Jigsaw
The beating of my heart
The beating of a drum
My memories long since fade to black
No longer awakened by the sun
No longer my smile
No longer my fear
No longer a reason to live in fear
My eyes
My soul
No longer mine
No reason to think the world divine
No emotion
No pride
My soul is no longer alive
No moon
No sun
The world held by darkness and hated by love
Straight to the moon
Back from the sun
I am dead, but alive
No longer immortal to anyone
" The moon shone brightly across the bell of my trumpet, I missed being able to sit and the stands and play pep band music till my lungs gave out, being able to step off on my left foot without waddling, being able to hang out with my band family and not having to fear that a guy will pull me into a dark room. This isn't another episode of 16 and pregnant, this is my life, my story, and my pregnancy."
Everyone burst into applause as I situated my hands on my swollen abdomen, this was my family now, my mom and dad both died in a car accident and it's not like my baby's father would care any less. I love my baby and my baby has close to 200 aunts and uncles that do to.
But I suppose that I should start at the beginning, my name is Maya Rei Reid, I'm 17 years old. Othello, my older brother is the Cavaliers Drum and Bugle Corp mellophone section leader. I'm the trumpet section leader of the Stone Hill High School Marching Band, at least I was until Aaron Charring the star running back of the football team came into the picture, before he took my virginity and left me with a parting gift that I could never rid myself of. I had talked briefly to Aaron, and he seemed to be a kind person, but oh how wrong I was.
It was the 1st football game of the season, and I was trailing behind the band as they moved into the stands. My mom and dad had gone to California on a road trip for their anniversary and they called to check in with me. I had just ended the call with my parents, so I wasn't aware of Aaron towering behind me, he grasped me arms and pulled me into the locker room where he raped me. I screamed as loud as I could, but no one could hear me over the roar of the crowd, halftime came and he pushed me into the old unused shower room and walked back out onto the football field. I silently cried as I heard the football team file in from their victory. It was silent for a time before I saw the eyes of one of the only men I knew I could trust; Mr. Truesdale our band director walked through the locker room passing the trashcan where my bibbers, marching jacket, and hat had been shoved before he finally fell upon me housed in one of the old shower cubicles, "Maya, are you okay?!"
I flinched away as he approached me, "R-R- Roman… Roman and 'Thello."
"Do you want Roman and Othello," I nodded briefly before he laid his marching band jacket across my shoulders and left to find my brother and best friend. I met Roman in 6th grade when he asked to borrow my valve oil for my trumpet; we had been best friends ever since he told me that his middle name was Aristotle. Moments after I had completed my thought my brother came roaring into the locker room and made a beeline for me, "Maya are you okay, what happened?!"
I flinched at the sudden increase in my brother's volume, "Shh, Maya its okay, I'm here but I couldn't find Roman," He pulled me into his arms, "Misha I need you to tell me what happened to you."
My brother pulled the ponytail out of his hair and tied mine back, his brotherly instincts had kicked in and for the moment I felt relieved, "Big brother I wanna go home."
I latched onto Othello's jacket and sobbed uncontrollably, and then it all went black.
Where am I, am I in heaven?
Everything was white and I couldn't figure out how to stop the constant beeping that filled my head, the clock that was above me said that it was August 26th, had I really been asleep for almost 2 weeks?
"Misha, are you in there," a voice asked somewhat in distress.
I blinked the grogginess from my eyes in an attempt to clear my vision, "Where is Othello, I wanna see my brother."
A cold hand rested against my cheek, "Maya, I'm right here."
"Thello why are you crying," Othello's body was wracked with sobs as he held my hand, " Mom and dad were driving up to Rosemont, to get some of my things since I decided to stay here for a while with you, but, they're never coming home they were hit by a drunk driver and they were killed on impact."
My heart dropped to the floor, my mom and dad were dead and my brother was all I had left. I didn't think that I had anymore tears to cry but I was wrong; I felt the salty drops cascade down my cheeks and soak my brother's shirt. I listened to my brother's hysterical sobs and I somehow managed to drift off to sleep.
