The Prompt: When Cortez drops off Shepard and the gang into the hotspot of the day, what does he do to amuse himself while they're off running and gunning? The Kodiak sits there locked up tight until they get back, and he's sure not off exploring the local wildlife. So meme, I ask you: what is Cortez doing in there?
" Okay would you rather have sex with Vega or kiss Traynor?" Came Joker's voice over the comms. Cortez paused in what he was doing and pondered.
"I'd rather Kiss Traynor. Vega is a bit too much in love with himself for my tastes. That and he doesn't treat Kodiak's properly."
"Hmmm... Good point, there's no way in hell that I'd trust him flying. I'd rather trust you flying drunk." Cortez heard Joker lean back in his seat. Steve just returned his concentration to his little project.
"I'll take that as a compliment. My turn. Would you rather do 50 press ups or go without your cap for a week?" There was a long silence then Joker spoke:
"Damn it Steve. You are a cruel man... 50 press ups without a doubt. Nobody takes my cap even if it means I end up with broken bones. If you had to make out with a bloke on the ship, who'd it be? Garrus or Alenko." Cortez chuckled at the easy question.
"The Major all the way. I have no idea how to kiss a Turian and the Major is quite the piece of eye candy. Especially his 'asset'." There was laughter from the comm, then Joker's voice turned serious.
"You better make sure Shepard doesn't hear you say that. Especially since Kaidan's 'asset' is her 'asset'"
"Shame, I've seen many a man checking out the Major. He's quite handsome. Why do all the good looking men have to be already taken, straight or married?" Steve paused to double check his handiwork. So far the colours were alright and it was in the right shape, now came the tricky part.
"Oh Alenko's taken definitely. Can't say anything about straight though." Now that peeked Cortez's attention.
"What do you mean Joker?"
"His flag flies in both directions, Steve. Found out during a game of I've Never. Surprised us all. Though unfortunately for you, he's as faithful as a puppy."
"Hey, he makes the Commander happy, she makes him happy. You could tell there was a storm cloud above both of their heads after the coup. They didn't know what to do with each other." Steve paused to curse as he knocked some materials off his console. He stooped over in his seat to pick them up.
"I suppose so, that and I get my best inspiration from them." Steve sighed.
"Joker I'm pretty sure that the Commander and the Major will not appreciate you spying on them so you can get ideas for your Kink Meme stories. Didn't they threaten to jettison you out of the airlock on the old Normandy?"
"Oh they'll never follow though on it. So what are you making this time? I've nearly finished mine." Asked Joker as Steve completed his project.
"I've done mine. Hang on let me get it on screen." Cortez brought up the visual feed. Joker's face appeared, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration as moved his hands. The Normandy's pilot then held up what was meant to be a scarf but seemed more like a tangle of orange wool.
"Okay I've shown you mine, let's see yours..." Cortez raised his eyebrows suggestively and Joker cringed. "You know what I mean!" Smiling Cortez held up the massive pink jumper he'd knitted for Vega. He'd certainly had had the time. As the saying went, boredom was your worst enemy at times.
Do not ask, I just went for crack rating 11 on this. Plus it seems like something both of our lovely pilots would do.