believe phil and gets angry whenever phil tells him and then one day when phil tells hims again dan leaves the house to go to his girlfriends, when he gets there she's not there so he just goes back to the apartment and there he finds his girlfriend once again trying to get phil to sleep with her. the ending is up to you.

tw: umm Dan's gf cheats on him with Phil, she kisses and flirts with Phil without consent, mentions (like twice, briefly) of panic attacks, and lots of swearing bc it's Dan… I believe that's it but let me know if there's something else I need to include here

Phil is sick of it, beyond sick of it, and is in fact so sick of it he's feeling like he might be sick himself. It, of course, refers to Dan's relationship with Tori.

It had all started fine, that day four months ago, when Dan blurted out to Phil that he was bi, his cute little cheeks tinted red and his expression flustered as he found the string on his sleeve very interesting. Phil had, of course, responded kindly, because his best friend was still his best friend no matter his sexual interest, and if Phil had done a little cheer that night at the thought that it was possible for Dan to have a similar attraction to him as he had for Dan, well, that was his business.

Still, that happiness lasted a week more, and then Dan found Tori. Or, maybe more accurately, Tori found Dan. She worked at the Starbucks that Dan had happened to have gone to to get he and Phil some coffee, since they were out of the instant kind Phil was fond of, and it was far too early for Dan to even think of making Phil go get it. As Dan recited his order and his best friend's that he'd memorized back in '09, he happened to look up at the barista, and it all went downhill from there. Or, sorry, that was where it went uphill for Tori and Dan, and downhill only for Phil.

He was the supportive best friend in every way, encouraged Dan to text her when he noticed her number on his Starbucks cup, with a little winky face thrown next to it. That Phil had messaged Dan the exact same way years ago on Twitter was of no consequence, and Phil definitely didn't notice that, didn't feel it crack something deep in his heart. He even helped Dan pick out the perfect first date outfit, reminded him of good ways to keep a conversation going, and helped him pick a lovely place for the next date. He'd been so supportive he could almost completely ignore the stabbing pain in his chest, at least until he laid down to sleep. He tried not to feel guilty for feeling sad when Dan finally had someone to make him happy, but that was hard when he wanted nothing more than to be the one that made Dan happy.

Still, Phil was managing, watching more sappy romantic animes than he would normally, but he was managing. He was getting used to having the love of his life dating someone else, no matter how bad it hurt. And then there was the time when Tori met Phil.

That's when he'd known Dan was getting serious about this relationship; Dan didn't introduce many people to Phil, and it had been years since that had last happened. Nonetheless, Phil knew Tori had to be a pretty good human in order for Dan to like her so much, and he reminded himself that he would keep an open mind about her and not torch her in a fiery fit of jealousy. That whole mindset crumpled to ashes, however, when she and Phil were left alone while Dan straightened his fringe to perfection.

It had started well enough, Phil being the perfect gentleman host his mum had taught him to be.

"Hello, you must be Tori. I'm Phil, welcome to the flat! Dan is upstairs finishing getting ready, he'll be down in a moment. Come on in." Phil's introduction was proper, if a little stiff.

"Hi, Phil, how are you, handsome?" Phil definitely hadn't expected that from his best friend's girlfriend, but he shrugged it off because maybe that was a quirk of hers, to call other guys handsome. He sure hoped so.

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, and pleading her silently to remember she had a boyfriend, as he shook her hand, one that he'd be grateful to have if she didn't want him, thanks, he took her coat and hung it on the hook next to the one where his space jacket was over Dan's "potato sack" jumper.

Phil had just offered her a drink and she'd responded asking for something strong, tall, and potent enough to leave her weak at the knees while blatantly eyeing him up and down, an innuendo so obvious there could have been a flashing neon sign above her head that said 'She's flirting with you,' when Dan entered the kitchen.

He smiled at Tori first, that dazzling, full dimple grin that he'd previously believed was for him alone, and Phil felt his heart drop. His smile at Phil was fond, of course, but not the same sort of lovingness in it as the one for Tori.

"So I see my two favourite people have met, then." Dan had said, all dimples and shining eyes.

"We have, Danny love," Tori had giggled, clinging to his arm, and it had taken all of Phil's willpower not to gag at the nickname. Was she actually serious?

