The Prince Of Babysitting
"Darn you woman!" shouted Vegeta. The whole of capsule corp. shook.
"Listen Vegeta, we wont be long. Chi Chi and I will be back from our shopping spree soon! And besides, Trunks and Goten will be on their best behaviour!" Bulma really had it in for Vegeta this time. The saiyan prince frowned and looked down at the two little saiyans. They had angel faces at the time, but as soon as Bulma slammed the door… they became devils. Sure, Bulma's parents could've looked after the little twerps, but there was a matter of feeding all of the pets they kept that came first.
"We want lunch! We want lunch!" the two chanted in unison. Vegeta just ignored them and walked into the living room. He sat in his favourite chair and let out a relaxed sigh… that was then followed by a disturbing noise. Vegeta had chills going down his spine then jumped of his chair, taking note that he had sat on a whoopee cushion. The two boys peered from behind the chair and giggled. Bulma had only been gone for five minutes and he was already getting sick of the young saiyans.
An hour had past and Vegeta had suffered badly. Trunks set fire to all of his dad's shirts… all but the pink one of course. Goten said he "Missed" When he went to the toilet, and they played mind games like: -"Hide the furniture!"
"I can't take this!" cried Vegeta as he sat down on the floor and pouted slightly. Trunks and Goten flew in circles around Vegeta chanting that they were still hungry.
"Alright, alright! Let's get something to eat." Vegeta mumbled as he got up. He walked into the kitchen with the two little saiyans following.
"Okay brats, what do you want?" asked Vegeta as he glared.
"Ooh, ooh, hamburgers!" said Goten.
"Forget hamburgers Goten!" said Trunks. "How about pizza?"
"Ooh! Even better, how about both!" said Goten in a tad too excited voice.
"Fine, then afterwards can I have some peace?" said Vegeta. The two boys nodded. "Ah perfect. Things are going well." Vegeta said with a happy sigh. He didn't even notice that Trunks had his fingers crossed behind his back.
After lunch the two boys went to play upstairs, by this time Vegeta had found the furniture (Well, his chair at the least). Things seemed to be going well as the dark prince had hoped.
"Ah. Finally!" he said with a relaxed smile. Then the doorbell went.
"Damn it!" he snarled. "Can't I get just one minute of peace to myself?" Vegeta opened the door to see Krillen holding Marron's hand.
"Er… hey Vegeta." Said Krillen while scratching his head. "My wife said I had to baby-sit, but today happens to be…"
"Not. Gonna. Happen." Vegeta said with little emotion. He slammed the door shut then pondered for a moment as he heard a slight shriek of pain. "Huh?" Vegeta opened the door again while noticing that he had caught Krillen's foot.
"Listen man, you're my only hope!" exclaimed Krillen. "Unfortunately…"
"Get to the point shrimp!" snarled Vegeta, who was starting to lose his patience.
"I need you to baby-sit while I go see Goku about something important!"
"You mean, while you, Kakarotto and the others go get drunk!"
"No, no, no! Listen; just take care of Marron for a while. I'll be back soon I promise!" Vegeta cocked an eyebrow. He looked down to Marron whose eyes were sparkling with innocence.
"Doh… ok." He muttered. "But just for an hour!"
"Two hours." Added Krillen.
"One hour." Vegeta said firmly.
"Three hours." Said Krillen with a little confidence.
"One hour!"
"One hour…"
"Dammit Krillen, when I say three hours, I mean three hours!" spat Vegeta.
"Fine, fine. You win Vegeta. Three hours it is." Krillen smiled slightly. "Ok then, bye!"
"Whatever." Said Vegeta as he let Marron in and slammed the door in her father's face. Vegeta heard Krillen taking flight then thought for a moment. His expression was unpleasant. "Dammit!"
"We want ice cream!" chanted Trunks and Goten once more in unison.
"No!" shouted Vegeta "You've already had over half of the refrigerator's contents!" The two saiyan brats pouted and crossed their arms. Trunks then looked to Goten and giggled as his best friend started to pull of the "puppy face" routine.
"That wont work on me…" said Vegeta. Then he felt something tug on his pants. He looked down to see Marron. Her eyes sparkled with tears.
"Wh-what do you want?" The saiyan prince spoke nervously.
"Want ice cweam Vegieta!" she spoke softly.
"Yeah dad, want ice cweam!" mimicked Trunks. The kids then joined hands to form some sort of circle around Vegeta. The noble prince cringed at the sight then attempted to escape… only to end up tripping over them instead. Then he felt something wrapping around his legs.
