Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji.
Warnings: Yaoi, threesome, mild violence, really bad language, too much information.
"This is speech", "this is thoughts" *this is a sound effect*
A.N. Yes, more yaoi. I don't really like this pairing, but my brother randomly thought of it (LeviJ, r+r his stuff?) and the fangirl in me decide steps must be taken. Once again, I apologise, and suggest you leave before it's too late.
And, once again, the rooftops of London. A demon and a shinigami, locked in battle, for no real reason other than the fact the two species don't like each other. Well, that and the matter of one Grell Sutcliff... "Don't think about that, don't think about him... her... sexy reaper who came to work in a miniskirt today... Oh hell... Damn Slutcliff, who's he trying to impress..." William tried to push all thoughts of Grell away as he fought the demon, the one thing he hated most.
They battled to and fro, silverware versus extendable deathscythe (innuendo *cough*), until Sebastian caught the hedge-trimmer, and twisted, sending William about 20 feet in to the air, then flying towards him. "Oh hell..." *BOOSH* And they both went hurtling off the roof, and landed in an alleyway. Sebastian went to push William off him, then stopped, noticing something. "William, are you enjoying this more then you're letting on?" he enquired, with a devilish smirk. William paled, although whether it was due to Sebastian's annoying observantness or all the blood that should be in his face being elsewhere, it's hard to say.
"SUTCLIFF! Damn stupid brain-invading work-evading paperwork-ruining goddamn fuckable... oh shit!" William's thoughts worked overtime (no pun intended) as he tried to figure out a way to escape this situation. Meanwhile, Sebastian was muttering to himself. "That's not a good idea, but I suppose it could be worse. After all, running around after the young master all day does create the need for a bit of stress relief..."
William heard all of this with a growing sense of horror. Could this demon really be suggesting that? No. Definitely not. Awful idea, there is no way he would even want to do that. He was completely revolted by the idea of coupling with that thing, pounding him into the floor, making him scream... "Shut up brain! That is not arousing! Dammit!" at which point, the hormones took over, and he stopped thinking straight.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. Thinking was not the best way of dealing with these situations, and nor was talking, with the possible exception of words such as "harder". With that in mind, he reached up and grabbed the reaper's head, messing up his hair and pulling him in for an aggressive kiss. "Okay, he's kissing back, that's good, AH! Ok, that's very good..." "Mmf... William" he groaned, as the shinigami's tounge dominated his mouth completely.
William had no idea why this was happening, but knew that if there was going to be sex, an alleyway was not the place for it. He pushed himself off Sebstian and stood up, before walking out of the alleyway, across the street, and in to what looked like a condemned building, dragging a confused, horny demon by the tie. Once inside, he shoved the other man on to the floor, and resumed kissing.
Sebastian knew there was something wrong with the situation, what was it... Oh yes, the clothes. Far too many of the buggers. "Will... Uh... Clothes. Off." he groaned, ripping at the reaper's suit. Soon both their clothes were scattered on the floor, not all of them in one piece, and finding that the lack of clothes did improve the situation. In fact, the only fly in the ointment that Sebastian could see was the fact William was still on top of him, which seemed to be the wrong way up. "Why am I on the bottom?"
"Because I'm superior to you, and you look more like a girl."
"Shu- ah! Shut up! I do not! Oh god..."
William ignored him, and decided to get on with it. He moved off the demon slightly and pushed his legs apart, exposing his entrance. Sebastian looked at him, thinking he was sure there was meant to be preparation somewhere. The icy shinigami ignored the look, and thrust in to him with a groan. The demon yelled with pain. Why did the bastard's "deathscythe" have to be so long anyway? Come to think of it, why did he have to be the girl? Ow...
Sebastian, vision going blurry from the pain, saw something moving behind William. He fully intended to ponder it more, but then the reaper's length slammed in to his prostrate, and his brain stopped working, and he scratched the other's back so viciously there were eight red lines on it for days. He wrapped his arms and legs around the shinigami, and decided bottoming wasn't as bad as all that.
William was enjoying himself more then he'd admit. The tightness and the heat were unfamiliar but welcome sensations, and the demon moaning beneath him was an undeniably sexy sight. Suddenly, he felt breath on his neck, and froze.
Sebastian opened his eyes. His head was turned to one side, and since William had stopped moving for a moment, he decided to take in his surroundings. Looking across the floor, he saw... Boxes? Maybe, and a few chairs, and shelf units with jars and bottles. The room smelled of formaldehyde and something sweetish... Death. Where the hell were they? Oh hell, that's not a box...
William, still frozen, felt something penetrate him, possibly a finger, seemingly lubricated. He stayed still, having no idea what to do or even who this newcomer was. He looked around the room, and his eyes fell on... a box? No, those aren't boxes. "Oh shit... That looks like a coffin... And the guy behind me either has really long fingers, or needs to cut his nails... Oh no no no no nooo..." He felt another finger enter him, and moaned softly. This guy really knew what he was doing, for some reason William would rather not know about.