Unfortunately, since Dan carried on without comment, it was apparently a common occurrence, and Phil silently filed it away as something to tease Dan about later.

The night, which had gotten off to a rough start, was finally looking up as the boys talked to Tori about YouTube and she in turn told them about her plans to open her own bookstore, something she was clearly passionate about doing. She explained to them, though mainly Phil because Dan had certainly heard this before, that she was working at Starbucks to make some extra cash to finish the down payment on the plot for the bookshop, and her last week was when Dan had happened to come in.

Phil liked the way her eyes lit up when she talked about that bookshop, like books were the most important thing in the universe, and he could relate to that. Now this, this is what he could see Dan liking about her.

Then Phil had felt Tori's foot brush the base of his ankle under the table, something he excused because he certainly had long enough legs to have them be in her way. Five minutes after, however, when Dan had cleared their stir fry dishes and went to bring out dessert, the way her foot, bare since she'd slid her sandals off at her seat, brushed the inside of his pant leg was anything but accidental. The smirk on her face told Phil all he needed to know, told him exactly what he'd known since he met her but had hoped he was wrong about. His best friend's girlfriend was hitting on him.

That was when the night went to hell, when everything went so far gone to shit it wasn't ever coming back, because Phil, being Phil, went to calmly confront her about it.

"Listen, Tori, I'm flattered, really," He'd started, but that was as far as he got when she slid over onto his lap, her lips wet and sticky against his, and so he'd gone to push her off of him because oh my god she was kissing him and he didn't like girls and she had a boyfriend that he wished was his boyfriend, and that, of course, of bloody course, was when Dan Howell decided to return, laden down with clean plates and chocolate brownies Phil knew he'd worked all morning to make.

The next moment was a whirlwind of emotions and pain and fear and hurt and, oh god, the hurt in Dan's eyes was damn near enough to break Phil months later, never mind then. And the part that took the cake, really damn took the whole really bizarre dream and turned it into a nightmare, was what Tori did.

Because Tori jumped off of Phil as if scalded, recoiled from where Phil had had his hands up to push her away, and turned to Dan and bawled. She bawled, as though she was the one who had been attacked.

"Dan, I, I'm so so sorry, I tried to remind him we were together, that I was with you, that he couldn't have me, and then, well, next thing I knew, I was pushed against him!" She shuddered, and Phil shuddered too, seeing now how lethal this woman was really.

Dan, who had been looking crestfallen at the floor, turned his face from one to the other, Tori's tear-stained cheeks and Phil's confused open-mouthed shock, and before Phil could get a word out, Dan was shouting.

"Phil. What the fuck? What the actual, ever loving fuck? I thought you were gay, and here you are trying to get to second fucking base with my fucking gilfriend!" Phil's eyes were saucers and were brimming with tears, threatening to spill over.

"Dan! I can explain-"

"Fucking save it, Phil. I don't want to hear how you betrayed me. I saw it, I saw your hands wrapped around her neck, pulling her in closer. I can't fucking believe-I'm done. Tori, let's go."

Phil struggled to find the right words, the wrong words, any words, really, but he couldn't breathe and just like that he was in high school again, having a panic attack as the person he cared for most walked away from him, and he was helpless to do anything but croak a warbly, "Wait," and Dan was already out the door anyways.

That scene, where Phil had spent the night a messy heap of tears and rocking with self-hatred, was one replayed far too often by Phil's brain, and it didn't seem to matter whether it was day or night, because he was destroyed, utterly alone.

Or, he was until three days later, when it occurred to him that maybe talking to a friend would help him, and perhaps that bathing and changing his clothes and eating something more substantial than the handfuls of cereals he'd been eating would really do him some good. In the shower, he pretended each droplet coming down from his body was his hurt and pain and sadness and helplessness. The droplets fell away, and he pretended he was feeling fine again.

After his shower and a half-arsed attempt at a sandwich, he called the first person he could think of that would help him; Louise. She answered on the third ring, and Phil had let out the breath he'd been holding, and apparently also more sobs, gross and messy and Phil hadn't even heard the sound of Louise leaving Darcey with Zoe and her heading to him. By the time Phil had calmed down, he had zoned back in enough to hear Louise's soothing hums and soft, kind words of, "Oh, Phil, love, you're gonna be just fine I promise," and "I'm here, you're not alone."

