September 1994

"If you find her let me know," Edward said desperately down the phone to his best friend James, Serena's father died only a hours ago and she was nowhere to be found, she had been blank, raw, traumatized and scared. And left her mother's in a state and bolted. Now it was evening time seven o'clock Adrienne had been with James and Edward searching for Serena and she was tired, drained, emotional and had decided to call it quits and stay with a friend, not because she didn't care she had only lost her husband hours ago and was exhausted emotionally and mentally.

Edward and James had been searching for hours and decided it was best to split up. He stood still, James was still on the other end, the night time chill was setting in even though it was September being Britain the night time was chilly, now he was more concerned than before, Serena was out in the dark somewhere and he dreaded to think where. Realising James was still on the other end, he clicked the phone off and gathered his surroundings he saw the familiar looking gate, the big trees the smell of wild garlic was hitting his nostrils now he knew where he was: The Orchard. The famous McKinnie hidey place. He hoped she was there if she wasn't he had lost hope of her being in the surrounding area. The chill whipped through him and as the breeze circulated the orchard it made the trees rustle. He zipped up his jacket, put on gloves and walked towards the gate, "Serena?" he whispered and leant over, "Come on I know you're here," he listened for any signs of human movement or noise. His ears picked up when he heard sobs. He hoped it was Serena, "Please, please, please," he unlocked the gate and as he opened it the squeaking of the hinges and the crash of it hitting the wall made him jump, but he kept his vigilance on finding his wife and followed the sound. He came across a tree the tree where Duncan and Serena spent hours sitting at watching the world, so this is where he found Serena; sat with two bottles of wine, legs stretched out and when she sensed his presence she turned her head.

"Ahh if it isn't my praying mantis," she was very, very drunk her eyes were bloodshot and she looked like she had been crying, "Have you...come to take me home," she giggled.

"Why Serena?" Edward knelt down and took the cup she had in her hand away which she immediately reacted too.

"Give it back," she argued sounding childish as if he was a brother being cruel to his toddler sister. But he held it up higher where she couldn't grab it, "Give it back...I need it," again sounding childish but her tone was soon turning into anger. Frustrated at Edward and desperate to finish her cup of wine she stood up but her drunken disorientated self caused her to fall and luckily Edward caught her, "Give it back!" Serena shouted but Edward refused and she went to grab the cup, "Edward."

"Ah, ah, ah," Edward poured the last of the drink in the bush and slid down to the ground, Serena refused to sit down next to him, so he yanked her down and because her balance wasn't good she grabbed onto his shoulder then lowered herself down, "Serena," Edward sounded concerned he shuffled closer to her and put his arm around her, "Why? Hey why?" he looked at her face it was a mess to be polite: tear tracks were still visible, make up was run, her eyes were sparkly and full of anger, hate, confusion everything grief was causing her to do. Serena closed her eyes and sighed silent tears streamed down her face they tickled her skin but she didn't laugh she couldn't laugh, laughing was forgotten her dad gone she was gone all the light in her face and eyes everything she was, was gone.

"I miss him Edward," Serena said through cries, cries that weren't pained or strained to get out they were actual cries, real cries that she had been saving all day until she was lone and now being with the one person she loved and trusted she released them and they slid out as easy as it was for ice to melt, "I miss him," she hiccuped, "I miss his face, his voice, his hugs I just want him back Edward," she felt his arm tighten around her, "I want my dad back," he pulled her into his chest and leant his chin on her head he rubbed her back, he felt her sob it was heart breaking, "I want my dad Edward...I want my dad," she cried uncontrollably and collapsed onto his lap, "It's my fault."

"Woah, woah, woah, woah," Edward stopped her, this was torture what she was doing, torture because that's all she knew what to do when a situation she couldn't control arose, "How is this your fault Serena? How is any of this your fault?" he asked trying to make he see sense.

"I should have been there more, I'm the reason my dad is dead," Edward pulled her up and cupped her face in his hands, "I'm the reason," she lowered her head and tears spilled onto his thumbs, "I want my dad, I want my dad."

Heartbreaking sobs wretched from her and he felt useless, how was he supposed to help? He lost his dad years ago and his mum was in a care home how could he connect?, "Come on Serena," he whispered resting his forehead on hers, "I'm taking you home darling."

"No this is where he used to go," Serena dropped her head onto his chest and used her hands to grip his shirt, "This is where he used to take me...I feel close to him," he saw drips fall onto his shirt and like she was a child he pulled her onto his lap, stroked her hair and allowed her to cry more than she had before, "This is where he loved."