When I woke up the following afternoon to the same constant beeping sound, my vision was much more clear. But what I could see most clearly was that Othello wasn't there by my side, "OTHELLO! OTHELLO," two nurses came in quickly followed by a teenager with sun bleached brown hair who wrapped his arms around me, "Maya! Maya! Calm down it's me, its Roman. Your brother had to go to your house to pick up some of our things."
The few tears that had begun to form at the corner of my eyes dripped onto Roman's shirt as he cradled my head, "Um excuse me, Ms. Reid may I talk to you for a few minutes?"
I sat up and looked at the woman dressed in a white lab coat standing in the door of my hospital room, "Who are you?"
"I am Dr. Maria Ross, I'm the OB-GYN that saw you when you came in 2 weeks ago."
"Um… ok, Airi do you wanna go out in the hallway and wait?"
Roman pushed the stray hair that had collected on my sweaty brow out of my face," I'd like to stay, even if I'm here for nothing more than moral support."
"Ok," I looked up at Dr. Ross, "What's the verdict doc?"
"Your scratches and bruises have healed on their own and you body shows the normal signs of a rape victim, but you may want to think about your future."
I gripped Roman's hand, "What do you mean think about my future."
"Ms. Reid I'm not sure if this will be good or bad news to you, but you're pregnant."
I was speechless. I had my life planned out ahead of me for the next 30 years; I knew which college I would attend, what I would major in, when I would get married, and when I was going to have my children, and having a baby at 17 wasn't in my plans, "Dr. Ross can you excuse us for a few minutes?"
"Of course just page the nurse's desk when you are ready for me to return," She left as quietly as she came, leaving Roman and myself to wallow in our thoughts, "Maya are you okay?"
I swallowed in an attempt to drench my dry throat, "Yeah, just surprised."
Roman handed me a glass of water and sat on the bed behind me wrapping me in his embrace, "So any ideas on what you're going to do about this?"
I didn't even hear him, I was too lost in my own thoughts to even possibly acknowledge the outside world. My tears had long since dried from my eyes and my heart was a black abyss. I had this, this thing growing inside of me and its father was nothing more than the devil's spawn and it's mother was a pile of shattered glass that even the most advanced jigsaw puzzle master couldn't put me back together. I was scared to admit it, but my baby was going to be born into a broken home with a broken family.
"Maya. Maya. Misha. Earth to Maya Rei!"
I snapped out of my stupor, "Huh, oh sorry Airi I didn't mean to zone."
Roman ran his hands through my hair and proceeded to braid my hair into his one of a kind over the shoulder braid, "So what are you gonna do?"
"Close my eyes and hope it goes away."
I felt Roman's warm cheek lay against the shoulder opposite the one my braided hair now fell over, "You need to figure this out soon, you know as well as I do that the longer you hold off the harder it will be to let it go."
I sighed, "I know that and I also know that I'm not terminating the pregnancy, it's my baby and my choice and I'm not gonna let the fact that he or she was unwillingly conceived make me a murderer."
I turned and curled into Roman's lap, he and my brother were the only males, maybe even people that I would be comfortable around for a long time. I was scared, I was exhausted, and I was going to be a teenage mother. My mind was racing as every possible thought of what could or what would happen wracked my brain. I briefly remember a nurse in Hello Kitty scrubs coming in and putting something in my IV, and within minutes I had fallen into the best sleep I had had in two weeks.
I sat in the passenger's seat of Roman's eclipse staring at the doors of Stone Hill High School as my brother was on his way to Vermont with the Cavaliers. It had been a month and a half since that dreaded football game and I had made a minuscule step in my recovery, I lifted my backpack onto my shoulder and with Roman's hand on the small of my back made the trek to the band room for 1st period jazz band.
My stomach was rising into my throat and my heart felt like it would fall out of my chest, "Misha, how are you holding up?"
"Better than I thought I would," I moved away from Airi and headed into the brass room happy to see that Mr. Truesdale had gotten the dents taken out of my trumpet, "I'll see you in 3rd period biology," I turned briefly to look at my best friend, "Yeah but keep your phone on in case I need you."
I knew I had taken the first step by returning to school, but that doesn't mean that I was ready to face Aaron Charring in 2nd period. Why did I want to become a library aide anyways?
