Harry Potter and the 0.7 Cranberry

Once upon a time there lived a Harry Potter, a Hermione Granger, a Ron Weasley, a Severus Snape, and an Albus Dumbledore who liked 'naked time'. (Refer Potter Puppet Pals on YouTube).

There were many magical students at a school called Hogwarts, where HP, HG and RW went. Mr Snape was a very mean, nasty, evil, bad teacher who taught at Hogwarts. Albus Dumbledore was the naked Principal. He was slightly insane – probably one of the reasons he went around naked all the time.

At this school there was also a very bad boy called Draco, who was mean to Harry Potter. Draco also found fun and joy in calling Harry numerous names such as 'scar head' and 'potty'. These were not very effective ways of insulting him, but Harry sometimes got flustered and upset. In fact – there was one occasion where Malfoy came over to Harry (on the staircase), picked him up, and chucked him over the banister.

This of course hurt Harry and his feelings, so when he had finished getting all his bones mended, he stalked over to Malfoy and shot him in the head with a 0.7 Cranberry Pistol (mostly because he didn't know enough spells that would hurt Malfoy).

Unfortunately for Harry, naked Dumbledore saw him shooting Malfoy, and after he had finished, gave him a severe talking to. And then Dumbledore shot Harry with his own gun so he knew what it felt like to be shot with a 0.7 Cranberry pistol. Also, it was for the embarrassment factor.

Because Harry was shot, he had a hole in his arm (duh), so he had to go and visit Madame Pomfrey again to get the hole in his arm mended. She warned him that shooting people wit h guns (exceptions for Voldemort) would get him expelled from Hogwarts, and that she'd just heard that his best friend Ron was gay.

Harry left to find Ron, and was surprised that when he found him, Ron was sporting a blue and yellow striped mohawk and three silver studs. Which he had not been sporting previously to Harry's shooting.

Ron was looking like a stunned mullet. Harry asked why, and he replied, "Hermione's going out with Snape!"

Harry was shocked at first, but then remembered the reason he was talking to Ron in the first place. So he asked him why he had suddenly turned gay. Ron said it was because it was fun to be gay, and he could follow the purple butterflies whenever he wanted, instead of having to do it in secret. Harry nodded his head understandingly once Ron had finished, even though he didn't understand this new gay Ron at all. Harry did not like not understanding, so he shot Ron to death with his 0.7 Cranberry Pistol. Ron's last words were, "Why must you hurt me this way Harry??"

(Harry's reply was, "I'm sick of your ugly speckled mug!!")

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Later that afternoon, Harry was bored, so he went to find Hermione. The first place he looked was Snape's office. He actually found them in the Potions classrooms. Funnily enough, Snape was teaching Hermione how to cook. Harry did not like the look of this (seeing as no one had ever taught him how to cook), so once again, he pulled out his 0.7 Cranberry and shot both Hermione and Snape. The only reason he shot them was because he was jealous – he didn't know how to cook – and no one had ever offered HIM cooking lessons, much less Snape. Besides, Harry didn't like the developments between Hermione and Snape.

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Even later that afternoon, Harry was feeling bored again. So he went in search of Dumbledore – if Harry could shoot Dumbledore, there'd be no more school!! 'Woot woot', though delusional Harry to himself.

When he found Dumbledore, he was eating lemon drops in his office, so Harry pulled out his 0.7 Cranberry, and was about to shoot, when Dumbledore pulled out an even bigger pistol-turned-rifle (a 2.1 Prickly Pear), and shot a smiley face into Harry Potter.

Dumbledore also pick pocketed Harry's 0.7 Cranberry – he'd heard they were a special edition.

And that was the end of Harry Potter and his special edition 0.7 Cranberry pistol.

EPILOUGE:

Professor McGonagall shot a smiley face into Dumbledore the next day, because she was sick of him walking around the school naked.

The End.