Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Leni, the part of the fanfiction where Leni comes out and sings a silly song. Today Leni and Lori were on a photo safari, hot on the trail of a monkey...or an ape. We don't know which, hence the song.
Leni: If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey Even if it has a monkey kinda shape If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey If it doesn't have a tail It's not a monkey, it's an ape! If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey
Lori: Let's see if we can catch it on the tape!
Leni: You can very plainly see if it's a monkey If it doesn't have a tail It's not a monkey, it's an ape!
Lori: Look, there it goes, there it goes, I don't know, I can't tell if it's a monkey or an ape!
Leni: It's very simple, Lori...If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey If it doesn't have a tail It's not a monkey, it's an ape!
Lori: Leni, I'm not so sure...
Leni: Boogawooga, isn't that a monkey?
Lori: Boogawooga, maybe it's an ape!
Leni: If it's a nickel or a salad or a pillow If it doesn't have a tail It's not a monkey, it's an ape!
Lori: If it doesn't have a tail?
Leni: It's not a monkey!
Lori: Are you sure that's what you really mean to say? A camera has no tail!
Leni: It's not a monkey If it doesn't have a tail It's not a monkey, it's an ape!
Lori: ... I think there's something wrong with your logic, Larry...
Leni: Well Lori, the lady at the zoo said it, and who am I to tell her that she's wrong? If there's a tail, it's a monkey. No tail; ape. It's easy!
Lori: But Leni... a kite has a tail!
Leni: Then it's a monkey
Lori: A comet has a tail!
Leni: It's a monkey
Lori: A bubble doesn't have a...
Leni: Then it's not a monkey, If it doesn't have a tail It's not a monkey...
Lori: It's an ape?
Leni: Exactly! I knew you'd catch on!
Lori: Leni, we might need to talk about this. I don't think the lady at the zoo meant...
Leni: Shh! *they duck down* Look, there it goes! In the trees, follow me! It's gotta be a monkey or an ape! I can't believe it's true All this time, I've searched for you Snap the picture, Take the shot! We're among the lucky few! We finally did it, Photographer! We've discovered what we're after! Let me look! Is it an ape?
Lori: Leni... this is a disaster. *they are standing next to a cow*
Leni: It's a monkey!
Lori: Ahem, Leni...that's a cow. Not a...
Leni: That was exhilarating! Let's find more! If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey Even if it has a monkey kinda shape If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey If it doesn't have a tail It's not a monkey, it's an ape!
Narrator: This has been Silly Songs with Leni. Tune in next time to hear Lori say...
Lori: Leni, you don't have a tail.
Leni: I don't?
Lori: Nope. And neither do I.
Leni: I wouldn't be so sure about that, Lori.
Lori: Uh, what do you mean?
Leni: Oh, nothing.
*Lori starts to walk off...he has a tail*