SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP!
Someday I am going to lose it.
SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP!
Great. He's gone. WELL, I DO NEED SOME TIME AWAY FROM HIM, DON'T I? This is not the best moment for contemplation, but even the most reliable of us (say: me) could use some alone time every now and then.
If only he could grasp what I actually said to him five minutes ago. Then again, it's not that he would care. All he thinks about is himself. At this point, I firmly believe that nobody other than me has realised how alarming this is. He is going to lose his wife, he is going to lose his wife, he is going to lose his wife. Like, please don't, the idea of remaining with the one who has less respect for me is terrifying.
He's gone. But she's gone, too. For real. Forever. Has it occured to him that I just lost someone? Someone nobody noticed I was fond of? To think she met her demise like that is making me feel uneasy. Take "feel" and "uneasy" whatever way you like. He saw what happened to her, didn't he? It happened right before his eyes.
I wonder, how come I am the one who made it alive and who is standing here right now, when I was the one spending time with an unhinged daredevil? There were so many occasions when I was absolutely sure that I would have to say goodbye to her because it was likely that we would not come back, but this thing they call "life" is beyond ironic sometimes. To think that I am still here and that she is not is beyond me.
Someday I am going to lose it. Someday I am really going to lose it. When everybody around you is, to some degree, an idiot, that is what eventually happens. This is not to say that, if I make it through this, I sense that I will spend the rest of my time with an even bigger idiot than all these idiots. You know,the idiot-idiot, the...kriffslider who pats me on the head and tries to reassure me that everything I righteously claim is just my imagination...
THEY ARE COMING. Oh, no, you are not going to get the best of me. No one ever did and no one ever will. And today I am more determined than ever! This is for my friend! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!