The next thing Phil knew, there was a knock on the door and the familiar sound of the buzzer, and then he was at the door with an armful of Louise and a mouthful of pink and blond hair. He breathed in her scent, allowed himself a small smile, however wan, at the way she gripped him tightly and made him feel loved.

All at once she pulled away from him, and held him at arm's length. "Look at you, you're a right mess, sweetheart!" She'd exclaimed and set about making him a coffee the way he liked it, and picked his glasses up off of the area rug where he'd left them, when he'd thrown himself down there.

After they'd sat, Phil with his head slumped into Louise's shoulder on the couch together, she'd finally asked the inevitable question, or questions; where was Dan, why was Phil crying, what the bloody hell was going on, did he want to talk about it, and oh goodness wasn't she bombarding him with questions?

Once he'd rather numbly explained the situation to her, she had one additional question, had he been in contact at all with Dan?

When Phil shook his head in the negative, Louise sighed, her chipper demeanor deteriorating as she took in the sheer severity of the situation.

"I'd like to give this Tori girl a piece of my mind, I would, Phil, but that wouldn't do you any good, now would it?" She'd asked rhetorically, but Phil hadn't stopped her when she opened her phone to Dan's number.

Phil had looked at her, confused, his head tilted sideways in that adorable way of his, as she said into the phone, "Hello, Dan love! How are you? Yeah? Oh, good, good, listen, I was wondering if we could have one of our coffee dates? I haven't seen you in ages, I know, it's been too long! Tomorrow then, I'll see you tomorrow. Alright, I won't keep ya, Darcey is calling for me anyhow, alright ta!"

The semi-triumphant smirk and determined glint in Louise's eyes explained everything to Phil, or, at least, it explained what Louise's plan was. She wanted to get together with Dan, hear his side of the story as she pretended not to have heard Phil's, and eventually get Dan to talk to Phil about it. It was a fairly decent plan, as far as plans went, but Phil was still scared he'd find some way of messing it up, like he did when he tried to explain to Dan in the first place.

He nodded slightly, taking a sip of tea from his Daddy mug that Dan had so ironically bestowed upon him at Christmas, letting Louise know he understood the plan. Louise reached up to his face to scoop his fringe off his forehead, and pulled him into a loose side hug.

"Oh Phil," she'd sighed softly, her gaze tender and loving in a way only a mother can manage. "I'm so sorry this happened to you, love."

Her gaze on him had been purposeful, and this was the first time in a while they were bringing up Phil's less than platonic feelings for Dan, something Louise had long been aware of. "Sweetheart, don't you think maybe it's time to tell him?"

There was something about the way she said it, sat in a glittery pink skirt and matching headband with her hair in a bun on his couch, that made Phil stop and think when he would have at any other time have blurted a "No!" There was a definite softness in the way she spoke the hard words, and Phil didn't think he'd ever seen her so serious.

So he was serious too, eyes all but closed as he stared into the bottom of his mug as if it contained all the answers of the galaxy within, and slowly but surely, he looked up and nodded.

It was as if the room had been full of lasers and they were in the middle, sucking in their breaths to avoid setting them off, only now, they were fireworks and they were exploding and Phil, for the first time since he could remember, felt the tension leave him. Telling Dan how he felt about the situation before would have been near impossible without mentioning how he felt about Dan in general, and now, well, now Phil was filled with a sense of urgency and purpose. He would tell Dan and he would finally know how he would react, which was of course a terrifying prospect, but, he reasoned, things really couldn't get much worse between them than right now.

Hours later, having accepted Louise's request that he stay with her and Darcey for the night, Phil was wide awake in the guest bedroom of the Pentland household, pacing in front of the quarter moon. He was rather thankful the floorboards didn't creak, or Louise surely would have killed him by now, as she was about as happy to be woken up in the night as Phil was before 10am. He finally climbed back into bed after putting some black socks on that reminded him of Dan, and he fell asleep somewhere between excited and nervous at the possibilities the next day held.