"Dare I look?" Vegeta groaned. He did so to discover Trunks and Goten tying his legs up with skipping rope while Marron clapped her hands with amusement. At that point Vegeta wanted to scream… and lets face it that isn't pretty!
"Okay, okay! I'll get ya friggn' ice cream!"
"Yay!" the kids cried. Vegeta tumbled into the kitchen forgetting to untie himself. He got up and let out a cough like if he was meant to do that, then started to inspect the fridge.
"Sorry kids…no ice cr-"
"Cake!" shouted Trunks.
"Yeah, cake! Much better than ice cream!" exclaimed Goten.
"I want candy." said Marron.
"Yeah, stuff cake!" said Trunks.
"Stuff cake with what?" asked Goten. Things went quiet for a moment. Even Marron wouldn't say something like that.
"No! No candy!" shouted Vegeta. The kids just looked. It looked as though Marron was about to cry, but Vegeta knew shouting was going to make things worse and tried to get on the kid's side.
"Er…why don't we play a game instead?" said Vegeta while trying to smile. The kids shook their heads.
"Kids can't play on an empty stomach." Muttered Trunks.
"Yeah, that's mean!" said Goten. Trunks then noticed that Marron was clutching onto a doll.
"Maybe that's not such a bad idea!" he grinned evilly as he took Marron's doll. "Yoink!" he then flew upstairs laughing and taunting with Goten not far behind. Marron cried while Vegeta watched with a guilty look on his face. He picked Marron up and tried to keep a strait face.
"Er…there, there…don't cry, why don't you sit here and watch TV?" Vegeta sat Marron in his chair and turned the TV onto a kids programme. Marron stopped crying for a moment then started laughing at the funny characters on the set… until it went up in a puff of smoke.
"Darn… I forgot we were supposed to get that thing fixed!" cursed Vegeta. Could things get any worse? Yup. The kiss of death struck as Marron started crying again. Vegeta then started to make funny faces. He stretched his cheeks and stuck his tongue out… nothing.
"How degrading." He muttered. Then he nipped his nose while making a noise as if he were a clown, but still, Marron was crying. Finally, Vegeta pulled on his hair…until some was actually pulled out!
"Gahhhhh! Dammit!" cursed Vegeta. Marron burst out into laughter.
"Vegieta funny!" she giggled. Vegeta tried to laugh along too, but the pain was too much. Suddenly Marron laid back.
"Must sleepy-sleep." She yawned then fell asleep.
"Must be her nap time." said Vegeta as he picked the sleeping blonde up and carried her to his room. He lay Marron on the bed then smiled slightly.
"Well that's one brat down… two to go." whispered Vegeta as he closed the bedroom door.
It wasn't long before silence was broken once more when the doorbell rang. Vegeta cursed as he put his book down and got up. Vegeta flung the door open to see a teenage pizza dude.
"Um…you like, ordered this pizza." He spoke.
"What? I never ordered a darn pizza!" yelled Vegeta.
"But dude, I travelled a long way to deliver, plus it's getting cold." Said the teen as he brushed down his Mohawk.
"Listen grease-spot! If I see you here again, claiming that I ordered a pizza… you'll be eating through you're ass for the rest of you're life!" Vegeta slammed the door. He then heard Marron crying and went to see to her. A little while later the doorbell went again. This time Vegeta was going to give the pizza dude a piece of his mind. Without looking to see who it was Vegeta swore at the top of his lungs. His eyes then widened upon further inspection that it was Higishi No Kaioshin… not the pizza boy.
"Well… good evening to you too Vegeta." said Kaioshin as his eyes widened in shock.
"Oh, it's only you." Vegeta groaned. "Easy mistake to make."
"Charming." muttered Kaioshin. Vegeta let the abused God in and mumbled an apology.
"What do you want anyway?" Vegeta asked while folding his arms.
"Well, there is a matter of…" Kaioshin was cut short as some mischievous giggling could be heard from behind Vegeta's chair… with a phone no doubt used to order the pizza! The two cocked their eyebrows and stared at each other.
"Excuse me a moment Shin!" said Vegeta as he strutted towards the chair. Kaioshin looked away for a moment when he heard Vegeta shout- "So that's what you little shits have been doing!" Kaioshin then jumped in surprise as violent noises could be heard from behind the chair. Vegeta emerged then pointed to the stairs. Slowly, the two saiyan boys also emerged from behind the chair and limped up the stairs while clutching their backsides.
"Sorry Shin, what did you want?" asked Vegeta once more.
"Well, you see…" Kaioshin blushed. "It's girls! They wont leave me alone! Every now and then when I do my general planet inspection, these crazy earth girls attack me and say I'm… cute, whatever that means! It's so disturbing!"