Listening to the music of Sunny Rollins, Dizzy Gillespie, Charles Mingus, and Count Basie calmed me to some degree, but when I heard the distinct echo bell signaling the end of 1st period ring through my ears my heart dropped again. But I walked with my head held high as I entered the library and walked up to Ms. Newton and forced a smile, "Hi Ms. Newton, what books do you need me to reshelf?"
"Put your bags behind the circulation desk and get started with the cart with the blue tag."
I nodded and began to reshelf the books that had become my hide away for the last four years, but as I moved into the reference section I felt uneasy. Whoever had designed this library must have been insane to put the reference section in a little nook nowhere in plain sight or the circulation desk or Ms. Newton's office. And I had every right to feel that way, as I stood up and turned around to reach for another encyclopedia, I saw Aaron Charring hovering over me, "Hello beautiful, I missed you a lot," Aaron used one hand to hold my wrists above my head and the other slid down my stomach to the top of my sweatpants, "If you scream I'll-."
But he was cut short by the bell signaling the end of 2nd period, never had I been more happy to hear that bell. Aaron let me drop to the floor and quickly bee lined for the library exit. I curled up into myself becoming a ball of weeping flesh. I was reliving that Friday night all over again, I was too withdrawn into my cursed memories that I hadn't even realized that Ms. Newton had found me and immediately called for Roman. The only thing I knew was that I felt myself be pulled into Roman's comforting hold, "C'mon Misha, it's okay now, I'm here."
I pushed myself out of Roman's embrace and retched the contents of my stomach onto the dusty blue carpet, "Take me home please."
Roman wiped my mouth on the sleeve of his letterman jacket and pulled me into his arms stopping briefly to ask Mr. Truesdale to bring his car around to the front of the school, "Roman, is Maya okay? I left the library and she was fine."
I thrashed in Roman's arms as Aaron Charring's devilish voice filled my ears which swiftly send him running, and I calmed almost immediately. Roman now knew who had caused his best friend such trauma, and he promised me that I would only have to face him one last time and I could move on.
The trial was scheduled for mid- April and I would of stewed over it up until the time of the trial had it not been for Airi. He was there for every doctor's appointment, every therapy session, and when I found out that I was having a little boy. His mom helped me sell my house and allowed to move into the guest bedroom of their house so I could be closer to Roman, the man that at this moment in time was my fiancé and is the father of my child.
I stood in the nursery surrounded by everything music. My hands were held to my swollen stomach where my… no, Roman and my baby had been growing for the past 8 months. My due date seemed so far away and May 14th couldn't seem to get here fast enough. But I needed to focus on the task at hand, if I wanted to have a peaceful life with my baby and Roman, then Aaron Charring needed to be put away for good.
Roman's father sat in the attorney's seat next to me, "All rise the honorable Judge Perkins presiding."
Opening statements were made and Aaron's attorney called Roman to take the stand, "Mr. Markham, can you please tell the court your relationship to Ms. Reid?"
"I'm her best friend as well as her fiancé."
"Is it not true that you are and were jealous of my client, so you twisted Ms. Reid into believing that my client raped her while the whole time it was you?"
"Objection!"
"Overruled, Mr. Downy please continue."
"No sir, I was never jealous nor will I ever be jealous of Aaron Charring, I have loved Maya since I laid eyes on her and would never in my wildest dreams imagine hurting her."
"Then did you rape her?"
"Objection!"
"Mr. Downy please keep your questions relevant to the case."
Aaron chuckled as he watched Roman have to be dissected by his attorney, "Your honor I have no further questions for Mr. Markham."
I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt Roman's hand brush against mine. Both attorney's flew through witnesses until I was the last one to take the stand and was glad that Roman's dad had first dibs, "Ms. Reid you said in the police report that you were raped on the night of August 11th correct?"
"Yes sir."
"Is the man who raped you in this courtroom?"
"Yes he is."
I felt like I was going to pass out, I could feel everyone's eyes on me and I could only comfort in Roman's alluring gaze, " Ms. Reid do you need a moment?"
I snapped out of my daydream, "No sir, sorry please continue."
"The police report filed a week after the rape occurred stated that the defendant Aaron Charring was indeed the man that raped you?"
