Anonymous prompt from Tumblr: 6x10 happens post 8x02 (they are apart but have to take care of Benny together) Hope you enjoy!
He doesn't expect to see her at their doorstep at one am.
Much less with an upset, wriggling baby in her arms.
"Kate?" Castle chokes the word out almost bitterly, his wound from her leaving still fresh, "What are you doing back here?"
"I need help."
As if that much wasn't obvious by the sheer panic covering her face.
He lets out a large exhale, using his right hand to scrape back his haphazard hair. He'd already been in bed when he heard the three curt knocks on the door. He hasn't really slept at all in the past twenty-four hours. Since she left the apartment. Left him.
He remains stoic, "I'm guessing you didn't adopt a baby as a last chance to save our marriage?"
The comment seems to affect her as her eyebrows crease and she leans back slightly in shock. A small, angry part of him is happy that he's hurt her. Made her feel a fraction of what he does right now.
A silence lingers on for a few seconds as the couple stare into each other's eyes, seeing a mixture of sadness, guilt, compassion, distress, irritation and everything in-between.
Then the boy held in her arms (incredibly awkwardly, Castle notices) lets out a pitiful whine.
Rick almost laughs. Yeah, that about sums up how he's feeling right now too.
"I don't know what I'm doing." Beckett finally pipes up, her voice much quieter than before. She attempts to bounce the infant up and down to soothe him, but the jostling just makes his little fists hit her leather-clad arm that's curled around his midsection.
Castle resigns and steps to the side, silently welcoming his wife into their home. His home? It's all so strange and wrong. She hovers as if she's a stranger and the image causes something in his stomach to plummet. Leading by example, he sits down on the left side of the couch, which prompts her to perch next to him, whilst still being as far away as she can be.
"Explain."
The single word makes Beckett let out a shaky, unsure breath. But she answers him. Unlike last time.
Rick listens intently as Kate talks about all the little details, and he can tell that just retelling the story is making her stress levels rise. She's not having great luck: her first case as Captain involved the man who murdered her Mother and threatens her life, her second involves a baby that – as far as they know – has no family or home. She'd spent all day talking to child services and trying to get someone to collect the baby, but they'd all complained that county facilities were already full and before she knew it, everyone else had gone home, leaving her with the three month old.
As she tells the tale, the boy wriggles off her lap and clambers along the cushions. Castle takes his eyes off his wife to focus on the little one, and as he looks up at Rick with a small grin that makes his cheeks look even chubbier, he can't help the upturning of his own lips. The child seems to take this as an invitation and grips around Castle's bare forearms, only happy when the man lifts him and lets him rest on the broad expanse of his chest.
He finally looks up to see Kate staring at the two of them with an awestruck gaze and a hint of a smile.
"What?"
"Nothing." She spits out quickly, as if caught off guard, but then continues, "Just… you're a natural."
He shrugs, "Well, I do have an RHD."
Beckett tilts her head in confusion, "An RHD?"
"Ruggedly handsome Dad." He answers with a mischievous glint sparkling in his eyes.
A laugh bubbles out from behind her lips. He doesn't know if he's ever heard such a beautiful sound.
Three hours later, after two trips to a twenty-four hour convenience store, three diaper changes, one entire outfit change, two baths, half a pack of wet wipes and an absurd amount of whining and crying, the two exhausted adults are left with a happy baby boy sleeping peacefully in a small bassinet that they bought, with a stuffed tiger wedged next to his side.
Rick walks back from the kitchen area after dumping the last dirty diaper in the waste bin and opens his mouth to speak, but her full concentration is on the infant, seemingly entranced by the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.
"You're starting to like little Cosmo, aren't you?"
Kate startles slightly, then recovers and rolls her eyes, "His name isn't Cosmo, Castle." She reprimands, like she has been doing the whole night whenever he mentions the nickname.
"You have a name for him?" Rick teases with a lilt to his voice.
Her only response is a sharp inhale.
"You have a name for him." He affirms, no longer a question.
She casts her gaze back to the boy, her eyes hazing over dreamily as she thinks. He waits for her. Like always.
The words finally come, albeit in a whisper, "I've always thought that if I were to have a son he would be called Thomas." Her lips upturn slightly. He doesn't ask. Instead he just continues.
"Thomas Beckett?"
"No, Thomas Castle."
Both their eyes widen as they meet. They've never really had an in-depth conversation about the possibility of children, and now definitely isn't the right time, both with their recent split and their sleep deprivation levels. But he so badly wants to continue this. Plan a future. Together.
"This is why I walked away."
Her voice cuts through his train of thought.
"What?"
"One day, I want this." His eyebrows raise, though he otherwise remains still, "But I need to figure something else out first."
"Figure what out?" Castle replies, trying to seem nonchalant, and not like he's been waiting for this conversation endlessly since this topic came up.
Kate shrugs, "Me. I can't leave a case open. I have to get justice for the victims, no matter who they are, and that's a problem."
"That's what makes you amazing at your job."
She shakes her head, and a stray tear rolls down her cheek, "I get too drawn in. Everything else is background. And that's too dangerous. For me and the people around me." She stops briefly to draw in a shaky breath, "I thought it was just my Mother's case, but it's not. It's me. It's the way I am. And I need to fix that."
"Let's fix it together, we can." He supplies, stepping forward cautiously as if not to startle her.
"No, I need to do this on my own." She says, surprisingly firmly, "And I have to do it now."
"Why?"
"Because I want this." Her arms gesture around the loft, "A home. A family. If I continue like I am, one day I could die for my cause. I used to think that would be a noble way to go. Honourable." She shakes her head once more, "Not anymore. I want a long life. I want a marriage that spans over decades. I want to have children. I want to watch them graduate, get married, be happy, whatever. But I don't want to do that until I'm ready. Until I know I'm all in and I'm safe and the people around me are safe." A large exhale leaves her body and her shoulders droop, as if a literal weight has left her shoulders. "Does that make sense?"
"No."
Silence.
"But," He continues, "I trust you. And if this is important to you, then I will respect it."
Suddenly, she collides forcefully with him and wraps her arms tightly around his neck, prompting him to do the same at her waist. They sway together for a while, comforting each other with their gentle, yet strong holds. After a few minutes, he feels the junction between his neck and shoulder start to moisten with her tears.
"Can our son's name be Thomas Cosmo Castle?"
He then feels warm puffs of breath on the skin as she laughs instead. Kate pulls her head back, but their bodies remain locked together.
"Shut up." She muses with a wide grin covering her tear-stained cheeks.
Rick's mind flashes back to the last time she'd uttered those words in his presence, and how they had been followed up by 'and kiss me'. When her eyelashes flutter and her gaze falls upon his mouth, he knows she's thinking the same thing.
With extreme caution, they both lean into one another, both not daring to breathe and they might upset the delicate balance of the situation. Their lips meet in a chaste, light kiss, neither wanting to deepen it, or needing to. Just this is enough. For now. They break apart only seconds later, and Rick is the first to talk.
"Come to bed."
Her jaw drops, and he can already see her formulating a negative response.
"Not like that. Just… lay with me."
Her eyes narrow as if she's contemplating the request thoroughly, and his heart seems to quicken with each millisecond that passes. Then, finally, she gently grasps his hand in hers and leads him to the bedroom in the same way she had on their first night together.
In the morning he wakes alone, wondering if it was all a dream. But when he trudges out of bed, there's a steaming cup of coffee on the kitchen counter, with a piece of notepad paper beside it.
Thanks for letting us stay the night,
Kate & Cosmo x
Yeah, they'll get there.
One day.
Thanks so much for reading! :)
Lou xo