"That's it?" said Vegeta.
"Urm… yeah." Replied the God who was now a deeper shade of purple from the embarrassment.
"So what you're saying is, you want somewhere to hide?" asked Vegeta.
"Urm… yes." Replied Shin. A moment of silence followed. Vegeta saw things this way… he was stuck babysitting devil children, he got suckered by a midget, he wanted to spend his Sunday afternoon getting drunk and now the God of Gods wanted a place to stay for a while. Vegeta smirked. "Oh no. You can forget it Vegeta!"
"Forget what?" said the prince while smirking.
"I can read minds you know! There is no way I'm…"
"Hey brats, Kaioshin wants to play a game with you!"
"Nani?" Unfortunately, Kaioshin's powers were not prepared for what happened next.
"Yay! Games!" cheered Goten as he and Trunks shot downstairs and pinned Kaioshin to the floor.
"Have fun!" laughed Vegeta as he slipped his coat on and made a run for the door. "Whoot!" the prince cheered moments before one of his neighbours threw their garden shears at him for being a noisy bugger.
Krillen sighed happily before taking another sip of his whiskey.
"This is great."
"Sure is my friend!" sniggered Roshi as he eyed a scantly clad woman at the other end of the bar.
"I dunno guys… telling the girls we were going to train when really we planned to go to the bar…" said Goku as he stared at his pint of beer that remained untouched.
"Oh come on Goku, where's you're sense of adventure?" chuckled Krillen.
"Huh?" uttered Goku, clueless as ever. Suddenly the drinking and merriment was stopped in the presence of a certain saiyan.
"Oh crap!" cursed Krillen as he shot under the table he was sat at.
"Bartender… the usual." Spoke the slightly pissed Vegeta (or should I say soon to be pissed).
"Yes Vegeta-san!" said the barman shakily.
"Hey Vegeta!" shouted Goku with a smile. "Over here!"
"Oh I will Kakarotto… as soon as I deal with a small problem on such short notice."
"Oh double crap!" whimpered Krillen.
Meanwhile back at Capsul corp. Kaioshin was playing with Goten and Trunks… or more like they where playing with him.
"Come on guys… let me go." Whimpered the God. "I really need to use the bathroom!" Kaioshin had been tied up with numerous skipping ropes during the past hour since Vegeta escaped. It was now 7.45pm and things where getting unbearable. Trunks and his partner in crime where dancing happily around their prey. Trunks were chanting gibberish while balancing a random shoe on his head.
"Moo, moo!" Chanted Goten. Trunks stopped dancing for a moment and turned to the lesser saiyanling.
"Goten, what are you doing?"
"I'm a cowboy!"
"Riiiiiiight." Then a clicking noise came from the front door. Clacking of keys and rustles of plastic carrying bags filled the silence.
"Uh-oh!" the two twerps flew upstairs, leaving Kaioshin at the mercy of whoever was at the door.
"Urm… come in." seemed to be the only thing Kaioshin could think of saying at the time.
"What the hell is going on here?"
It was nearly midnight and Vegeta was making his way back from the local bar. He walked with his hands in his pockets while tilting his head up slightly.
"Damn that Krillen!" he spat. "He had to get me mad and beat him up… just so he didn't have to pick his kid up! Not to mention Kakarotto is too drunk to pick his son up as well! Ah well. Kaioshin should have put them to sleep hours ago." Oh how wrong he was. As soon as Vegeta got to Capsul corp. a chill ran down his spine. "Ooh." He shivered. "The brats must have busted the heating system while I was gone." He snuck into the living room hoping that he would not be detected. He doesn't ask for much does he?
"Vegeta…" spoke a voice in the darkness. Vegeta jumped slightly while almost soaking his pants with the liquid he had consumed earlier.
"Who's… hey!" the prince became more startled as somebody pounced on him and started tying him up. Then the lights came on.
"K-Kaioshin!" exclaimed Vegeta when he saw the angry God, whose clothes were now torn. The Kai hardly spoke but gave an expression, which read "revenge".
"You may leave now." Spoke a familiar voice.
"Gomen." Said Kaioshin with a respectable bow then shot outside. "Whoot!" then a neighbour threw their slipper at the noisy God for disturbing the peace. Vegeta then looked up at the blue haired figure that was wearing a very familiar red dress.
"Looks like you're the one who needs babysitting!" The woman in red then slowly walked towards the saiyan prince (who was too drunk to break free) with a sinister smile. Screaming echoed the streets of West city.
…
The neighbours sued the next morning.
I wrote a fanfic like this a few years ago... I had to change a few things. Not my best, but it was a bit of a laugh to write.