Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama.

It has been years since I've seen that bitch. I'm starting to forget the little fucking things about her like what time she would wake up in the morning or what her favorite color was, and even some of the details about her face were starting to escape me. Her name was Courtney and she was the most stuck up girl that I've ever met. I was instantly attracted to her.

I knew the princess for a couple of months before anything happened. We met through her friend- the Malibu Barbie one- when my buddy, Geoff, had a fling with her. She had a cute face and all, but we didn't really hit it off. The whiny ass chick spent the entire night moping in the kitchen while everyone else got drunk. Lucky for her, she was fucking hot. I flirted with her a bit, she shot me down. Then we bumped into each other again, and again, and a time after that. I'd hit on her, she'd tell me to go fuck myself, and it only made me want her more. I never really chased a girl like that, but I'd be damned if I didn't get her.

It was a long few months of playing cat and mouse, and coming really close a few times. Unlike most women that I hooked up with, there was something about her- something that I can't really name- that just drew me to her. There were even a few times there were I wasn't trying to get into her pants and instead was thinking about holding her hand. I stop calling her 'princess' to annoy her, and starting saying it out of affection. Simply talking to Courtney would just make my entire day. Then one day she decided that she liked me back.

A couple of months after that, we fucked for the first time, and I broke every rule that I had ever set up for myself. I slept with a virgin, I stayed the night, and I started feeling something for her other than lust. I know that I'm gonna sound fucking mushy or whatever, when I say that my heart beat a little bit quicker whenever she was with me, but it did. She made me really feel something and I think that's all people are searching for, ya know? I didn't want to go out and get myself into trouble or whatever because I had her to come home to. Geoff would give me crap about how she was turning me into a huge wuss, or whatever, but I didn't even care anymore. I was just happy to be with her.

Not much more time passed before I was packing up all of my crap into boxes, moving out of my stupid apartment to live in her expensive ass house. The problem was that that was when we began to fight all the time. She would come home from work, tired and crap from being a lawyer, I think, and take a couple painkillers- we would go through bottles of Advil- and then we'd eat dinner. She'd bitch to me about her day, and I swear that chick never ran out of things to complain about. I'd make some smart ass comment, and we'd begin to argue. At first, is was mainly just flirting and shit; we'd normally just wind up in the bedroom.

Then they started turning real serious and we'd start fightin' about money or me getting high with Geoff or, and most frequently, how much time I'd spend with Gwen. Courtney was jealous. I, mean it when I say that at first, Sunshine and I were just friends. She was the only one willing to see slasher flicks with me, and after she broke up with her John Mayer of a boyfriend, I'd go to her art shows and crap. Princess didn't really see it that way.

The more time I'd spent with Gwen, the more we'd argue and the less sex we'd have. It was when we could barely say a fucking work to each other that I left one day and went to the bar that Gwen was working at. It was pretty late at night, and they were about to close. I started joking around with Gwen, and laughing and having a good time. She was so much easier to get along with than Courtney was, and she never made me feel like I wasn't good enough for her, it was one of the reasons why we got along so well. Maybe I just had a drink to much, because before I knew it, my words were slurred and I crashed my chapped lips onto her blue ones. There was something so easy and nice about the kiss, that when she broke it off to ask me if I was okay, I did it again.

The next morning, I woke up naked in Gwen's flat and hungover as hell. I gave Gwen a peck on the lips and told her that I'd fix things before making my way back over to Courtney's. She already knew what had happened. Fucking Tyler Tanner of all people had saw me and Gwen go home together and the loser felt too bad about keeping a secret like that.

Princess was crying, and throwing things and she gave me a good slap across the cheek. She threw all of my crap into her front lawn. I started yelling back and I think I told her that Gwen was better in bed anyways. Then Courtney slammed the door on my face. I didn't give a fuck that things had ended with Princess, at least I thought that I didn't. I didn't like being tied down and Gwen didn't try to. Sure, I was sleepin' on Geoff's couch, but I still had Gwen.

I'd see my ex around Muskoka, as it wasn't exactly a large town or anything, and she'd be in a different guy's arms every time just to try to piss me off. First it was Justin, who, it was clear to everyone that he was in the closet or whatever. He didn't check her out or anything, but spent most of the time looking in a mirror that he carried around. Her next attempt was more pathetic than the first. It was some dirty farm boy who clearly had never heard of a shower. It just made her look desperate, especially because Sunshine was on my arm to throw in Courtney's face that I cheated on her. Things were going pretty good with Gwen too, we were even talking about moving in together and shit.

The next time that I saw Courtney was different. She was with some tall, good lookin' Hispanic guy. His name was José or whatever, and she looked…happy. It was like, all of a sudden, she wasn't trying to get back at me or anything. She looked proud to be on his arm and it made me feel a little sick.

I started walking past them a little too close with Gwen, trying to make her jealous or irritated or something, but she seemed indifferent. A couple of days later, I tried talking to her. I bumped into her at this coffee shop near her house, and she didn't try to argue with me or anything. She didn't look happy to see me, or hurt, she looked like she just didn't care. That was when I realized that she may have been over me, but I wasn't over her.

Like, I said, it's been years since then. Gwen dumped me, and I eventually found a shitty apartment to move into. I heard that Courtney and José bought a house together down in the States and that they got hitched and were expecting a kid. I moved on too. I started seeing a new girl named Zoey, and even started training to join the police force like my old man.

Even then, I still think about that fucking bitch from time to time, normally in the middle of the night, she'll creep into my mind, and I'll think about all of the good times we shared; the time I pierced her belly button, when she met my parents and they practically fell in love with her, the way she'd look at me with those big, brown eyes right before we fell asleep. I guess I regret cheating on her, we could have been really fucking great together. Maybe I was in love with her, I'll never really be sure. The only thing that I wonder is if she ever thinks of me.

A/N: Hi, so this was inspired by a journal entry of mine that I found. I wrote it a year after I broke up with my first boyfriend...

I bet some of you don't like the ending, especially because I normally write happier Duncney. I thought about doing a Gwuncan one in Gwen's p.o.v, but we'll see.

Also, this is my first story in first person, because I really hate writing in that point of view...

Most of the time that I was writing this, I really hated Courtney, but then I took a break and decided that my princess deserved better than that, thus I made her wind up with Jose...

Anyways, I have to get ready for work now, so as always, thank you for reading and I hope that you enjoyed it! ^^

Love, a slightly older Jen, as my birthday was on Thursday ;)