"Shh, shh, shh," Edward soothed her and he felt her grip harder onto him, sensing she was reaching out he was not going to let her slip from his fingers, "It's OK. It's OK."

"I want my dad," Serena repeated Edward planted a kiss on her head, "I want my dad," she could say this a million times and this would not get old because if it's the one thing she was doing, was reaching out letting him in, letting him know, letting him into her private mind and he knew Serena this was a rare moment like an eclipse.

"I know, I know," Edward sighed heavily he knew this would happen; first sign of trouble she turned to drink, blocked the world out and blamed herself, "I know you do... It's cold Serena come on you need to be home."

"No," she argued and tried to pull away from Edward but his grip was tight, "I'm not going…I'm staying here this is where he loved."

"I can't do that Serena I'm sorry but you're drunk, it's cold and you'll catch a death," he lifted her up in bridal carry much to her disapproval. He waited for her to react.

"Put me down," she ordered and struggled in his grasp, "Edward put me down now!" she tried to break free but ended nearly falling out of his bridal carry but she felt Edward catch her.

"Serena," Edward pulled her back up and put his foot down on this behaviour, grief or no grief alone in the dark in her state she was an obvious target for rapists and other people who took advantage of people in this state, "You are drunk, you are grieving I am not leaving you here alone. What kind of husband would I be if I did?" he just wanted her home in the safety of their home, their bed, their everything.

"An obedient one," Serena answered sleepily, "One that does as he's told," realising he was not going to give in and he would carry her home kicking and screaming she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight for dear life.

"I'd be a crap one now we're going home and you are going straight to bed," Edward said authority in his voice scared Serena.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked sleepily, "Why do you put up with me? I'm a horrible person."

"No you're not you're a lovely person…drunk and when sober," Edward opened the gate and a few passers by looked confused, "Had a bit of a fall taking her to Casualty," he laughed as the passers glared and walked on.

"Next thing you'll be telling me to do R.I.C.E.," Serena sighed, "My head's swimming, I miss him Edward,"

"I know," he kissed her head, "I'll get you home and after a goods night sleep, we'll talk in the morning."

…

"Right," he lowered her onto the sofa the smell of alcohol on her breath was strong, almost sickening because it was so strong, "You're having some food."

"I'm not hungry," she curled up and closed her eyes hoping to fall asleep, "I just want my dad…he was amazing."

Edward sat on the sofa next to her and patted her leg, "I know he was," he reached over and took her hand which in return she grasped tightly, "And you are too my brave, beautiful, wife."

"Who's drunk herself into oblivion," Edward pulled her up and into him,"Why am I doing this to myself?" her emotions were all over the place she couldn't make sense of them, "I don't understand," grief didn't come easy to her and she hadn't experienced it properly like this before and it was horrible, sickening, terrifying and confusing.

"Because you're grieving darling," he placed another kiss to her head, "You're grieving and it's perfectly normal but this is not the way," he scolded her but it caused her to cry again, "Hey I wasn't trying to have ago."

"I want my dad," Serena stood up but Edward grabbed her hand, "I want my dad Edward, please bring him back," she sunk to the floor and placed her face in her free hand. Edward jumped off the sofa and knelt down beside her pulling her back into his chest, "Bring him back," she said into his strong chest, "Edward please," she wrapped her arms around him, "Please, please, please, bring my dad back," her cries were breaking his heart.

"I wish I could," Edward kissed the top her head, "I wish I could Serena... now come on," he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her up, "You're going to bed OK."

"OK," Serena agreed subconsciously unable to make sense of what was going on.

"And we'll talk more in the morning," Edward reassured her and helped her upstairs, he turned on their bedroom light and sat her down on the bed, "Right," he got out a pair of pyjamas from their draw, "You need to sleep."

Serena tried to take off her clothes but she didn't have any common sense, "I can't do it," she said ashamed so Edward helped her out of everything leaving her in underwear then she tried to put her pyjamas on but again no common sense was coming to her. So Edward helped her get into pyjamas, "I can do it myself," she argued but she knew it wasn't true, "Help," she said helplessly.

"Not tonight you can't," Edward smiled lightly and put her arms in the arm holes and buttoned up the shirt then helped her get into the trousers, "It's going to be a long progress Serena," he pushed her down into bed and pulled the duvet over her, "But you will," and then he crawled into bed himself, "Get through it. It's going to take years Serena but you'll have me every step of the way."