Phil woke up that morning to a tiny figure clambered on top of him, screeching happily as he picked her up. Blinking blearily, he recalled where he was, and he proceeded to tickle Darcey mercilessly, poking her in the sides until she was a bundle of screaming, giggling, little girl. Phil released her, and she plopped down beside him as he reached to get his glasses from the bedside table. She stole them from him and tried them on, a pout on her plump little lips, and then burst into giggle again at the fond gaze on his face. She carefully turned the glasses around and put them on Phil's face, and Phil was nearly overcome by the little sunshine child.

Louise cleared her throat from the doorway, and they all dissolved into giggles, a calming, homely harmony that made Phil suddenly miss Dan a whole lot, like when he was away on holiday. He then sobered, remembering the events of the day, and set about changing his clothes once Darcey and Louise left to make him pancakes.

Phil mused about the kindness Louise scattered like seeds, the lovely things she did for him, and wondered just how exactly he'd managed to wind up with her as a friend, and thanked the universe profoundly for her kind soul.

Two hours and five pancakes later, a still-stuffed Phil sat next to Darcey at her tea party, happily "sipping" from his pretend tea cup, all the while wondering internally what Dan and Louise were talking about right then.

He received the text from "Sprinkle of Sunshine" thirteen minutes later, and it read, "Phil: headed back now with Danny boy in tow. He thinks he's visiting Darce so you may want to hide or be prepped. I talked to him. Good luck sweetie x."

His stomach dropped, and his palms were sweaty like he was on a roller coaster, or that one guy in that one line of that one Eminem song. Phil chided himself; now was definitely not the time to be making obscure song references. He decided quickly that Lou's sitting room would be the best place, so that Dan would have to actually come in and couldn't bolt as quickly if he did decide to leave again.

Phil was still trying to pull a jumble of thoughts together enough to form a coherent speech he could give to Dan when the door opened, and Phil's heart beat faster even than that one time in FNAF. Phil had thought Dan would see him right away, but to his surprise, Dan was on his phone, Louise filing in behind him and nearly tripping on him as he tripped on the rug.

Phil hadn't realized he had moved until he had Dan's arm supported under his own, sufficiently catching his best friend before he hit the ground.

"You falling for me?" The words were out of his mouth with no command from him, so he clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from saying anything more, and he couldn't meet Dan's eyes.

Louise mumbled something about needing to get changed and find Darcey, but it was lost to Phil as another noise filled his ears. It was a soft, muffled raucous thing, and he chanced a glance at Dan, only to see him bent over, laughing and wheezing into his hands.

"I fucking-Jesus-I'm-fucking," Dan started, then waited for air to finish. "I came into the fucking room expecting to see Darcey but I see it's you so I play it off like I'm on my phone because I don't want awkwardness and then I fucking trip which is fine but you catch me and you fucking-" he pauses again to laugh "-use a dumbass pickup line in the worst of situations."

Phil, tomato red, shook his head back and forth, mortified to the very core of his being. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me, and I didn't mean to catch you, well I did, but I figure you hate me and wouldn't want me touching you and oh God I don't know why I said that I-"

He's cut off by Dan, who shook his head and looked Phil square in the eye, and Phil's heart decided a tango would be fantastic right then. "I don't hate you. I just, need to know. I need to know what happened, what you would have said if I had given you the chance to speak in the first place."

Phil nodded seriously, knowing this was it. This was the moment that his world could shatter or get infinitely better, and somehow he felt it was fitting to profess his love in the middle of his close friend's kitchen with shark and fox socks on his feet.

He looked intensely into Dan's eyes, trying to gauge his reaction, and, upon seeing nothing but the raise of Dan's eyebrows, Phil took a deep breath and spoke. He spoke from the heart, not some planned thing because that wouldn't work, not with Dan.

"Dan Howell, I did not jump your girlfriend. As you well know, I'm gay, and I didn't try and wrap her closer to me. She jumped me after playing footsies at the table with me and maybe it's my fault because I didn't fully get a chance to tell her that things were never gonna happen between us, but I'm definitely not at fault for having my arms up to push her off of me. I don't ever want to put you in a position where I hurt you, Dan, because, well, this entire situation hurt me. A lot. And there's a reason for that, too, and I've been wanting to say this for ages now but I didn't know if you would react in the same way and then well things changed and I was gonna say it then but you met her and-"

Dan cut Phil off for the second time that day and asked, "What were you going to say?"

