As always huge thanks to anmodo for betaing this fanfic.
This is a one shot fanfic that deals with the teams POV after 4x02 Safe. The POVs are in this order; Danny, Martin, Sam, Viv and Jack.
Consequences
I stand frozen against the car. I haven't moved since, Jack had slammed me against it. I don't understand why he was angry with me. I was just trying to do my job. I just don't understand. He asked me if I thought I was invincible. Maybe I believe I am. When those bullets rained down on us, I walked away with a scratch. While everyone else is dead or damn near died. I was standing next to a bomb which failed to detonate. Maybe Jack is right, maybe I do think I am invincible. But I don't understand why he was yelling at me. He told me I was screwing up. I don't know how I screwed up. I don't understand why Jack wanted to fire me. I am doing my job; I was holding it together, unlike everyone else. Part of me wondered what it would be like if Ryan's bomb worked. Maybe it would stop the dreams. Maybe it would stop the memories. Maybe it would stop the images I see every time I close my eyes. The images of Martin, Viv, Sam and Jack covered in blood. Maybe it would finally clean Martin's blood from my hands. Jack had walked away and I don't understand why he was angry with me.
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Jack has just told me that we are going to get a new agent on the team. He says it's not because of me, but I know he's lying. First day back and my friend nearly gets himself killed. The same friend who has been avoiding me. The same friend who saved my life. The same friend who I am glad is avoiding me. Because when I see him, I see Dornvald. I see the gunfire. I see my blood. I think Jack believes I am ok, when I know I am not. Danny's not, but no one sees this but me. I know I should talk to him. I know I should offer my support. But the memories are too fresh… are too real. A couple of seconds, a hundred odd bullets was all it took to change my life forever. Six weeks and everything has changed. Six weeks to learn how to fake it. Six weeks and the pain is still as fresh as it was six weeks ago. Maybe if I close my eyes this will all be a bad dream. But I know it wouldn't be. I swallow a couple of pills, they don't do much for the pain, but at least they make me feel numb.
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Today was a strange day. Two events—poles apart—but were most prominent in my memory. Firstly, Martin was back at work. I can't help myself but to hug him. I know I lingered to long. I know Viv knew about our relationship, but I don't understand it. But Martin alive and back at work has given me the most joy in six weeks. Six weeks ago, I didn't believe this time would come. But it has and I am beginning to felt whole again. But then Danny put a damper on the whole day. I couldn't believe my eyes when he was so bravely trying to talk Ryan from detonating the bomb. I couldn't believe my ears when Jack said he was trying to get himself killed. He wasn't; he was being Danny. I nearly collapsed when Ryan pressed the button. It took me a couple of seconds to regain the use of my senses. The bomb failed to detonate, Ryan and Danny where still alive. It was later I realised how close we came to losing Danny again, how close we came to death again. But it did not happen and we all are still alive.
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One week back and Jack still contains me to the office. I feel like an outsider looking in, as I see the marks the shooting has left on them. Martin came back to work today, I worry about him. But he doesn't worry me as much as Danny does. Does no one see how much he is suffering? Does no one see the guilt he lays on his shoulders? Jack seems to hold him at arms length. He seems to take his frustrations out on him. Doesn't he see how much it is affecting Danny? Jack criticizes people for not seeing a cry for help in front of him. Then why hasn't he seen this one? Doesn't he see the risks Danny is taking? The risky move he made in the school could have paid off. Danny is always good with children. But why can't Jack see the other motive behind it? Why couldn't Jack see it as a cry for help? Why the hell did he threaten Danny with his job? The boy needs support right now; he doesn't need to be threatened. I head out towards Danny's place, hoping I am not too late to stop the downward spiral.
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I can't believe what Danny just did. Does he know how dangerous that was? How stupid that was? He could have gotten himself killed. I slammed him against car and shook him. I yelled at him. I hope I got through to him. I can't afford to lose an agent. Maybe he will rethink his behaviour, when I threaten his job. Maybe I was too hard on him. Why is he screwing up? He was lucky, he wasn't hit that night. He walked away with a scratch, yet he continues to screw up. I feel as though Danny is baiting me, as though he wants to be noticed. Viv, Sam and I, even Martin on his first day back are going about our jobs. Why can't Danny? Maybe this new agent will scare him. Maybe he will think of her as his replacement and starting doing his job. Maybe he will stop screwing up. Maybe he will stop baiting me. Maybe he will stop trying to get noticed. I can't believe the people around Ryan didn't hear his cry for help. It was right there, and no one saw it. Or if they did, they didn't do anything about it. And now the poor kid has too live with the fact he pressed the button. Why can't people open their eyes to what is happening around them? It's not difficult to see it. Why can't people do this simple task?