Count Every Breath.
He could feel his lungs screaming as he desperately struck out for the tantalising glimmer of sunlight above him. His head throbbing and his chest aching from the need to take a breath of life giving oxygen, it seemed to be taking forever and his limbs ached from the effort. Somewhere on the upward journey his brain registered the need to lose some weight and he shrugged himself out of the heavy woollen jacket he so loved. Once a thing of warmth and comfort today it was fast becoming a harbinger of death and he never looked back as it slowly dropped back into the abyss from where he had just come. The circle of sunlight above him grew, agonisingly slowly, as he pushed once more upwards. One last desperate surge from his exhausted limbs and he broke the surface gasping in air as a new born infant does with its first cry. Treading water he turned slowly through 360 degrees, his eyes searching in fear and desperation and as his circle was complete he tilted his head skywards and let out an agonisingly fearful scream, just one word that used up every ounce of air he had managed to get into his oxygen starved lungs…. HUTCH!
Again and again Starsky twisted frantically through the full circle hoping and praying to get a glimpse of his friend and partner but no blond hair caught his eyes and he punched the water around him in despair. Starsky knew he had to return down to where the plane they had been travelling in had found its final resting place and he emptied as much air from his lungs as he could before taking in one enormous breath and, turning turtle, he headed back down. Where once the need for air had driven him upwards now it was determination that drove his downwards, controlling the urge to breathe out and force him back up to the surface. Reaching the tangled wreckage Starsky methodically worked his way around the small fuselage until he found what he was seeking for. Praying hard he pulled the handle and was rewarded with it slowly opening enough for him to swim through. His eyes searched the small passenger section coming finally to rest on the seat at the rear. Fear filled blue eyes met his, Hutch was running out of time. He needed air now! Starsky never hesitated. Swimming over the small space to his friend and locking his mouth over Hutch's own he breathed slowly outwards, keeping, he hoped, enough in his own lungs to return to the surface.
A final glance over his shoulder and Starsky pushed upwards once again. The journey up this time was faster, unhindered as he was from heavy clothing and the fear of not being able to reach the surface in time. Once again breaking the surface Starsky drank in the air hungrily before turning and heading back downwards once more. This time he knew exactly where he was going and he gave Hutch's shoulder a squeeze as he tried to find what was holding him in his seat. It took Hutch a few seconds to realise what his partner was looking for but as he did so he pointed to the release buckle of his seatbelt. Somehow it had gotten damaged in the crash and was jammed completely. Starsky began to wrench at it but Hutch's hand on his stopped him, the eyes looking directly at him told him it was no use and not to waste his energy. Hutch made a cutting motion to Starsky and his partner nodded his understanding. Again the need for air was pushing him and once again he gave the last of the air from his lungs to his best friend before pushing skywards.
Breaking the surface once more and eagerly drinking in the oxygen in hungry gulps Starsky thought for a moment his eyes were playing tricks as he spotted a small rowboat heading his way. Frantically shouting and waving he was relieved to see an answering wave and a voice calling back. The need to return to his partner was urgent and Starsky took one final glance before heading back downwards yet again. This time he didn't hang around, giving a thumbs up sign to Hutch he passed over as much air from his own lungs as he dared before heading straight back to the surface. For a second or two Hutch felt abandoned, then remembering the look in his partner's eyes he tried to relax. Starsky had a plan and that was all he needed to know right now. In the back of his mind though he knew it had be a fast one, Starsky couldn't keep the oxygen relay going much longer before he was exhausted. Urgency drove him back to working at the belt which held him firmly in place.
Breaking the surface once more Starsky shook off the dizziness and nausea which threatened to engulf him. Hutch needed him and he wouldn't allow anything to stand in his way.
"Hey!" A female voice behind him made him swing round and his heart gave a surge of gratitude as a middle aged woman looked at him. "Mister are you ok? I saw your plane go down and came as fast as I could but these old bones take a lot longer to warm up before they get going these days."
Starsky grabbed hold of the boat and emotion threatened to overwhelm him. "Knife….I need a knife…please…hurry." His words came out in desperate gasps.
The woman took in the urgency in Starskys face and reached instantly for the small box under the seat. Throwing tools out onto the floor of the boat she seized the small but sharp gutting knife in the bottom and pushed it into Starsky's waiting grasp. Nodding his thanks Starsky once again emptied his lungs before taking what he hoped would be his last life-saving breath and immediately dove downwards. Hang on Hutch I'm coming buddy, I'm coming!