"Objection! Your honor Mr. Markham is antagonizing Ms. Reid into testifying falsely!"
"Mr. Downy, Ms. Reid took an oath and will not testify falsely; Mr. Markham you may continue."
"Maya who was it that stayed with you after your brother had to return to his commitment to the Cavaliers?"
"Roman did."
"Your parents died a few days after your raped occurred and your brother has been traveling the east cost with the Cavaliers correct?"
"Yes sir."
"So who has been taking you to all of your appointments for the past 8 months?"
"Airi has been."
"And who is Airi Ms. Reid?"
"Airi is Roman, his middle name is Aristotle, so I call him Airi. Mr. Markham turned to face the jurors, " Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you don't call a man who raped you by the nickname you bestowed on said person and notice that Ms. Reid has looked directly at everyone but the defendant. I have no further questions your honor."
Mr. Downy rose from beside Aaron and stood in front of the witness stand, " Ms. Reid you are 8 months pregnant correct?"
"Yes."
"You are also engaged to Mr. Roman Markham correct?"
"Yes."
Downy turned to the jury , "Why would a young woman who has had a 4.0 grade average since kindergarten and who based on her extra curricular activities show strong moral compass, " I felt tears form at the corners of my eyes, I knew where he was going to take this, "Choose to marry at such a young age for another reason other than the fact that she conceived out of wedlock. While conversing with my client he stated that Ms. Reid is known as the Stone Hill Slut and that she very willingly asked my client to ease her sexual urges and at this point I don't think the question should be if she was raped or not, it should be whether a whore can be a suitable parent to a bastard child?"
He had long since crossed the line and I was going to show him why is was wrong to mess with me, "Your honor please excuse the behavior I am about to exhibit," I promptly stood on my tip toes coming nose to nose with Mr. Downy, "You don't even know me! I was raped by your client, and you are trying to call me a whore. When he is the ass that put me in this situation! And don't you dare tell me that I won't be a fit parent to my child! You call me a monster for supposedly conceiving a bastard child, but you client is the real monster. I'm getting married because I love Roman and I don't want my child to not have a father, so you would do well to sit down, shut up, and when you can get your head out of the gutter come find me and if you still haven't fixed your attitude I'll give you a real reality check!"
My knees buckled and Roman caught me before I hit the ground, his arms and his unique smell of peppermint and cinnamon engulfing me.
"Shh, c'mon baby girl please don't cry I'm here."
We were ushered back to our seats as the jury left to decide a verdict, the longest 4 ½ hours of my life seemed to drag on for an eternity but somehow I managed to last till the jury returned, "Jury have you reached a verdict?"
"Yes we have, we the jury find the defendant Aaron Charring guilty of all counts."
I felt all the stress leave my body as those simple words were uttered and I got to watch the monster that ruined my life be taken away in handcuffs, "Misha hold on I'll be right back."
Roman came back a moment later with Judge Perkins close behind, "Go ahead sir."
Judge Perkins smiled, "By the power vested in me by the state of Colorado, I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride."
Roman held my hand and helped me place the platinum band on his ring finger and he did the same to me. I was speechless as he held me close and our lips engaged in a tango of pure passion. And it seemed like all was well, but my bundle of joy still needed to make an appearance.
But my bundle of joy had to make an appearance while I was watching Othello and Roman march with the Cavaliers, so this is how I find myself here with my brother on my left side and my husband on my right still in full Cavaliers green, white, and black, "I didn't mean to ruin your show," Roman kissed my forehead, " We wouldn't of missed this for the world, and it was kind of his choice when he decided to come."
I smiled softly and did as Dr. Ross instructed me to, when I last looked at the clock it was 3:52 p.m. on May 14th, and now here I am at 12:01 on May 15th, holding my beautiful baby boy in my arms for the first time, "Hello little boy, you have good timing happy mother's day to me."
Roman kissed me and looked down at our miracle, "What are we going to call him?"
"His name is Talon Lelouch Markham."
And he was the final piece of my jigsaw puzzle, the very jigsaw puzzle that put me back together again and I was proud to say that I was happy to be alive and have the chance to teach my little boy to step on his left foot.
Mellophone- a marching band French horn
Rosemont, Illinois is where the Cavaliers are based