Author's Note: This is my fifteenth episode of Epic Rap Battles Of History. This Time using real people! This episode has legendary zombie director George Romero Vs. master crap film-maker Tommy Wiseau. I don't own the characters in the rap battle or the ERBOH series themselves. Oh, and I'm doing an introduction to this rap battle. The opening text is my attempt at making a joke about why Tommy Wiseau and George Romero haven't done anything new over the last few years.
The Room is quite obscure so I doubt this will get any popular.
(A black screen is shown before white text appears)
(Text)
In June 27th 2003, 'The Room', directed, written, produced and starring Tommy Wiseau, was released onto cinemas, where it was dubbed "The Citizen Kane of bad movies." and crowned one of the worst movies ever.
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(Text)
In 2010, famous zombie Hollywood director George A. Romero helped Breck Eisner write 'The Crazies'.
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In early March 2012, George Romero and Tommy Wiseau were victims of something that nobody can explain whilst on CNN.
Tommy Wiseau was attacked and killed.
George Romero's whereabouts were unknown.
It was then 2 months later, the CNN footage was released.
What you're about to see is possibly the last moments of both directors.
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What you're about to see…..
May disturb you.
Beat: 'Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 - Zombie Theme Rap Instrumental' by Jacekdupa. (Search it up! It's good!)
Epic Rap Battles Of History!
George Romero….
Vs.
Tommy Wiseau!
Begin
(Tommy Wiseau)
Oh hi George. Tell me what's new with you? /
Actually don't tell me, I know most of it isn't true.
My movie's may've gotten off to a bad start/
But my rapping skills will tear you apart!
You really think you'll win this battle with a price on my head? /
Every one of your fans know you never finished Call of the Dead.
I'm working on a new movie, which won't give actors strife/
But that's confidential. Anyway, how's your sex life?
(George Romero)
Please! I'm Der Riese and you're just scrawny./
You're so notorious, you should die like your character Johnny.
You're a solar eclipse, I'm Hollywood's rising sun/
You're askin' 'bout my sex life? I bet you don't have one!
You can keep The Room, I'm hanging out in the cellar/
With Mr. Trejo, Rooker, Englund and Ms. Michelle Gellar.
Besides, you look like a girl. What else can I say? /
You're the worst thing to come out of Hollywood since-.
(Ricky Caldwell Audio Sample)
"Garbage day!"
(Tommy Wiseau)
Ha ha ha! What a story George./
Now do me a favour and go jump off a gorge.
You think you're powerful with your zombie flicks? /
When was the last time your films got you any chicks?
I'll kill you using lyrics with Lisa, Denny and Mark/
You're a lousy old fish and I'm a bloody-thirsty shark.
I'm a modern day thriller, you're just an outdated chiller/
You're a zombie victim and I'm a real beat killer.
(George looks like he's about to say something, but a zombie runs up to him, picks him up over its shoulder and runs off with him.)
(George Romero)
(as being carried away.) "Dammit! Not this again!"
(Tommy Wiseau laughs.)
(Tommy Wiseau)
"I've done it! I finally won something in my lifetime. Oh hi A.J. Hammer."
(The scene changes to a CNN newsroom with a large orange couch. A.J. Hammer is sitting on one side of the couch. Tommy Wiseau sits down as Hammer speaks.)
(A.J. Hammer)
"Hello Mr. Wiseau. It's such a pleasure for us to have you on the show. So, tell us about this upcoming project you're working on."
(Tommy Wiseau laughs before speaking.)
(Imagine the above laugh is the same in the rooftop scene from The Room.)
(Tommy Wiseau)
"Well Mr. Hammer, it's a remake of George Romero's Night of the Living Dead. And I'm directing it."
(Hammer)
"Okay. So do you have any idea who'll be in this remake of yours?"
(Tommy Wiseau)
"Um, well I'll be in it with the rest of The Room's cast. You know, get them back together and just remake it."
(Hammer)
"Well, what about some of the people on the other side who say the movie'll suck?"
(Tommy Wiseau)
"To those people, you don't know what you're missing. With my acting, I'm going to make that classic brilliant."
(Just then, a lightning bolt hits the background, destroying it and George Romero emerges holding a broken stage light, now infected with Element 115.)
(He's like this on the zombies map Call of the Dead on COD: Black Ops if you didn't already know.)
(Zombified George Romero)
I need, something, TO EAT!
(Tommy Wiseau laughs.)
While I annihilate you on the beat!
(The beat starts up again as George advances on Wiseau.)
Didn't you learn from your mistakes in The Room? /
No. I'm coming over to bring your doom!
(Tommy Wiseau starts getting up.)
You're leaving? aww now don't run away./
We haven't even looked at the lines you're gonna say.
Your film should've given you world wide rejection/
and Mr. Wiseau, let me ask: can't you take direction?
Remaking my films? I'll make sure you won't/
Because you can't outrun me, well you can, but DON'T!
(George gets close to Tommy and swings at him.)
(Tommy Wiseau)
"Don't touch me motherf(beep)er."
(Tommy pushes George away.)
(Zombified George)
"RARGH!"
(George turns zombified and runs after Tommy. Tommy runs behind the camera and George knocks it over running past, making it face a wall with George and Tommy's shadows visable on it.)
"Time to rehearse your death scene!"
(George beats Wiseau with the stage light, causing the wall to flash blue constantly and Tommy Wiseau can be heard screaming and yelling in the background.)
(Tommy)
"Argh! Why Mr. Romero? WHY WHY?"
(Zombified George)
"That all you got? No wonder people say you have no talent!"
(Tommy Wiseau)
"You are tearing me apart George!"
(The camera shuts off as Romero strikes Wisaeu with the light on last time.)
(Zombified George)
"I want you off my set!"
('Set' echoes as the recording ends.)
Who won?
Who's Next?
You Decide!