Pushing back through the small space of the plane once more Starsky wasted no time in getting to work on the hated belt. He could see Hutch was running on empty and fear drove him on. He would have cheered if he could have when the knife finally did its job and the belt gave allowing his partners still form to fall into his arms. Dropping the knife he grabbed Hutch and turned him around. With his partner back to him he fixed his arms around under those of his the big blond and across his chest before beginning to kick upwards. Again his lungs screamed as the added weight pulled him back and slowed his progress but this time there was no thought of letting anything go.
They say your life passes before your eyes in your last moments and for Starsky it was every moment of the last few years, of his time with Hutch, of all the times Hutch had been there for him, saving his life, saving his sanity. The last clear thought was of Hutch carrying him across a café floor and laying him on to a small couch while some goon held a gun to his head. Pushing his friend hard upwards Starsky's body finally gave out and he slipped into oblivion…..
The bleep of monitors forced its way into the fog surrounding him and the young man on the bed slowly opened his eyes. From somewhere to his right he sensed rather than saw a presence and he turned his head towards it, blinking rapidly, trying to clear his vision. A middle aged female smiled at him and moved closer.
"Well young man. It's good to meet you." She turned and called to someone unseen over her shoulder and another uniform clad figure appeared. His brain finally registered 'nurse' and he knew he was in a hospital bed, but why? Slowly, so, so slowly his mind began to work, to relive the last few events He remembered the flight home, the small aircraft in which they were travelling and in which he had felt every single updraft, downdraft and turbulence to excess. He vaguely remembered the moment he had registered the fact that their plane was on a downward spiral and had clamped his seatbelt on as hard and fast as he could. Seatbelt! Water! Oh God… Starsky!
Hutch heard the strangled cry and realised it had come from his own mouth, forced upwards from the depths of his very soul. Head swivelling back and forth he fought desperately to see any signs of another bed that would contain his friend. Gentle arms were placed on his shoulders and a face came to block his vision but it wasn't the one he needed to see and he closed his eyes tight trying to fight the despair that was trying to engulf him. He could hear murmuring and finally realized that the face was trying to talk to him. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked into the face of the woman who had first spoken to him. She had a gentle smile on her face and her grasp on his shoulders, though firm, was also gentle and somehow comforting. Shaking his head Hutch tried to concentrate on what she was saying.
"Your friend is across the corridor, hooked up to rather a lot of machines I'm afraid, but he's alive… just….though goodness only knows how. Do your hear me? He IS alive!" The grip for a moment became even firmer and he felt his shoulders pushed in to the bed then released. Seeing the look in Hutch's eyes she felt pity for the young man lying on the bed in front of her. "He's not on his own so try to relax, your captain is with him. Hasn't left him since he arrived apart from to check on you."
"How...how long…?" Hutch tried again to get up but again the nurse gently pushed him back into the bed.
"Your captain has been here a couple of days, you and your partner for a couple more. Took us a while to get you both stable enough to start worrying about who you were I'm afraid but we got there. Now…if you lie still and be patient until the doctor can check you over then maybe we can make arrangements to get you moved across the hall to the bed in the same room as your friend. Your captain made it VERY clear that it would be the only way to deal with the two of you and stop one of you stressing out over the other and risking your own recovery."
His energy spent Hutch drifted away, the words 'He's alive', reverberating around in his mind. He had no idea how Starsky had managed to save his life he just knew that he had and it had nearly cost him his own… He's alive, He's alive, He's alive…Hutch faded into an uneasy sleep.
When he re-awoke, a couple of hours later, his surroundings were different and this time the face waiting to welcome him was that of his Captain. A very tired, very worried face but one none the less welcome to Hutch.
"Cap…How's Starsky?" Hutch's voice sounded feeble even to his own ears.
"Hanging on son, hanging on." Captain Dobey glanced across to his right and Hutch followed his gaze. Starsky lay, as still as a corpse, in the next bed. He was hooked up to monitors and drips and an oxygen tent surrounded him. "He ran out of steam trying to get you to the surface Hutch. The lady who saw it all, and pulled you both out of the water told me she lost count of the times she saw him surface then go back down before he came up with you. She said he used his last bit of strength to push you to the surface. She managed to get you on board then she had to jump in after Starsky. Seems he wasn't breathing when she reached him but she managed to haul him out and resuscitate him and row you both back to shore. Thankfully she'd had someone call the rescue services already and they were waiting for you both." Dobey paused and wiped his forehead with the ever present white handkerchief he carried. Both Starsky and Hutch had seen it used too many times because of them. "They wasted no time getting you both to hospital but Starsky took on a hell of a lot of water and he's fighting infection… we nearly lost him yesterday morning but he's still hanging on Hutch, he's still fighting."