Sebastian looked past William, at the man kneeling over both of them. He knew him. Oh hell, could this day get any more bizzare? What on earth was Undertaker doing here? Then it struck him. This was his shop. That idiot reaper had dragged him in to the only inhabited building in the entire street, and now... "Wait, what's happening? Why is William moaning? What the hell is going on back there?" "Unf... Undertaker, what? Ohh..."
Undertaker grinned. William seemed ready enough. He bent a little lower, and slammed in to him. Hard. William gasped, and thrust jerkily into Sebastian. The demon moaned, despite having absolutely no idea what was happening. William couldn't think anything except "Holy fucking shit, what the hell is going on, why did I have to choose this place, why did he join in, for god's sake, why does this feel so good?" Undertaker giggled, and dug his nails into Sebastian's shoulders, drawing blood. He moaned and tried to lick at it, but didn't have an excessively long tounge, unlike some demons. And reapers.
The poor puzzled demon had just about figured out what was happning, and decided things could be worse, when the other two found themselves a rythym that, while being very pleasant for both of them, resulted in Sebastian being fairly bruised. "Ah! Fucking reapers... Hurts!"
"Sh-shut up. I am going to fuck you into the floor whether you like it or not, and-AH! Undertaker!" the rest of his sentence was lost as the mortician slammed in to him with full force, a nonverbal "Quit fighting, kids". William gave up and went back to moaning, and Sebastian accepted that it was going to hurt, and strategised.
The strategy was as follows: To minimise pain, touch yourself. This strategy seemed sound,a nd the Sebastian proceeded to do so. William noticed this, and the effect it had. The kuroshitsuji was moaning, eyes closed. It was annoyingly arousing, and he felt himself losing control. He heard something that sounded a little like "Ciel" once or twice, but ignored it.
The usually stoic reaper was getting close. Under him was the demon he hated, reduced to an untidy mess, moaning on the floor, being slammed into it. On top of him there was the reaper he had always looked up to, demonstrating his... ah... unexpected talents. Hard. And fast. And... hot... "Uh-undertaker... Oh..." he spoke inside his head, but simply moaned aloud. He thrust harder into Sebastian, determined he should come first.
Sebastian noticed this, and moved his hand a little faster, no longer knowing what was going on, but enjoying it. He felt himself about to come, and bucked slightly under William. "Unf... Harder! Ah! William!" he shouted, coming so hard it made him a little dizzy. William felt the demon's entrance tighten, saw him come, heard him scream his name, and gave up holding on. He came too, followed by Undertaker, giggling at the general situation and wondering why they were even in it. William fell on Sebastian, and the Undertaker retreated to the back room, to clean up. The other two passed out.
William awoke first, half-an-hour or so later, a little disgusted. He washed (there's a bathroom upstairs, or something), dressed, and went to find Undertaker. He was in a coffin, snoozing away contendedly. He yelled. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GET INVOLVED FOR! I KNOW IT'S YOUR SHOP, BUT... uh...STILL!"
"I wanted to. It looked fun. Now if you'll excuse me, the shop opens for buiness in an hour, so I should sleep. If the butler's still asleep, chuck him and his clothes in a spare coffin."
William had no answer to this, and did so. He then returned to the SDS offices, and walked in to his office, only to find Ronald and Grell. Who, he noticed, was still wearing that damn miniskirt! Grell looked at him, before asking "That's not your tie, the jacket has a tear in it, and your hair is a mess. What, exactly, happened?", with a smile. Ronald, taking the more practical approach, walked over to William and removed a long, silver hair from his jacket.
"You know, sempai, I was walking past the undertaker's shop earlier, and heard some mighty strange noises... I was in that part of town to help you fight that demon of yours, but couldn't find either of you anywhere. I could smell a demon, though, coming from the shop. I was going to go in, but, well," he put on a chinese-monk style voice, " 'Wise man, once say: Never enter room from which comes unfing.', so I didn't. But judging by the sound, there were three people there, one of whom laughed a lot..."
At this point Grell, jumping correctly to a conclusion, shouted "You did what? Do you honestly mean to say you- And Sebby- and... Oh! How come you ignore me, than go and!" The rockin' red reaper was incandescent with rage, confusion, and, a little predictably, lust. Ronald walked out, giving elbowing his superior in the ribs and muttering "Get in there, Spears-sempai!" on the way. William looked utterly confused. "Is he congratulating me about earlier, suggesting I make a move on Grell now, or just rambling?" At this point, Grell slammed him against the wall, demanding to know if he was even listening. William snapped, and yelled "Shut up! The whole thing was your fault in the first place!" at Grell.
"My fault? What do you mean?"
William sighed. "Well, I came in this morning, and you were wearing a miniskirt..."
Very little paperwork was handed in that day. This was mainly because most of the branch knew what the wise man had once said, and kept out of Williams office.
A.N. Sorry! Honestly! But I had to write it. If you've actually got this far, then review, and I shall know who you are and have great respect for your bravery. By the way, unf stands for the universal noise of fucking, but is also a genuine sex noise. Don't ask how I know these things, I just do. LeviJ, Impurity. AshxDruitt, inexplicable funny fluff. Non-scarring, unlike this. Oh yes. Also, this keyboard sucks, so sorry for any missed letters, etc.