"I," Phil started, inhaling sharply, and for once he didn't feel like he couldn't breathe, he didn't feel like the words were choking him. "I love you, Dan."

They fell from his lips naturally, and Phil really could breathe, and despite the fact that he was anxiously awaiting a response from Dan, he was free, finally, from the burden of keeping that untold for so long.

Dan opened and closed his mouth several times before words came out. Finally, when Phil was considering walking out the door, he spoke. "Phil, I, I love you too. I always have, it's always been you and I'd kidded myself into thinking I was happy with Tori," he said, spitting her name like venom, "And you're my best friend and I should have let you speak but I was so angry and betrayed and oh my god holy fuckin shit you love me what the fuck what the actual holy ever loving-"

And then Phil interrupted Dan, placing his mouth over his, and it was perfect and there were fireworks and all that other cheesy crap that people say about true love's kiss that Phil hadn't ever believed was actually real, but definitely was with his lips planted firmly against Dan's slightly chapped ones. And he was kissing his best friend, his best friend who loved him back, his best friend who had somehow become his partner in this world too.

When they pulled apart to breathe, it was reluctantly, and they kept their foreheads together and Dan realized he'd been pushed back into Louise's counter, and he couldn't keep the grin off his face as he looked into the freaking godamn blue eyes he loved so much.

He pulled away, concernedly, a second later though, when those blue eyes filled with a sudden look of panic and Phil's mouth, a second ago mirroring Dan's smile, contorted into a look of distress.

"What is it?" Dan asked him, silently praying to any and all entities up there that he hadn't just fucked up somehow.

"Dan! You have a girlfriend and I kissed you oh my God I'm so sorry!" He covered his face in his hands, and he was so distressed Dan felt the need to pull him back into his embrace.

And then Dan was laughing uncontrollably for the second time in what couldn't have been more than a span of five minutes, because Phil was concerned about her.

"Phil, listen. The instant I left our flat, Tori took me to her flat, where she immediately wanted to, ahem, do the do. And I, of course, was having none of it because I thought my best friend had betrayed me and she acted like it was an average day. And so I got mad at her, yelled at her that couldn't she see I was too emotional to have her trying to get in my pants, and she yelled back and said that maybe she should've just having sex with you instead since you seemed to be a better kisser and then she went and basically made it sound like she was in control of the situation and it made me realize that maybe she was lying about everything, and sure enough, she nodded when I asked her. Phil, my fucking girlfriend lied to me about you and I honestly thought I should trust her more than you.

"I'm still sorry about that. And I somehow got this idea in my head of you somehow magically knowing I was at PJ's after I broke up with Tori, and you'd come over and you'd confirm that Tori was lying and yell at me for not letting you talk and I'd apologize and life would go back to the way it was before Tori was in my life, but you never came and I didn't do anything but mope and lay on Peej's floor and realize that I'd only "fallen" for Tori because she fucking looked like you, with the blue eyes and dark hair to boot. Only, she was only into me for my money, because she needed money for the bookshop which I can get, but why she had to emotionally abuse me to get it is another question I can and will not ever understand the answer to.

"But, the point is, Phil, I love you I love you so much and I broke up with my girlfriend and realized that I wasn't over you like I'd been trying to pretend since fuckin 2012 and I'm so sorry I hurt you and left and chose to listen to her over you."

Phil, who had been listening intently to Dan without looking away from him, squashed Dan into a hug. He sighed contentedly when Dan wrapped his arms around his neck and pushed his face into his shoulder.

"I love you too, Dan, and I forgive you. Now, what do you say we head home?"

Dan nodded, snuggling deeper into the arms of the man he loved, the arms of the man he was so thankful to have in his life. "Let's thank Lou and say bye to Darcey. I think we have a bit of catching up to do, don't you?"

Phil nodded, smile wide and real for the first time in days, and he took Dan's hand. As he hollered to Louise and Darcey, Phil took a moment to really appreciate the goodness of this day, the goodness of Dan's hand in his. He knew for a fact that there would be down days, because when aren't there? But he also knew he had his best friend back, and as more than ever before, and that was worth any hardship life could throw at him. Besides, with his Dan by his side, Phil could take the world by storm, and he could do things to change the world that we could not believe. They are, after all, Dan and Phil.

fin.

PS: reviewers get cookies :)