Hutch forced his body into action, slow and laborious but definite action. Raising his head upwards he reached out and grabbed the stocky hand held out for him with both of his own. Pulling himself into a sitting position he paused, giving his equilibrium time to adjust to upright. Again two strong arms supported him as he moved. Dobey knew it would do no good to try and stop him so he settled for making sure that he was successful in his quest to reach his partners side without hurting himself. Hoatching to the edge of the bed Hutch placed unsteady feet to the floor then slowly stood, his Captains broad arms taking most of his weight. Together they slowly manoeuvred across the small gap before Captain Dobey gently lowered Hutch down on to the chair in which he had spent the last two days and nights. Relinquishing his grip he knew he had also relinquished his watching role to the one who could do it the best, better than anyone else. Hutch had had too much practice in the role during the years of his partnership with Starsky to fail in the job. Dobey knew that nothing, but nothing, would move the blond until his partner told him to leave…one way or another.
For the next few days and nights people came and people went from the hospital room. Doctors and Nurses did their job, working around Hutch as he maintained a gentle hold on his friend's left hand. The ward orderlies had taken to making sure that he was fed and three times a day a tray of something would be quietly brought into the room and a fork pressed into his hands with whispered orders to eat, to keep his strength up. Hutch managed to take in some of the offerings but his main concern was for that of his friend and the orderlies would meet the nurses and tell of the constant vigilance, the constant gentle talking and that ever continuous hold on Starsky's hand that Hutch had. Captain Dobey had left, the needs of his position making it necessary but his place had been taken by Huggy and they would sit together every evening, sometimes talking, sometimes resting but always close, always there. Huggy watched over his blond brother as Hutch watched over his curly haired one.
It was midnight some five days after Hutch had taken up his position next to Starsky and he was unable to sleep. The oxygen tent had been taken down and the only thing still supplying assistance with oxygen was the nasal cannula but still Starsky refused to wake. His temperature, having spiked several times to begin with as he fought the infection, had now remained normal for the past thirty six hours, the doctors had told Hutch it was just a matter of time and he was getting anxious.
"Five times buddy," Hutch sighed. "Five times you came back for me. I counted every damn breath. Why d'ya have to give up on the last time? You know I can't do this without you." Hutch looked down at his unnaturally still partner, one hand still firmly holding on to Starsky's the other gently stroking the dark curls from his partners face. "This game is getting old Starsk, and I'm tired of playing it. How long before our luck runs out buddy? How many more times do we look death in the face and escape? I won't, can't, go on without you Starsk so you better stop with the sleeping beauty act 'cos I sure as hell ain't no prince and I most definitely isn't about to kiss you!"
Hutch closed his eyes and allowed his mind to wander back over the past few years of his life. He remembered every time Starsky had been there for him, be it at his side in a hospital bed as he was now for Starsky, or supporting him emotionally, like he had when Gillian had been killed, taking everything Hutch threw at him and never ever backing away, never giving up on him and their friendship. Even that dreadful day on the roof when, his body ravaged by poison, Starsky had used the last of his mental and physical strength to climb that last flight of stairs and aim his gun, killing the man who would have killed him and in doing so killing his only chance of an antidote … and life.
Hutch remembered the words Starsky had whispered as he fell to the floor….'seemed like a good idea at the time!' "Is that how it was this time Starsky huh? A good idea at the time? Well let me tell you it was an awful idea, the worst damned idea you ever had and if…" Hutch faltered for a split second, "NO! WHEN you decide to wake up I'm gonna tell you that and you sure as hell better listen and get it through that thick skull of yours. You hear me buddy?"
"I hear ya, stop yelling". The voice was a mere whisper but Hutch heard it and his eyes snapped open.
"Starsk? Starsk you awake?" Hutch lent over his friend and held his breath.
"I'm awake. How d'ya expect someone to sleep when you keep yelling at them?" Stansky's eyes slowly opened and blinked against the light, trying to focus on the face is front of him.