"Love you," Serena whispered and Edward kissed her cheek goodnight.

"I love you too my darling," Edward rubbed her arm and kissed her neck, "I love you too my angel. Oh that reminds me," Edward took out his mobile phone, "I need to ring James now when you wake up I'll be right here and we'll have a talk."

"Edward I love you, you know that right?" Serena looked at him her dark brown eyes still shining, "I love you more than the world itself…please don't leave me," she held out her hand and he took it, "I need you Edward," she kissed his hand, "I'm reaching out please I need you."

"I know and I'm going to be there with you through everything, I won't ever, ever leave you," he kissed her hand in return, "I'm going to stay right here and help you through it."

"Thank you," Serena choked out as drunken tears spilled again, "Thank you."

"Night, night," Edward kept hold of her hand whilst he whispered down the phone to assure James that Serena was found then he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight hoping that she would see things in a different light in the morning.

September 1995

Last year Serena was found in an orchard drunk, upset, in tears unable to hold herself up which resulted in him carrying her home. This year they were on the sofa looking through photos, "And that," Serena pointed to the worn down photo herself and her dad when she was a baby, "Was when I was a baby."

"Never would've guessed," Edward turned over the page of the photo album but as he did he felt Serena tense up, "Are you OK?" he asked alarmed.

"I'm fine," Serena giggled, "Feel," she took his hand moved the photo album onto his lap and rested his hand onto her bump, "It's weird."

"Hey we'll be showing our little one photos soon," Edward grinned giving her bump a pat, "Why aren't you yelling at me?" he searched her face for signs of frustration.

"Because," she placed her hand on top of his, "Because this is our baby and you're the only one who's asked how I was today."

"A lot of people don't want to Serena because they don't know what to say," Edward tried to explain that even though everyone on their ward knew it was the one year anniversary but no one knew what to say, "It's not because they don't care," he kissed her head, "We've got a right mover in here," he laughed as kicks hit his hand again.

"Yeah it hurts," Serena grumbled now finding the kicks a little painful, "Do you think he'll be proud?" Serena asked.

"Of course," Edward exclaimed, "He'd love to be able to hold jelly baby…when jelly baby is born we'll do something to remember him by OK."

"Yeah OK," Serena pulled the album back onto her lap, "Now let's look through more photos…Ouch that's my bladder!" Serena shouted to her bump, "Can I lay down? Jelly baby is kicking my bladder and it hurts."

"Go on then," Edward patted his lap, "Don't know how lying down will help."

"Shut up," Serena snarled and laid down, "Do you want to look at photos or not?"

"Yeah go on then," Edward looked at the photo and listened as Serena explained a story about each one, "What's it feel like Serena?"

"What's what feel like?" Serena looked up at him confused.

"Having a baby in there," Edward asked and he pointed to her belly.

"In all honesty it's been a weird wonderful experience," Serena answered she felt sad that her pregnancy was coming to an end even though the end product was going to be amazing, she was going to miss having the baby inside her, "Though I won't miss the constant need to pee," Serena sat up and waddled to the bathroom. Edward laughed but dropped the grin once she returned.

"Problem?" he asked whilst she blushed red and looked close to crying, "There's either two possibilities you didn't make it to the bathroom or from your trip to the bathroom and back caused you to cry…so tell me."

"I miss him Edward," This wasn't her hormones playing with her this was her grief spilling out, "I want to feel his strong arms around me and I just want him," Edward stood up and held her tight, "I'm sorry…how stupid of me."

"No it's not stupid Serena it's grief, you're still grieving…and you will for a long time," he guided them back to the sofa, "OK don't feel stupid," he kissed the top of her head, "I love you."

"I love you too," Serena kissed him on the lips, "More than anything in the world oh for goodness sakes," She leant her head on his chest.

"What now?" Edward asked concerned.

"Jelly baby…kicking it hurts after a while," Serena looked up and felt Edward kissed her head, "He was young Edward fifties is no age to die."

"I know," he soothed her, "But it happens we should know that more than anyone, anyway the good thing is we've got a baby to celebrate in September now haven't we."

"Yeah we have," Serena smiled as thinking about their baby made her excited, "Anyway back to the photos there's some really funny ones I need to show you."

A/N: I've had a bit of a bad weekend so I'm not in the best of moods hence this depressing one shot. Let me know what you think xx