Cries of a Loner
By KalaIvanov
I sit here alone once more. Looking out over the illuminated city far below me. Its night and the street lights and neon signs have a strange affect in the darkness, almost as if they're tiny eyes gazing up toward the dark sky.
My eyes never leave the scene below me. I can't see it properly because my eyes have gone watery and my vision is blurred. I can feel gentle drops flowing down my cheeks.
That's why I'm up here. To be alone, where no one can find me. I sit on top of the BBA headquarters, high upon the roof of the building. This is the only place where I can let my barriers slip, I can show emotion here.
I'm too afraid to tell anyone how I feel. They think I don't care what they say about me, when they insult me and call me all kinds of names. The BBA revolutions aren't as bad as they used to be, they don't call me sourpuss so often now. The PPB all stars are the worst, especially Michael. I've heard what they say about me, the names they call me. They think I don't care. But I do.
Some of the most popular are things like: emotionless grump and wet blanket who doesn't know the meaning of fun. I'm not sure if I can take it much more. Sometimes I have to run up the stairs and get up here quick before I start crying in front of everyone. They think I'm never around because I've gone off in a strop or I'm just practicing. But no, I'm up here crying over the opinions of others.
Just because I act tough, it doesn't mean that's all there is to me. Why can't they see that? Why can't they understand?
I stand up and take one final look at the city below me. I sniff and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, before turning around and going back down the stairs. I put my hands in my pockets and lower my gaze to the steps below me. I hope my eyes don't look red, I can't give anything away, I can't change who I am now.
"Well look who it is; Mr Sourpuss. Where have you been, off in a strop somewhere?" I turn my head to the right, its Michael and Emily from the PPB All stars. My face remains expressionless like I don't care, but inside I feel like crying again. People can be so hurtful; I learnt that a long time ago.
"What's up, Kai? You too much of a grump to talk?" Emily sneers at me, and they say girls are supposed to be caring. I don't want to listen to their insults, I'm not sure I can take it. I walk away, which only makes them more annoyed.
I turn several corners before stopping outside the BBA revolutions room. I sigh heavily and open the door, nothing about my appearance shows how I'm feeling, though it's hard too keep it that way. But I'm used to it; I'm used to keeping my emotions hidden behind closed doors.
"Hey, Kai." Max greets me with his usual grin, so carefree and happy. "Where have you been, buddy?"
"Just for a walk." I reply coldly. I can't look him in the eye out of fear that he might see through me. But Max just keeps grinning and tells me to come sit down with the others. I follow him over to the where the others are sitting around the table chatting happily and laughing with each other.
"Hey Kai! Pull up a chair and come join us." Tyson grins at me, I can't even smile back. Yet none of them sense anything wrong, except Ray.
"Kai, are you okay? You seem even gloomier than normal." Even he can be hurtful. It's hard to believe that even Ray thinks I don't care what anyone says about me. And he's far smarter than the others.
The all stop and stare at me. "I'm fine" I reply in my usual commanding tone. I sound emotionless, even to my own ears.
"Of course Kai's fine, Ray. What would Kai have to not be fine about?" Hillary's wrong, I have lots to not be fine about. Yet nothing shows.
"Come on, Kai, smile for once. You don't have to be such a wet blanket all the time. We were just about to order FOOD!" Tyson's drooling at the mere thought of food, Daichi too. But I'm not concentrating on that; I'm concentrating on the first part of Tyson's sentence.
I feel a prickling feeling travel up my spine and I know what it means. I have to get out of here fast. "I'm… not hungry." I mutter and turn and leave the room. The second I'm out the door I start running. I dash through the corridors and fly up the stairs in record speed, but to I still feel I need to get there faster. I can't let anyone see me, or stop me; my emotions are shining like an open book.
To my credit I mange to reach the door to the roof without being noticed. I fling it open and slam it shut behind me. I sit on the edge of the roof and start sobbing. I huddle up small with my knees pressed against my chest, with my head in my arms.
I run the conversation over in my head and sob harder. How can they be so hurtful and not even realise they're doing it, I just don't understand. I think of all the bladers I know and I can here they're voices in my head. But nothing I hear is positive, every voice insulting me, calling me names, forcing me to hide away. I've even heard F Dynasty and Barthez Battalion muttering about me when they think I'm not listening. Once I even heard Romero say I was a high strung grump.
Thinking about all of this only made my cry more. Why were they all so horrible, what had I done to turn them all against me in such a way?
Ray walked up the stairs toward the roof off the building. He didn't know why he was going this way, but it was almost as if an invisible force was drawing him in that direction. He had never been on the roof before, but he knew you could get out onto it through a door at the end of one of the corridors.
As he reached the top of the stairs he heard a quiet sound coming from the other side of the blue, wooden door. It sounded almost as if there was someone there, someone…… crying.
Pushing the door slightly ajar, he peered through the gap. What he saw made him freeze in shock. Sitting on the edge of the roof with his head buried in his arms was, KAI! And he was……. Crying? But Kai never showed any emotion. Yet here he was, sitting on the edge of the roof, sobbing like the world was coming to an end.
Ray didn't know what to do or say. He was still shocked and had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He closed the door quietly and headed back down the stairs, wondering whether or not he should tell Tyson. After much pondering he decided against it. This was Kai's business and he hoped the Kai could sort out whatever he was crying about.
Ray cast one final look up the stairs before walking away and leaving Kai to cry alone.
End chapter one------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Poor Kai. I wonder what happen next. Review me and you might just find out. Ppppppppppppppllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeeeee review me puppy dog eyes or I'll be as sad as Kai.