Hutch allowed himself to smile for the first time in over a week, since the minute their plane had gotten into difficulties and taken a nose dive to the bottom of the lake. "You look awful buddy but it's sure as hell good to hear your voice again, too damn quiet in here." Hutch watched as the corners of Stansky's mouth slowly lifted into his lopsided grin and he waited for the retort he hoped would come.
"Was a good idea Blintz, whatever you say. Guess we both made it." Stansky's voice trailed away as he spoke and his eyes closed once more, but this time his sleep was natural and welcome. Hutch felt the tears pricking at the back of his eyes and he swiped his arm across his face. For the first time since he had taken up his watch he allowed himself to relax and let go of his partner's hand.
"Sleep buddy, get some strength." Hutch rose and headed for the door to find Huggy and phone Captain Dobey. He glanced over his shoulder before leaving. "Count every breath!" Hutch smiled and shook his head as he quietly closed the door behind him.
The next week passed in a round of tests and examinations for Starsky as he gradually threw off the last vestiges of infection and gained strength. Hutch too was checked and double checked before being given the all clear and they were both finally allowed to leave the hospital with a cocktail of drugs. Silent agreement made them avoid a flight home and they settled for a hire car and two days of Hutch driving. The journey passed in companionable silence both happy in each other's company and they arrived back at Venice Place exhausted but happy. Hutch had contacted Huggy who had left the hospital as soon as he knew Starsky was going to be ok. As a result the kitchen cupboards and fridge were well stocked and a stew was bubbling gently on the stove. Half an hour later the duo were sitting down to a hot meal and they raised a bottle of beer in toast to Huggy and to good friends. Meal finished and dishes stacked in the sink Starsky moved to the sofa and sat back, his eyes closed. Hutch disappeared onto the bedroom, returning a moment later with a parcel wrapped in brown paper which he dropped onto Starsky's lap.
Starsky's eyes flew open and he gingerly picked up the package.
"Open it Starsk. It won't bite." Hutch smiled as he sat down next to him. Carefully placing the beer bottle on the floor Starsky turned the package over in his hands before finally tearing the paper open to reveal an exact copy of his cardigan, the one he had peeled off as he fought his way to the surface of the lake three weeks before. Reverently he held the garment in his hands as he looked questioningly at Hutch.
"Edith Dobey did a little shopping for me. Took a while to find but she managed to track one down for me. Seemed only fair I replaced your old one since it was my fault you lost it."
Woah! Back up there Hutch. How the hell do you make that one out? Unless you were responsible for that plane's engines to stall then there is no way you can be held responsible for anything." Starsky's eyes burned black as coal and his fist balled tight, gripping on to the cardigan.
Hutch couldn't hold his gaze and he dropped his eyes to the floor. "You saved my life Starsk…and it nearly cost you your own."
"But it didn't Hutch, it didn't and we both made it so give up on the guilt trip."
"I was scared Starsk. Stuck in the seat and running out of air, I was terrified I was going to drown, Then you appeared and …"
"I did no more or no less than you would have done for me if it had been the other way around Hutch and you and I both know it."
Five times Starsk, five breaths… I counted every one of them…"
HEY! ENOUGH!" Starsky was angry now and he jumped to his feet to stand in front of his friend and partner. Grabbing Hutch's shoulders he pulled him to his feet and faced him full on. "Stop it Hutch. You hear me? Stop it now! What do you want me to say huh? I was scared? Well yes…I was scared Hutch, scared as hell I was going to lose you. Five breaths huh? Hell I'd have done fifty breaths if it meant keeping you alive…or I'd have died trying. You're my partner Hutch but, more than that, you're my friend, my best friend and you are more than worth it. You hear me Hutch? There's nothing I wouldn't do for you and I know there's nothing you wouldn't do for me 'cos at the end of the day it's how we get through all this shit we get thrown at us every day." Starsky forced his friend to look into his eyes and their gaze held long and hard for a good few moments before Starsky finally let Hutch go and they both sat back down on the couch. "We made it buddy, both of us."
An hour later Starsky pulled his now drunk friend from the couch and half walked, half carried him into the bedroom. Easing him onto the bed he pulled off the tan shoes and arranged the covers over the still form. "Night Hutch. Enjoy every breath…but don't count them Blintz, they're too precious." Starsky smiled and turned back out of the bedroom to spend the night on Hutch's couch. As he lay down he thank God that, once again, they had survived, that their friendship had again pulled them through.